Ask a black man a question thread (for the ladies that want to know)

[bigirl]

1. He COULD be using her as an exit strategy with you.
2. she could be threatening him with not allowing him to see/spend time with his child.
3. As was stated by someone else, she could be threatening to hit him with higher support than he is currently paying.
4. contrary to how YOU feel, his relationship with his child is more important (or SHOULD BE) than your wants/desires/relationship with him.
5. See everyone's previous posts concerning your choices in men.

she has been an issue from day 1

he does not pay child support he just gives $ and takes care of his daughter

his daughter comes here all the time and she loves me and my dogs and I get her all kinds of presents and do stuff with her and she is first but this bitch is playing games not looking after HER daughter and putting it all on him

she does not know about me and he is a very good guy just letting himself be her bitch


all I know is that if something doesn't change, I gone

 

[BigUnc]

What is so difficult about this for him to understand???????

I dunno

 

[BigUnc]

Read all of this shit...haven't learned much new. The limbic shit is old hat...just never knew it had a technical name.

I don't feel so bad about my fucked up choices...cuz I know I did it to myself by choosing shallow traits over stable traits.

Yep, nothing new with that. Just my technical wording added. Got any suggestions you'd like to make?


I like that you recognize where you believe the problem is. Plan on changing what traits you look for and accept. Just curious, it's really none of my business so I'd understand if you don't answer.

 

[Adam Knows]

Ok so what about a man whos baby mom is totally in control as if he is her bitch? Has to babysit every night at 11 so can never sleep over, can never have date at night, has to ask her permission to do anything or go anywhere! Cannot even go upstate for 2 days unless she says ok(which she never does)! She is like the fuhrer and she does whatever she wants and he just goes along with it but its like he in prison

sounds like you need a new man.

 

[Adam Knows]

i hear on this board and the main one that women do a terrible job in picking men...being that most black men arent "thugs" and for the sake of this question assume that the general standard is the potential man has a job, his own car and place...how does a woman do a proper job in "vetting" a man...what questions should she ask? how long should it take till she figures out hes ok and award him the privileges (and by privilages i mean more than sex)

first and foremost, how about sometimes looking beyond him having his own place, his own car. that guy catching the bus may be mr right for you. sometimes you have to look off the path to find what you want.

i wanna explore this whole hunter thing...specifically the CHASE...how does a woman know the line between entertaining the chase and pushing the man away...should a woman play along with the chase or just let it happen?

i cant really answer that. i don't chase women.

does a man need his ego stroked?

most do.

how come men who like dogs dont like little dogs?

because little dogs are gay, dude doesn't want to be seen walking some tiny ass dog...have you seen the guys that usually have those dogs?

should a woman be concerned if a man has no close male friends?

i don't think so. why would that matter? i don't have any close male friends. no one's earned my trust like that.

whats the best way to get a man to listen?

may sound blunt but have something to say that's of importance to him.

why do men act like asshats...disappear for a month...then try to come back like nothing happened?

depends on the person. i leave because i may not be in that state. i also state i'm not sticking around for a relationship, so whether i'm gone for a day a month, whatever, why the heartbreak if there's nothing between us except physical contact?

why do men think its gay to get their prostate massaged by a woman?

because it is gay. anal penetration on a male is gay i don't care if it's a woman doing it. it's gay. end of story.

why do men like to eat after sex?

good question. usually after sex i want to have more sex. i think some people just seen it or heard it done and just do it(doing what they "think" the jones do)

whats the quickest way to make a man's heart melt?

don't know hasn't happened.

would you enjoyed it if a woman stimulated your penis with something cold and warm at the same time (maybe ice and hot carmamel or something)

no

 

[Adam Knows]

why do men dislike daddy's girls

cause there is nothing worse then a grown ass woman with bratty, spoiled tendencies.

