Successful, black and lonely

[(0_0)..l.. finger]

WOW a couple of you are trying too damn hard in here

Anyways



Being a stay at home mom is scary ... you have to depend on him financially for everything ... I felt useless sorta doing that cuz I do not think men value women doing house stuff as much as they do their own money so it always feels like he is contributing more than you ... get what I mean??

And if you break up you are at square one whereas if you have a career you can still take care of yourself financially at least

Why can't she be able to do both.........

 

[LeroyDibiase]

this would make sense....if the world worked like that

so successful men seek out goal-less women for that reason?

i can see why alot of u on here can't stand black women if thats who u are choosing and why

yall wife these losers and get surprised when they prove to be who they are...takers and dead weight

I think you misinterpreted what he said.

He wasn't stating to exclude women solely on the basis of "success" or "achievement". He stated that a) men want women who want to have the traditional role of a woman (one that nurtures children and takes care of the home) and b) many professional and successful women (especially those that tend to define themselves by their accolades) tend to not have those qualities.

No one wants a stay-at-home mother per se, just a woman that understands that the children have to be raised and raising them isn't putting them in daycare, etc. And even if the wife were to be a "stay-at-home" mother, that in and of itself, is a fulltime job. Raising children, and raising them well, is hard. Keeping a household intact is a job.

That's not goal-less. You can have goals and still possess the maternal qualities of traditional femininity. You can have a job and be a working professional and be a traditional woman. There are a lot of Black women that do just that and guess what? They're married. The point he was trying to make is the ones that are successful that are still single tend to not have those qualities.

Why? Because they see that "common" housework as beneath them or "limiting". Raising kids? Cooking? Keeping the house? That's beneath them as a professional woman. They didn't go to college for all those years to do those things.

And ultimately that's why those "successful" women tend to be alone and lonely because professional-class men are choosing women who can do what he can't: raise the children, cook, keep the house. He doesn't need another breadwinner, he doesn't need another him. And unfortunately for "professional" women: the women who tend to have those maternal qualities men look for are found in the middle-class and below. For some women, the higher they climb the financial ladder, the more masculine they become by necessity. No man wants another man-like woman, so if you're professional and successful AND you maintain those feminine qualities, you get snatched up real quick.

Edit: Basically to say, the ideal woman would be a self-sufficient, well-educated woman who can do for self BUT also understands the traditional role of a woman in the household.

If men are forced to choose between a woman who is a company president who is self-sufficient and educated but is minimally involved in raising children and maintaining the house and a woman who is a grade school teacher who is moderately educated and not as paid, but knows the value of having her house in tiptop shape, 99 out of 100 will choose the latter. They may not have the Benz or the McMansion or summer and winter vacation, but I guarantee they will be happier.

 

[(0_0)..l.. finger]

I think you misinterpreted what he said.

He wasn't stating to exclude women solely on the basis of "success" or "achievement". He stated that a) men want women who want to have the traditional role of a woman (one that nurtures children and takes care of the home) and b) many professional and successful women (especially those that tend to define themselves by their accolades) tend to not have those qualities.

No one wants a stay-at-home mother per se, just a woman that understands that the children have to be raised and raising them isn't putting them in daycare, etc. And even if the wife were to be a "stay-at-home" mother, that in and of itself, is a fulltime job. Raising children, and raising them well, is hard. Keeping a household intact is a job.

That's not goal-less. You can have goals and still possess the maternal qualities of traditional femininity. You can have a job and be a working professional and be a traditional woman. There are a lot of Black women that do just that and guess what? They're married. The point he was trying to make is the ones that are successful that are still single tend to not have those qualities.

Why? Because they see that "common" housework as beneath them or "limiting". Raising kids? Cooking? Keeping the house? That's beneath them as a professional woman. They didn't go to college for all those years to do those things.

And ultimately that's why those "successful" women tend to be alone and lonely because professional-class men are choosing women who can do what he can't: raise the children, cook, keep the house. He doesn't need another breadwinner, he doesn't need another him. And unfortunately for "professional" women: the women who tend to have those maternal qualities men look for are found in the middle-class and below. For some women, the higher they climb the financial ladder, the more masculine they become by necessity. No man wants another man-like woman, so if you're professional and successful AND you maintain those feminine qualities, you get snatched up real quick.

hmmmmmmmm

 

[followup]

Sad, but so damn true!!

If you are really a Q, and you actually graduated from college, you know that is not anywhere close to being true...

like I said before: a certain type of woman is going to be lonely whether she is educated or not. can't put it on "successful" women because there are plenty of successful women in happy marriages. Success is not the same as being a college graduate either.

