Going through a Divorce

[Eclipse99]

I reread your post. I thought I read it correctly earlier but didn't want to get too deep into it.

Many are mentioning "Postpartum Depression". Based on the number of days and dates you provided, I don't believe that's the issue. "Postpartum" means "After" the birth. You stated your wife decided 8 days ago that she wanted a divorce and that currently your son is only 10 days old.

That would make him 2 days old when she mentioned a divorce. Before that, you were having problems and you both agreed not to speak about a divorce until your son was 3 months old.

What I'm getting at as you probably know, it's most likely not "Postpartum Depression". It's just a situation of a relationship not working out.

We all want to have two parent households but some times it doesn't work out, just do your best to co-parent because that's what it looks like the future holds.

I know it's hard now, but it's better to end early than to be a relationship filled with unhappiness for many years to come.

Yea this is what Im getting at. We were having problems but nothing really serious. No infedelity, no physical abuse, and we are doing well financially. We would just argue about things because our personalities are different... but shit started to go to the worst when we found out we were having a boy.

I might be crazy but it was like she didnt want our son to grow up like me or for me to teach him how to be a man. This goes back to that competition thing. We would fucking argue about how we will raise our son. Instead looking at whats the best options for him, she would scowl at it because "I" suggested it.

The more I think about it, the more Im realizing that it may be better off that we are not together. It bothers me because for the last 4 years (including the years we dated) all Ive been doing is making future plans for us... Im no where near perfect, I got flaws as well but Im willing to work on myself to improve. Her thinking is that I need to accept who she is (flaws and all) & that she doesnt need to improve unless she wants to...its crazy man.

 

[Eclipse99]

man, sorry that's happening to you. but nobody has said anything yet about the initial cost. i know a dude out here in SoCal that is going through a separation/divorce. his attorney required a $5,400 retainer up front. then is charging $375 per hour if the retainer gets used up. her assistant gets $75 per hour. dude didn't want a divorce and tried marriage counseling, sleeping in separate rooms, giving his wife space, etc., but she was really playing his azz out imo. the crazy part is she's a doctor and makes way more money than him and they were married over 10 years.

so that means dude is entitled to unlimited alimony and a portion of her retirement funds. last it was brought up dude said he's hoping for 40% of her paycheck each pay period. and she'll have to pay him until he gets remarried, which he probably won't do anytime soon so she's probably looking at decades of paying that alimony.

i don't know your financial situation or the divorce laws in GA but divorce lawyers are no joke. there are also people who act like impartial parties for couples looking to save money on a divorce and are divorce mediators. you may want to consider that if your wife is just determined to call it quits and get a divorce.

Yep. She spoke with a lawyer and he filled her head up with so much bullshit its ridiculous. Im telling her that since weve been married a short time that a no-contest divorce would be easy for the both of us. Especially cost wise... plus she is the one that said she doesnt want a messy divorce. Im trying to tell her, that the more messy the divorce the more money in the lawyers pockets.

 

[p5ych3]

Yep. She spoke with a lawyer and he filled her head up with so much bullshit its ridiculous. Im telling her that since weve been married a short time that a no-contest divorce would be easy for the both of us. Especially cost wise... plus she is the one that said she doesnt want a messy divorce. Im trying to tell her, that the more messy the divorce the more money in the lawyers pockets.

goes back to what you said about her always fighting you. even when the best option is being laid out, because its coming from you she's going to fight it.

sad situation. hope the best for all involved.

 

[Mrfreddygoodbud]

Yea this is what Im getting at. We were having problems but nothing really serious. No infedelity, no physical abuse, and we are doing well financially. We would just argue about things because our personalities are different... but shit started to go to the worst when we found out we were having a boy.

I might be crazy but it was like she didnt want our son to grow up like me or for me to teach him how to be a man. This goes back to that competition thing. We would fucking argue about how we will raise our son. Instead looking at whats the best options for him, she would scowl at it because "I" suggested it.

