Thank you Buttnaked. Thank you.
Peace
If the real father is on the ball, what is the stepdad's role?
- Thread starter destrehan
- Start date
Thank you Buttnaked. Thank you.
Peace
what a pathetic sense of logic.
I OVERstand your question....and the reason you are not satisfied with the responses is because you should not be askin it to women. It is NOT their place or position to dictate or state how a MAN should be a MAN. It's not about being a "dad" or a "stepdad"....it's about being a MAN. Now my $.02 on your question...I am happilly divorced with 2(boy)children. I am absolutely "on the ball". Any man coming into my X wifes life only real role is to focus on his relationship with her and be another good male example to my children. He has absolutely NO disciplinary authority(that is for my x wife and I). If there is a situation that requires more discipline than she can handle...CALL ME AND PUT THE CHILD/CHILDREN ON THE PHONE!! That is how on the ball I am. He is NOT and will NOT ever be addressed as a stepdad(unless I die). He is the ****** that is now fucking their mother and that is what is "role" is so that biyatch is happy and leaves me the fuck alone.And yes only 40+ posts and I have an opinion
peace. yea i realize i should not have asked this question to these birds.
i love how you tried to disguise your vitriol, but 1. this situation has NOT occured in my life.
2. i hope that in a drunken stupor you grab the bleach bottle instead of the bottled water you intended.
won't pull that card until the situation dictates. she's a great mother and we respect each other totally. i still have worries about when she does settle with someone though.
your role is to be a dad... whether biological or step dad... they are still your kids too. when you married the women you married her family too. if the kids respect you then you shouldn't have a problem. treat them the way you would treat them if they came from ur sperm
Explain why it is pathetic....You dont want no one else to be a father figure to your children, but for what ever reason you and her are NOT together.
Explain why you dont want custody of your kids now, but ONLY if the situation warrants?
Pathetic?...Nah son what is pathetic is how you came to SOL wanting a female POV.
Guess what, who ever she gets w/ will have a part in raising your children.
You are treading, there is no need to call anyone on here birds when we are just answering your question.If you didnt want to hear the opinions why the fuck did you ask. If you don't like them,then stay the fuck from over here.Just because you don't agree doesn't mean everyone else is wrong.
Oh and to answer your question, I still don't call my stepdad Dad.Not because I don't feel like he deserves the title but because I am not comfortable doing it.I just dont like when people force their kids to call another man or woman MOM/DAD, if they aren't your real one. Let that be your child's choice when they are older.
They're not answering the question. They keep delving off into their own experiences.
He said IF THE FATHER IS DOING HIS JOB...
I say just be a positive male role model and be cool with the bio. The step should run his household and be a disciplinarian but make a point to include the dad in important decisions.
I'm not saying they have to be boys, but have enough understanding that they will both do what's in the best interest of the child and don't allow the child to play both sides against the middle. If I was a step and the father was a positive and active influence I wouldn't want him to call me Dad.
No one's opinions deserve the name calling.. keep the shit talking to your self...
To the original question. I think children play a large part in the role and guidance that their stepparents give them. Younger children are more likely to be receptive to a step parent and are the ones who usually face a debate on whether to call them "dad", "mom" or whatever. Most of the time, and from what I've heard from divorced people who date, they usually tell the kids, "you have a daddy (or mommy) who loves you, and don't feel obligated to call this person by that... But if the children feel comfortable enough to give someone that label, why not? If the other parent is active they don't have to feel like they are losing out. They should be glad that someone else cares about their children enough to warrant that kind of respect from them. My mom got married when I was like 15 or 16 and I was all rebellious and was like "I don't believe in step parents" and my step father never really did forgive me for that... He wasn't the nicest person to my mom, but he was good to his children and grandkids, I just didn't feel comfortable around him. I do wish later on things had been different because he supported me (financially) when I was in college. While I didn't agree with the relationship he had with my mom, I couldn't knock him... Too bad I didn't have the knowledge then that I have now...
He died this summer...