 

[Noir]

Ok so what about a man whos baby mom is totally in control as if he is her bitch? Has to babysit every night at 11 so can never sleep over, can never have date at night, has to ask her permission to do anything or go anywhere! Cannot even go upstate for 2 days unless she says ok(which she never does)! She is like the fuhrer and she does whatever she wants and he just goes along with it but its like he in prison

she has been an issue from day 1

he does not pay child support he just gives $ and takes care of his daughter

his daughter comes here all the time and she loves me and my dogs and I get her all kinds of presents and do stuff with her and she is first but this bitch is playing games not looking after HER daughter and putting it all on him

she does not know about me and he is a very good guy just letting himself be her bitch


all I know is that if something doesn't change, I gone

He needs to straighten out the situation with her pronto:

1) He needs to establish regular child-support payments, even if it means HE goes to court to set it up. He may have been providing money, etc., but if she ever gets pissed and takes him to court, it looks as though he has not done anything for his child (especially if he has no receipts).

2) Why does he have to babysit everyday at 11? Is it that she works, or she just goes out on her own? As with #1, he needs to set up regular vistitation/custody times so that she cannot control his free time and he has established times to be with his child.

3) Why is he asking HER permission to do anything? Even though he has a responsibility to provide for his child, it is HER responsibility to have someone watch the child if she needs to go out, etc. It is great he is willing to do it, but he cannot do it all the time. Why is he letting her control his actions?

If she is providing all of this trouble, and cannot seem to have the time to care for her child, perhaps he should even petition for custody of the child.

 

[bigirl]

He needs to straighten out the situation with her pronto:

1) He needs to establish regular child-support payments, even if it means HE goes to court to set it up. He may have been providing money, etc., but if she ever gets pissed and takes him to court, it looks as though he has not done anything for his child (especially if he has no receipts).

2) Why does he have to babysit everyday at 11? Is it that she works, or she just goes out on her own? As with #1, he needs to set up regular vistitation/custody times so that she cannot control his free time and he has established times to be with his child.

3) Why is he asking HER permission to do anything? Even though he has a responsibility to provide for his child, it is HER responsibility to have someone watch the child if she needs to go out, etc. It is great he is willing to do it, but he cannot do it all the time. Why is he letting her control his actions?

If she is providing all of this trouble, and cannot seem to have the time to care for her child, perhaps he should even petition for custody of the child.

I think he still with her

 

[BigUnc]

I think he still with her

Seems like a reasonable conclusion to me.

 

[M.H.C.]

The way this conversation will go though is...(the male will be highlighted for emphasis on the pain!)

"I don't know."...
"Well I don't know either that's why I asked you."...
"Well whatever you want baby is fine with me."...
"See we go through this shit every damn time. Why won't you just tell me what the hell you want."...
"Cause I don't know what I want goddamn it. KFC then. Bring me a chicken..."...
"I don't want no damn KFC."...
"Checkers then."...
"Is that all you want to eat is some damn burgers and chicken. Goddamn can we try something else?"...
"Well what the hell you want then. I said I don't care."...
"I guess you don't care about this relationship either now do you?"...
"What the fuck..."...
"Fuck you nigga. You'll eat whatever the hell I bring home."...
Click...
"Didn't I just say that muthafucking shit like ten minutes ago. Man what the fuck?"



Get it now...

 

[dwnsouth]

cause there is nothing worse then a grown ass woman with bratty, spoiled tendencies.

cosign

 

[bluskyII]

funny and entertaining!!

This one is not as complicated as it is about to sound!

See men have priorities in life. Let's say this is a question about food just to make it easier. You are on your way home and you say "What do you want me to bring you to eat." Your man responds with "I don't know. Whatever you want is fine." With me...

Ok the man's thought process ended right there! Especially if you two have been together long enough to establish a pattern of fast food eating. What your man is expecting you to say next is "I had a taste for KFC." to which he would reply "Bring me the usual. No better yet bring me the chicken strip dinner with macaroni and baked beans" Annnnnd back to whatever the hell he was doing case closed.