The more I think about it, the more Im realizing that it may be better off that we are not together. It bothers me because for the last 4 years (including the years we dated) all Ive been doing is making future plans for us... Im no where near perfect, I got flaws as well but Im willing to work on myself to improve. Her thinking is that I need to accept who she is (flaws and all) & that she doesnt need to improve unless she wants to...its crazy man.

is she religious??

a few month back a work associate was talking about how

his ex wife divorced him because he wouldnt go to church every sunday, and he didnt find this out till years later...

back before the divorce became final

when he asked her whats the reason she wanted a divorce she just kept saying its just not workin out...

from the little bit you sayin, it sounds like her parents sheltered her and she is going back under that shelter...

doesnt sound like she if capable of having a mature relationship..

if she cant overcome the many disagreements that come with a relationship and doesnt have the ability to or is unwilling to
compromise, you couldve married and had a child

with a spoiled brat..

 

[ballscout1]

SMDH all these cats talking about paying your support, try and have a good relationship, blah blah blah.

Don't put the cart before the horse

Problems before the birth, divorce request within a month of the birth.

Swab your mouth Swab the babies mouth.

 

[A to Dah K]

Yea man I mentioned joint custody and she doesnt want that...smh. I understand right because our child is not even 1 month old but my suspicion is that its her mom. She wants to move back in with her mom. I seen the warning signs but this is one of those where the daughter is just not mentally ready to leave the nest. Im trying to be cool & calm because my main concern is my son.

Im 34 & a part of me just want to move on but man having a new born son is just making this situation difficult as hell.

How old is she?

 

[playahaitian]

Yea this is what Im getting at. We were having problems but nothing really serious. No infedelity, no physical abuse, and we are doing well financially. We would just argue about things because our personalities are different... but shit started to go to the worst when we found out we were having a boy.

I might be crazy but it was like she didnt want our son to grow up like me or for me to teach him how to be a man. This goes back to that competition thing. We would fucking argue about how we will raise our son. Instead looking at whats the best options for him, she would scowl at it because "I" suggested it.

The more I think about it, the more Im realizing that it may be better off that we are not together. It bothers me because for the last 4 years (including the years we dated) all Ive been doing is making future plans for us... Im no where near perfect, I got flaws as well but Im willing to work on myself to improve. Her thinking is that I need to accept who she is (flaws and all) & that she doesnt need to improve unless she wants to...its crazy man.

Whoa...

That is a serious breakdown.

After reading that I think it's best to remain cordial with her and the family and be real smart and end this amicably.

Take a very long serious look at the legal options suggested in this thread especially the more affordable ones.

Still hope you all can work this out...

But a safe cordial Co parenting is just as positive.

 

[Adam Knows]

Talk to her. Research postpartum depression. I got divorced probably when my son was 1-1.5 years old. She could be going through all kinds of emotional, psychological stuff. Chill, apologize, do whatever. Trust me. Take it from a man that would wake up crying because I missed my son so much. I have him for overnights every four days and every other weekend now but I lament all the time we've lost.

You will NOT get custody of your son.


N***A is you crazy?

No judge is taking a 10 day old baby from its mother nor a 10 year old baby. The circumstances would have to be monumental.

damn every four days? georgia courts are treacherous. i had mine basically every day. my ex even said fuck the courts on child support and any time of "allotted time" i'd pick mine up from school and keep them in the evenings til close to bedtime or unless they had something to do. i'd keep them saturday she'd keep them sunday since they were doing the church thing. courts are fucked up........

 

[Eclipse99]

SMDH all these cats talking about paying your support, try and have a good relationship, blah blah blah.

Don't put the cart before the horse

Problems before the birth, divorce request within a month of the birth.

Swab your mouth Swab the babies mouth.

I feel ya but we did in vitro. She couldnt have a natural birth.

 

[Eclipse99]

How old is she?

31

 

[Eclipse99]

is she religious??

a few month back a work associate was talking about how

his ex wife divorced him because he wouldnt go to church every sunday, and he didnt find this out till years later...

back before the divorce became final

when he asked her whats the reason she wanted a divorce she just kept saying its just not workin out...

from the little bit you sayin, it sounds like her parents sheltered her and she is going back under that shelter...

doesnt sound like she if capable of having a mature relationship..

if she cant overcome the many disagreements that come with a relationship and doesnt have the ability to or is unwilling to
compromise, you couldve married and had a child

with a spoiled brat..

Not religious but I did marry a child. Shes the baby of the family & even her mother told her shes not ready for marriage. I understand being close to your mom but when you get married I assumed that your spouse comes first... we would argue if she felt that I didnt interact with her mom they way she wanted me too smh.