At first I thought he was just a bit heated.
but after these two ...
OP is kinda bold aint he
its no wonder why there's a new respectful, stand-up guy in the picturewhere did you see me say there was already someone there? read the damn thread.At first I thought he was just a bit heated.
but after these two ...
OP is kinda bold aint he
i actually don't have to keep the shit talking to myself. but thanks for responding.
No one's opinions deserve the name calling.. keep the shit talking to your self...
To the original question. I think children play a large part in the role and guidance that their stepparents give them. Younger children are more likely to be receptive to a step parent and are the ones who usually face a debate on whether to call them "dad", "mom" or whatever. Most of the time, and from what I've heard from divorced people who date, they usually tell the kids, "you have a daddy (or mommy) who loves you, and don't feel obligated to call this person by that... But if the children feel comfortable enough to give someone that label, why not? If the other parent is active they don't have to feel like they are losing out. They should be glad that someone else cares about their children enough to warrant that kind of respect from them. My mom got married when I was like 15 or 16 and I was all rebellious and was like "I don't believe in step parents" and my step father never really did forgive me for that... He wasn't the nicest person to my mom, but he was good to his children and grandkids, I just didn't feel comfortable around him. I do wish later on things had been different because he supported me (financially) when I was in college. While I didn't agree with the relationship he had with my mom, I couldn't knock him... Too bad I didn't have the knowledge then that I have now...
He died this summer...
now you know from now on
Come on now.... everyone knows the place for "shit talking and posting pics" is bgol not sol... so yeah... kinda you do... if you didn't want people to answer your question, then answer me this: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ASK IT?????
i wanted sensible answers you ignorant muthafucka damn.
Ok now I don't care if you reply to the answers you receive in here but I will ask you once to remain respectful, the name calling is unnecessary, and that goes to anyone else who has replied in this thread. You received sensible answers but chose to ignore them and maintain your stance because it was NOT in keeping with your own view point.
If you maintain relations with your children who are not living in your household I give you props and respect for that. However, as has already been said in here. If your ex has chosen to move on and is with someone who has love for your children and has respect for you as their father why would it be an issue if the children are placed first.
Is the issue only regarding discipline? That I can comprehend to an extent but he is still an authority figure. And in his home there should have already been communication regarding the children. Logically speaking that would be the sensible thing. To expect that a man who has chosen to deal with a woman with children should not have ANY part in the rearing of these children is ridiculous.
Peace
And again let me remind you all to keep the name calling to a minimum.
yes but you can cuss me out all day huh? keep in mind i was RESPONDING to vulgarity shown toward me FIRST. now tell THEM to keep it respectful. you won't though because yall aint nothin but children.
Now you calling us children? Because you dont like the responses that you started a thread and asked for?
BTW Sexy Scorpio didnt call you a name in her response, but instead she used the word "fuck" as an adverb.
Reading is a fundamental necessity....see highlighted areas.
I will choose to ignore the fact that you called us children.
Peace
IF THE REAL FATHER IS ON THE BALL.......the dudes(stepfathers)only role is to FUCK the baby mama into complete happiness!!!
NUFF SAID.......end of thread!! Now let's have a group hug.
NUFF SAID.......end of thread!! Now let's have a group hug.
You missing the point and being sensitive to the issue. A step father will fill the void when you are not around. A good step father would treat your kid as if the child was his own. You are not in the same household so you can't be there all the time. A real step father will respect you and how you choose to raise your child and as a man you should respect him for taking your child into his home and providing the support when it is impossible for your to be there because you are no longer with that woman.
If you are worried about your kids calling another man dad then honestly you are not handling your business the way you should. Ultimately you should respect the man for taking your child into his house and loving the child as if it was his own. The step father should respect you as the father of the children. Kids are not dumb they will know who there real father is that will never be questioned if you are doing the things you should be.
