For the new folks, this is what the old bgol used to be about. Brothas and sistas debating, dropping some good advice and opinions. Bookmarking this thread for later...
Successful, black and lonely
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For the new folks, this is what the old bgol used to be about. Brothas and sistas debating, dropping some good advice and opinions. Bookmarking this thread for later...
そうですね！My best friend graduated last year with a BA in Psych from an ivy league school and she is working at Macy's
I think there is some bitterness & resentment with women like these.
They feel like they are owed something.
They have followed "the script" but now things are not working out.
I'm sure women like these look down on the UPS and Fedex guy
Last night I was talking to a girl whose number I got on friday. She asked me where do you work. I put her on probation.
The first convo? Nah.....
Not "what do you do", she ask "where do you work", she sent signals that she didn't even know........
Now, now, now...hey, hey, hey...
I graduated with a B.A. in Psychology, and went onto obtaining an advanced degree in my specialty in psychology. People, in general (males and females) are stupid of thinking a bachelors in a social science is going to get you far. I learned that in Psychology 201...
I know plenty of people who majored in Psychology in undergrad to go into I/O Psychology, Law School, etc. But, you have to be of the mindset to know what it is you expect to do AFTER graduating rather to think that your bachelors is going to get you far...
Besides, Doctoral level programs in Clinical Psychology are more competitive to enter than even medical school; I learned this while in undergrad. People have to have a plan (or devise one along the way.)
I cant believe I didnt see this earlier!
You are so right! I came here for school because this is where my mothers family is from and because I love the university I attend. However lately I've been thinking I made a mistake because people here are definitely different from what I'm used to. I hang out a lot with people from DePaul and on the northside because my type (artsy, indie, etc) is so uncommon at my school especially for black people. I find that the n.side has more of my "scene" but I haven't found my niche yet and I've been here 3 years now.
I definitely can't see myself staying here after graduation though. If i do even remain on this continent, I want to go somewhere like LA, Toronto, or Montreal. I am amazed at how many of my mother's relatives (who reside on the westside and southside) have never even gone into the suburbs or other areas of chicago like wicker park, edgewater, etc. And some people here are so closeminded its sickening.
So I guess that is the major factor in my trouble with finding a suitable black male companion, because most of the men i meet fit what you described above. I was on a date two weeks ago with a black guy from Northwestern. He was a communications major
and I suggested we go for Ethiopian food and he looked at me like I was crazy and said "I don't eat that african shit. Let's get pizza" Needless to say, I never called him back.
そうですね！My best friend graduated last year with a BA in Psych from an ivy league school and she is working at Macy's
Exactly. I haven't seen a single person with that degree actually working in that field.
Not to say it can't be done but it doesn't work out like that unless they get their Masters in something supplementary.
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My friends are always looking down on guys who have "blue collar" jobs like ups, fed ex, postal worker, etc. And these girls barely have part-time jobs themselves. Granted we are all in college or just graduated so we're not looking for a husband but I would never look down on a man because of his job. Honestly, as long as its LEGAL and he has a stable life, his own place, decent looking, intelligent, and is sane I will give him a chance. My thing is, you never know someone's story to judge them by their line of work.I think there is some bitterness & resentment with women like these.
They feel like they are owed something.
They have followed "the script" but now things are not working out.
I'm sure women like these look down on the UPS and Fedex guy
Last night I was talking to a girl whose number I got on friday. She asked me where do you work. I put her on probation.
The first convo? Nah.....
Not "what do you do", she ask "where do you work", she sent signals that she didn't even know........
I find it disappointing that so many black women I know judge a guy based on material things and job title. I know a girl who asks a guy "do you have a flat screen TV?" and silly shit like that before she goes to a guys house because for some crazy reason she thinks a man with a nice TV means he has money. It's insanity!
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I cant believe I didnt see this earlier!
You are so right! I came here for school because this is where my mothers family is from and because I love the university I attend. However lately I've been thinking I made a mistake because people here are definitely different from what I'm used to. I hang out a lot with people from DePaul and on the northside because my type (artsy, indie, etc) is so uncommon at my school especially for black people. I find that the n.side has more of my "scene" but I haven't found my niche yet and I've been here 3 years now.
