VOTE! Apocalypse Writing Contest

[ansatsusha_gouki]

I will. No one said anything and then someone else said they'd host it. Plus Meal might host the next one lol.

Yo I wanna read the unedited version of Lycaon. Cause I don't think what you posted is the best representation of your talent. I'm gonna critique what you posted but it's not gonna be pretty... it's for your own good.

Im actually looking for it now on my computer....

LYCAON: I felt a lil to mature for the way this story was told. You can’t write the same way you talk and this story seemed like it would come across better if it was spoken and not written. I get the premise that werewolves take over the world but it did not seem post apocalyptic it just came across as a shift in power. I know that with the words limit you can’t do much character development but, we talked about three dead people for a page and not about what/who the Omegas were really.

While I agree with ya with the, I've said even before I submitted my entry it was not going to have alot of detail since it will be base on my book I'm currently writing....The only reason I base my short story on my book is because I wanted everyone's feed back


ps........Im getting my ass kicked in chess

 

[Mr MajestiK]

Desolate Fears was really good and original




I thought you was gonna host the next contest

I actually volunteered to host the next Writing Contest but I'm seriously reconsidering posting anymore of my stuff in any further competitions for the simple fact that it's kind've funny to have one's stories lauded as being technically sound, gramatically on point and interesting to boot, yet not recieve a single vote from anyone.

Shits mad bogus.

My understanding was that the topic for writing this time around, was apocalypse brought on by supernatural beings or agents.

My story was clearly driven by supernaturaL forces with apocalyptic intent but I somehow still managed to be classed as not sticking to the concept.

 

[Damian Stone]

I actually volunteered to host the next Writing Contest but I'm seriously reconsidering posting anymore of my stuff in any further competitions for the simple fact that it's kind've funny to have one's stories lauded as being technically sound, gramatically on point and interesting to boot, yet not recieve a single vote from anyone.

Shits mad bogus.

My understanding was that the topic for writing this time around, was apocalypse brought on by supernatural beings or agents.

My story was clearly driven by supernaturaL forces with apocalyptic intent but I somehow still managed to be classed as not sticking to the concept.

Only 8 people voted, which means it's only probably us the writers and a few other people voting so far.
Maybe BGOL is the wrong medium for this
It's not like there was hundreds of votes and nobody picked your story, at least you got good critiques.

 

[godofwine]

I actually volunteered to host the next Writing Contest but I'm seriously reconsidering posting anymore of my stuff in any further competitions for the simple fact that it's kind've funny to have one's stories lauded as being technically sound, gramatically on point and interesting to boot, yet not recieve a single vote from anyone.

Shits mad bogus.

My understanding was that the topic for writing this time around, was apocalypse brought on by supernatural beings or agents.

My story was clearly driven by supernaturaL forces with apocalyptic intent but I somehow still managed to be classed as not sticking to the concept.

What I got from it was an apocalypse. A complete destruction of all, or mostly all of the people. I took it another way. If the apacalypse was observed by someone who would have/could have died, but didn't. Someone who in too short a time because the last male of his tribe. That one person was young and had no training from the age of 6 on and yet he survived. He had to teach himself his gift as his father just before he died kind of brought it out of him or knew that the situation might bring it out of him. How would you have fared of sent out on your own at age 6 with no one to show you anything. All the knowledge you had was what you had already been able to grasp. And what kind of grasp does a 6 year old have on anything?

I didn't believe that they apocalypse had to be BROUGHT ON by the supernatural. It was not a supernatural apocalypse, but a supernatural talent in the lone remaining male survivor. How once every seven moons one would appear, but only one in seven ever realized their talents. I got to this by thinking about the next MLK for example. Leaders are born all the time, but only rarely do they realize their powers and/or use them for the right reasons. It was all loosely based on Africa and the slave trade.

Though the story was told third person, this person had no guidance. He had to teach himself to hunt, to kill, to get strong enough and train well enough to eventually get the revenge he sought. If the topic was apocalypse and supernatural ability I thought I did that. I had gotten as high as 3900 words, but got down to just under 3500 and I didn't see how I could have cut that to anything cut it more than I did without sacrificing important details in the growth of a person left to fend for himself since the age of 6. This kid, knowing nothing but what he remembered from his father's stories had to survive.

Because I am a rookie and all I know about books is that I read a lot of them and understand at least some kind of structure. However, direction and focus and such are concepts far beyond my understanding. All the writing I have ever done was poetry. Storytelling poetry, but poetry none the less. This is only my second actual story.

