Deep Article, "Why dark-skinned black girls like me aren't getting married"

[Adam Knows]

Late high school and college

Black girls routinely told me...

I can't mess with you

Not now, Playa

You a good one, you marriage material.

Mess around make me want settle down

Seriously i would hear that

and when i wasnt "good one" for a time and making dumb moves?

Good lawd i was turning them away with weapons.

But thankfully i was put back on track quick fast.

later you run into people from your past life is funny that way and 9 out 10 somehow someway the girl would MENTION how dumb she was back then and give me the standard divorced deadbeat single parent abusive cheating man storyline.

And how "handsome" i was now.

And why didn't she lock me up.

Never failed.

dawg u just told my story, lol in so many words. i use to be told basically the same damn thing in the late 80's early 90's .... at one point i was the guy you married, but then they'd point out someone else and say and that's they guy i would cheat on you with

now these females just open wide....

 

[Mello Mello]

You niggas saying its her looks are ignoring the point that a similarly average light skin nickel would get picked before her. Colorism is an issue.. pretending it isnt is bullshit at its highest level. You cats going out of your way to ignore the underlying point.

If these bitches want to play that bullshit how about all the Black women who shit on us light skinned Black Men calling us soft and all that. Or act “light skin” you know how many Black women at FAMU talked shit about me being too light skinned? Did I write a book and complain? Toughen up bitch and yes she’s ugly as fuck

This isnt a real thing. And quite frankly, you sound like a bitch trying to make it one.

It is a real thing you bitch ass nigga. Clowning light skinned Black men has been a thing for years now.

FOH wit this reverse racism bullshit. Honkey ass nigga.

You shut the fuck up you estrogen filled captain save a hoe faggit. You one of them bitch ass niggas that stands out at Metoo events in a pussy hat. You think kissing bitches ass will get your old ass pussy? You’re past that stage you decrepit fuck nigga scum

And you the fuck nigga in the crowd wit a "men are victims too!?" poster. You're such a bitch.

I’m a “bitch” that would punch a hole in your face . What’s that say about you? That you’d get mollywhopped by a “bitch”.

Id gut shoot your punk ass and watch you bleed out on the floor. Show you what its really like to be a victim you ho ass nigga.

Shoot me? Just like a hoe nigga shoot first . I will beat your old ass into a coma. Have you an Ensure IV for the rest of your miserable life. Never taste food orally again fuck nigga. Then I’ll visit you in ICU and blow your brains all over the heart rate monitor.

The only thing you gonna beat is the odds.. and thats if you survive that hot slug in your midsection bitch nigga.

These niggas right here...

 

[tallblacknyc]

It’s only a couple of us Obama Presidential niggas on this site.

I have light skin synonymous With presidential

Obama was a dark skin european... So you saying your mom is a ca c that happens to like black dic k and that's how you was born?

 

[slewdem100]

Colorism is an issue...its not the only issue and sometimes women use their insecurities over the colorism issue to mask other issues....chick is not a dime (nice body though) but shouldnt have to be to get married unless she is looking for a certain type of dude which many of you have correctly pointed out could be another one of her problems...I disagree with those of you who imply that if she were lighter she would be the same... nah, with her body a lighter version of her would be more readily accepted
So yeah colorism is an issue but I am not willing to say that it's the only reason this sister ain't married. I actually think looking at colorism from this perspective minimizes the issue. Who is to say why one woman ain't married. There are married ugly women. There are married women out there that this sister definitely looks better than. But there is something there when it comes to the colorism issue. That's obvious.

 

[tallblacknyc]

I don't know if it's risen. Nowadays, SOME dark skin women getting put up just because of complexion. It's like 6s become 8s just for their skin tone. And god help you if you have a preference that ain't dark skin women. Liable to get run off the Internet if you say your prefer brown skin or a redbone, but ain't shit wrong with saying you prefer dark skin.