I definitely can't see myself staying here after graduation though. If i do even remain on this continent, I want to go somewhere like LA, Toronto, or Montreal. I am amazed at how many of my mother's relatives (who reside on the westside and southside) have never even gone into the suburbs or other areas of chicago like wicker park, edgewater, etc. And some people here are so closeminded its sickening.
So I guess that is the major factor in my trouble with finding a suitable black male companion, because most of the men i meet fit what you described above. I was on a date two weeks ago with a black guy from Northwestern. He was a communications major
wow..............
I encounter some pretty close-minded stuff too but I usually shake it off.
had an incident couple of months ago that shook me for a few days but that was it.
As an immigrant you will have special issues to deal with including male-female relationships and that includes any "race" here.
Good luck though, you seems to have a good head on your shoulders..........
Who cares about what other racial groups or ethnicities think?
Do you personally see yourself as being "scum of the earth"?
And with billions of black people alive on the planet today, why would you even see yourself as being part of a "minority"?
So I guess that automatically means that we should stop persevering and striving to succeed in the face of adversity?
Anything worth having is worth fighting for regardless of the odds. As far as I'm concerned, the Rosewood and Black Wall Street massacres just show how much potential existed in our people in those days of overt racism for whites to have felt the need to extinguish that enterprising spirit back in the day.
Rosewood/Black Wall Street and the black struggle all over the world should be a rallying cry for us all just like the Nazi persecution of the Jews led to them banding together to become one of the most powerfully coherent ethnic groups on the planet.
And herein lies the problem.
No man (or woman) is an island. We all need each other working together to create a better, more viable future for the generations that will come after us.
Not "caring" about the "system" does not automatically render you invisible to it but only indicates how successful the mechanism has been in breaking you away from ab potentially stronger collective.
That's the basic divide and conquer agenda in full effect.
No, that's defeatism and to accept that as "reality" is truly sad.
I'm not trying to knock you or dismiss any of the points you've put forward but individualism in the face of a concerted attempt by others to extinguish a collective race is a sure fire way to losing ones liberty and dooming future generations to an even mor hollow and vapid existence than the one that we currently
endure.
elieve it or not, but every professional young Black in the District is within six degrees of separation; ie. I bet any DC folks on BGOL know these names: Fisayo, Scotty, Mark, Taz and Abdul
off subject...
Sayo just opened up a lounge on 15th right across the street from the American Bar Assn. building. Grand opening this Wed. if anybody is interested.
Definitely be plenty of "those" types in the building for better or worse.
I am an accomplished man career-wise but if a girl asked me something like that, i'm out.......
This world is too big for small minds.
As you alluded, it's not where you are it where you are going.
Some women take cues from the media to define what success is.
When women tell me they are a strong independent woman, I ask them in what have they done that other women haven't done to make them as strong as they think they are, what tribulation have they overcome that separates them from the rest.
We all go through ups and downs in life and you would want someone to be there for you in your down time.
I think women like these actually do guys a favor and weed themselves out
Also, referring to your earlier point about being "owed" something. I know a lot of people who still think (for some reason) that graduating equals an automatic job. Obviously not everyone can major in engineering, graphic design, etc but you have to have a SKILL that is in demand. For me, its languages (my major is Linguistics and International Studies). I already speak Japanese and English at native fluency and I am studying Chinese and French. Multilingual people will always be in demand.I think there is some bitterness & resentment with women like these.
They feel like they are owed something.
They have followed "the script" but now things are not working out.
I'm sure women like these look down on the UPS and Fedex guy
Last night I was talking to a girl whose number I got on friday. She asked me where do you work. I put her on probation.
The first convo? Nah.....
Not "what do you do", she ask "where do you work", she sent signals that she didn't even know........
I have a friend who majors in Communications and wants to do PR in LA. I keep telling her there are zillions of people who want to do the same thing but she has it in her head that as soon as she graduates, she will jet to LA, land a huge PR gig, and finally live the fabulous life of a young, single, successful black woman. SMH
Sounds like you need a new group of friends. Don't get lumped in with birds if you don't happen to be one.
The bottom line, in all the threads created such as this, is that women and men who fall into both categories exist. Try your luck and see what you get, but, if you truly believe in relationships (for those of you that, perhaps, haven't given up on them), you'll find what you seek.
