Going through a Divorce
- Thread starter Eclipse99
- Start date
BGOL first. No negativity in a thread.
Yeah I agree...
Do you guys know how child custody works? You want this man to go on a vacation to fuck hookers while his ex wife is cooking up some conniving chicanery? You want this thread to merge with that my ex did me dirty thread?
Go on vacation while your ex wife have been plotting for 7 months, brehs.
Because they think pussy is the end all
Im not divorced but Ive definitely learned a lot observing from the sidelines. This is a post about the things that I have personally observed and my own personal opinions and reactions to the real life events around me. This isn't legal advice and shouldnt be used as such but hopefully brings some positive thinking your way to get you through this tough ordeal.
The most important thing that you have to understand, if you go to court, is that your lawyer is not on your side. There is no large pay out for them to take a percentage of if there is a settlement. You and your wife will be paying out of pocket and ive seen a lot of close friends, family and coworkers get suckered into long drawn out battles that end up costing major money. The lawyers will pit you against each other and theyre the only ones that win. If either one of you are dumb or greedy, its gonna be a long costly battle. Its more important that YOU as a man dont be dumb. Men rarely come out on top and the system is against you. Some people will disagree but its the only time that "winning" isnt worth the price paid. It makes people angry and bitter and I really saw first hand how having that amount of rage and hate in your heart and mind really ages you and affects your health. Concentrate on growing your own life because you might very well find yourself in the position to have take your son because she falls apart from the mental strain or you have to have the courts take him from her down the road. Always be ready for that. If youre dealing with a mentally incapacitated woman then you need to start protecting your reputation right now before the lies begin.
If you try to go jab for jab with her then you will lose. Dont even think that a custody battle is gonna go your way. The court will always see the mother as the one the child belongs with and they will always see the man as the one who will have an easier time providing for himself and making a living, so the wife and child are entitled to that.
If you give her everything, she will want more. More than she can handle. Ive seen women end up with the house, both cars and hundreds of thousands in cash and lose it all. Greedy and not realizing that the lawyer fees makes it impossible for either of you to own anything. Everything you own now will get sold off to pay lawyers if the two of you dont settle this on your own. You as a man, will have the opportunity to educate yourself and increase your earnings with your spare time if youre smart, while she has the child most of the time and not capable of doing much else for a few years. Its not the ideal situation because you want to be with your son, but dont neglect the opportunity to capitalize on the situation and increase your earnings and position. She has to have somewhere to live and so do you. She has ot have something to drive and so do you. Id rather both of us live quality separately then for both of us to be poor and scrappin' for cash. The more she suffers the more youre gonna suffer. Remember that when your boys around you start gassing you up with ideas on how to screw her over. Stay away from the "fuck that bitch" crowd, they think they are helping you by pumping you up and sharing your anger but thats how mofos find themselves in worse situations.
If she moves out...show up at her door a few times a week with groceries and pampers. Maybe throw in a few dollars. You dont have to see her if you dont want to, drop it on the porch early in the morning. But definitely dont show up like youre some kind of saint either and parade it around like a handout. Dont fight with her or anyone else there and if she asks what youre doing say "making sure my son eats." and leave it at that. Take pictures of it on the porch and save receipts. This might be the most important thing that you could ever do. If you get pulled into court because she says youre not providing you can show the judge all the receipts and pictures to show that she is a liar and that youve been attempting to do the right thing. The only thing judges hate more than a dead beat dad is someone trying to mislead the court and take them for a fool. I learned this from a friend of mine who was going through a divorce and his ex wife chose to destroy the food he was dropping off. She tried to accuse him of throwing trash on her porch, but he had receipts and pictures of the food in bags on her porch. It kept him out of jail because the judge had a hard time believing that he would spend this much money of groceries per month and destroy it himself. You keep doing that and you can just sit back and wait til she fucks herself from listening to other dumb motherfuckers, knowing that you have the proper ammunition in receipts and pictures to prove that youve been doing the right thing.