I know there's a history of colorism, but people also have their preferences. But in the 2010s, if you attractive, you're attractive. These chicks big, small, light, dark getting their egos stroked online. Something has to be seriously wrong with a woman's attitude for her to have problems nowadays.

Now if an actress says colorism is limiting her options in Hollywood, she has a point. But anyone saying it's hurting her dating BLACK men in the modern world is full of shit.

I can def tell you from a business standpoint colorstruck levels has risen remarkably... From a square life you definite hear it way more now than ever b4... Especially with nigs trying to put Hispanic broads on a higher level even cacs... This board even shows that from time to time.. Nigs be grading on a curve for some bitches... Like I said it has risen... It is what it is I'm still team Brown skin since day 1

 

[SmoothD]

Michelle Obama did alright for herself.
Dark skinned brother's seem to be doing just fine in the dating world.
I guess no one told her that men are like water.
We take the path with the least resistance.

 

[0utsyder]

Funny this color bullshyt wasn't a factor when Venus fine ass was running around. Cat damn near breaking their necks to drink Lupita Nyongo's bath water. This shyt is like these stupid incels, if you look like Jay-Z and ain't packing and got an average ass job. You ain't bagging women that look like Beyonce! And on the chance that you do get a bad broad, she's crazy and has mad daddy issues. Folks out here thinking you can have this long laundry list of requirements and that your mate HAS to meet each one, and it's never your fault if they don't.

 

[veritech]

I hear stuff like this from women all the time.
I have always talked to, interacted with and loved dark skin women the way I do all hues of the brown spectrum.
The problem I have is any woman I have not shown "attention" to has never had anything to do with complexion.
I think many black men are the most forgiving of all american men and it shows when you look around in our neighborhoods. We deal with body shapes that are not accepted by society. We deal with attitudes, traumas, insecurities that are snubbed and frowned upon by society at large but somehow we make women feel ugly.

Many of these women internalize snubs from OTHER WOMEN and then bring that to an interaction with black men that can be a big turn off. You want to remain empathetic to their woes, but I never hear black men complaining about their hue being the hinderance to their dating/love/selection in the dating market place.

Women, whether they like to admit it or not, do not like to compete on any level with other women although it is almost always necessity. It's easy to say "a man does not like me because I'm dark" but is that the only thing?
Are you interesting?
Do you actually listen (which goes back to a post that @bgbtylvr hit on about actually listening or CONSIDERING what men think)?
Are you in decent shape? Do you dress well and not appear homely and frumpy?
Do you have personal interests and passions?
Do you go overboard and follow the current culture of over accessorizing and embracing add-ons [Weave, lashes, clown ass makeup] or do you come to the table with your natural, Universe (GOD) granted features and exude a level of confidence about them?

I see sistas shit on Nerdy black guys, short dudes, etc...and say they need to grow a pair and get some game if they want to win out here yet they make pieces like this that always scream "I think I'm flawed and ugly therefore except me flaws and all."
This isn't how any of this works.

post of the year nominee!

 

[shaddyvillethug]

Obama was a dark skin european... So you saying your mom is a ca c that happens to like black dic k and that's how you was born?

If I make kids they black

Obama kids are black

Let me know when amister becomes president bro

We all brothers

 

[tallblacknyc]

If I make kids they black

Obama kids are black

Let me know when amister becomes president bro

We all brothers

The dark skin european had 2 daughters with a black women... You notice the oldest daughter hanging with cacs, dating white boys, doing cacish things... Her euro genes are pushing her to cac lifestyles... The young daughter may have hope

 

[veritech]

You niggas saying its her looks are ignoring the point that a similarly average light skin nickel would get picked before her. Colorism is an issue.. pretending it isnt is bullshit at its highest level. You cats going out of your way to ignore the underlying point.

light skin passes exist. but this broad is not married because of her choices. it doesn't have anything to to with her being dark. i am sure she has some ridiculous list on her fridge and girls gassing her up. if she stayed in her lane she would be cool and married.