But as a man, I have to own up to the fact that I married her & should of seen all this from the beginning.... I told her that her natural state is right next to her mother & she didnt disagree.

 

[Mrfreddygoodbud]

Not religious but I did marry a child. Shes the baby of the family & even her mother told her shes not ready for marriage. I understand being close to your mom but when you get married I assumed that your spouse comes first... we would argue if she felt that I didnt interact with her mom they way she wanted me too smh.

But as a man, I have to own up to the fact that I married her & should of seen all this from the beginning.... I told her that her natural state is right next to her mother & she didnt disagree.

yea just from the little you stated she had spoiled brat written all over her..

she needs a dude that willing to play marriage under her parents roof.. not actually work on a real marriage and becoming one..

bruh just do your best to be real friendly with her avoid arguments, no matter how much she tries to blame it on you,

just say ok maybe you are right... work out all the legalities and when you have everything straighten out on paper just do you..

and dont sleep... you could get some damn good legal advice up in here....

you need to p.m Papi ..dont sleep he will steer you in the right direction..

trust me you dodged a bullet, sure you may have to go through a divorce and there is a child involved..

but you found out early and didnt go through years of suffering and torment of being with someone that is not happy...

and fools waste lifetimes tryin to make someone happy, fuck that everyone is responsible for whatever joy they want out of life..

and at least you got time to enjoy your life...

an ol g was playin dominoes and I overheard him tell his homies..

how he was married for forty years... and one day his wife woke up looked him in the face and just said..

I dont love you anymore...

he talked about all the coochie he passed up, all the fun he couldve had.. just to have the lady he thought will be with him to the end, tell him that..

dont be that guy!

 

[cnc]

Yep. She spoke with a lawyer and he filled her head up with so much bullshit its ridiculous. Im telling her that since weve been married a short time that a no-contest divorce would be easy for the both of us. Especially cost wise... plus she is the one that said she doesnt want a messy divorce. Im trying to tell her, that the more messy the divorce the more money in the lawyers pockets.

Damn.

Based on this, reconciliation is likely out the door.

You don’t pump fake on shit like divorcing; too much at stake from a financial, emotional and human capital standpoint. Engage in peaceful conversation about how to wind it down ambically and in the best interest of your kid, but also have a war plan. And do NOT go it alone; she may try to give you that “we can do this without lawyers and costs” line; don’t take the bait. Too much at stake to not have professional counsel on your side; trust me; she will.

 

[veritech]

Not religious but I did marry a child. Shes the baby of the family & even her mother told her shes not ready for marriage. I understand being close to your mom but when you get married I assumed that your spouse comes first... we would argue if she felt that I didnt interact with her mom they way she wanted me too smh.

But as a man, I have to own up to the fact that I married her & should of seen all this from the beginning.... I told her that her natural state is right next to her mother & she didnt disagree.

i am dealing with the same bullshit right now. not married but time to cut my losses. she stays up under her mother's dress and it is infuriating.

 

[Mrfreddygoodbud]

i am dealing with the same bullshit right now. not married but time to cut my losses. she stays up under her mother's dress and it is infuriating.

thats just gonna get worse.

once someone reveals who they are you need to act accordingly.

fuck all that tryin to change a person or hopin things turn

out for the best.. that goes for dudes and chicks...

I know a few chicks that fuck with dudes who are still on their player shit.. thinkin one day they are gonna change...

and I just tell em, people are gonna be who they are, not what you want them to be..

and leave that shit at that.... aint my life aint my problem

 

[Osca Lee]

Whats up bro...look..imma keep it real with you.

2 or 3 years down the road your going to find out the real truth about her and everything she has been doing. Your a young man and just getting started in life and already dealing with emotional abuse on a level no young brother your age should have to deal with. I can see from your replies you really love this young woman and your child. That is very honorable and i respect that but here is the deal.

The colorable court system dont give a fuck about any of that. Pull yourself together and get out of that moral state of mind cause if she puts you on child support them mfs will be in your life forever and they will fuck it up.

File for the divorce yourself and structure it you realized the marriage license didnt have the full disclosure of what it really represent and now you understand it is a contract with the state to make money off you...that alone makes it void. Look up ucc contract laws..they are international laws that all corporations have to abide by. The State of Georgia is a corporation. Child support is a corporation operating illegally..the supreme court alreasy ruled it is so have your shit together when she file and challenge them on authority.

