Bruh must be an elder because that was concise.
Male vs Female reality
- Thread starter bgbtylvr
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Bruh must be an elder because that was concise.
That's not true. They will and they all do to a certain extent. I've been on the other side of that coin: 'REAL GOOD' woman fucked my brains out then went back to 'hubby'.
I say that to say this...
The relationship is ultimately about YOU and what YOU want in ANY woman who is in YOUR REALTIONSHIP.
Your current woman is currently the woman holding that spot now....FOR NOW.
Here are my demands...
Here is the door- it is open...
You can walk out anytime...
Just know that if you try to stay and don't abide by my rules...
You will be escorted out just as easily...
DON'T PLAY.
*two cents*
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This...
She doesn't have one...nor does she need one really. The whole situation is childish and like childish behavior - it's wanted purely because I WANT IT. Reason and logic and consequences be damned.
Cats need to stop worrying about what THEIR woman is doing and focus more on what they want out of ANY WOMAN who is in a relationship with them.
Relationships are a man's domain- women just dwell in them.
I wish more men knew that.
*two cents*
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Exactly.
Man,all of this is bullshit and these relationships won't last long enough to turn into anything positive because jealousy deep rooted and if someone's not it's because their doing their own dirt and don't give a fuck.
If you compromise early on,you'll be doing that til the shit ends;We all expect certain things from someone we are in a relationship with and when you don't in no shape way or form,it's doomed to fail cause it's lop-sided or some weirdo shit going on....
If she's dealing with you because you're the one she can bring home to her family,you're not the one she desires ....let her gooooo now!!!
If you compromise early on,you'll be doing that til the shit ends;We all expect certain things from someone we are in a relationship with and when you don't in no shape way or form,it's doomed to fail cause it's lop-sided or some weirdo shit going on....
If she's dealing with you because you're the one she can bring home to her family,you're not the one she desires ....let her gooooo now!!!
This is exactly what I said bro. Wow.1. Don't even get me started about chicks and "grandfathering" dudes into the picture. And how they refer to any past guy as a "friend"..like I'm fuckin stoopid
2. And another dumb ass issue that we been had, and that came up again that same night we were at the bar, was every time we drink she talks about the issue that I mentioned before, plus asks why she can't come to happy hour with me and my boys. Me and my boys only go to happy hour once every month or six weeks, but she presses issue every once in awhile. My rebuttal was that (a)she never invites me out with her girls (Ive never met ANY of her friends, and she's way more social than me), and (b) I would invite her out if she invites her girls too. Reason being when I go out with my boys it's like a locker room, and it's the only time these days we actually get the band back together and mix it up. I can't understand why she would want to be the only girl there, so that shit's fishy to me as well. Again if I'm just smashing some bird and she's my homegirl oh, yeah come out whenever. But if your wifey I ain't trying to have you be the only chick at the bar with me and my boys. That's not my style.
Exactly. Most of these issues where her friends but she asked what if it was us and I said nah. You can’t be running with dudes when you got a man. And your homegirls love hanging wiry married or taken dudes and acting surprised the wives don’t like that shit. She said the guy and girl was friends long before he got married. I said that don’t mean Shit. He married somebody so your friend can’t invite him to shit anymore. And she should have known that.
There's no spending alone time with another dude in a serious relationship. She's obviously keeping her options open. Game recognize game so I will keep my options open too. That's just what kind of relationship it is. Shits not that serious. I love me over anyone else because if I don't no one will. I play the game. I'd befriend the sluttiest girl from her crew. Be her new best friend. I'd hang with my exes too. I won't fuck but I'd test her ass to see if she could handle that shit. No female can so I'd be damn if I'm ever suppose to accept such non sense. Girls may have one male best friend but if she got many dudes she hanging out with she fucking. Accept it or not but don't be fucking stupid.
Absolutely NOTHING!!!!
This all day long.
In my mind, the only seriously committed relationship is marriage. (maybe engagement?) For me, dating is an observation period to see if the other person is marriage material. (I assume and act like she is doing the same to me).
I would NEVER try to change a woman- they either have what I'm looking for or not. I also would never expect a woman to try to change me. I either have what she is looking for or I don't.
the dating period is simply taking the time to feel each other out (no pun intended) to see if you and your partner are on the same page, or have the same general outlook on those important "deal breaker" issues that we all have.
(character, finance, kids, fidelity, goals, etc... whatever is important to you.)
In the situation the O.P posted, I wouldn't say shit about a woman I was dating going to an NBA game with a male coworker who knew she had a man.. but if she didn't turn it down, I would know that she wasn't the one for me.
I would also expect her to only deal with him on a professional level from that point on- as that is how I would treat a woman who invited me on a "date" (which we all know it was) when they already knew I was dating someone.