 

[LegalMoney]

It is confusing cuz one second they want a woman who will pay her own way and take care of herself then the next they want a stay at home mom which means she would be living financially off of him They want an educated woman who doesn't know more than them Then if they break up he will say now she should get a job and take care of herself and the kids and wont want to pay spousal support when initially he liked her cuz she would stay home

It isn't only women who are confused about what they want SMMFH

I think the general BGOL groupthink is affected by the initial comments in a thread. Men aren't as confusing as sometimes depicted here.

this would make sense....if the world worked like that

so successful men seek out goal-less women for that reason?

i can see why alot of u on here can't stand black women if thats who u are choosing and why

yall wife these losers and get surprised when they prove to be who they are...takers and dead weight

This is extreme; no man want's a goal-less leech. Raising a man's children is a monumental task. A brotha can appreciate and respect a self-sufficient black woman. People think that being successful and motherly are mutually exclusive; that you can't be successful and possess the motherly/wife qualities some men want. That of course is a not true. A successful, goal-oriented man can of course take care of his family by himself if necessary, but a man shouldn't be looking at a woman's earning as a sole factor in deciding to be with her. It's the other qualities that get a woman chose: her good nature, whether she is supportive of her man, loyalty, etc.

The problem with Helena and this BITNB "movement" is their pin-holed vision that since they've "achieved" marginally that they should be entitled to relationships. As a poster said initially, you can be a CEO but if you're a bitch, it doesn't matter, no man is going to want to have a consistent and perpetual power struggle with you for the rest of his natural life.. Helena and her ilk aren't getting chose for the simple fact their character sucks..

 

[followup]

It is confusing cuz one second they want a woman who will pay her own way and take care of herself then the next they want a stay at home mom which means she would be living financially off of him They want an educated woman who doesn't know more than them Then if they break up he will say now she should get a job and take care of herself and the kids and wont want to pay spousal support when initially he liked her cuz she would stay home

It isn't only women who are confused about what they want SMMFH

You notice it's always the same lonely players who complain about these types of women. They never think for a minute that THEY are the common denominator in their failed relationships with black women. There are certain men who you NEVER see making these types of threads and it's because they are not confused and know what's real. Oh well, I would rather have the lames avoid me than have to deal with the bullshit

 

[LegalMoney]

like I said before: a certain type of woman is going to be lonely whether she is educated or not. can't put it on "successful" women because there are plenty of successful women in happy marriages. Success is not the same as being a college graduate either.

I think it was you who said that earlier. Although I don't agree with some of your comments in this thread, the bolded is particularly true!

 

[LeroyDibiase]

If you are really a Q, and you actually graduated from college, you know that is not anywhere close to being true...

like I said before: a certain type of woman is going to be lonely whether she is educated or not. can't put it on "successful" women because there are plenty of successful women in happy marriages. Success is not the same as being a college graduate either.

You're exactly right. A certain type of woman will be single regardless. I don't think people are saying "Success = loneliness". I think this thread is a response to these single/lonely successful women that are saying "Hey, I'm cute/whatever, I have X degree, drive Y car, and have Z job, why can't I get a man?"

Edit: This brother says it here quite nicely too.

This is extreme; no man want's a goal-less leech. Raising a man's children is a monumental task. A brotha can appreciate and respect a self-sufficient black woman. People think that being successful and motherly are mutually exclusive; that you can't be successful and possess the motherly/wife qualities some men want. That of course is a not true. A successful, goal-oriented man can of course take care of his family by himself if necessary, but a man shouldn't be looking at a woman's earning as a sole factor in deciding to be with her. It's the other qualities that get a woman chose: her good nature, whether she is supportive of her man, loyalty, etc.

The problem with Helena and this BITNB "movement" is their pin-holed vision that since they've "achieved" marginally that they should be entitled to relationships. As a poster said initially, you can be a CEO but if you're a bitch, it doesn't matter, no man is going to want to have a consistent and perpetual power struggle with you for the rest of his natural life.. Helena and her ilk aren't getting chose for the simple fact their character sucks..

 

[LegalMoney]

You're exactly right. A certain type of woman will be single regardless. I don't think people are saying "Success = loneliness". I think this thread is a response to these single/lonely successful women that are saying "Hey, I'm cute/whatever, I have X degree, drive Y car, and have Z job, why can't I get a man?"

Concise and to the point Great response that's the issue here!