You must move on...dont sit here and listen to these mfs tell you to work things out and reason with her cause its not going to work.

Your heart is good and in the right place. Hit me up im the pm if you need me to break it down some moor.

 

[Osca Lee]

i am dealing with the same bullshit right now. not married but time to cut my losses. she stays up under her mother's dress and it is infuriating.

Save yourself

 

[Osca Lee]

Damn.

Based on this, reconciliation is likely out the door.

You don’t pump fake on shit like divorcing; too much at stake from a financial, emotional and human capital standpoint. Engage in peaceful conversation about how to wind it down ambically and in the best interest of your kid, but also have a war plan. And do NOT go it alone; she may try to give you that “we can do this without lawyers and costs” line; don’t take the bait. Too much at stake to not have professional counsel on your side; trust me; she will.

You do know attorneys are officers of the court right?

If he hires one that gives the family courts automatic jurisdiction and he is considered a ward of the court....in other words the fake courts will see him as ignorant with no rights.

 

[Osca Lee]

yea just from the little you stated she had spoiled brat written all over her..

she needs a dude that willing to play marriage under her parents roof.. not actually work on a real marriage and becoming one..

bruh just do your best to be real friendly with her avoid arguments, no matter how much she tries to blame it on you,

just say ok maybe you are right... work out all the legalities and when you have everything straighten out on paper just do you..

and dont sleep... you could get some damn good legal advice up in here....

you need to p.m Papi ..dont sleep he will steer you in the right direction..

trust me you dodged a bullet, sure you may have to go through a divorce and there is a child involved..

but you found out early and didnt go through years of suffering and torment of being with someone that is not happy...

and fools waste lifetimes tryin to make someone happy, fuck that everyone is responsible for whatever joy they want out of life..

and at least you got time to enjoy your life...

an ol g was playin dominoes and I overheard him tell his homies..

how he was married for forty years... and one day his wife woke up looked him in the face and just said..

I dont love you anymore...

he talked about all the coochie he passed up, all the fun he couldve had.. just to have the lady he thought will be with him to the end, tell him that..

dont be that guy!

Yeah i want to hear what papi have to say?

 

[Eclipse99]

Whats up bro...look..imma keep it real with you.

2 or 3 years down the road your going to find out the real truth about her and everything she has been doing. Your a young man and just getting started in life and already dealing with emotional abuse on a level no young brother your age should have to deal with. I can see from your replies you really love this young woman and your child. That is very honorable and i respect that but here is the deal.

The colorable court system dont give a fuck about any of that. Pull yourself together and get out of that moral state of mind cause if she puts you on child support them mfs will be in your life forever and they will fuck it up.

File for the divorce yourself and structure it you realized the marriage license didnt have the full disclosure of what it really represent and now you understand it is a contract with the state to make money off you...that alone makes it void. Look up ucc contract laws..they are international laws that all corporations have to abide by. The State of Georgia is a corporation. Child support is a corporation operating illegally..the supreme court alreasy ruled it is so have your shit together when she file and challenge them on authority.

You must move on...dont sit here and listen to these mfs tell you to work things out and reason with her cause its not going to work.

Your heart is good and in the right place. Hit me up im the pm if you need me to break it down some moor.

Thanks for the info bro.

 

[kirkout]

If you love her deeply do everything you can to save your marriage. Don’t let your ego get involved. If you still love her and you still want to be married go get a good marriage counselor. Typically, a good marriage counselor would provide counseling like this: The both of you go see the counselor first. You guy will do a survey to see if the marriage is worth saving. If it is, then she will see the counselor the next week by herself. Then the following week you will see the counselor by yourself. Then finally on the fourth week you both will start attending the sessions together. This is the only true way of doing marriage counseling. There are things spouses will not say in front of the other. Those are things that need to be said during weeks 2 and 3 when y’all go separate from one another. Anyway, good luck.

 

[Joe Grind]

Whats up bro...look..imma keep it real with you.

2 or 3 years down the road your going to find out the real truth about her and everything she has been doing. Your a young man and just getting started in life and already dealing with emotional abuse on a level no young brother your age should have to deal with. I can see from your replies you really love this young woman and your child. That is very honorable and i respect that but here is the deal.

