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Going through a Divorce

Wish you the best.

Been through a divorce but didn't have kids while married so I made a clean break.

Fuck my ex-wife. F.D.B. Wouldn't wanna sit across from her and have a fake "it's all good" conversation with her bitch ass.

Feel for ya, cuz of the kid. But now, realize the cookie cutter life and promised and maybe not even meant for everybody.

If it doesn't work out, you have the option of doing the very best for your son and otherwise being a free agent for the rest of your life, fucking hoes and...
.fucking hoes.

Hell, that's what I'll be doing if the current chick I'm with don't work out.

Chase money, hoes chase you. Rinse, repeat.
 
rjohns23 said:
Yea man I mentioned joint custody and she doesnt want that...smh. I understand right because our child is not even 1 month old but my suspicion is that its her mom. She wants to move back in with her mom. I seen the warning signs but this is one of those where the daughter is just not mentally ready to leave the nest. Im trying to be cool & calm because my main concern is my son.

Im 34 & a part of me just want to move on but man having a new born son is just making this situation difficult as hell.
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Man.. I had a similar situation with my third child. Almkst to the tee. Ive probably said to myslef a time or two that my ex needs to get her moms tit out her mouth and she was 35.

Thats tough bro. You gotta fight. Take off the gloves. Any info you have that can make her seem less than fit is fair play. No disrespect but a woman who is willing to take a father out of their child's life outside of safety for child or mother or the father being unfit is a rotten human being. Moving on with no custody will cost you.. big. Show proof of how fit you are and your desire to be in your child's life. It still may not work out in your favor but fight.
 
rjohns23 said:
Man I think theres some deep psychological problems with her. She was raised by a single mom and her mother was divorced 3 times! Most of the shit had to do with she was trying to compete with me in regard to how our household should run. We would argue about bullshit.

Yea her father mentioned to her that she may have postpartum and she got mad at him... Im willing to try and makw this shit work but Im not begging. We mentioned therapy but she said that there are some things she is not willing to change. In my experience, when someone says that I take their word on it.

Preciate all the feedback. Im a try and talk with her again tonight.
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I've dealt with a few women with childhood issues, and I just couldn't build a relationship with them. They're far too gone mentally, it's impossible to reason with them.

I don't want to make assumptions on your relationship, but I can't help but to wonder if the both of you didn't discuss how to "run the household" before you got married? Like setting boundaries, establish responsibilities, etc. Or did she back pedal and decide out the blue that she wants to do things her way?

Whatever happens, don't be aggressive or disrespectful, and definitely don't sign/agree to anything until she's in the right frame of mind to have a sensible discussion. Can't let one emotional episode derail your relationship, especially if you really want to make it work. All the best man.
 
LSN said:
I’ve heard of chics bailing out around the time a baby a year or so but 10 days tho? damn...dude is strong man...my nerves ain’t good...I would’ve flipped hard by now
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This is the craziest divorce I've heard concerning how old the baby is. Be strong man, the human mind can get through anything!!!
 
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LSN said:
I’ve heard of chics bailing out around the time a baby a year or so but 10 days tho? damn...dude is strong man...my nerves ain’t good...I would’ve flipped hard by now
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papi68 said:
I’m a NY attorney and I’m quite familiar with divorces. Jagu is a GA attorney. Hit me up BGOL style and I’ll hit you with the digits. I’ll try to help you get through this.

Man, we’ve got to look out for each other.
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Man everytime I look at her I want to just.... but I got to be more mature than that.

Ill definetly hit you up. Preciate that.
 
white woman huh? she hit you with the emotional stress crap. hehehehe. they never fail. she would still try to be friends with you during n after the divorce is finalized. save your money and fire your lawyer. you would need it for child support payments. u add legal fees to child support and it will slow down your life for 10 years minimum.

i have never married a white woman before but they are my favorite side chicks and for an African male, i have them fully studied. go incognito and don't fight anything. ask for the court to give you what the state law stipulates for a responsible father.

she is prolly from a dysfunctional family and is copying the playbook. make no mistakes. she wants money. fuck that depression excuse. I have seen this play out with my friends in the Army for decades. cut your losses. you shall thank me. get ahead of all the emotional crap you may be feeling. start fucking bitches casually while you go through this shit. do not put your life on hold. Been there, done that. Engaged 3x. Married 2x.
 
jokekofi said:
white woman huh? she hit you with the emotional stress crap. hehehehe. they never fail. she would still try to be friends with you during n after the divorce is finalized. save your money and fire your lawyer. you would need it for child support payments. u add legal fees to child support and it will slow down your life for 10 years minimum.

i have never married a white woman before but they are my favorite side chicks and for an African male, i have them fully studied. go incognito and don't fight anything. ask for the court to give you what the state law stipulates for a responsible father.

