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Going through a Divorce

Eclipse99

Eclipse99

Rising Star
Registered
Hey fellas,

Not sure if I need advice or just need to vent/clear my head. 8 days ago my wife decided that she wants to get a divorce after 1yr and 9 months. And on top of that, we just had our first son. I mean he is 10 fucking days old. Now we've been having problems but we had both agreed that we wouldnt discuss our marriage until our child is at least 3 months old.

But she just decided to call it quits. Im hurt mainly because of my son but then im kind of relieved. Im just fucking mad right now man. From a legal perspective she doesnt want a messy divorce, neither do I, but it looks like it may be headed that way. Ive already contacted my attorney but im just not sure how the judge view black men in a divorce especially with custody in GA.

Just seeing if any folks on this board have gone through a divorce and how did you cope with it. How did the custody hearing go? Do you hate your ex wife or are yall friends? And any legal/brotherly advice would be appreciated.

Thanks
 
Talk to her. Research postpartum depression. I got divorced probably when my son was 1-1.5 years old. She could be going through all kinds of emotional, psychological stuff. Chill, apologize, do whatever. Trust me. Take it from a man that would wake up crying because I missed my son so much. I have him for overnights every four days and every other weekend now but I lament all the time we've lost.

You will NOT get custody of your son.


N***A is you crazy?

No judge is taking a 10 day old baby from its mother nor a 10 year old baby. The circumstances would have to be monumental.
 
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papi68 said:
Talk to her. Research postpartum depression. I got divorced probably when my son was 1-1.5 years old. She could be going through all kinds of emotional, psychological stuff. Chill, apologize, do whatever. Trust me.
Click to expand...

I’m really hoping this is the case...that’s some cold shit to be plotting on a divorce as your child is born but a lot of these chics do it nowadays tho...almost like they was hanging in there just to hook a dude on child support smh...not saying that’s the case here but damn
 
rjohns23 said:
Ive already contacted my attorney but im just not sure how the judge view black men in a divorce especially with custody in GA.
Click to expand...
Is your wife black also?

Man,you should of just went through it when your son was young that way he wouldn't grow up being in the middle of you two's unhappiness,no since in being unhappy and I wish you the best of luck.
 
tumblr_ob74jfesuB1varum4o1_500.jpg
 
I agree with the Postpartum. Research ways to try and make her feel that you are in her corner every step of the way.

Also, you gotta think back throughout your relationship and ask yourself did you see any signs of her TRUE character. Maybe she does love you or maybe, like LSN mentioned, she did it to hook you on child support. That thinking back part is gonna hurt your ego and pride, but you gotta think back and see if you noticed anything about her that you may have brushed off cuz you were in love. If she has done mad shit for you that didn't benefit her other than to see you smile, then you may have a chance to charm your way out of postpartum and divorce. But if you can't think of at least 5 selfless (not selfish) things she has done for you, it's a good chance she may be out for your pockets.


Man, I'm not trying to be funny, but eat your Wheaties cuz you're in for one helluva emotional rollercoaster ride. Both from her AND you.

Find a couple of older, sensible guys that you respect or seem respectable and has been married. Talk to them and listen to their advice.


My funky ass $0.02
 
Unless there’s a clear reason to think she will endanger the Child, she will have custody. The good thing is that GA child support formula is quite ok for men these days if the woman is working too. If the child does not have any special needs, they will acess about 60 pct to you after they calculate the actual child support needed for the child.

Let her go and you can focus on the child.
 
what kind of problems are you having? What was the spark that made her want to file for divorce? you're basically in a brand new marriage w/ a newborn, the ink's not even dry on his birth certificate. How is her attitude/emotions after giving birth? maybe she's going through post partum depression? give it some time, maybe she will settle her emotions after a few weeks, y'all can have a logic discussion about your marriage then.

edit:

ok, I see of you already suggested post partum depression.
 
papi68 said:
Talk to her. Research postpartum depression. I got divorced probably when my son was 1-1.5 years old. She could be going through all kinds of emotional, psychological stuff. Chill, apologize, do whatever. Trust me. Take it from a man that would wake up crying because I missed my son so much. I have him for overnights every four days and every other weekend now but I lament all the time we've lost.