The colorable court system dont give a fuck about any of that. Pull yourself together and get out of that moral state of mind cause if she puts you on child support them mfs will be in your life forever and they will fuck it up.

File for the divorce yourself and structure it you realized the marriage license didnt have the full disclosure of what it really represent and now you understand it is a contract with the state to make money off you...that alone makes it void. Look up ucc contract laws..they are international laws that all corporations have to abide by. The State of Georgia is a corporation. Child support is a corporation operating illegally..the supreme court alreasy ruled it is so have your shit together when she file and challenge them on authority.

You must move on...dont sit here and listen to these mfs tell you to work things out and reason with her cause its not going to work.

Your heart is good and in the right place. Hit me up im the pm if you need me to break it down some moor.

He is speaking truth, I knew a lot of the shit my ex wife was doing behind my back when were together but I found out even more after the divorce....
I remember talking with my lawyer and he said the same thing about emotional abuse.

I do hope it works out for you, but
I can’t speak too much about the laws but if she hasn’t filed yet, you should do it first and try to take some control of the situation.

 

[Mrfreddygoodbud]

Oh yea a d I want to say she is young and people do change but waiting for that is only worth it if you really love her and are willing to go through the roller coaster ride...

The key is while you are contemplating don't

Let your self go get into some heavy cardio

Long distance running is great for clearing your mind and shaking off negative energy

And just step your game up...

Keep yourself looking tight and good

You would be shocked what a difference thats

Is gonna make

 

[Osca Lee]

If you love her deeply do everything you can to save your marriage. Don’t let your ego get involved. If you still love her and you still want to be married go get a good marriage counselor. Typically, a good marriage counselor would provide counseling like this: The both of you go see the counselor first. You guy will do a survey to see if the marriage is worth saving. If it is, then she will see the counselor the next week by herself. Then the following week you will see the counselor by yourself. Then finally on the fourth week you both will start attending the sessions together. This is the only true way of doing marriage counseling. There are things spouses will not say in front of the other. Those are things that need to be said during weeks 2 and 3 when y’all go separate from one another. Anyway, good luck.

If your communication is so broken you act like you have no clue how to talk to them now...

Thays because someone has been talking to someone else and that communication you had is gone now and will forever be gone.

Marriage counselors who will keep it real are very rare and you normally find them through people who been through some shit and you seen them hit rock bottom and then all of a sudden you see them again and they on a diff level in life. Those are the people who know the great marriage counselors and im speaking figuratively when i say marriage. Remember your married to life as well...so learn to honor it. Thats above many heads and i understand that but i had to put it out there for those who know were im coming from

 

[Osca Lee]

Oh yea a d I want to say she is young and people do change but waiting for that is only worth it if you really love her and are willing to go through the roller coaster ride...

The key is while you are contemplating don't

Let your self go get into some heavy cardio

Long distance running is great for clearing your mind and shaking off negative energy

And just step your game up...

Keep yourself looking tight and good

You would be shocked what a difference thats

Is gonna make

Your right on the cardio..that clears everything

He need to go invest in some white sage and get some malachite...it changes thangs

 

[Mrfreddygoodbud]

Your right on the cardio..that clears everything

He need to go invest in some white sage and get some malachite...it changes thangs

you gettin deep now...

malachite...? I gots to look into that...B...

 

[4 Dimensional]

Hope everything works out for you, family.

 

[bksoldier]

I don't know about GA laws but I would suggest lawyering the fuck up something serious and show her you aint gonna be stepped over. Get an agressive attorney that will fight for your rights. It looks like she is gonna be a problem to be honest with you. If your lawyer can show mental instability you might get things in your favor. My two sons I took care of them as infants so don't be scared to announce to the court that you are more than capable of taking care of an infant. Also, i think if you drag the divorce she might come to her senses.

 

[Raymond]

Thanks bro. Ill talk to her about the postpartum. Right now shes hell spent that she is thinking logically. In other words she wants to end it now as oppossed to her thinking it can get better. As of now, she doesnt even think we can get over this.

If she has PPD, there is nothing that she can do about to this. She thinks she's doing the right thing now even though one year later she'll realize she was wrong. That's how it works. She can't control it. Best thing you can do is talk to her about PPD and show her examples from online forums where people talk about it. She'll see she's not alone and feel better about having it.