 

[DeSiRe]

Edit: Basically to say, the ideal woman would be a self-sufficient, well-educated woman who can do for self BUT also understands the traditional role of a woman in the household.

u know thats an oxymoron right?

lemme let u in on a secret...more women...regardless of education or income would not mind being a housewife

the real house wives of whatever isnt a success for no reason...women wanna live that shit

like i been saying day one on here...that independent-woman-hear- me-roar-i-dont-need-a-man bullshit is merely a defense mechanism

most girls grow up playing house...being a housewife...we all dream about our wedding days and raising our kids...its what girls do

given the opportunity most women would stay home and take care of the house and family

now when u hear women talk about "i didnt go to school to do that"....what she is really saying is: "i went to school to make a X income to maintain a certian lifestyle"...if she feels her husband can do that plus more u be surprised how many "professional successful women" would stay home


my mother being one of them...she has a masters and been a stay at home mom once i started hs

i cant get mad at man at all for seeking a woman who prioritizes family over everything. and career driven women let the pursuit of $$ cloud their judgment...but regardless of who u chose the worst one is the one who will sit at home and watch soap operas all day...an idol mind is very dangerous!

 

[mangobob79]

I think you misinterpreted what he said.

He wasn't stating to exclude women solely on the basis of "success" or "achievement". He stated that a) men want women who want to have the traditional role of a woman (one that nurtures children and takes care of the home) and b) many professional and successful women (especially those that tend to define themselves by their accolades) tend to not have those qualities.

No one wants a stay-at-home mother per se, just a woman that understands that the children have to be raised and raising them isn't putting them in daycare, etc. And even if the wife were to be a "stay-at-home" mother, that in and of itself, is a fulltime job. Raising children, and raising them well, is hard. Keeping a household intact is a job.

That's not goal-less. You can have goals and still possess the maternal qualities of traditional femininity. You can have a job and be a working professional and be a traditional woman. There are a lot of Black women that do just that and guess what? They're married. The point he was trying to make is the ones that are successful that are still single tend to not have those qualities.

Why? Because they see that "common" housework as beneath them or "limiting". Raising kids? Cooking? Keeping the house? That's beneath them as a professional woman. They didn't go to college for all those years to do those things.

And ultimately that's why those "successful" women tend to be alone and lonely because professional-class men are choosing women who can do what he can't: raise the children, cook, keep the house. He doesn't need another breadwinner, he doesn't need another him. And unfortunately for "professional" women: the women who tend to have those maternal qualities men look for are found in the middle-class and below. For some women, the higher they climb the financial ladder, the more masculine they become by necessity. No man wants another man-like woman, so if you're professional and successful AND you maintain those feminine qualities, you get snatched up real quick.

Edit: Basically to say, the ideal woman would be a self-sufficient, well-educated woman who can do for self BUT also understands the traditional role of a woman in the household.

If men are forced to choose between a woman who is a company president who is self-sufficient and educated but is minimally involved in raising children and maintaining the house and a woman who is a grade school teacher who is moderately educated and not as paid, but knows the value of having her house in tiptop shape, 99 out of 100 will choose the latter. They may not have the Benz or the McMansion or summer and winter vacation, but I guarantee they will be happier.

LETS END AND CLOSE THE THREAD ON THIS POST RIGHT HERE!!!!!
:

 

[LeroyDibiase]

u know thats an oxymoron right?

lemme let u in on a secret...more women...regardless of education or income would not mind being a housewife

the real house wives of whatever isnt a success for no reason...women wanna live that shit

Lemme stop you right there. That "Real Housewives of blah blah", that's not being a housewives. Those women don't really do what a REAL housewife does. Those are the "moochers" and "leeches" you described earlier. Those shows are popular because women want that lifestyle of being rich and not having to work hard yes, but that's not being a traditional wife.

like i been saying day one on here...that independent-woman-hear- me-roar-i-dont-need-a-man bullshit is merely a defense mechanism

most girls grow up playing house...being a housewife...we all dream about our wedding days and raising our kids...its what girls do

given the opportunity most women would stay home and take care of the house and family

Maybe in your circle of friends, but most professional women do NOT want to be housewives, that's the main reason they go to school in the first place. Yes, the "independent" woman thing is a defense mechanism for some, but that's not related to this at all. And you're right, most GIRLS dream of that, but as they grow up many lose that desire as they focus on education and financial stabiliity.

now when u hear women talk about "i didnt go to school to do that"....what she is really saying is: "i went to school to make a X income to maintain a certian lifestyle"...if she feels her husband can do that plus more u be surprised how many "professional successful women" would stay home

Nah, when those women say that, they mean what they say. You take a woman who actually went to school on her own and got her Masters or pH.d on her own and then tell her she needs to be at home, she will reject that regardless of the family's financial status. Those women you see on TV are either not as educated or their degrees were earned/paid for by their husbands money. You can't believe everything you see on TV.

my mother being one of them...she has a masters and been a stay at home mom once i started hs

i cant get mad at man at all for seeking a woman who prioritizes family over everything. and career driven women let the pursuit of $$ cloud their judgment...but regardless of who u chose the worst one is the one who will sit at home and watch soap operas all day...an idol mind is very dangerous!