If she decided to go on that "date", our "relationship" would never get more serious that it was at that point. It might not end today or tomorrow or next week, but I know I wouldn't wife a woman who still wants to hang out with
other dudes after "taking this further".
Now, if my WIFE came to me talking that shit.... HELL NO, WOMAN, you better turn on TNT and catch the game! lol
Quek9 said:
BOOM! There it is
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Not the women I have dealt with. It becomes obvious as fuck if you listen and observe. Hoes trying to run from their hoeing ways to become wifey struggle with where the line is drawn. They will conform for a little while until the right opportunity present itself. Chicks that are the product of good healthy relationship don't entertain work husbands, play cousins, or male friends that she only has a relationship with.
My wife and I have been married for 20 years and we dated for 5 prior to getting married. She has a small circle of girlfriends, one who she has known for nearly 30 years. We are close to her and her husband but I ain't texting or hanging with her friend and her husband ain't communicating with my wife. The only male friends my wife have are her brothers and first cousin.
She had to check a dude at her job that was trying to contact her off work hours or be her "friend". She gave him one warning before telling me and documenting the shit with HR. That negro waited for nearly a year before trying to straight up holla. The dumb negro ended up getting fired because he was actually screwing one of the other married chicks that worked for him and he acted a fool when she tried to end it. Had my wife not documented his inappropriate behavior he might have kept his job.
The bottom line, my wife don't fuck with other dudes because I forbid her, she is grown. She doesn't do shit like that because of her character. If you have a women that is insistent on having other dudes in her life, you either need to choose again or live with it.
We're in different rooms of the same house.
I agree with what you are saying - character counts- so does letting a person know what you will and will not tolerate from them in a relationship with you.
I don't trust my wife in and of herself. I don't have to- I trust my relationship with her which means I have been very clear with her about what I will and will not tolerate from any woman in a relationship with me.
The door in my relationship is always open. She can leave when ever she wants.
She can also be escorted out.
*two cents*
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One of my bff is a big titty cute redbone. We started off as fuck buddies, and became real good friends over the years. Then she gets a boyfriend, but he didnt like me and her talking not one bit. For a long time, she used to talk to me behind his back. But I guess at some point, she found their relationship more important, which I respect. I never saw the problem, but I eventually understood how he felt.
Preach young man...preach..
Indeed fam. At the end of the day, a chick is going to do what she wants. My ol lady knows where I stand and I know where she stands. If dudes are still struggling with the do's and don't's of their relationship in my opinion that shit won't end well.We're in different rooms of the same house.
I agree with what you are saying - character counts- so does letting a person know what you will and will not tolerate from them in a relationship with you.
I don't trust my wife in and of herself. I don't have to- I trust my relationship with her which means I have been very clear with her about what I will and will not tolerate from any woman in a relationship with me.
The door in my relationship is always open. She can leave when ever she wants.
She can also be escorted out.
*two cents*
1. Don't even get me started about chicks and "grandfathering" dudes into the picture. And how they refer to any past guy as a "friend"
2. And another dumb ass issue that we been had, and that came up again that same night we were at the bar, was every time we drink she talks about the issue that I mentioned before, plus asks why she can't come to happy hour with me and my boys. Me and my boys only go to happy hour once every month or six weeks, but she presses issue every once in awhile. My rebuttal was that (a)she never invites me out with her girls (Ive never met ANY of her friends, and she's way more social than me), and (b) I would invite her out if she invites her girls too. Reason being when I go out with my boys it's like a locker room, and it's the only time these days we actually get the band back together and mix it up. I can't understand why she would want to be the only girl there, so that shit's fishy to me as well. Again if I'm just smashing some bird and she's my homegirl oh, yeah come out whenever. But if your wifey I ain't trying to have you be the only chick at the bar with me and my boys. That's not my style.
Okay....
Both situations aren't easy but they are really simple.
It really comes down to time and the trust you have not in your spouse but in the relationship- which is nothing but the terms you agreed upon in it.
TIME works like this: do you want to spend the time worrying about every person potentially putting their bid in with your spouse or do you want to spend the time letting your spouse know THAT YOU KNOW they are very attractive, people are going to be attracted to them, and their intentions may not always have y'alls relationship in mind.
Don't let you spouse off the hook with that, "What? But I don't even see them like that?" song and dance. It's disingenuous; just because your spouse doesn't, does not mean the other person feels the same nor is the other person accountable to how they effect you and your partners relationship, your partner is.
So who your partner goes out with is not your burden to carry- it is theirs. The only time you need to spend is reminding them of that.
"Dracula only come in under invitation. After I trust a stake in his heart I'm trusting another in yours because you let his ass in here."
TRUST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. "The only winning move is not to play. Your happiness is the game. [If your woman] doesn't want to play your game then you don't play." - Patrice O'Neal.