 

[man-machine]

This whole situation is rather sad but in most cases The best day of a marriage is the day of the ceremony because its pure fantasy. Each day after that your marriage is under assault from the challenges and reality of everyday life. Ben Franklin said it Best “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” When you are in the heavy romantic phase of a relationship you overlook a lot of stuff. The things that annoy you about your lover are but whispers. However once you marry those whispers get the THX , Dolby Surround ATMOS DTS Treatment.



In some other threads I think I have referred to marriage as "Thunder Dome" Two enter, One leave or if you decide to break the the deal you gotta spin the wheel. It sounds like the OP is going to spin the wheel. This woman probably never really wanted to get married or found it quite distressing after she got into it. That pregnancy was probably more of an accident than anything else. Either way shit like this happens all the time. My advice to the OP is don't fight it. Instead of getting lawyer'd up try getting a mediator. I hear its cheaper and you will keep more money in your and your soon to be ex-wife's pockets. Of course its not for every situation but its worth investigating

http://www.attorneys.com/divorce/is-a-divorce-mediator-the-best-solution

 

[mansamusa654]

My dude, I'm sorry for your situation. My oldest son's mother and I broke up when he was 6 months old. Fortunately we weren't married. At the time of our break up we were the absolute worst of enemies. After much trials and tribulations we are super close friends. Hindsight being 20/20, I'm 100% certain she was going through post partum depression. I realized early on that she wasn't in a rational state of mind and I had no other choice but to put her in an uncomfortable position. Possession is 9/10 of the law and in theory both parents start off with equal footing in the eyes of the law. I refused to let our son leave my house with her (she had already moved out at that point) and when she called the police they agreed that I couldn't be forced to let him leave with her. Next stop was family court and it started to become readily apparent to her that this would be an extremely expensive proposition and joint custody would probably be in her best interest. Long story short, I wore her down financially. This might not be an option for you but in order to get in front of this thing your gonna need to be creative.

With that said, I honestly think our situations are more different than they are similar. This probably isn't post partum. Bro, based on everything you've written in this thread I really think any effort on your part to save your marriage would be a waste of time. Its ironic you guys used in vitro because she basically views you as a sperm donor. This chick accomplished her goal and is ready to bounce. Shorty had an agenda and you were just a means to an end. She never had the emotional maturity needed to sustain a lifelong commitment. She wanted to have a baby but she didn't want to compromise and/or fall back for the sake of your family unit. The only way to make this situation work is complete and utter capitulation. You'd have to agree to any and every whim. You would have zero say in your home. You'd need to have a hell of a long game if you're willing to emasculate yourself like that.

Real talk my good man, if everything you say is true, your wife is a hideous sub-human person and in another place and time I would've suggested she get dealt with extreme prejudice. Just joking, sorta.

 

[Eclipse99]

This whole situation is rather sad but in most cases The best day of a marriage is the day of the ceremony because its pure fantasy. Each day after that your marriage is under assault from the challenges and reality of everyday life. Ben Franklin said it Best “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” When you are in the heavy romantic phase of a relationship you overlook a lot of stuff. The things that annoy you about your lover are but whispers. However once you marry those whispers get the THX , Dolby Surround ATMOS DTS Treatment.



In some other threads I think I have referred to marriage as "Thunder Dome" Two enter, One leave or if you decide to break the the deal you gotta spin the wheel. It sounds like the OP is going to spin the wheel. This woman probably never really wanted to get married or found it quite distressing after she got into it. That pregnancy was probably more of an accident than anything else. Either way shit like this happens all the time. My advice to the OP is don't fight it. Instead of getting lawyer'd up try getting a mediator. I hear its cheaper and you will keep more money in your and your soon to be ex-wife's pockets. Of course its not for every situation but its worth investigating

http://www.attorneys.com/divorce/is-a-divorce-mediator-the-best-solution

Thanks for the info. Yea I keep telling her about how expensive this shit can get. She knows it but since its coming from my mouth, she takes it with a grain of salt.

