The worst experience with a hoe...

[thismybgolname]

So basically you was down there slurping up some cervical mucous, eggs, endometrial cells, vaginal secretions AND blood

Thanks for putting me there

 

[ASHYKNUCKKS]

...Then it hit me, I fingered her some more and purposely waved my finger right underneath her nose in a casual nonchalant manner. Needless to say, her ass came up w/ crazy excuses to not continue. She was like ”oh we’re in a movie theater and we might get caught.” ...

I'mma do that shit the next time I run up on some stank shit!!!

 

[Deuce_Wyld]

So basically you was down there slurping up some cervical mucous, eggs, endometrial cells, vaginal secretions AND blood

Gee thanks if the story was'nt fucked up enough
you had to go and give us a visual ​

 

[sharky20]

I was once with this fat ass bitch, and took off her panties to lick her coochie and her clit was huge. It resembled a small penis. That really turned me off when I was fucking her I kept thinking this bitch was a tranny or somethin'.
Another time I met this chinese ho at a club. She was ok looking with a tight little body. I talked her into going back to my crib. We started fuckin and then I felt her ass. One of her ass cheeks was half missing. Later I saw her ass in the light and there was this huge scar on it. I asked her about what happened and she said something about a fire. Never saw that ho again after that.

 

[MissMighty]

Another time I met this chinese ho at a club. She was ok looking with a tight little body. I talked her into going back to my crib. We started fuckin and then I felt her ass. One of her ass cheeks was half missing. Later I saw her ass in the light and there was this huge scar on it. I asked her about what happened and she said something about a fire. Never saw that ho again after that.

 

[ThaBurgerPimp]

I was once with this fat ass bitch, and took off her panties to lick her coochie and her clit was huge. It resembled a small penis. That really turned me off when I was fucking her I kept thinking this bitch was a tranny or somethin'..

just playing

 

[Clubber_lang]

So basically you was down there slurping up some cervical mucous, eggs, endometrial cells, vaginal secretions AND blood

Yeah I guess you got all the ingredients covered. I was really only troubled by the blood before, but thanks.

 

[MissMighty]

Yeah I guess you got all the ingredients covered. I was really only troubled by the blood before, but thanks.

Yeah most doods that hear period automatically associate it with blood and never think about all the other lil things floating around in it welp now ya know glad to be of service you will think about it next time you decide to dip ur tongue basically in some contaminated bloody snot.

 

[erouckus2000]

A lot of times them fine assed bitches are the ones with the worst smelling asses. They figure the douche game could be weak because they’re fly. Dem average to ugly chicks have to try harder. I try to get them in the shower to kill the chances of that happening, but the only way to kill that shit is to get them to soak in a hot bath (with soap) for at least 30mins (no guarantees). Showers don’t always get it.

 

[DaleMabry]

just playing

great timing.

Yeah most doods that hear period automatically associate it with blood and never think about all the other lil things floating around in it welp now ya know glad to be of service you will think about it next time you decide to dip ur tongue basically in some contaminated bloody snot.

Seriously man cut that out!!

 

[Tony Soprano]

I pray that this never happends to any of you...

I was fucking this mexican chick for a while. Really pretty girl. looked like the cartoon character Pocahontas. but slimmer than chicks I normally mess with. She had a healthy set of titties and a nice ass for her size. She was a straight freak. I loved having sex with this chick. Nothing was off limits. Yes she was a 3 inputer. I loved the way her pussy tasted, smelled and felt so going down her was my pleasure.

This one night in particular, we were at her crib. The lights were off. burning a few candles to set the warm romantic mood. I go down to do my thing. I am eating the hell out of that pussy and fingering her. She is losing her mind. I am thinking to myself that I am really doing work cause pussy is sooo wet. She came to a roaring climax. Loud enough for the neihbors across the street to hear. I'm feeling big. I grab the top sheet to wipe the glaze from my mouth and chin. I look down at the sheet and it was red. I scramble to turn on the lights to confirm my nightmare. Her period had come again. she just finished her period the week before and we had fucked 2 nights before with no incident. I was mortified. I sat on the edge of the bed after trying to scrub off the first layer of skin from my face in the bathroom. She tried to say she was sorry that this happend but I said to her "shhh...Let's just not talk for a while. Shhhh."