The way this conversation will go though is...(the male will be highlighted for emphasis on the pain!)

"I don't know."...
"Well I don't know either that's why I asked you."...
"Well whatever you want baby is fine with me."...
"See we go through this shit every damn time. Why won't you just tell me what the hell you want."...
"Cause I don't know what I want goddamn it. KFC then. Bring me a chicken..."...
"I don't want no damn KFC."...
"Checkers then."...
"Is that all you want to eat is some damn burgers and chicken. Goddamn can we try something else?"...
"Well what the hell you want then. I said I don't care."...
"I guess you don't care about this relationship either now do you?"...
"What the fuck..."...
"Fuck you nigga. You'll eat whatever the hell I bring home."...
Click...
"Didn't I just say that muthafucking shit like ten minutes ago. Man what the fuck?"



Get it now...

 

[bluskyII]

Is there a good or best place to meet a good man? My thoughts are leading to:

1. Jazz Spots
2. Library
3. Museums
4. Church
5. Malls
6. The Club

Do you think meeting someone at a club can be misleading - such as like Chris Rock said, "you are meeting their representative?"

 

[bluskyII]

OK, it has been stated that some men have a difficult time when the woman is more financially secure. It diminishes the man's natural hunt, feed, and shelter make up.

So if a sister has it going on financially, what's the best advice to get a good man? In most cases, the sister feels that most men that she meets feel insecure and inadequate because of her financial status.

 

[DV8ed]

You initially posed this query:

Ok so what about a man whos baby mom is totally in control as if he is her bitch? Has to babysit every night at 11 so can never sleep over, can never have date at night, has to ask her permission to do anything or go anywhere! Cannot even go upstate for 2 days unless she says ok(which she never does)! She is like the fuhrer and she does whatever she wants and he just goes along with it but its like he in prison

To which you received the following answers (pay particular attention to #1, #3 and #5 in my answer):

because child support is a bitch. Sometimes you just have to ignore a crazy baby momma

Can't she is ruining my life

1. He COULD be using her as an exit strategy with you.
2. she could be threatening him with not allowing him to see/spend time with his child.
3. As was stated by someone else, she could be threatening to hit him with higher support than he is currently paying.
4. contrary to how YOU feel, his relationship with his child is more important (or SHOULD BE) than your wants/desires/relationship with him.
5. See everyone's previous posts concerning your choices in men.

After ignoring the above posts, you said:

she has been an issue from day 1

he does not pay child support he just gives $ and takes care of his daughter

his daughter comes here all the time and she loves me and my dogs and I get her all kinds of presents and do stuff with her and she is first but this bitch is playing games not looking after HER daughter and putting it all on him

she does not know about me and he is a very good guy just letting himself be her bitch


all I know is that if something doesn't change, I gone

And then:

I think he still with her

Now, hasn't it been said previously that A)He doesn't really want you. After all, he only gets affectionate when YOU initiate it, and then he does like Ice Cube said, "Bust a nut and get up is how we do them stank hos." Weren't you also told that he was using his his daughter's mother as an exit strategy, as in, when she calls he has a reason to bounce. Kinda like telling your friend to call @ a predetermined time so that you can bounce if you need to. "Hello. Whaaaaaat? You lying! Girl, don't worry, I'm coming to get you. I told you he wasn't shit but nooooo!" Sound familiar??? So, if what you say is true and he is still with "her", at what point do you say to yourself, "I need to do a better job of choosing men"?????

 

[Naha-Nago]

Now, hasn't it been said previously that A)He doesn't really want you. After all, he only gets affectionate when YOU initiate it, and then he does like Ice Cube said, "Bust a nut and get up is how we do them stank hos." Weren't you also told that he was using his his daughter's mother as an exit strategy, as in, when she calls he has a reason to bounce. Kinda like telling your friend to call @ a predetermined time so that you can bounce if you need to. "Hello. Whaaaaaat? You lying! Girl, don't worry, I'm coming to get you. I told you he wasn't shit but nooooo!" Sound familiar??? So, if what you say is true and he is still with "her", at what point do you say to yourself, "I need to do a better job of choosing men"?????