I will take the critiques into consideration for the next contest because it will only help me get better. I may have to take a course at Tri-C (community college) to learn more details about writing than I know up to this point. It may take a teacher coming in and red lining the hell out of a paper that I think is good in order for me to truly understand what I am getting wrong BEFORE I turn my story in. This way I will be much better able to play the game like the Patriots, who know they should win, versus playing it like the Browns, hoping that maybe I COULD win.

 

[mealstrom]

I actually volunteered to host the next Writing Contest but I'm seriously reconsidering posting anymore of my stuff in any further competitions for the simple fact that it's kind've funny to have one's stories lauded as being technically sound, gramatically on point and interesting to boot, yet not recieve a single vote from anyone.

Shits mad bogus.

My understanding was that the topic for writing this time around, was apocalypse brought on by supernatural beings or agents.

My story was clearly driven by supernaturaL forces with apocalyptic intent but I somehow still managed to be classed as not sticking to the concept.

Which one is yours?

Keep in mind that first off it's great to get votes, but we're here to improve our writing skills.

Also keep in mind that you can have a technically perfect story that just doesn't end up being the favorite. The problem with only 1 vote is that people only vote for their favorite. Which means that you could easily have been plenty of people's second or third favorite, but with only 1 vote it doesn't show.

Don't let it get to you man. I'd be feeling discouraged too, but instead of letting it discourage you listen closely to the critiques on your stories and take it as a challenge to get first next time. If you're grammatically and technically perfect then you've already got 98% of it conquered. You just have to refine your stories to make them more appealing.

 

[future2001]

Here's my critique of a breif convo. I'm gonna write my critiques as seperate posts since they're kind of long. And since they're meant for the writers I don't expect others to go through it all.

A brief Conversation.
First things first… the sex in the beginning threw me off personally. I know you’re supposed to grab your reader in the first sentence and paragraph but that didn’t work for me. I stopped reading it the first time because of it but I pushed through and read it two more times. Now I’m still not sure if the dude was black, white, missing and arm, and his legs. Cause you stated different things at different parts…

In one part you said “I suffered the lost of my right arm and both legs defend the fifty-fifth southern parameter.” Then another you had him dancing in the elevator then after that he was being lifted.

I don’t know if he’s dreaming certain parts or there are parts that are true. Maybe this is an unreliable narrator but you didn’t establish that early enough. So I was lost there.
Now there’s a lot of simple grammar mistakes, that makes me wonder if you read what you wrote to yourself. The letter I should always be capitalized when by itself. Try and separate dialogue from the main part of a paragraph. It reads much better and I think gets formatted better when transforming into a Pdf. There’s one part where the dialogue get’s broken up.

There’s no need to capitalize all the letters in a word and use exclamation points also. If you’re going to use exclamation points you better have a good reason to use them. Most people can tell by your character’s actions how animated he or she is saying things.

I’m pretty sure nationalities and countries should be capitalized, like America, Americans, Muslims, Japanese, etc. It looks better and I’m surprised your spell check didn’t underline those.

Stuff like this, “background, and soon or a later Seline” is too easy to spot with a quick proofread. Soon or a later? What’s that mean? I know what it means, you know what it means but your audience will read it and think otherwise. Mistakes like that will make someone downgrade your piece because you didn’t put enough effort into proofreading it before presenting it. Some editors won’t even continue to read a piece after seeing blatant grammar and spelling mistakes. It’s something to think about.

There’s a lot more grammar examples but I won’t go too deep into it. Overall you’re piece is tight barring those mistakes. Tight meaning you can tell you’re not an amateur, you have potential, and under different circumstances and time restraints you can bang out another piece that will blow us away. Your ideas might have sounded good in your head but didn’t translate well on paper. I think if given more time and more words this could have been fleshed out well. There’s a lot of good ideas there, the whole revisiting of history over and over again was a good point. But it wasn’t fleshed out throughout the piece and if it was addressed more it would have had a greater impact on the reader.

Sorry this is so long. You have talent. I know I’d read another piece from you in a heartbeat. Everyday try and better yourself as a writer. Write every day, write every week, write every month. Practice makes perfect. As corny as that sounds you’ll see it. I read some of my old stuff and think to myself what the hell was I thinking.

 

[future2001]

Here's Lycaon's critique.