 

[4 Dimensional]

Nothing like it was when I was younger. I was in my 20s and 30s during the 90s so I was out of high school and that whole social bubble. Grown folk life was paying bills and taking care of business. Dating was a breeze because social attitudes were changing. Consciousness was hitting it's second wave since the 70s after a quiet period during the 80s. Afrocentrism was real heavy and popular resurging especially in hip hop. Gangsta rap was also blowing up which was just hyper masculinity but that's another topic.

Remember Biggie's statements about being black and ugly? All of that was in the 90s. But that's my experience and perspective. Grown folks.

Youth may have been a totally different story like teens and grade school and whatnot during the 90s. If you are doing research for a project there's a lotta different perspectives from different age groups and different eras.

Different geographical locations may also play a factor. And remember this is America. Black America. Black folks in places like Brazil or The D.R. are on some other level with this colorism thing and it's pretty sad.

The youth part you mentioned is the reason why I asked @playahaitian is colorism today (even during your time) more connected with youth versus grown adults?

16-29 seems focus more on colorism versus 30 and up. These are only my observations, so there is no ultimate truth to my statement. But from my experience, skin tone seem to matter more to people when young and less important the older I got.

As an older gentleman, have you observed colorism among adults the same way you observed (experienced) as a youth? I know social changes influences this perspective, but for some reason I don’t this have changed much over the last century.

 

[Adam Knows]

Michelle Obama did alright for herself.
Dark skinned brother's seem to be doing just fine in the dating world.
I guess no one told her that men are like water.
We take the path with the least resistance.

Dark skinned brothers started doing alright the day this music video came out. some of y'all will swear i'm bullshittiing but i swear to god it's true.



the day a dark skinned bruh got to rub up against janet jackson was the day women looked at us different from that day forward

 

[Drayonis]

light skin passes exist. but this broad is not married because of her choices. it doesn't have anything to to with her being dark. i am sure she has some ridiculous list on her fridge and girls gassing her up. if she stayed in her lane she would be cool and married.

Man you hit the nail on the head.

She'll NEEEEEVER admit how many dudes that liked her she passed on. How many men she passed on because they weren't over 6 feet. Or didn't make enough money for her. Most women who cry that "I'm not married shit, cry for me" are picky as fuck and make frivolous rules for themselves to keep themselves from getting that ring.

They don't even see the flaw in their own thought patterns. What does that ring mean to women? Validation. If you need a wedding ring to feel validated then you already lost.

 

[biggboye5000]

The youth part you mentioned is the reason why I asked @playahaitian is colorism today (even during your time) more connected with youth versus grown adults?

16-29 seems focus more on colorism versus 30 and up. These are only my observations, so there is no ultimate truth to my statement. But from my experience, skin tone seem to matter more to people when young and less important the older I got.

As an older gentleman, have you observed colorism among adults the same way you observed (experienced) as a youth? I know social changes influences this perspective, but for some reason I don’t this have changed much over the last century.

I haven't seen or experienced it much as an adult at all. I haven't seen it much either. Maybe it's the circles I've been in but with relatives or family members or in my neighborhoods or in my social circles or even on different jobs I just haven't seen or heard of it much since my childhood in the 70s and 80s.

Last time I can remember hearing anything about it was right after high school from a comment from my homeboy about a chick I graduated with. She was dark but a decent looking chick. All the chicks he met from my hometown all happened to be dark. It was just coincidence and I don't think he meant anything by it.

My experiences have all been decades ago. My nephew 12 years younger than me was always super dark...darker than me and always had plenty chicks. Him and his homeboys would have roasting sessions and of course they would go in but it was all jokes.

 

[biggboye5000]

Dark skinned brothers started doing alright the day this music video came out. some of y'all will swear i'm bullshittiing but i swear to god it's true.



the day a dark skinned bruh got to rub up against janet jackson was the day women looked at us different from that day forward

You probably right man. This is about the right time period.