she is prolly from a dysfunctional family and is copying the playbook. make no mistakes. she wants money. fuck that depression excuse. I have seen this play out with my friends in the Army for decades. cut your losses. you shall thank me. get ahead of all the emotional crap you may be feeling. start fucking bitches casually while you go through this shit. do not put your life on hold. Been there, done that. Engaged 3x. Married 2x.
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Naw she's black. And yea she's from a dysfunctional family. You might be right about some of this shit. Her ass is already talking about child support.
 
papi68 said:
Talk to her. Research postpartum depression. I got divorced probably when my son was 1-1.5 years old. She could be going through all kinds of emotional, psychological stuff. Chill, apologize, do whatever. Trust me. Take it from a man that would wake up crying because I missed my son so much. I have him for overnights every four days and every other weekend now but I lament all the time we've lost.

You will NOT get custody of your son.


N***A is you crazy?

No judge is taking a 10 day old baby from its mother nor a 10 year old baby. The circumstances would have to be monumental.
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This here. If at all humanly possible, try to work through the first trimester. Give her some info about post partum depression,ask her what the problems are,promise to work on them,and if remotely credible,work on them. While the child is an infant,that is the bonding years and the years it most physically needs his mother. If you divorce now, she will get majority custody. Even if miserable,try and stretch it out at least a year so you are established in the child's life. The longer you do this, the better pattern you establish. If you do that, you can get 50/50.

I'm sorry to read, though man. My Son's mother and I broke up after a decade long relationship when my son was 2. It was rough,her family was on BS,my family was instigating,and we took it to court. Personally I just wanted 50/50 and didn't really put much thought into the money aspect. I got 50/50 and the support amount is fair.afyer we split,it was real hard on my son going from house to house, but things are great now. He has an equally strong relationship with us both. His mom and I get along well, even though we had a hiccup when I got into a new relationship. Things will be hell for a while, but afterwards you will be happier than you are now. A toxic relationship kills you slow and once you move on, you will feel much better. That said, string it out a bit and actually work on any credible complaints she has about you. You will get through this and hit me if you have any specific questions.
 
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Osca Lee said:
I will comment tomorrow and tell you how to win your divorce
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?

rjohns23 said:
Naw she's black. And yea she's from a dysfunctional family. You might be right about some of this shit. Her ass is already talking about child support.
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He “Really” wanted her to be white.
 
rjohns23 said:
Naw she's black. And yea she's from a dysfunctional family. You might be right about some of this shit. Her ass is already talking about child support.
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I could have swore it was a white woman. Damn. Well she prolly wants to go date a loser she has known for years. The truth shall come to light. Enjoy the chaos and do not get too involved in alcohol. Enjoy your time with your baby. I carried my son on my back, literally, in Brooklyn and now he is a tall kid in business school. It is a fulfilling job.My son does music videos for me now. I was young, broke and crazy beyond belief. I threatened to kill her and run to Africa if she ever stood between me and my son. She gave me back my son even though the courts gave custody to her. She was fucking with this dude with 14 kids under his belt. It failed in less than 4 years. Well i am a happy man now. Be calm and strong and calculating. Stay out of trouble with the law.
 
papi68 said:
Talk to her. Research postpartum depression. I got divorced probably when my son was 1-1.5 years old. She could be going through all kinds of emotional, psychological stuff. Chill, apologize, do whatever. Trust me. Take it from a man that would wake up crying because I missed my son so much. I have him for overnights every four days and every other weekend now but I lament all the time we've lost.

You will NOT get custody of your son.


N***A is you crazy?

No judge is taking a 10 day old baby from its mother nor a 10 year old baby. The circumstances would have to be monumental.
Click to expand...
That's what it sounds like
 
My wife and I separated in 2005. Both of us had lawyer' trying to push us into a messy divorce. So instead we decided to handle things ourselves. Made our own child support agreement, did our own property divisions and agreed not to file for divorce until one of us was ready to remarry.

We finally made it official in 2010. I married my second wife 3 months later. At that point divorce was easy as buying a "kit" at the bookstore and filing the papers. The clerk even helped us do it.