Always be willing to talk but excuse yourself from the conversation if name calling and arguing begins. Dont go into details about what youre doing with yourself, cause shell use it as her own ammunition. Something as innocent as you playing pool last night will turn into spending all your money gambling on games and drinking at the bar every night because you have a "problem". Arguing and raising your voice can easily be translated in court as "intimidation". Dont be a hot head or send incriminating text or voicemails. Keep your professionalism high. If her family is behind this, shell finally wake up when she sees that your behavior is the opposite of the lies her family is pumping into her and she'll quickly come to hate her situation. The last thing you need in your life is another woman. She'll only complicate things cause cost money and wants to be number one.
Good luck.
The most important thing that you have to understand, if you go to court, is that your lawyer is not on your side. There is no large pay out for them to take a percentage of if there is a settlement. You and your wife will be paying out of pocket and ive seen a lot of close friends, family and coworkers get suckered into long drawn out battles that end up costing major money. The lawyers will pit you against each other and theyre the only ones that win. If either one of you are dumb or greedy, its gonna be a long costly battle. Its more important that YOU as a man dont be dumb. Men rarely come out on top and the system is against you. Some people will disagree but its the only time that "winning" isnt worth the price paid. It makes people angry and bitter and I really saw first hand how having that amount of rage and hate in your heart and mind really ages you and affects your health. Concentrate on growing your own life because you might very well find yourself in the position to have take your son because she falls apart from the mental strain or you have to have the courts take him from her down the road. Always be ready for that. If youre dealing with a mentally incapacitated woman then you need to start protecting your reputation right now before the lies begin.
If you try to go jab for jab with her then you will lose. Dont even think that a custody battle is gonna go your way. The court will always see the mother as the one the child belongs with and they will always see the man as the one who will have an easier time providing for himself and making a living, so the wife and child are entitled to that.
If you give her everything, she will want more. More than she can handle. Ive seen women end up with the house, both cars and hundreds of thousands in cash and lose it all. Greedy and not realizing that the lawyer fees makes it impossible for either of you to own anything. Everything you own now will get sold off to pay lawyers if the two of you dont settle this on your own. You as a man, will have the opportunity to educate yourself and increase your earnings with your spare time if youre smart, while she has the child most of the time and not capable of doing much else for a few years. Its not the ideal situation because you want to be with your son, but dont neglect the opportunity to capitalize on the situation and increase your earnings and position. She has to have somewhere to live and so do you. She has ot have something to drive and so do you. Id rather both of us live quality separately then for both of us to be poor and scrappin' for cash. The more she suffers the more youre gonna suffer. Remember that when your boys around you start gassing you up with ideas on how to screw her over. Stay away from the "fuck that bitch" crowd, they think they are helping you by pumping you up and sharing your anger but thats how mofos find themselves in worse situations.
If she moves out...show up at her door a few times a week with groceries and pampers. Maybe throw in a few dollars. You dont have to see her if you dont want to, drop it on the porch early in the morning. But definitely dont show up like youre some kind of saint either and parade it around like a handout. Dont fight with her or anyone else there and if she asks what youre doing say "making sure my son eats." and leave it at that. Take pictures of it on the porch and save receipts. This might be the most important thing that you could ever do. If you get pulled into court because she says youre not providing you can show the judge all the receipts and pictures to show that she is a liar and that youve been attempting to do the right thing. The only thing judges hate more than a dead beat dad is someone trying to mislead the court and take them for a fool. I learned this from a friend of mine who was going through a divorce and his ex wife chose to destroy the food he was dropping off. She tried to accuse him of throwing trash on her porch, but he had receipts and pictures of the food in bags on her porch. It kept him out of jail because the judge had a hard time believing that he would spend this much money of groceries per month and destroy it himself. You keep doing that and you can just sit back and wait til she fucks herself from listening to other dumb motherfuckers, knowing that you have the proper ammunition in receipts and pictures to prove that youve been doing the right thing.
Always be willing to talk but excuse yourself from the conversation if name calling and arguing begins. Dont go into details about what youre doing with yourself, cause shell use it as her own ammunition. Something as innocent as you playing pool last night will turn into spending all your money gambling on games and drinking at the bar every night because you have a "problem". Arguing and raising your voice can easily be translated in court as "intimidation". Dont be a hot head or send incriminating text or voicemails. Keep your professionalism high. If her family is behind this, shell finally wake up when she sees that your behavior is the opposite of the lies her family is pumping into her and she'll quickly come to hate her situation. The last thing you need in your life is another woman. She'll only complicate things cause cost money and wants to be number one.