If I were a Hell's Angel member I would get my Blood Wings.

By the way... The pill can really fuck with a woman's cycle if they don't take them the way they are supposed to.

 

[KAS]

Worst experience was with this chick who I met at this nursing home my boy worked at. She was decent. We hooked up a couple of times she didn't wanna give me the puss. Finally got the chance to get the pussy. I'm feeling her up kissing on her, I take off her bra and sit on the bed and start sucking her titties while she's standing up. I work on the right breast then move over to the left soon as I got a good suction on the left aureole; I felt a hair on my tongue.

I got fucked up I never knew girls grew hair on their tits. I had to stop and go spit. Told her some story about me not wanting to do this to her because she was a good girl, put on my shit and bounced and never came back.

AWWW HELL NAW!!!! on everything the exact same thing happened to me back in 03' and thats also how i got myself out of the situation too.

 

[djkidrich]

This is a story in 2 parts spanning 2 decades

I was on the E train going to work on a Saturday night in the summer time back in the early 80's. I was just listening to some mixtape I had made and critiquing my shit, when I noticed this chocolate thing sitting right across from me. She was about 5'4 and thick man, definitely a milf though, I was 19 at the time, found out later she was 35. I am checking her out hard but averting my eyes whenever she looked my way. Anyway she waves at me to take off my headphones, and I comply, and she asks me what song I am listening to cuz she could here it lol. I still remember it was a mix I had done with Poison (BBD) and Why You Getting Funky On Me (Today). She asks for my tape hahahha, I was like baby I will make you a copy and deliver it

So I meet her at her crib later that week and we talk, I find out she is 35 at that time and got a man but she liked me and my tape so we start fucking around. I pull out all the shit on her man, sucking, licking, nibbling, fingering, and she creams all over my face, so I am like ok my turn to wear this pussy out. Man she is like ok I can't do this, please stop! I am like wtf??? So I write it off to she is guilty about her man and shit, so I say ok another time baby. This same shit happens two more times to me with her, so now I am pissed off and blue balled. I go to work that weekend and tell this older dude I work with about it, and he tells me man, she wants you to take that shit! I was like you sure man? I don't want to rape no chick or nothin'. He said nah man, she gets off like that, believe me. So the next time we get down, she tries the same shit lol, but I fuckin just throw her ass back and try to break this dick off in her. It was incredible sex, and this went on for about a year until we just lost touch.

10 years later:

I am working at my current job, and this older player type dude has just started working there, we trade some pussy stories and he tells me about this chick he is banging on the side. She lives in queens and around the area that this babe does, so I notice the similarity in description, but don't say anything at the time cuz how could it be the same chick. Until he tells me about her playing that same game when he was tryin to get the pussy lol. I said yo man, is her name Pat? he was like how you know that !!!!! Old man was laughing and shit (so I thought) lol, I was laughing my ass off running around the room and shit telling all the dudes at work hahahah. She called the job to talk to old boy one day after that and I answered, I immediately recognized the voice and asked her about that shit, she said homey was so mad he kept grilling her and asking shit about me, he couldn't believe the coincidence angle. She had to keep telling him it was the truth and a long time ago, but in front of me he acted like it wasn't a thing...

Wild shit

 

[osirianprncpl]

So basically you was down there slurping up some cervical mucous, eggs, endometrial cells, vaginal secretions AND blood

The post sounds nasty in itself, but you took it up 100 notches.

 

[dHustla]

Me An My Boy Had To Sleep In That Closet For The Next 12 Hours

Thats like JAIL for a nigga in 9th grade! 12 hours?! Then your heart beating fast the whole time because you might get caught.

nigga Legs Hurting Hungry Need To Take A Piss An Couldnt

This just made me cry. I just shed tears laughing so hard, drooling and shit.

 

[harlem1nyc]

When the pussy is rank...something is growing and it's not your dick playa!!!