No need to break it down for her fam.... She gone...


Stuck in "but I love him" phase...

Can't see the forest from the trees.


*two cents*

 

[LoneStar29]

Ok so I was with this guy about 5 years ago for about a year ... I cared for him the most out of any man I'd ever been with ... I took very good care of him ... very ... then he dumps me out of the blue ... so fast forward to today where out of the blue he contacts me and starts telling me how much he misses me and loves me ... I was like cuz he never told me he loved me when we were together ... he's like how he never knew what he had till I was gone ... he said the other girls he's been with since me didn't care for him, and support him and take care of him like I did ... and all this other stuff

Is this a game?????

 

[Naha-Nago]

Ok so I was with this guy about 5 years ago for about a year ... I cared for him the most out of any man I'd ever been with ... I took very good care of him ... very ... then he dumps me out of the blue ... so fast forward to today where out of the blue he contacts me and starts telling me how much he misses me and loves me ... I was like cuz he never told me he loved me when we were together ... he's like how he never knew what he had till I was gone ... he said the other girls he's been with since me didn't care for him, and support him and take care of him like I did ... and all this other stuff

Is this a game?????

It will be if you ENABLE him to get back in your life. Tech book highschool game to be frank about it...


If the underline portion of your post is true you were "never with him" in his eyes. The term from shakespear "second best bed" comes to mind. The main chick/beau/wifey/ never gets dropped with the quickest. Now the back burner broad however...


Sorry to break it to you but that's the harsh reality. It would be like if I posted to you "My girlfriend sent me a text saying 'we need to talk' what does that mean?"


You already know...


*two cents*

 

[mpthaking89]

Ok so I was with this guy about 5 years ago for about a year ... I cared for him the most out of any man I'd ever been with ... I took very good care of him ... very ... then he dumps me out of the blue ... so fast forward to today where out of the blue he contacts me and starts telling me how much he misses me and loves me ... I was like cuz he never told me he loved me when we were together ... he's like how he never knew what he had till I was gone ... he said the other girls he's been with since me didn't care for him, and support him and take care of him like I did ... and all this other stuff

Is this a game?????

He might be serious about what he's saying, especially since you're saying you've treated him so well. He experienced other chicks so I guess he's back to you now. as pathetic as he looks.

 

[Chicutie]

I just read all 6 pages. . . good thread

Ok so I was with this guy about 5 years ago for about a year ... I cared for him the most out of any man I'd ever been with ... I took very good care of him ... very ... then he dumps me out of the blue ... so fast forward to today where out of the blue he contacts me and starts telling me how much he misses me and loves me ... I was like cuz he never told me he loved me when we were together ... he's like how he never knew what he had till I was gone ... he said the other girls he's been with since me didn't care for him, and support him and take care of him like I did ... and all this other stuff

Is this a game?????

I had a situation similar to this a while ago. . . I took it as a game

 

[sean69]

Ok so I was with this guy about 5 years ago for about a year ... I cared for him the most out of any man I'd ever been with ... I took very good care of him ... very ... then he dumps me out of the blue ... so fast forward to today where out of the blue he contacts me and starts telling me how much he misses me and loves me ... I was like cuz he never told me he loved me when we were together ... he's like how he never knew what he had till I was gone ... he said the other girls he's been with since me didn't care for him, and support him and take care of him like I did ... and all this other stuff

Is this a game?????

I don't buy it.