JO, I called attention to women on the board, because on bgol you are privy to the 'barber shop' nature of the dialogue. So whether the comments are true or false, they represent heart felt sentiments. Having said that, we don't do anyone any justice by generalizing that both parties are guilty of said conduct.
What is more enlightening is; when you factor in that both genders supplant character with 'achievement' to be used as a leveraging agent in dating rituals, what are the comparative outcomes? In other words, who's winning or losing at that 'game'. And according to that Helen's article, women aren't.
Better said by an earlier/previous poster. Successful and accomplished men with the same credentials as Ms. Andrews, AREN'T having ANY problems finding compatibility. Which exposes this gigantic canard that so called 'accomplished' single, lonely Black women continue to peddle. Which is, that they can't find any 'good' men. . . for ALL of the hackneyed reasons they've been espousing for years.
So as women on the board, you are hearing clear counter arguments, supported by reason, that you can easily share with your fellow sisters. Now, let's be clear, Helen is trying to sell a book and make some scrill. But the issue she speaks on is real. So I look at the profit motive and take ALL of it with a grain of sugar. Why sugar? Because I'm not wrestling with a 'check list'.
JG
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I cant believe I didnt see this earlier!
You are so right! I came here for school because this is where my mothers family is from and because I love the university I attend. However lately I've been thinking I made a mistake because people here are definitely different from what I'm used to. I hang out a lot with people from DePaul and on the northside because my type (artsy, indie, etc) is so uncommon at my school especially for black people. I find that the n.side has more of my "scene" but I haven't found my niche yet and I've been here 3 years now.
I definitely can't see myself staying here after graduation though. If i do even remain on this continent, I want to go somewhere like LA, Toronto, or Montreal. I am amazed at how many of my mother's relatives (who reside on the westside and southside) have never even gone into the suburbs or other areas of chicago like wicker park, edgewater, etc. And some people here are so closeminded its sickening.
So I guess that is the major factor in my trouble with finding a suitable black male companion, because most of the men i meet fit what you described above. I was on a date two weeks ago with a black guy from Northwestern. He was a communications major
How far afield are you prepared to travel in order to meet a "suitable black male companion" ?
I'm only asking because there are tons of us available all over the planet and being tha you're somewhat well travelled and open to positivity you'd probably benefit from exploring a bit further afield.
Peace.
*fixed*
Do you but stay out of the way, you may become an obstacle instead of actually helping
Fuck you fake militant. What militant organization do you run? You're prolly young like I am, but I've already been there and done that, so you'll see what happens when you try to worry about others over yourself.
In general people need to understand that school is a business.
If you cannot see how it is going to pay off then graduating means nothing.
The problem is that some people see school as the beginning and end.
The resentment bubbles over into male-female interactions.
had to check a co-worker recently.
He said where is my college educated black women.
I asked him if he was opening a school, why the requirement
People especially black people are being programmed about this college thing too much. There are numerous examples of people who never attended college and are doing well. Lots of real men taking care of families and raising emotionally sound children.
Ok but what about attractive AND educated women of color who are in University trying to have a good career, cultured, worldly, not the Church type, work out at least 4 times a week, uninhibited in the bed, has intelligent conversation, likes to play video games, watch anime/cartoons, loves jazz music and indie movies, is slightly artsy without being hipster, aren't crazy or sick in the head, don't want children until marriage, etc, the list goes on. *coughMEcough*
Why can't women like that find a man? Personally, I don't care if a guy has a degree or not because a degree does not define a person. I just don't want a "thug" or "hood" guy. I also don't want a simp or loser either. Of course I dont want to date an asshole or "high risk man" as dumb ass Rihanna says, but it is incredibly hard for me to find a man who is nice, can put it down in the bedroom (like a "thug" lol) and still retains the essence of what it is to be a man without becoming a simp. The type of black men I am interested in are really hard to find or have been snatched up, at least where I live (chicago) and I usually have to resort to dating other races (which isn't a problem of course but i love brothers).
Pics or shut up.
I want to travel all over the world, my goal is to visit every country or at least every continent by the time I am 70. I have been a lot of places but I still have a ways to go. I will go anywhere, shiiit if I didn't have school (and had more income) I would get a plane ticket and go somewhere tomorrow. They definitely arent in Chicago though so I'm pretty much giving up on this city. Tokyo men aren't much better tho--even tho im half Japanese, Jap. men never did anything for me. Too passive among many other things.