Don't worry about trusting your spouse. Focus on trusting the relationing you have with them which ultimately means trusting what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship that you would have with anyone. Make that known upfront, as clear and concise as possible, with friendly reminders. If they don't comply or figure it out then it's not because you weren't clear on what you wanted. Get rid of them.
Your spouse is just the person in your relationship right now- this is really about you and what you want in your relationship.
"My wife is my wife until she does some things I don't think is becoming of ANY WOMAN I'd have as a wife. Then she is no longer my wife."
*two cents*
This man gets it.
The second you put less effort in trying to control your spouse and put more effort in being clear about what
YOU want in a relationship- regards of the person- the simpler all this shit becomes.
Here are my demands...
Here is the door- it is open...
You can walk out anytime...
Just know that if you stay and don't abide by my rules...
You will be escorted out just as easily...
DON'T PLAY.
*two cents*
All of this is on point....true old school game....you wonder how the old heads had 2 or 3 women/families and the women knew?....this is how....
Also im not big on explaining what I want and don't want in depth, I will mention these things in passing during conversation....and when they are violated I bring them up again before escorting her out the door.....
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Sub
I'll say this, you cannot control who a person wants to be friends with or hang out with. That shit never ever EVER works and for the life of me I can't understand why dudes and chicks can't figure this out. I told my wife when we were dating you don't have to tell me where your going. Your a grown ass woman you go wherever you please. Once we got married I said the same thing...your a grown woman before your my wife I'm not regulating who you hang out with or where you go. You don't own the pussy. Best case scenario you leasing it. She can do whatever she wants with it whether you think she's hanging out with appropriate individuals or not. My point is once you don't let shit like that bother you it'll become less of an issue and theres a good chance she won't wanna hang out with members of the opposite sex like that. Regulating your partners friends for whatever reason you feel valid is taxing and draining. Very time consuming. Don't worry about that shit. She wants to go to a game with dude, let her. Fuck dat, find some other shit to do while she goes to the game. Other dude don't know you and shouldn't have any loyalty towards you. And if your girl looks good he certainly wants to fuck her while sucking on her titties (No disrespect). What do you want, a fat ass precious looking muthafucka nobody wants to fuck? Had a coworker one time who was upset his girl likes to go out with her girlfriends sometimes and doesn't like how sexy she gets dressed. He showed me a pic......chick was fuckin gorgeous. But she didn't wear no outrageous shit. I said dude, she 24, you 26. Da fuck you look like regulating what she wears and where she goes? She grown. All I'm saying is don't waste your time with that shit man. Women are illogical, so of course the same shit doesn't apply for us but if you know that already it wouldn't surprise you and just make moves around that shit. Relax dude, it'll be ok.
Spoken like a man... you spitting truth man. When I was in to cars I had an Escalade I would be like here, take the keys go out have fun.
I just can’t worry like that because if I don’t trust her to act right when I’m not around I don’t need to be there.
On the flip side I had no issues doing whatever I wanted to do.
Female logic sucks on all levels. If a woman respects you and feels a need to keep company of male friends all she has to do is invite you along. If they go way back as a man he should have respect for her relationship and invite you everytime he invites her out. If she feels a need to exclude you from a group of people then she doesn't need you as a man. It's time to 86 her.
Let's look at this sentence, "she has guy friends that, even if we take this further, she wants to still hang out with."
Really? Is she extending that same courtesy to you with the women you know and hang out with? If her answer is yes then there's nothing serious going on with your relationship.
The NBA Game invite, if she was serious about the relationship, he gets turned down cold. "She doesn't think there is anything wrong with his invite." How old is this chick?
I'm not going through this word for word. I'll just say this. Ask yourself this, am I compromising what I really want in a woman to be with this girl? Is she really worth that compromise? You already know she's not.
A woman that truly has your best interest at heart would never say or ask you questions like that. Do what you want just don't get her preggy.
No doubt. I need to read through the thread before I comment, but sounds like an interesting discussion and I already agree with several points in here.
I was gonna post but there is a wealth of BGOL wisdom on this thread.
A commitment is just that: a commitment. Its about making concessions for another person in ways that you might not normally in order to make the commitment work. Its sacrifice. Its mainly self-sacrifice in that you choose not to do things that you might want to do in order for the greater good of the relationship.
Anything worth having is worth sacrificing for. How much they sacrifice determines how much its worth to them.
A commitment is just that: a commitment. Its about making concessions for another person in ways that you might not normally in order to make the commitment work. Its sacrifice. Its mainly self-sacrifice in that you choose not to do things that you might want to do in order for the greater good of the relationship.
Anything worth having is worth sacrificing for. How much they sacrifice determines how much its worth to them.
Absolutely NOTHING!!!!