Lycaon

Now… it seems that more effort was put into choosing the font than the story presented. You would benefit from reading aloud your stories so you can hear what they sound like. Try not to repeat words, the words “You see” appear four or five times throughout the story and it made the narrator seem child like. Sentences like,” The people I’m referring to is my parents…”

and

“…you can hear them late at night howling letting the few people who haven’t been killed or joined that “cult” it’s only a matter of time”

That last sentence especially, denotes a lack of grammar and proofreading. There are whole words missing. I think you meant, “You can hear them late at night. Howling, letting those who haven’t died or joined their cult know it was just a matter of time.” Something like that… There are a lot of sentences like that, where things are missing out of them, or they don't sound right.

More examples just to show you,

1. “At first everybody agreed this shouldn’t be shown to anybody until there is more evidence but as time went by stranger and stranger things started to happened during this time.”

No need to repeat…time. “…as time went on stranger things started to happen.

2. “You see after the murder of a young girl was a book festival featuring the two oldest books known to Greece “The Endor” and “Under the Mask”. After the festival ended the books was displayed at the local museum and secured but later that night the books was stolen and nobody hasn’t seen the books since then.”

You should already know what’s wrong with this picture. But if you don’t… “ there was a book festival…” and “…festival ended the books were displayed and secured at the local museum. “ and “ nobody has seen them since. “

Then there’s the fact you’re doing more telling than showing the reader. Besides the narrator sounding like a child, it reads like an encyclopedia. John did this. Then he does that. Then they did this. So on and so forth. You have to leave some of it up to the reader’s imagination. Don’t show all your cards at the very beginning, let them work for it. Then at the end you basically tell us, hey they alphas are werewolves. There’s too much exposition here.

One rule you should live by, don’t hand hold your reader. Most of us will get what you mean if you leave clues here and there.

Now there really isn’t a story here… there’s a beginning… but nothing really happens to our main narrator. You might as well have written the story in the third person giving us the viewpoints of the Father, the Mother, or Randal because that’s where most of the story comes from. We get the second hand telling of a story from a narrator who doesn’t know much. He doesn’t know how his father felt when he died. He doesn’t know what the alphas look like. Or he doesn’t tell us or give us a clue. A subtle clue here and there would help tremendously.

I know you said you have two books plotted out and you’ve started on the first draft. My advice to you is to get all you want down on the first draft. Mistakes and all, set it aside, and then come back to it later with a large red pen. Read it aloud to yourself and start crossing out stuff, writing notes in the margins, etc. Then once you’re done with that, get a set of trusted eyes on it. Like a spouse or friend who you know won’t bullshit you. A lot of people will tell you it’s good when it’s not. You don’t want that kind of eyes. You want someone to tell you, “wtf is this shit or this part doesn’t make sense” etc. The go from there.

I still want to read the longer version of this. Be mindful of your narrator’s voice, especially in the first person. This one comes off as an eight year old kid. His words are that of someone that young. Work on that, especially if this is a part of something larger. Grammar is key, reading it aloud helps, or getting someone else to read it for you. A cheating way to a story is to follow the way of the olden days, beginning, middle, and end. You can start in the middle and sprinkle the beginning in. Know where you’re climax is. Think of how your character or characters are going to change after the climax. What will they learn.

This is all arm chair in the shotgun critiquing, I’m not a pro, but I want you to learn your craft and do a lot better than the crap that’s out there now. Want a fun exercise? Go to the bookstore and pick out one of the New York Times best sellers, read a few chapters. Chances are you can write better than what you just read.
Good luck with the books… I want an advance pdf copy.

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

Here's Lycaon's critique.

Lycaon

Now… it seems that more effort was put into choosing the font than the story presented. You would benefit from reading aloud your stories so you can hear what they sound like. Try not to repeat words, the words “You see” appear four or five times throughout the story and it made the narrator seem child like. Sentences like,” The people I’m referring to is my parents…”

and

“…you can hear them late at night howling letting the few people who haven’t been killed or joined that “cult” it’s only a matter of time”

That last sentence especially, denotes a lack of grammar and proofreading. There are whole words missing. I think you meant, “You can hear them late at night. Howling, letting those who haven’t died or joined their cult know it was just a matter of time.” Something like that… There are a lot of sentences like that, where things are missing out of them, or they don't sound right.

More examples just to show you,

1. “At first everybody agreed this shouldn’t be shown to anybody until there is more evidence but as time went by stranger and stranger things started to happened during this time.”

No need to repeat…time. “…as time went on stranger things started to happen.

2. “You see after the murder of a young girl was a book festival featuring the two oldest books known to Greece “The Endor” and “Under the Mask”. After the festival ended the books was displayed at the local museum and secured but later that night the books was stolen and nobody hasn’t seen the books since then.”