 

[nvst2g]

Lol, yo these stories are hillarious. Reminds me of the time abut 10 years ago when I was about 21 I'll never forget this shit. I had just started working at this new job and it was the weekend of one of the guys' bachelor party. An office full of white boys but he wanted balck and hispanic strippers. So needless to say he approaches the only 5 black guys in the office to try to arrange the festivities. One of my boys sets it up. Anyway there were supposed to be like 5 or 6 strippers and he couldn't fit all the bitches in his car so he asks me to come with him to help him haul the ass. So we bring the girls to the bachelor party and they do their thing and this one thick ass spanish chick is feelin ya boy and shes off the hook. Fat ass, nice tittays, sexy ass legs and she just gave a killer show with one of her girlfriends so u know after she gives your boy the eye I'm all over it. Anyway were at the bar doing body shots and shit, I've got her titty in my mouth, feelin' her ass all night, shes definitely got a nigga going but i'm like ah this bitch s a stripper shes just selling right now, and a good sales bitch she was. so whatever I'm along for the ride. Anyway a few body shots and a few 20's later the bachelor party is over and its time to take the strippers back home. Shorty says to me "hey why dont you take me and my girlfriend home, we'll switch cars with our friends they can ride home with your boy. cool with me I say. Anyway as we get to her girlfriends house shorty is like yo I'm staying at her house tonight, why dont you come up and chill for a while. I'm like hell yeah. So I go upstairs and the bitch whips out the hen-dog and we continue the body shots gettin fucked up. anyway after about a half hour of body shots her friend goes to her room to go to sleep and me and 'ol girl start smashin on the couch. I'm tearin the pussy up. "chalk one up for the fellas" anyway after we smash me and shorty pass out in the living room. Like 7 in the morning I wake up to "hurry up get in the closet" , what the closet. How about some eggs bitch. she shakes me again "c'mon my boyfriend is here looking for me because I didn't come home last night, please get in the closet". (Daaaaaamn Gina) So anyway I gets in the closet, and mind you the closet is mad full of shit and I'm curled up in this tiny ass space in the corner. I hear this dude with a deep ass voice come in, I hear the wood creeking on the floor and shit so I'm thinking 'ol boy sounds maad big and mind u at 21 i'm only like 120lbs, I've got nothin, no knife, gat nothin shittin bricks in the closet. Anyway 'ol boy stars flippin out saying shit like where the hell were you last night, I know yall got some dudes in here, and stars searching the house and shit. Finally the chicks girlfriend is like you don't pay no bills here, get the fuck out, you don't have the right to be searching my house. whew. Anyway 'ol boy and the chick leaves and I skate. I hit the bitch for a few more months at my crib this time though, but that shit at her girlfriends house was close.

 

[bungesh]

this thread should go in the hall of fame and should be kept forever - pure comedy

 

[Mr.Still Fly]

Yeah... I earned my redwings before.

Got one for yall....

My homeboy George just moved here (Atlanta) from St. Louis to escape the drama there.

Homie and his ex fiancé had a house in St.Louis. She broke up with him for 5 weeks... because of some bullsh*t . Homie was not having sex with the chick and was sleeping in separate rooms. On the sixth week, she told him that she was pregnant. He done his manly duty and took care of his pregnant girl.

A few months later... me and homie was at the hospital while his chick was giving birth. Dude cut the baby cord and named her. Doctors came to us later that day saying the baby was premature by four weeks, which conflicted with the chick saying she is 40 weeks. George and I start thinking... he might not be the father. The nurse came into the room asking for him to sign the birth cerft... which he refused. Moms have the shooked face and I swear I saw some horns pop out.

After a few days in the Hospital, George was able to sneak the baby to the Doctors office to get a blood test. He fiancé was bitching because he would not sign the document... so he moved out. She was stalking the hell out of him for two weeks (phone calls and showing up to the job).

Two weeks later he received the document saying he was not the father. He made a copy of the documents and put it in that bitch mailbox.

A month George was in the processes of moving to Atlanta and was served with child support papers...

Homie went down to the child support office... and the caseworker was bitching his ass out... After he pulled out the docs ....she had a serious shit face look that was priceless.

3 months letter... dude ex... Writes a letter asking for forgiveness and understand.