Try Amsterdam....then on the way back hit Kissemmee St Cloud,Florida...lots of laid back people there, there's always something to do. Good,clean fun.
Yeah, actually I used to the term friends too loosely. I would more or less call them acquaintances because after graduation I doubt we will hang out anymore.
I have a flat screen
I think there are too many people to group by region... Ya just never know... until you do.
Dude, even though your response(as quoted above)was to Kayanation I have to repeat that my original reply to your post was in no way designed to belittle your position.
I was only putting my personal world view forward for examination and discussion much like yourself.
Age and experience doesn't really come into this discussion as regardless of both, we can all bring something worthwhile and positive to the debate.
Peace.
why would you remain friends with such toxic women?
Most definitely.
A couple people saying the "right things"
I blame capitalism. I know that's an easy scapegoat...but still.
I think there is some bitterness & resentment with women like these.
They feel like they are owed something.
They have followed "the script" but now things are not working out.
I'm sure women like these look down on the UPS and Fedex guy
Last night I was talking to a girl whose number I got on friday. She asked me where do you work. I put her on probation.
The first convo? Nah.....
Not "what do you do", she ask "where do you work", she sent signals that she didn't even know........
I blame capitalism. I know that's an easy scapegoat...but still.
AMEN.
Everything she says is a moot point if she looks like Susan Boyle.
Beauty still holds weight to most men...like about 99.999999999 percent of us.
*two cents*
For the new folks, this is what the old bgol used to be about. Brothas and sistas debating, dropping some good advice and opinions. Bookmarking this thread for later...
I wasn't around back then but like you, I definitely co-stamp.
"Who cares about what other racial groups or ethnicities think?
Do you personally see yourself as being "scum of the earth"?
And with billions of black people alive on the planet today, why would you even see yourself as being part of a "minority""?
You're ignoring the point. you said the racism toward blacks is the same as it is for other minorities (an d you know what I mean by minorities) and thats false, thats the point.
So I guess that automatically means that we should stop persevering and striving to succeed in the face of adversity?
Anything worth having is worth fighting for regardless of the odds. As far as I'm concerned, the Rosewood and Black Wall Street massacres just show how much potential existed in our people in those days of overt racism for whites to have felt the need to extinguish that enterprising spirit back in the day.
Rosewood/Black Wall Street and the black struggle all over the world should be a rallying cry for us all just like the Nazi persecution of the Jews led to them banding together to become one of the most powerfully coherent ethnic groups on the planet.
No one says anybody should stop succeeding in the face of adversity, I don't do that, and I wouldn't advocate one stifling one's success. 2. Situations like black wall street wwere my point, you said we've never come together, that was false. Now ur flipping it. We'll never come together now, we're defeated. We'll never have a rallying cry. Unlike you I was really in the field at a very young age working to bring blacks together and teach them the truth. After a while you realize it's not gonna happen. Take a look at the board for example. Being community oriented is viewed as being "too militant" even to the extent I noticed on here "militant" is used as a negative term, almost like saying "unruly ******." You'll come to realize blacks will not rally behind you, especially now that we have a black president. Their question to you will be "what for?" when asked to rally for a cause. I personally don't have time for bullshit, and revolutionary stuff, I'm going on to be great. When I accomplish my goals, I'll help with what I can.
No, that's defeatism and to accept that as "reality" is truly sad.
I'm not trying to knock you or dismiss any of the points you've put forward but individualism in the face of a concerted attempt by others to extinguish a collective race is a sure fire way to losing ones liberty and dooming future generations to an even mor hollow and vapid existence than the one that we currently
endure.
It can't get any worse for black people. The future generations wouldn't listen to you if you tried. They're my peers, I know what the deal is., they aren't going anywhere, it's never gonna happen. Thats just the way it is. Blacks won't ever come together. We can't even collectively agree that we're in deed African, let alone any other crucial subjects and visions. Furthermore, why would you care about things like this? Ur into white women. If you're so revolutionary, don't you think being with a white woman is pretty indicative of someone who isn't truly dedicated to the prosperity of black people and the black family?
Have you ever visited Europe (London in particular)?
Totally co-sign.............
Sup' bro Kaya!?
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