See if you can get your wife to go along with something like that
 
Man as a married man with a 1 year old who will be 2 soon......my wife went crazy on me. We couldn't talk about the simplest shit without her getting upset. In her eyes I was the enemy which she flat out told me when our son was 6 months. She blamed me for every wrong in the world. I refused to argue with her which made things worst,

I felt like the end was near for us, but I played it cool and just focused on doing things I love to do for a minute while providing. Luckily my wife snapped back and we had a real long talk about how the last 1.5 years has gone. Shit felt so hopeless so I truly feel for you. My wife was truly on some death do us part shit in my case. Ultimately do what you got to do to secure you and yours. I'm pulling for you.
 
if she wants a divorce, it you may hurt now, but be strong and move forward in a positive way. you dont want to be with a woman who doesnt want to be with you. you dont need her; you should be happy. lesson learned.
in regards to your son, as long as you have a decent job, you should be granted joint custody. you can represent yourself in family court, but if you are unsure of your ability to represent yourself, get a lawyer.
lastly, when you get joint custody, make sure you see your child EVERY visit. dont miss your weekends, holidays and weeks during the summer. there is a good chance your wife and family will try to make you out as the villian; the best way to beat that is to stay consistent with your son and stay active in his life. get joint custody and dont give up an inch of your time.
 
^SpiderMan^ said:
This here. If at all humanly possible, try to work through the first trimester. Give her some info about post partum depression,ask her what the problems are,promise to work on them,and if remotely credible,work on them. While the child is an infant,that is the bonding years and the years it most physically needs his mother. If you divorce now, she will get majority custody. Even if miserable,try and stretch it out at least a year so you are established in the child's life. The longer you do this, the better pattern you establish. If you do that, you can get 50/50.

I'm sorry to read, though man. My Son's mother and I broke up after a decade long relationship when my son was 2. It was rough,her family was on BS,my family was instigating,and we took it to court. Personally I just wanted 50/50 and didn't really put much thought into the money aspect. I got 50/50 and the support amount is fair.afyer we split,it was real hard on my son going from house to house, but things are great now. He has an equally strong relationship with us both. His mom and I get along well, even though we had a hiccup when I got into a new relationship. Things will be hell for a while, but afterwards you will be happier than you are now. A toxic relationship kills you slow and once you move on, you will feel much better. That said, string it out a bit and actually work on any credible complaints she has about you. You will get through this and hit me if you have any specific questions.
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Thanks bro. Ill talk to her about the postpartum. Right now shes hell spent that she is thinking logically. In other words she wants to end it now as oppossed to her thinking it can get better. As of now, she doesnt even think we can get over this.
 
fourthstbully said:
if she wants a divorce, it you may hurt now, but be strong and move forward in a positive way. you dont want to be with a woman who doesnt want to be with you. you dont need her; you should be happy. lesson learned.
in regards to your son, as long as you have a decent job, you should be granted joint custody. you can represent yourself in family court, but if you are unsure of your ability to represent yourself, get a lawyer.
lastly, when you get joint custody, make sure you see your child EVERY visit. dont miss your weekends, holidays and weeks during the summer. there is a good chance your wife and family will try to make you out as the villian; the best way to beat that is to stay consistent with your son and stay active in his life. get joint custody and dont give up an inch of your time.
Click to expand...

This shit is all new to me. So Joint custody just means I get to see my son but it doesnt mean we share equal number of days? ...Im assuming thats what 50/50 is in where its 365 divided by 2.

Youre right. I think it hurts now because like most of us, we strive to be good men especially family men. Not to say we are perfect but at least we try to do whats right.
 
@rjohns23

like has been stated numerous time post partum is REAL...

therapy would help IMMENSELY.

Do WHATEVER you can to stay with your son

Humble yourself.

Be the father you are and WANT to be and the one your baby DESERVES

and doing that will lead you to be the friend partner and husband...the best possible

And asking for help and guidance?

Proves you a good man with a good heart.

Its ALWAYS outside forces who screw with your life...I'm NOT saying your wife is innocent

but negative energy KNOWS when to attack

and she was vulnerable mentally and physically and emotionally...

and THAT is when negativity strikes. (BEEN THERE)

Try your BEST with the mother...

NO loving mother would guide their child to a broken home.

So you KNOW what you dealing with...do what you can.

Just FOCUS on the endgame

your family your wife and MOST importantly your child

sadly the DNA test is a must

sorry fam
 
rjohns23 said:
This shit is all new to me. So Joint custody just means I get to see my son but it doesnt mean we share equal number of days? ...Im assuming thats what 50/50 is in where its 365 divided by 2.