Good luck.
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He didn’t have us.
Come on man
Agreed
Nah, this is a very supportive and encouraging place if you come correct.
Great breakdown /advice.
Thanks bro. Youre right. Im coping with it better, it was just a shock factor when she told me. I know Ill be a good father & she knows it too. The crazy thing is thats one of the aspect thats bothering her (competition theory).
You hit it on the head with professionalism.
Come on man
I understand sarcasm is somewhat difficult to pick up on a message board but damn
Gotta stick to the plan fellas. There's strength in numbers, each one teach one!
My divorce was just finalized today. No alimony, child support or property to spilt. She wants to stay to get on her feet so I gave her until my daughter starts school in August.
http://www.attorneys.com/child-custody/georgia/child-custody-laws-in-georgia-basics
First thing is that your lady may not have wanted to be married to begin with. Second you may have been her second choice. First thing hire a lawyer, but not any lawyer look for a fathers rights attorney, that shit worked for me when I got divorced. Ended up getting custody. Second don’t hire a lawyer by the job hire by the hour, you get much better service. Last but not least, no matter what show her nothing but respect. The law is on your side for visitation. If she pushing to raise the child alone hard, then she may be unfit or you may not be the father.
First thing is that your lady may not have wanted to be married to begin with. Second you may have been her second choice. First thing hire a lawyer, but not any lawyer look for a fathers rights attorney, that shit worked for me when I got divorced. Ended up getting custody. Second don’t hire a lawyer by the job hire by the hour, you get much better service. Last but not least, no matter what show her nothing but respect. The law is on your side for visitation. If she pushing to raise the child alone hard, then she may be unfit or you may not be the father.
Joining the club and had to look back at the gems in this thread. Long story short I've been documenting everything in relations to hows shes fucking up and putting the kids at risk. I think shes bored and thinks she'll be good by herself with a part time job ...problem is she can't support herself, but is willing to put it on paper that she wants nothing from me. I plan on filing first because she keeps putting the shit off and I think I know why. August would mark 5 years of marriage in the state of Ohio.....Alimony kicks in on year 5. Looking for an attorney to get to work and will definitely be paying by the hour. I may be looking into a dissolution to get this shit over with fast. My wife had the nerve to ask me why when she leaves I never come running after her....and I told her the truth....I'm not chasing someone who doesn't want to be here and in order to be missed, you actually have to do shit. I take care of everything under my roof.
...problem is she can't support herself, but is willing to put it on paper that she wants nothing from me. I plan on filing first because she keeps putting the shit off and I think I know why. August would mark 5 years of marriage in the state of Ohio.....Alimony kicks in on year 5. Looking for an attorney to get to work and will definitely be paying by the hour. I may be looking into a dissolution to get this shit over with fast. My wife had the nerve to ask me why when she leaves I never come running after her....and I told her the truth....I'm not chasing someone who doesn't want to be here and in order to be missed, you actually have to do shit. I take care of everything under my roof.I AM A LAWYER AND THIS POST IS FILLED WITH SO MUCH DUMBASS, BAD, WRONG, TOTALLY INACCURATE INFORMATION, I WONT EVEN RESPOND!! READ & TAKE AT YOUR OWN PERIL!!
BRUH Please Respond if you know better.
similar story here, so sorry to hear that shit too @papi68.
I’m taken aback at the fact the marriage is so new and the baby even more so; makes it seem as if it’s postpartum situation. I hate to sound like this, but do everything you can to reconcile and prepare yourself for a real legal battle if you are successful in stalling the process. The fucked up part about what is about to happen is that it likely could be all her fault and issue and you will still get raped by the courts. Crazy child supports and paying their attorney fees kinda shit.
In short, do all you can to avoid this and make it work - simply if just to stall. There is nothing worse than looking at the spot where your little man is supposed to be and wondering if he’s good. Be ready for war but do everything to avoid it if possible
Thanks for pointing out that my post needs a disclaimer. Almost 2 years later there would probably be some edits that I would make and of course I would probably view a few things and word a few things differently but the core views will still be there.
1. Continue to take care of your kid as if you were still in household.
2. Be cordial enough to get through the divorce in a timely manner. Dont be the roadblock that draws out your case because your pride and feelings are in the way of logic.