 

[tpotda]

Women never wanna talk about how they discriminate with height tho, majority of them view 6 ft as the minimum height that they even wanna entertain. Then u got the ones that really discriminate and think even 6 ft is not tall enough and only want some NBA Bench warmer looking ass niggas

 

[Adam Knows]

You probably right man. This is about the right time period.

i swear dawg i swear on everything

about 6 months after the video release, there was a 15 minute documentary on how dark skinned black men were coming up and everybody spoken referenced right back to that video

i think it was djimon honsou that was the dude in the video

 

[largebillsonlyplease]

Late high school and college

Black girls routinely told me...

I can't mess with you

Not now, Playa

You a good one, you marriage material.

Mess around make me want settle down

Seriously i would hear that

and when i wasnt "good one" for a time and making dumb moves?

Good lawd i was turning them away with weapons.

But thankfully i was put back on track quick fast.

later you run into people from your past life is funny that way and 9 out 10 somehow someway the girl would MENTION how dumb she was back then and give me the standard divorced deadbeat single parent abusive cheating man storyline.

And how "handsome" i was now.

And why didn't she lock me up.

Never failed.

I got that from plenty
The you marriage type I just want to have fun
I tipped my cap and shrugged
There were plenty others who saw me as fun type etc.

Later the ones that wanted to have fun came back after being tossed up "let's reconnect"
And I would say sure...as friends.

 

[ViCiouS]

Dark skinned brothers started doing alright the day this music video came out. some of y'all will swear i'm bullshittiing but i swear to god it's true.



the day a dark skinned bruh got to rub up against janet jackson was the day women looked at us different from that day forward

I don't know about the rest of the country - in NYC I noticed the change after '88

I stepped in high school and dark brothers like my self started getting almost all of the attention
Al B Sure types like my best friend were still gettin some love -
but Bobby Brown and Kane?


when it became cool to wear these-

and Soul 2 Soul were breaking out with hits - women started wearing long braids to be like Caron's dreads

is around this time that dark chocolate = sexy appeal
total 180 compared to grade school / junior love fest for light skin guys

 

[Raymond]

Women can be any size color or shape there will be a long list of men trying to wife them.

/thread

 

[Adam Knows]

I don't know about the rest of the country - in NYC I noticed the change after '88

I stepped in high school and dark brothers like my self started getting almost all of the attention
Al B Sure types like my best friend were still gettin some love -
but Bobby Brown and Kane?


when it became cool to wear these-

and Soul 2 Soul were breaking out with hits - women started wearing long braids to be like Caron's dreads

is around this time that dark chocolate = sexy appeal
total 180 compared to grade school / junior love fest for light skin guys

that's when that came out i believe 1989....

 

[ViCiouS]

that's when that came out i believe 1989....

my bad - I'd still give more credit to My Perogative though

 

[PIMPSTARInc]

I May not be qualified to make this comment because I’m a some what light skin black guy with a law degree who married a light skin East African woman but this quote right here:

“Honestly, I think black women tend to lower their standards because they’re finding challenges in dating. Now I’m finding that black women are like ‘You know what, as long as he has a good job and he’s a good person …’ No matter how successful they are, they’re open to dating him.”

I’m not really seeing the problem with that. That does not seem like lowering your standards at all. Can some one help me understand or am I missing something?

 

[regulus]

 

[4 Dimensional]

I May not be qualified to make this comment because I’m a some what light skin black guy with a law degree who married a light skin East African woman but this quote right here:

“Honestly, I think black women tend to lower their standards because they’re finding challenges in dating. Now I’m finding that black women are like ‘You know what, as long as he has a good job and he’s a good person …’ No matter how successful they are, they’re open to dating him.”

I’m not really seeing the problem with that. That does not seem like lowering your standards at all. Can some one help me understand or am I missing something?

I’m context, there is no problem with it.

However, it does seem to come off as “lower than.”

But it could also be seen as more of a self realization for the individual woman and the expectations she set for herself may have been too much or unreachable.