You will NOT get custody of your son.


N***A is you crazy?

No judge is taking a 10 day old baby from its mother nor a 10 year old baby. The circumstances would have to be monumental.
Click to expand...

Yea im not talking custody right now but when our child becomes of age in where he could spend the night at my house. I just want a little more than every other weekend, holidays, and a couple of weeks in the summer if thats even reasonable .
 
K. Hash said:
I agree with the Postpartum. Research ways to try and make her feel that you are in her corner every step of the way.

Also, you gotta think back throughout your relationship and ask yourself did you see any signs of her TRUE character. Maybe she does love you or maybe, like LSN mentioned, she did it to hook you on child support. That thinking back part is gonna hurt your ego and pride, but you gotta think back and see if you noticed anything about her that you may have brushed off cuz you were in love. If she has done mad shit for you that didn't benefit her other than to see you smile, then you may have a chance to charm your way out of postpartum and divorce. But if you can't think of at least 5 selfless (not selfish) things she has done for you, it's a good chance she may be out for your pockets.


Man, I'm not trying to be funny, but eat your Wheaties cuz you're in for one helluva emotional rollercoaster ride. Both from her AND you.

Find a couple of older, sensible guys that you respect or seem respectable and has been married. Talk to them and listen to their advice.


My funky ass $0.02
Click to expand...
C/s all of this
 
I don't have much new to add, but wanted to reiterate that she may be going through some post partum depression. See if she will hold off splitting up for a while or try a separation before deciding to divorce. My boy's wife went through that shit bad and they almost split up, but she snapped out of it and they are straight now. He was ready to say fuck it, but stuck it out and it was worth it. The problem is that you can't have productive or rational conversations if she has a mental issue. Keep that in mind.

If it is not any mental issue complicating your relationship, its going to require a lot of frank and uncomfortable talking. I suggest letting each other know what you want from the relationship and life in general and see if you can provide that and still be happy. Find your roles and play them.

I hope it works out for you bro.
 
Sorry to hear this. Agree with the others about post-partum. Make sure she's not dealing with that......

BUT, and I hate to be an asshole, but at this point, she's drawn a line in the sand (maybe with a pencil, but still), and you need to protect your assets. I'd IMMEDIATELY talk to an attorney get a will and trust setup for your son, and update your beneficiary for life insurance and any assets (cash, firearms, jewelry, equities) to go to the trust in the event something happens to you between now and when this gets resolved (divorce or reconciliation; if y'all make up you can aways undo it, though I'd still leave some to a trust for the kid, JMHO).

And once that's done, find a good counselor who can help you stay mentally sharp and not fall into depression. Got a homeboy who's wife left him and he's been fighting depression for 2 1/2 years now while she's off with another dude.
 
Must be something in the air I work with a cat thats been married for 41 yrs. They just got back from mexico and she hits him with divorce papers :smh:

She has a MAJOR gambling problem and basically is going after his retirement.

I feel for ya brotha rjohns23 and hope you can get thru this.

Also hate to be the one to ask but ...are you sure the baby is yours?
 
Mr. Del said:
what kind of problems are you having? What was the spark that made her want to file for divorce? you're basically in a brand new marriage w/ a newborn, the ink's not even dry on his birth certificate. How is her attitude/emotions after giving birth? maybe she's going through post partum depression? give it some time, maybe she will settle her emotions after a few weeks, y'all can have a logic discussion about your marriage then.

edit:

ok, I see of you already suggested post partum depression.
Click to expand...

Man I think theres some deep psychological problems with her. She was raised by a single mom and her mother was divorced 3 times! Most of the shit had to do with she was trying to compete with me in regard to how our household should run. We would argue about bullshit.

Yea her father mentioned to her that she may have postpartum and she got mad at him... Im willing to try and makw this shit work but Im not begging. We mentioned therapy but she said that there are some things she is not willing to change. In my experience, when someone says that I take their word on it.