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Co-sign. But I disagree with respecting him part kinda sorta....my baby mama's new boyfriend is a moocher off of her and I hate my daughter being around that environment. So he gets no respect. But there is nothing I can do about it. IMO, just hold it down the best way you can and hope for the best. Once your kid gets older, he will make more sound judgments on things and you will just have to live with it. He'll know who Daddy is.
Oh yea, and to add....like someone said previously.....if you are on the ball....the step-dad's role is to console your baby mama. Be that husband figure in her life and respect her kid or kids like they were his own. Blood is blood no matter what. So nigga if you on the ball, your kid will know and hold down the fort for you.
c/s
^exactly...if ur on the ball then there shouldn't be a problem.
anyway,
hopefully, the both of you will be able to talk about that issue if she feels the relationships is getting serious.
the step parent and bio parents should be able to discuss their roles, values and what not with each other and should respect them BUT you have to be realistic.
if OP hasn't abandoned the thread, from a dude:
YOU'RE FUCKING UP.
don't take it personal. hold on to that & perhaps you'll be fortunate enough to understand 1 day. you have some very strongly misplaced hostilities about your life condition...
it ain't nobody on here's fault that your life exists the way it does. personal attacks won't change any of that...
free your mind...
damn dude...fucking up...
YOU'RE FUCKING UP.
don't take it personal. hold on to that & perhaps you'll be fortunate enough to understand 1 day. you have some very strongly misplaced hostilities about your life condition...
it ain't nobody on here's fault that your life exists the way it does. personal attacks won't change any of that...
free your mind...
damn dude...fucking up...
"it takes a village to raise a child"
its great you are a part of your child's life...so many of our childern are raised without fathers
personally the more postive male role model influence the better...most kids dont get any
i dont know why parents are so scared to let other people disipline thier childern...back in the day u had to worry about auntie...mr smith from down the street...and your princpal getting in that ass...honestly i think that kept alot of kids in check cause that ass whoopin can come from anywhere
its great you are a part of your child's life...so many of our childern are raised without fathers
personally the more postive male role model influence the better...most kids dont get any
i dont know why parents are so scared to let other people disipline thier childern...back in the day u had to worry about auntie...mr smith from down the street...and your princpal getting in that ass...honestly i think that kept alot of kids in check cause that ass whoopin can come from anywhere
If the bio parent is on the ball then the Step-IN parent is there for back-up. The extraness that all our kids need no a days. I wrote this w/o reading the other responses. The step-In parent if they are the one living with the child is the caretaker and confidant in some cases.
Step Parenting in the 21th century is fucked up. Folks used to bond until death do us part. Families broke up because of extreme shit. Not anymore. That's the problem. Now, folks break that family bond for selfish reasons so now their are multiple folks in the picture assuming the same roles. And stepping on toes. Pun intended.
Of course, a selfish ass woman wants another cat to come into the household and play daddy to her children.
Of course, a selfish ass man doesn't want another cat playing daddy to his children.
Both selfish ass parties will find justifications for their actions and feelings.
Never used that sperm donor line unless you are comfortable with being labeled a sperm depository.
No one needs 2 fathers or 2 mothers. That father figure myth is to soothe the guilt of selfish women and men.
Growns folks should strive to be elders. This is especially true for the new mate in the household.
You shouldn't teach a child to call your new mate - dad or mom unless there is an adoption.
Your new mate ain't the child's parent. Neither is your next mate.
With this logic. A children may have double digit parents before they reach adulthood.
Of course, a selfish ass woman wants another cat to come into the household and play daddy to her children.
Of course, a selfish ass man doesn't want another cat playing daddy to his children.
Both selfish ass parties will find justifications for their actions and feelings.
Never used that sperm donor line unless you are comfortable with being labeled a sperm depository.
No one needs 2 fathers or 2 mothers. That father figure myth is to soothe the guilt of selfish women and men.
Growns folks should strive to be elders. This is especially true for the new mate in the household.
You shouldn't teach a child to call your new mate - dad or mom unless there is an adoption.
Your new mate ain't the child's parent. Neither is your next mate.
With this logic. A children may have double digit parents before they reach adulthood.