 

[tallblacknyc]

I May not be qualified to make this comment because I’m a some what light skin black guy with a law degree who married a light skin East African woman but this quote right here:

“Honestly, I think black women tend to lower their standards because they’re finding challenges in dating. Now I’m finding that black women are like ‘You know what, as long as he has a good job and he’s a good person …’ No matter how successful they are, they’re open to dating him.”

I’m not really seeing the problem with that. That does not seem like lowering your standards at all. Can some one help me understand or am I missing something?

she's probably saying they not really visually attractive, they don't have personality traits that they want funny, smooth, charming, etc, prob not knocking it down like she wants him to, etc... All he got is a good job and he is a nice person... Those two things are cool but if that's all a person has that pretty pathetic... I can introduce you to a hideous broad that makes 6 figs is a good person And not great in bed..are you gonna say she's a keeper? He'll no you not...that's what she prob means what some females are doing... Chris rock made a joke about have you ever caught your wife staring at you looking kinda mad but she quiet...well she doing that cause you wasn't her first choice

 

[VWchrisATL]

Chick look like the 4th member of the Migos

These desperate thirsty ass no pussy getting ugly ass niggas talking about she’s not ugly. Bitch looks like Take Off.

...

No lies told...

 

[PIMPSTARInc]

she's probably saying they not really visually attractive, they don't have personality traits that they want funny, smooth, charming, etc, prob not knocking it down like she wants him to, etc... All he got is a good job and he is a nice person... Those two things are cool but if that's all a person has that pretty pathetic... I can introduce you to a hideous broad that makes 6 figs is a good person And not great in bed..are you gonna say she's a keeper? He'll no you not...that's what she prob means what some females are doing... Chris rock made a joke about have you ever caught your wife staring at you looking kinda mad but she quiet...well she doing that cause you wasn't her first choice

Lol “The #1 reason your woman is pissed off at you...cuz you weren’t her First Choice” ...classic Chris Rock line and 100% accurate

 

[largebillsonlyplease]

I May not be qualified to make this comment because I’m a some what light skin black guy with a law degree who married a light skin East African woman but this quote right here:

“Honestly, I think black women tend to lower their standards because they’re finding challenges in dating. Now I’m finding that black women are like ‘You know what, as long as he has a good job and he’s a good person …’ No matter how successful they are, they’re open to dating him.”

I’m not really seeing the problem with that. That does not seem like lowering your standards at all. Can some one help me understand or am I missing something?

Exactly lol.

Good is good right?
Cause if having a good job and being a good person is lowering your standard
Then you better be fucking amazing in every way lol

 

[ankhheru]

Two examples of women that grew into their faces are Tina Turner and Patti Labelle. Both wasn't very attractive in the face in their early years but in their fourties something changed.

 

[phAsE3]

Love 'em!

 

[Snyckerbar76]

She isn't ugly at all, but I DO think she has one of the following: an under bite and an overbite (possibly both at the same time), OR possibly a slightly larger/ protruding lower jaw (mandibular prognathism??). People probably look at her and get a masculine vibe due to her jaw, so she tries to compensate in most of her pictures by doing what she sees all of the other Instahoes doing- weave, parted/ overly glazed lips, low camera angles, etc.

Her best shots are not the ones where she's trying to imitate the next Instahoe, but the ones (like above) where she's natural and happy- the camera should emphasize her eyes and cheekbones. She's gotta figure out her strengths for herself instead of basing it on the typical fakery we see every day.

 

[Mr.Mojo]

Umm first off is the writer pretty?

Jail, homosexuality, feminism all have more to with Black women having dating issues, when compared to colorism.

Ain't nobody turning down a fine ass Dark Skin Black female. Average looking, well she better be smart with a fat ass and can suck a dick. Below average, well you gotta deal with the laws of the jungle and base male female attraction.

Your first question was mine and here's my second. How many good men did she turn down while looking for her ideal type? Was it personal? If no then she need to keep it pushin and cut the bullshit.

 

[flx2000]

I've always liked every shade of black, but I'm dark so dark women don't give me the time of day.

same here