Your mother is of a different generation and that's what the issue is. Women (and men) aren't built the same as they were in the last generation. And did she get the degree first or go back and get the degree? There's a difference there too.

And as for your second paragraph, you keep speaking in absolutes. That really makes no sense and I don't understand how it relates to what is present in this discussion. A woman who is a "housewife" doesn't just sit around all day and watch TV and if a man chooses a woman like that, it's his fault. I feel like this discussion is becoming scattered. I feel like the subject matter's focus has been lost.

 

[TheFuser]

this would make sense....if the world worked like that

so for that reason?

i can see why alot of u on here can't stand black women if thats who u are choosing and why

yall wife these losers and get surprised when they prove to be who they are...takers and dead weight

dont lump me into the black women haters queen. Far from it.

Im not sure where I said "successful men seek out goal-less women." How you could take that from my post is beyond me queen.

 

[(0_0)..l.. finger]

Great, I'll be looking for it

http://www.bgol.us/board/showthread.php?p=7529181#post7529181

 

[OnSlaught]

http://www.bgol.us/board/showthread.php?p=7529181#post7529181

Oh shit, it's funny as hell to see their faces on here!

I haven't talked to Hagar in a while. Her and her sister Sarah are from the Chi. Where did you get this pic from?

Hagar is a cool chick and a good time. Damn I miss her ass!

 

[DAYNE]

A married, down to earth, NATURAL black woman, two kids, still is in great shape, supportive of her husband (even before he was POTUS), and is an excellent role model for young black women.


To me, she is 1000x more attractive than most of these photoshopped, weaved down wombturd factories most dudes are willing to cape up for on here.

none of those attributes can replace beauty

 

[DAYNE]

To some that may be true.


But for a woman, especially a black woman in this day and age to be that accomplished, yet humble and supportive, is something I hold in very high regard and that makes her beautiful.

no it makes her successful, wife, good mother, but not beautiful

 

[BCAA2009]

no it makes her successful, wife, good mother, but not beautiful

Speak for yourself.......a woman you think is fine to you, may look like a mutated Jakylope to me.


You'll start to appreciate certain things about a woman when you realize that beauty fades QUICKLY. These plastic cunts many of you ogle will look like a melted candle, and their tits will look like two sunny side up eggs hanging on a nail.


Oh well, some things are better left to be experienced.

 

[BCAA2009]

none of those attributes can replace beauty

So you'll take a woman if she's:

Uppity
Has multiple bastard wombturds
Can't cook
Can't clean
Whores around
Spends your money
Weaved and wigged......


Just because she looks fine for the moment?

 

[(0_0)..l.. finger]

Oh shit, it's funny as hell to see their faces on here!

I haven't talked to Hagar in a while. Her and her sister Sarah are from the Chi. Where did you get this pic from?

Hagar is a cool chick and a good time. Damn I miss her ass!

its always good to have a down ass sista or sisters

http://www.bgol.us/board/showthread.php?t=424513

you can find them in this thread

 

[OnSlaught]

its always good to have a down ass sista or sisters

http://www.bgol.us/board/showthread.php?t=424513

you can find them in this thread

Yes it is! Great posts Finger... Five star efforts for both...

 

[tampabay904]

nigress
sheboon


thats what their saviors call them. and they worship them and piss all over decent black men who want them.

 

[DAYNE]

Speak for yourself.......a woman you think is fine to you, may look like a mutated Jakylope to me.


You'll start to appreciate certain things about a woman when you realize that beauty fades QUICKLY. These plastic cunts many of you ogle will look like a melted candle, and their tits will look like two sunny side up eggs hanging on a nail.


Oh well, some things are better left to be experienced.

like you speak for all men fuck outta here

 

[DAYNE]

So you'll take a woman if she's:

Uppity
Has multiple bastard wombturds
Can't cook
Can't clean
Whores around
Spends your money
Weaved and wigged......


Just because she looks fine for the moment?

There are some beautiful women that don't have any of those qualities but your so jaded because you can't get them, your bitter about it and you have a settling mentality and you want to force it on everybody else

fuck that
and fuck you

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

dont lump me into the black women haters queen. Far from it.

Im not sure where I said "successful men seek out goal-less women." How you could take that from my post is beyond me queen.

like I said yesterday criticism = bashing according to the females today....You cant criticize women without being call a woman basher but they can talk about men all day long with no problem...The funny thing is we only start criticizing women for a couple of years compare to decades that women have been thrown men under the bus...

 

[tampabay904]

caricature aside, this woman has a gorgeous face. what dreams are made of, but lusting after white men and demeaning black men make her fugly...

 

[tampabay904]

I can quit sistas cause of women that look like her, and the few sistas who will treat a brotha like a king.

props to voltron at asr