I keep coming back ready to type out this long thought out response, then I realize it’s too many things.
Me too. I appreciate all of the perspectives that have been shared in here. I have taken some of the advice and actually enacted it, and i realize it has been making it easier on ME.
I accepted that the frustration I was feeling, and all the arguments, and all the other shit was starting to make me physically ill. I realized it was MY OWN REFUSAL / ACCEPTANCE of what IS, that created this scenario for me.
I sought the intervention of his grandmother for a final talk. It was the best thing I could have done for him to hear it from another perspective. I am tired to hear my own voice saying the same shit over and over, so I know he must be too.
After laying out the pros and cons, the opportunities he now has at unlocking a first degree with no personal debt, guaranteed income with family businesses, I put all my cards on the table.
I am not worried anymore, I am hopeful and our relationship has greatly improved.
His attitude seems to have shifted a little. I don't know if its guilt motivating him, or a greater understanding of how lucky he is, but he seems to understand the ball is in his court and I feel closer to being OK with standing to pick him up and dust him off rather than holding his hand.
I have 2 more waiting in the wings for these opportunities, I have to preserve my energy.
----
Respect BGOL