Preciate all the feedback. Im a try and talk with her again tonight.
 
darth frosty said:
Must be something in the air I work with a cat thats been married for 41 yrs. They just got back from mexico and she hits him with divorce papers :smh:

She has a MAJOR gambling problem and basically is going after his retirement.

I feel for ya brotha rjohns23 and hope you can get thru this.

Also hate to be the one to ask but ...are you sure the baby is yours?
Click to expand...

Yea its mine. We did in vitro.
 
Sorry to hear.

I would add to depression wagon. But, also the brother that spoke on ill intention women. Ten days after birth is odd, usually they want to make sure you are going to be there.

I would suggest taking a break from each other, if you have family or a homie you can crash with for a month try that route.

Me and son moms just have an agreement. It is hard sometime but I don’t step on her toes and I see my son whenever. Usually have 3-5 days a week. There have been times I wanted to say wait I gotta pay for all school pics, uniforms, Party etc. But, honestly it’s worth it that when son gets older I’m able to say yo little bro your pops held shit down. Worth more then the bullshit that I would have had to deal with.


Hold your head BlackMan, put your gloves, timbs and all that on. If you making good money, make more lol. Also remember your son is most important piece in this, you will have to sacrifice EVERYTHING sometime.
 
Sorry to hear. I am divorced and speaking from experience. If you cannot reconcile, tell her that you want joint custody and want to be the child's life as much as possible. People underestimate how much a break is needed when raising your child alone. She may very well be going through post pardom but you want to stress joint custody. Judge def won't give you full but if you make a strong enough case, they may consider it possibly when the child is a little older. Mine was pretty amicable and we agreed to our own terms. Lawyer was paid by her to facilitate the divorce and his ass almost caught these hands trying to play me for a deadbeat when he knew nothing about me. Anyway, God bless my bro. You will need all the strength you can get.
 
bxclark said:
Sorry to hear. I am divorced and speaking from experience. If you cannot reconcile, tell her that you want joint custody and want to be the child's life as much as possible. People underestimate how much a break is needed when raising your child alone. She may very well be going through post pardom but you want to stress joint custody. Judge def won't give you full but if you make a strong enough case, they may consider it possibly when the child is a little older. Mine was pretty amicable and we agreed to our own terms. Lawyer was paid by her to facilitate the divorce and his ass almost caught these hands trying to play me for a deadbeat when he knew nothing about me. Anyway, God bless my bro. You will need all the strength you can get.
Click to expand...

Yea man I mentioned joint custody and she doesnt want that...smh. I understand right because our child is not even 1 month old but my suspicion is that its her mom. She wants to move back in with her mom. I seen the warning signs but this is one of those where the daughter is just not mentally ready to leave the nest. Im trying to be cool & calm because my main concern is my son.

Im 34 & a part of me just want to move on but man having a new born son is just making this situation difficult as hell.
 
rjohns23 said:
Man I think theres some deep psychological problems with her. She was raised by a single mom and her mother was divorced 3 times! Most of the shit had to do with she was trying to compete with me in regard to how our household should run. We would argue about bullshit.

Yea her father mentioned to her that she may have postpartum and she got mad at him... Im willing to try and makw this shit work but Im not begging. We mentioned therapy but she said that there are some things she is not willing to change. In my experience, when someone says that I take their word on it.

Preciate all the feedback. Im a try and talk with her again tonight.
Click to expand...
That competition shit is serious bro... I wasn't married but was engaged and I called it off with my ex who I was with for almost 6 years. She was was competitive and was overly emotional with shit other than using logic no matter how I broke things down to her. I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship but you gotta look into the future and see if you want to continue to deal with that or if she is serious about changing..
 
Last edited:
rjohns23 said:
Yea im not talking custody right now but when our child becomes of age in where he could spend the night at my house. I just want a little more than every other weekend, holidays, and a couple of weeks in the summer if thats even reasonable .
Click to expand...
I’m a NY attorney and I’m quite familiar with divorces. Jagu is a GA attorney. Hit me up BGOL style and I’ll hit you with the digits. I’ll try to help you get through this.

Man, we’ve got to look out for each other.
 
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