 

[Eclipse99]

My dude, I'm sorry for your situation. My oldest son's mother and I broke up when he was 6 months old. Fortunately we weren't married. At the time of our break up we were the absolute worst of enemies. After much trials and tribulations we are super close friends. Hindsight being 20/20, I'm 100% certain she was going through post partum depression. I realized early on that she wasn't in a rational state of mind and I had no other choice but to put her in an uncomfortable position. Possession is 9/10 of the law and in theory both parents start off with equal footing in the eyes of the law. I refused to let our son leave my house with her (she had already moved out at that point) and when she called the police they agreed that I couldn't be forced to let him leave with her. Next stop was family court and it started to become readily apparent to her that this would be an extremely expensive proposition and joint custody would probably be in her best interest. Long story short, I wore her down financially. This might not be an option for you but in order to get in front of this thing your gonna need to be creative.

With that said, I honestly think our situations are more different than they are similar. This probably isn't post partum. Bro, based on everything you've written in this thread I really think any effort on your part to save your marriage would be a waste of time. Its ironic you guys used in vitro because she basically views you as a sperm donor. This chick accomplished her goal and is ready to bounce. Shorty had an agenda and you were just a means to an end. She never had the emotional maturity needed to sustain a lifelong commitment. She wanted to have a baby but she didn't want to compromise and/or fall back for the sake of your family unit. The only way to make this situation work is complete and utter capitulation. You'd have to agree to any and every whim. You would have zero say in your home. You'd need to have a hell of a long game if you're willing to emasculate yourself like that.

Real talk my good man, if everything you say is true, your wife is a hideous sub-human person and in another place and time I would've suggested she get dealt with extreme prejudice. Just joking, sorta.

Yea we had to do in vitro because that was the only way we could conceive. Maybe she had an agenda, I wouldnt put it pass her especially the way her mom is. I think she will come to her senses in regard to her knowing that I will be an excellent father to our son. Everyone in our community knows that, even her family.

Right now Im just focused on having a piece of mind and doing the best for my son. My pops died early (age 38) due to high blood pressure & other stuff. I refuse to have this shit stress me out making my blood pressuse go up and shit... with the advice from you guys & just speaking with my lawyer (free consultations with prepaid legal) I think I can put a good strategy/plan in place.

 

[Mrfreddygoodbud]

Yea we had to do in vitro because that was the only way we could conceive. Maybe she had an agenda, I wouldnt put it pass her especially the way her mom is. I think she will come to her senses in regard to her knowing that I will be an excellent father to our son. Everyone in our community knows that, even her family.

Right now Im just focused on having a piece of mind and doing the best for my son. My pops died early (age 38) due to high blood pressure & other stuff. I refuse to have this shit stress me out making my blood pressuse go up and shit... with the advice from you guys & just speaking with my lawyer (free consultations with prepaid legal) I think I can put a good strategy/plan in place.

but first and foremost put your health first, trust me get yourself a blender and just have a fruit smoothie first thing in the morning, get yourself a nice workout plan, start of slow and get into it...

drink three times more water than you do any sugary crap...

trust me lot of folks get so caught in secondary shit, they forget about the primary shit till its too late...

if you aint healthy in mind BODY, spirit and financially you aint gonna be no damn good to your son...

and also dont feed your son baby food, mash up fresh veggies and fruit yourself and feed him that...

my sister used to leave my nephew with me when he was one, he loved mashed sweet potatos, and bananas the most..

but I made sure to give him a lot of greenery, mashed stringbeans, mashed kale slightly seasoned with pink sea salt and lime or lemon juice...

instead of candy I gave him grapes. he doesnt even get colds now..

hates candy and sweets and loves fruit from mangos to cherries and of course bananas...

now I got him doing push ups and situps everytime he comes over..

 

[ankhheru]

Good luck with your family.

Someone mentioned earlier that someone's in your wife's ear and you confirmed it's her mother. Don't be shocked later on to find its another unseen hand at work as well. Just stay strong and listen to what she's telling you NOW. Give her that divorce but do it on your terms. Meaning file first.

Stay in your child's life no matter what. I don't give a dam if you got to hear her mouth every time you go pick him up. In the end it's about your child and not her. She cast her lot already.

You was a man going in, be a man going out. Give your son something to respect growing up. Everything else will work itself out. Also knowing how she likes to fight for every inch in the relationship, expect that in the divorce, custody battle and child care. She is who you thought she is and don't you forget it. Knowing that should save you a lot of emotional baggage dealing with her and give you an advantage.