No one just gets dumped "out of the blue"

 

[mpthaking89]

yea he did have lonestar as a side chick then when he realized a lot those chicks weren't shit he realized he had 1 that was actually making effort. Hopefully you don't deal with that lame nigga again.

i said realize a lot. smh

 

[bigirl]

Now, hasn't it been said previously that A)He doesn't really want you. After all, he only gets affectionate when YOU initiate it, and then he does like Ice Cube said, "Bust a nut and get up is how we do them stank hos." Weren't you also told that he was using his his daughter's mother as an exit strategy, as in, when she calls he has a reason to bounce. Kinda like telling your friend to call @ a predetermined time so that you can bounce if you need to. "Hello. Whaaaaaat? You lying! Girl, don't worry, I'm coming to get you. I told you he wasn't shit but nooooo!" Sound familiar??? So, if what you say is true and he is still with "her", at what point do you say to yourself, "I need to do a better job of choosing men"?????

I don't initiate it so we don't fuck not in 2 months

Supposedly baby mom has a night job she doesn't call he just got to pick up kid at 11 every fucking night

I don't know if he is with her for a fact I just starting to suspect

From this point on any man with kids is persona non grata

 

[(0_0)..l.. finger]

cool thread

 

[Noir]

I don't initiate it so we don't fuck not in 2 months

Supposedly baby mom has a night job she doesn't call he just got to pick up kid at 11 every fucking night

I don't know if he is with her for a fact I just starting to suspect

From this point on any man with kids is persona non grata

He is not initiating sex, you haven't fucked in 2 months (and he is not upset or bursting at the seams over it), plus his evenings are already taken with babysitting at night is not good news.

You need to talk with him and give him an ultimatum.

1) You need to confront him and ask if he is still with his baby's mother. Some things to think about:
a) Why hasn't he told her he is seeing someone else?
b) Why doesn't he demand she get a babysitter at times?
c) Why hasn't he been in the mood to fuck you?

2) You need to "woman up" and get moving. Tell him you are moving on because either he is still with woman #1 or his life right now is fucked up and you are not willing to get dragged down with him. Tell him you have needs and are going to get them filled. Literally.

It is rough dating someone with kids, because the child will always be a primary focus, but it shouldn't dominate all of the person's time. If so, that person is not yet ready for a relationship.

 

[BrownTurd]

Ok so I was with this guy about 5 years ago for about a year ... I cared for him the most out of any man I'd ever been with ... I took very good care of him ... very ... then he dumps me out of the blue ... so fast forward to today where out of the blue he contacts me and starts telling me how much he misses me and loves me ... I was like cuz he never told me he loved me when we were together ... he's like how he never knew what he had till I was gone ... he said the other girls he's been with since me didn't care for him, and support him and take care of him like I did ... and all this other stuff

Is this a game?????

That is your answer. He is just feeding you game. A man will never close the door on some pussy. Plus why would you care for him more then anyone else if he never told you he loved you

 

[Adam Knows]

OK, it has been stated that some men have a difficult time when the woman is more financially secure. It diminishes the man's natural hunt, feed, and shelter make up.

So if a sister has it going on financially, what's the best advice to get a good man? In most cases, the sister feels that most men that she meets feel insecure and inadequate because of her financial status.

find someone with an equal/greater than financially. problem solved.

or

if your going to date someone else who makes less, don't be so quick to want to pay for everything. don't make suggestions on going places they may not can afford.

i have observed women doing that. 70k a year plus women dating $10/hr men complaining about why they haven't received this or been taken here or there by their men.

 

[onyxfemme]

Good advice and wisdom brethern
On both parts!

That is your answer. He is just feeding you game. A man will never close the door on some pussy. Plus why would you care for him more then anyone else if he never told you he loved you

find someone with an equal/greater than financially. problem solved.

or

if your going to date someone else who makes less, don't be so quick to want to pay for everything. don't make suggestions on going places they may not can afford.

i have observed women doing that. 70k a year plus women dating $10/hr men complaining about why they haven't received this or been taken here or there by their men.

 

[LoneStar29]

It will be if you ENABLE him to get back in your life. Tech book highschool game to be frank about it...


If the underline portion of your post is true you were "never with him" in his eyes. The term from shakespear "second best bed" comes to mind. The main chick/beau/wifey/ never gets dropped with the quickest. Now the back burner broad however...