Youre right. I think it hurts now because like most of us, we strive to be good men especially family men. Not to say we are perfect but at least we try to do whats right.
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joint custody gives you legal protection and rights as the child's father. the amount of time awarded by the judge will depend on how close you live to him. i was on the east coast, my son was on the west coast. i had joint custody, but i didnt have 50/50, i had every other holiday and weeks during the summer. if me and his mom lived in the same city, i am sure i would have had more time, weekends etc.
i have never been married, but i have had a woman that i loved flip on me. i know that shit can be devastating, but hopefully you see, alot of men go thru it, and come out way, way stronger. my sincere advice is, forget about the woman as fast as you can. you cant make a person love you or want to be with you. but your son, i am telling you, stay on top of EVERY visit. because if/when you dont, that shit can and will be used against you. when your wife makes plans with the kid on your time, you better make sure she balances out any lost time you had. and if it is a constant issue, take her ass back to court to notify the judge.
i used to let my sons mother play games with my time. i thought i was making things easier for everyone, in the end, i am the one who got jerked. if i had it to do all over, i wouldnt give up any of my visitation time. i hope you get situated soon. stay strong and you will come out fine. congrats on your son; be a good father.
 
rjohns23 said:
This shit is all new to me. So Joint custody just means I get to see my son but it doesnt mean we share equal number of days? ...Im assuming thats what 50/50 is in where its 365 divided by 2.

Youre right. I think it hurts now because like most of us, we strive to be good men especially family men. Not to say we are perfect but at least we try to do whats right.
Click to expand...

better example is that when i was determined to be my son's father by a dna test, the mother took me to court for child support ONLY. being that i was the father, i filed a request for joint custody. so when we went to court, she got awarded monthly child support, but i got awarded visitation. if i had not filed for joint custody, legally, i didnt have any visitation rights; i only had an obligation to pay child support.
 
rjohns23 said:
Yea man I mentioned joint custody and she doesnt want that...smh. I understand right because our child is not even 1 month old but my suspicion is that its her mom. She wants to move back in with her mom. I seen the warning signs but this is one of those where the daughter is just not mentally ready to leave the nest. Im trying to be cool & calm because my main concern is my son.

Im 34 & a part of me just want to move on but man having a new born son is just making this situation difficult as hell.
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If you can comfortably hold down the home financially ask her whether she needs time to think about this and suggest she stays by her mother's place for a while, hopefully after time she will come to her senses.She needs to see other couples with their children in a loving family in order to snap out of it.
 
rage said:
If you can comfortably hold down the home financially ask her whether she needs time to think about this and suggest she stays by her mother's place for a while, hopefully after time she will come to her senses.She needs to see other couples with their children in a loving family in order to snap out of it.
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...only if she has half a decency about her...these young ppl are just different today...shit is sad man
 
rjohns23 said:
Hey fellas,

Not sure if I need advice or just need to vent/clear my head. 8 days ago my wife decided that she wants to get a divorce after 1yr and 9 months. And on top of that, we just had our first son. I mean he is 10 fucking days old. Now we've been having problems but we had both agreed that we wouldnt discuss our marriage until our child is at least 3 months old.

But she just decided to call it quits. Im hurt mainly because of my son but then im kind of relieved. Im just fucking mad right now man. From a legal perspective she doesnt want a messy divorce, neither do I, but it looks like it may be headed that way. Ive already contacted my attorney but im just not sure how the judge view black men in a divorce especially with custody in GA.

Just seeing if any folks on this board have gone through a divorce and how did you cope with it. How did the custody hearing go? Do you hate your ex wife or are yall friends? And any legal/brotherly advice would be appreciated.

Thanks
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I reread your post. I thought I read it correctly earlier but didn't want to get too deep into it.

Many are mentioning "Postpartum Depression". Based on the number of days and dates you provided, I don't believe that's the issue. "Postpartum" means "After" the birth. You stated your wife decided 8 days ago that she wanted a divorce and that currently your son is only 10 days old.

That would make him 2 days old when she mentioned a divorce. Before that, you were having problems and you both agreed not to speak about a divorce until your son was 3 months old.

What I'm getting at as you probably know, it's most likely not "Postpartum Depression". It's just a situation of a relationship not working out.

We all want to have two parent households but some times it doesn't work out, just do your best to co-parent because that's what it looks like the future holds.

I know it's hard now, but it's better to end early than to be a relationship filled with unhappiness for many years to come.
 
man, sorry that's happening to you. but nobody has said anything yet about the initial cost. i know a dude out here in SoCal that is going through a separation/divorce. his attorney required a $5,400 retainer up front. then is charging $375 per hour if the retainer gets used up. her assistant gets $75 per hour. dude didn't want a divorce and tried marriage counseling, sleeping in separate rooms, giving his wife space, etc., but she was really playing his azz out imo. the crazy part is she's a doctor and makes way more money than him and they were married over 10 years.

so that means dude is entitled to unlimited alimony and a portion of her retirement funds. last it was brought up dude said he's hoping for 40% of her paycheck each pay period. and she'll have to pay him until he gets remarried, which he probably won't do anytime soon so she's probably looking at decades of paying that alimony.

i don't know your financial situation or the divorce laws in GA but divorce lawyers are no joke. there are also people who act like impartial parties for couples looking to save money on a divorce and are divorce mediators. you may want to consider that if your wife is just determined to call it quits and get a divorce.
 
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