3. Don't put all your trust in lawyers because they are there to win for you but also there to make money.
If there is any helpful and relevant information that you would like to add from your own personal experiences then please do so because I'm personally tired of watching people around me put themselves through the ringer with divorces. The post was made from observations of all the real life events of people around me so like every other post, people need to pick and choose what is relevant to their own specific situation.
Fam, as true family lawyers will tell you every case is different and it really depends on the judge and how good or experience your lawyer is (getting a lawyer with 2 cases of family law versus 300 of crimmial law is not a good lawyer to have) and frankly how good you are or have been to her and or the child or children.
What I'm saying is you can get all the advice in the world and legal advice but it is still many factors that have a part in the outcome.
Getting a divorce with a newborn (OP) is a different situation than getting a divorce with 5 to 9 year old or no kids involved.
Heres some quick pointers...
1. mainly the judge is going to assign what they call a child evaluator, this child evaluator is really the key to your getting custody if kids are involved. And you have to approach them in a certain way respecting your soon-to-be ex-wife and the facts that make you a good father. Therefore, they're going to interview people that know you, they may or may not go into your home and inspect (if you moved out and I suggest you dont) and they are going to even evaluate your child with questions if they're old enough.
2. If you stay in a "one-party state" record everything and provide this information, if worthy, to the child evaluator. Also, emails and text messages sent that favor you.
There are many more factors like if you make more money than her or she makes more money than you techniques and things you can do but the first is to go to some dad's divorce fourms and google and really research and don't just rely on your attorney to give you help or information or even the best advise... remember the more conflict you have and the more it drags out the more money attys and courts make.
What I'm saying is you can get all the advice in the world and legal advice but it is still many factors that have a part in the outcome.
Getting a divorce with a newborn (OP) is a different situation than getting a divorce with 5 to 9 year old or no kids involved.
Heres some quick pointers...
1. mainly the judge is going to assign what they call a child evaluator, this child evaluator is really the key to your getting custody if kids are involved. And you have to approach them in a certain way respecting your soon-to-be ex-wife and the facts that make you a good father. Therefore, they're going to interview people that know you, they may or may not go into your home and inspect (if you moved out and I suggest you dont) and they are going to even evaluate your child with questions if they're old enough.
2. If you stay in a "one-party state" record everything and provide this information, if worthy, to the child evaluator. Also, emails and text messages sent that favor you.
There are many more factors like if you make more money than her or she makes more money than you techniques and things you can do but the first is to go to some dad's divorce fourms and google and really research and don't just rely on your attorney to give you help or information or even the best advise... remember the more conflict you have and the more it drags out the more money attys and courts make.
This right here? The divorce might be doing you a favor and saving you years of headache.
Damn I made this thread about 2 years ago... shit got worst, in some of the worst way...but we managed to get through it.
As of now were good. Not perfect but trending in the right direction. I owe a lot to you guys on this board. Not only for the advice but just for the support. That shit meant a lot.
My advice for anyone that may be thinking about going through a divorce, with kids involved...you may have to eat that shit. What I mean is that as a man, sometimes you just have to take the high road and say fuck it. Especially for your kids sake.
I can go into more detail. But if anyone is going through this shit you can hit me up.
I know
So you’re supposed to be miserable for the rest of your life because of the kids?
Do you FamSo you’re supposed to be miserable for the rest of your life because of the kids?
I will and you do you.
Also, kids can see unhappiness in parents. Having two obviously miserable people in a household as parent’s doesn’t make it better than two separate households of happy single parents.
But do you.
Glad that you made it work bro. I pray for the same result, but I'm also being real with myself that there is a strong chance my marriage will fail. My wife has put me through hell and back. I've tried talking and she refuses counseling. What makes matters worse is shes being super petty because both sides of the family side with me, and keep telling her shes on some fuck shit. My mother in law wants me to have the kids, because I always have them and take care of everything. She got rid of all of her friends that are married because they told her to grow up. Got a clique of new friends all 8 years younger than her ass single with no kids barely surviving. I feel like I'm stuck with a teenager right now. Shit may turn around, but I'm preparing for shit to go south real quick.
Eat shit in what way
Cause it’s not worth it for your kids to see their parents unhappy and miserable
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