Sorry to break it to you but that's the harsh reality. It would be like if I posted to you "My girlfriend sent me a text saying 'we need to talk' what does that mean?"


You already know...


*two cents*

This is only adding insult to injury

You need not respond to anymore of my posts ... thanks in advance

He might be serious about what he's saying, especially since you're saying you've treated him so well. He experienced other chicks so I guess he's back to you now. as pathetic as he looks.

A part of me understands that people can grow and learn from their mistakes ... but I have no intentions of taking him back after he's been used up by all these other females

yea he did have lonestar as a side chick then when he realized a lot those chicks weren't shit he realized he had 1 that was actually making effort. Hopefully you don't deal with that lame nigga again.

i said realize a lot. smh

I was not a "side chick" ... I respect myself too much to mess with a guy who has a girl already ... BGOL can think whatever about me but there are certain morals and values I stay true to and I find that assumption to be very insulting

What I think happened is when we were together he always made a big deal out of me being a single mom ... he always said he wished he met a girl without a kid ... well from what he's telling me now he was with one after me and apparently she didn't hold him down like I did ... and now he is a single dad himself ... so basically no matter what I did before I wasn't good enough cuz I was a single mom but now that he is a single dad too I am looking much better to him

I don't buy it.

No one just gets dumped "out of the blue"

So you're calling me a liar??????????

What really are you trying to insinuate Sean???

That is your answer. He is just feeding you game. A man will never close the door on some pussy. Plus why would you care for him more then anyone else if he never told you he loved you

Technically he never closed the door on me ... when he broke up with me he still wanted to fuck but I said no cuz I don't like sleeping with my exes


ANYWAYS

I already know he doesn't care for me (I was just double checking) and I have no intentions of taking him back ... just wanted to add that for all the assumers

Edit: And I asked, not cuz I want him back, but cuz he is the 3rd ex of mine to come at me like this so I was just wondering

 

[LoneStar29]

Why do men ask for your number but then don't call

Then when you see them again they ask for the number again

But when I say "no I gave it to you once you shoulda used it then" they get angry

 

[Adam Knows]

Why do men ask for your number but then don't call

Then when you see them again they ask for the number again

But when I say "no I gave it to you once you shoulda used it then" they get angry

simple. they may have lost it or forgotten it.

 

[LoneStar29]

simple. they may have lost it or forgotten it.

Hmmmmmmmmm I don't know about that

I'm thinking if a guy is really feelin' a woman he will use that number soon as opposed to holding on to it for weeks then realizing he lost it right???

 

[BigUnc]

Why do men ask for your number but then don't call

Then when you see them again they ask for the number again

But when I say "no I gave it to you once you shoulda used it then" they get angry

If and I stress if he really wanted it 90% chance he lost it. There's alot of variables involved, such as, was it written on a small piece of paper, like someone's else business card ( I was notorious for losing those)or if it was entered into a phone. If I did, good chance a name wasn't attached to it. On the other hand know a couple dudes that go to great lengths to collect women phone numbers for what I figure are bragging rights. Other than that I don't understand it.

Can't say about him being mad. Did you think he was mad at you?? or maybe that he knew he effed up and was a little perturbed at the situation??

 

[Adam Knows]

Hmmmmmmmmm I don't know about that

I'm thinking if a guy is really feelin' a woman he will use that number soon as opposed to holding on to it for weeks then realizing he lost it right???

not necessarily. many a time i can remember i lost a number that i really wanted.

 

[LoneStar29]

Can't say about him being mad. Did you think he was mad at you?? or maybe that he knew he effed up and was a little perturbed at the situation??

It's happened to me a few times ... now that I think about it he was upset with the situation and not directly at me

not necessarily. many a time i can remember i lost a number that i really wanted.

Fine ... I'll give it to him one more time ... but if he loses it again then he wasn't holding onto it tight enough ... there will be no 3rd time