The thing I learned from this story is ....don't trust a bitch...always strap up.

 

[ThaBurgerPimp]

I hear this dude with a deep ass voice come in, I hear the wood creeking on the floor and shit so I'm thinking 'ol boy sounds maad big and mind u at 21 i'm only like 120lbs, I've got nothin, no knife, gat nothin shittin bricks in the closet. Anyway 'ol boy stars flippin out saying shit like where the hell were you last night, I know yall got some dudes in here, and stars searching the house and shit.

hope he wasnt built like

 

[BlackSmurf]

rotten crevice....[/COLOR]

 

[BlackSmurf]

All my pussy getting has gone smooth so far... but these are some funny stories

 

[WorldEX]

I met this MILF on night driving home from the office. From outside the car she look pretty, nice face and tits. Anyhow I got her tel# call that next day when I was passing her way, and decided to stop by, Once I saw her again and see how short she was, it was turn off, little belly going on too. So I told her right away I am not down for nothing except sex, got her on her knees, and fuck her face..I mean I fucked her face hard until I bust my nuts, zipped and jetted out of there. I can always say I fucked a pretty face.

 

[nightmare]

damn all yall stories are funny ass hell

 

[crazyace718]

I fucked with this shorty during the summer, after my senior year of high school. We had a routine worked out, every week I would take her to the movies and she would suck my dick in the theater. All the movies were wak so I'd let her suck my dick then sleep through the rest of film. We used to alternate between the theater on Jamaica avenue and Sunrise theater. That week I took her to see men in black 2. We sat in the back row with another couple lined up to our far left. They began to fool around as soon as the lights went out. five minutes later a guy walked up the aile and called the couple over. They never came back. Its about the halfway point of the movie and I'm actually getting into (probably because I have a thing for Rosario Dawson) She begins to unzip my pants. I'm like chill not right now but she keeps going. Then I came to the realization that I was turning down head to watch a Will Smith movie. At that point I surendered and let her suck me off. 2 minutes after I nut and put my shit away a dude walked into the theater and told us to follow him. As hes walking us out he stops and opens a door to have a few words with someone. I was scared as hell and decided to take a peek into the room. It was full of camera monitors, the screens were all in night vision. The dude took us outside the theater and told us to never come back or he would call the police. I went back there a couple years later on a double date, still scared as hell security would remember me.

 

[thismybgolname]

Then I came to the realization that I was turning down head to watch a Will Smith movie.

 

[thismybgolname]

Yeah... I earned my redwings before.

Got one for yall....

My homeboy George just moved here (Atlanta) from St. Louis to escape the drama there.

Homie and his ex fiancé had a house in St.Louis. She broke up with him for 5 weeks... because of some bullsh*t . Homie was not having sex with the chick and was sleeping in separate rooms. On the sixth week, she told him that she was pregnant. He done his manly duty and took care of his pregnant girl.

A few months later... me and homie was at the hospital while his chick was giving birth. Dude cut the baby cord and named her. Doctors came to us later that day saying the baby was premature by four weeks, which conflicted with the chick saying she is 40 weeks. George and I start thinking... he might not be the father. The nurse came into the room asking for him to sign the birth cerft... which he refused. Moms have the shooked face and I swear I saw some horns pop out.

After a few days in the Hospital, George was able to sneak the baby to the Doctors office to get a blood test. He fiancé was bitching because he would not sign the document... so he moved out. She was stalking the hell out of him for two weeks (phone calls and showing up to the job).

Two weeks later he received the document saying he was not the father. He made a copy of the documents and put it in that bitch mailbox.

A month George was in the processes of moving to Atlanta and was served with child support papers...

Homie went down to the child support office... and the caseworker was bitching his ass out... After he pulled out the docs ....she had a serious shit face look that was priceless.

3 months letter... dude ex... Writes a letter asking for forgiveness and understand.

The thing I learned from this story is ....don't trust a bitch...always strap up.

Don't know whats worse, the fact that his fiance was cheating on him or the fact that the bitch was going to pawn a kid off on him

 

[Havoc]

Not a stank episode, but kinda funny.