EXACTLY!!!! I couldn’t imagine my girl coming to me talking about “i’m about to go see Black Panther with Tim and we gonna go to the club after that”
Yeah man I don’t know where these dudes work, I learned a long time ago that those “work relationships” are to much trouble for me, but you always see co-workers in the streets and on social media all in love with their spouses but then come to work and be in a whole other relationship with someone they work with.
I don’t know her friend that well. I assume mid 30s. My chick didn’t do this she was asking why the dudes wife was so upset and I told her ol girl shouldn’t be asking a married dude to do Shit. I don’t care if they was born on the same day and became friends. If dude got married and his wife ain’t with the bitch need to fall back and admit she fucked up deep down wanna Sabotage his marriage. That’s what I see.
We live in a time where in western civilization, women are being encouraged to be as impulsive as they want to be and to shun anyone who dares question them. If they have a goal, any goal, they should pursue it and anyone questioning their "divine decision" is in the way. This is a very dangerous line of thinking that has brought about many divorces and break-ups in recent years.
When you tell a child that they can have anything they want, they don't understand why you say no when they ask for a loaded gun. They see your "no" as an obstacle rather than seeing it as a preventative refusal of allowing access to something that can harm them and/or others. Many women today behave with the impulsiveness of a child, especially when it comes to relationships. The government, media and most of society is in cahoots to undermine any authority you may have. you have three choices: fight it; roll with it, or opt out.
The level of maturity of a woman can be measured by her ability to control her impulses.
When you tell a child that they can have anything they want, they don't understand why you say no when they ask for a loaded gun. They see your "no" as an obstacle rather than seeing it as a preventative refusal of allowing access to something that can harm them and/or others. Many women today behave with the impulsiveness of a child, especially when it comes to relationships. The government, media and most of society is in cahoots to undermine any authority you may have. you have three choices: fight it; roll with it, or opt out.
The level of maturity of a woman can be measured by her ability to control her impulses.
No, she has an argument but definitely not a good one. He needs to type that shit out so he can visually see it and read it for himself.
I hear ya, but for me that’s a clear sign of incompatibility. I will not start hanging out with female friends because my lady wants to hang out with male friends. Unnecessarily arousing her competitive nature will just bring unwanted drama and anxiety into your relationship. For sanity, you’re better off with a woman that has a similar perspective on relationship to yours.
There’s too many fly sista’s out here with old school values to be fuckin wit these new aged chicks that have no boundaries.
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Whoa!!! I trust my wife... But there ain't a chance in hell she's driving my muthafuckin car!!! No sir!!! Thats where I draw the line.
Real talk. And again, we never realize how stressful it is to regulate who your mate is talkin too or hanging with. Tends to have you forget about the most important things in your relationship and what brought you two together in the first place. You can't give someone that much control over your relationship. If you don't trust her that much just move on. But it may not be her issue it maybe yours and the guy will take that "you shouldn't be talking to him" mentality right into another relationship. Plenty of men and women look for those moments and don't even know it. I don't have the patience for that shit. Too many other more important things I'm dealing with and taking care of to make an attempt to control what I ultimately will never fully control. Grandma told me years ago never stress over shit you can't control. I ain't got the time man.
Fuck it...this is a dope post taxed on to a dope thread so I'm going to keep it all the way 100%.
IMHO....
I believe that the reason relationship's is a man's domain- thus ultimately anything that happens in it is his responsiblity, women don't HAVE relationships they are IN relationships- is because a great relationship is built on principles and the VAST MAJORITY of women have none...by design.
These are the six stages of moral development by Kolberg in the 1950's. Through his research he came to the conclusion that women do not progress morally to the same heights as a man. Men have Justice Based morality which goes to level six while women has Care Based morality which peaks at level 3.
Past level 3 you get into matters that supersede how one might FEEL about a matter and start dealing with matter on a colder plan of rationale that supersedes one's feelings.
How many women do you know can do that?
Exactly....and you see their inability to do that in every other conversation with a woman. Their default rationale....is how the FEEL.
The only time I've seen a women act on principle is when the principle matched up with how she FELT. How she felt took priority.
That's level 3.
[My relationship with my woman] works because of my logic not because of hers. If we relied on her logic we'd be finished!- Patrice O'Neal.
A relationship is a man's domain because it's survival is based on the principles he establishes and presents to her to agree and abide to.
Women don't HAVE relationships...they are simply IN relationships.
*two cents*
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Don't take this to limit it just to your girl. Many women are straight competitive. Will not expose you to her friends because she don't want to open the door to her friends being attracted to you maybe.
But from all you wrote, that she wants to hang with you and your boys and she don't want you around her friends, to me sounds like she has borderline underlying trust issues. Similar to my wife.
I've gone on trips with my boys in the past and my wife let me go with blessings but I know in the back of her head, she wonders if I've messed around. B4 I leave she will say little things like if you do anything you better use a condom or some other type of joke. Deep down I'm sure it's her own trust issues she dealing with.