I was in Oklahoma at this club, about 5 crown and cokes down when I started thinking about Richard Pryor saying how 'Ugly bitches got the best pussy'. So I spot this sista that with the lights dim was reasonably ugly, so I stepped to her and talked her into coming to my motel. Now this chick had a dime body, So I can't wait to get her to the room to see if Rich knew what he was talking about, so we made it and the crown had worn down to about 3 strong when I turn on the room light and take a good look at this chick I was like Good Lord! this woman is UUUUUgly. So we strip down, and mind you, I just could'nt stop laughin at how ugly she really was, so I'm tapping my dick on her pussy trying to get stiff and just when I was about there she comes out with; " Baby I know I aint much to look at but I want some of that dick", I just , had to tell her to get dressed, that I just could'nt do it because I was'nt feeling well. Took her home, and still laugh about that shit to this day.

ROTFLMAO!

 

[clarence]

OH SHIT....I BEEN LISTENING TO MY RICHARD PRYOR BOX SET ALL WEEK. THAT SHIT IS FUNNY.

 

[phillyblack]

this thread should be a sticky

 

[whiteboytx]

Back when my cousin and I started making love, she and I were fucking hot and heavy one night at my house, when her mother (my aunt) called and left a message on my answering machine (on the nightstand next to us) with a computer question.

At the time, we hadn't told anyone in the family yet, that we were in a sexual relationship...so her eyes got pretty big.

She did threaten to kick me good if I didn't finish our fucking.

 

[kappaman4]

Shit, I was at college orientation, and I met this chick that I used to go to middle school with back in the day. We start talking, I spit that game at her, and she gives me her room number. I head up there, open the door, and I see her and her roommate gettin it on(the roommate was a chick). Talk about mad lucky....or so I thought. I'm watchin ol girl friend eat her out, so I whip out my shit, and part that ass, and I catch a whiff of the most foul ass smelling shit I had ever sniffed in my life. Smelled like shit on steroids or somethin....but I'm lookin at ol girl, and I'm gonna tear that up. So I commence to hittin it, lettin her ride me, when her friend gets the bright idea to want to sit on my face. I'm like OH HELL NO....ol girl is like "why?" I tell her some shit, and we decide to switch up....and ol girl got close to my face, and I smelled that shit again! I took ol girl in the bathroom, and told her about her friend...I was like, you ate her out and didn't smell or taste that her pussy was steaming like toxic waste? She looked at me funny, got mad cause I said something, and left. I waled back in there, grabbed my pants and left them hoes there....unfortunately, once the semester began, my roommate started dating the funky chick, and lemme tell ya, two funky ass white people fuckin....will make you wanna kill someone quick

 

[YoungSinister]

Shit, I was at college orientation, and I met this chick that I used to go to middle school with back in the day. We start talking, I spit that game at her, and she gives me her room number. I head up there, open the door, and I see her and her roommate gettin it on(the roommate was a chick). Talk about mad lucky....or so I thought. I'm watchin ol girl friend eat her out, so I whip out my shit, and part that ass, and I catch a whiff of the most foul ass smelling shit I had ever sniffed in my life. Smelled like shit on steroids or somethin....but I'm lookin at ol girl, and I'm gonna tear that up. So I commence to hittin it, lettin her ride me, when her friend gets the bright idea to want to sit on my face. I'm like OH HELL NO....ol girl is like "why?" I tell her some shit, and we decide to switch up....and ol girl got close to my face, and I smelled that shit again! I took ol girl in the bathroom, and told her about her friend...I was like, you ate her out and didn't smell or taste that her pussy was steaming like toxic waste? She looked at me funny, got mad cause I said something, and left. I waled back in there, grabbed my pants and left them hoes there....unfortunately, once the semester began, my roommate started dating the funky chick, and lemme tell ya, two funky ass white people fuckin....will make you wanna kill someone quick

So when you got up there they were up there just fuckin with the door unlocked and you walked in? Stop lyin nigga















Just fuckin witchu

 

[kappaman4]

She told me the door would be unlocked....

 

[YoungSinister]

She told me the door would be unlocked....