You should already know what’s wrong with this picture. But if you don’t… “ there was a book festival…” and “…festival ended the books were displayed and secured at the local museum. “ and “ nobody has seen them since. “

Then there’s the fact you’re doing more telling than showing the reader. Besides the narrator sounding like a child, it reads like an encyclopedia. John did this. Then he does that. Then they did this. So on and so forth. You have to leave some of it up to the reader’s imagination. Don’t show all your cards at the very beginning, let them work for it. Then at the end you basically tell us, hey they alphas are werewolves. There’s too much exposition here.

One rule you should live by, don’t hand hold your reader. Most of us will get what you mean if you leave clues here and there.

Now there really isn’t a story here… there’s a beginning… but nothing really happens to our main narrator. You might as well have written the story in the third person giving us the viewpoints of the Father, the Mother, or Randal because that’s where most of the story comes from. We get the second hand telling of a story from a narrator who doesn’t know much. He doesn’t know how his father felt when he died. He doesn’t know what the alphas look like. Or he doesn’t tell us or give us a clue. A subtle clue here and there would help tremendously.

I know you said you have two books plotted out and you’ve started on the first draft. My advice to you is to get all you want down on the first draft. Mistakes and all, set it aside, and then come back to it later with a large red pen. Read it aloud to yourself and start crossing out stuff, writing notes in the margins, etc. Then once you’re done with that, get a set of trusted eyes on it. Like a spouse or friend who you know won’t bullshit you. A lot of people will tell you it’s good when it’s not. You don’t want that kind of eyes. You want someone to tell you, “wtf is this shit or this part doesn’t make sense” etc. The go from there.

I still want to read the longer version of this. Be mindful of your narrator’s voice, especially in the first person. This one comes off as an eight year old kid. His words are that of someone that young. Work on that, especially if this is a part of something larger. Grammar is key, reading it aloud helps, or getting someone else to read it for you. A cheating way to a story is to follow the way of the olden days, beginning, middle, and end. You can start in the middle and sprinkle the beginning in. Know where you’re climax is. Think of how your character or characters are going to change after the climax. What will they learn.

This is all arm chair in the shotgun critiquing, I’m not a pro, but I want you to learn your craft and do a lot better than the crap that’s out there now. Want a fun exercise? Go to the bookstore and pick out one of the New York Times best sellers, read a few chapters. Chances are you can write better than what you just read.
Good luck with the books… I want an advance pdf copy.

thanx for the critique

Like I said many times I got alot of imagination but have a hard time with my grammar ...I dont understand why especially since I've been reading books for the past 2 years....It seem the more I try the worse it gets...

 

[Texas Catdaddy]

Props to everyone, real good stuff here...Hope you keep this going...Not critiquing, only voting...Good luck to all...

The Long Walk...I just saw a short film of my favorite genre...


Dammit, I know moms was hot before her unfortunate metamorphosis...

 

[future2001]

thanx for the critique

Like I said many times I got alot of imagination but have a hard time with my grammar ...I dont understand why especially since I've been reading books for the past 2 years....It seem the more I try the worse it gets...

Grammar is a pain in the ass. Trust me... it sucks balls. Do what I do. I do grammar exercises at least once a month. And a few years ago I bought a few grammar books. Cause just like math you have to practice it. Reading helps if you're paying attention to how the author writes.

So actively read and pay attention to the grammar. Trust me your brain picks it up.

 

[future2001]

thanx for the critique

Like I said many times I got alot of imagination but have a hard time with my grammar ...I dont understand why especially since I've been reading books for the past 2 years....It seem the more I try the worse it gets...

ps. forgot to say something.. alot of people can write but don't have any imagination. You got them beat. Write down every single idea you get. You never know when you'll use them.

 

[future2001]

I actually volunteered to host the next Writing Contest but I'm seriously reconsidering posting anymore of my stuff in any further competitions for the simple fact that it's kind've funny to have one's stories lauded as being technically sound, gramatically on point and interesting to boot, yet not recieve a single vote from anyone.

Shits mad bogus.

My understanding was that the topic for writing this time around, was apocalypse brought on by supernatural beings or agents.

My story was clearly driven by supernaturaL forces with apocalyptic intent but I somehow still managed to be classed as not sticking to the concept.

I'm not sure which story is yours.. I'm gonna get to my critique of everyones up by tommorrow.

Everyone got something different out of the topic which is why things like this rock. You get to stretch your imagination and creativity.

Now as for voting... people vote for what they like... what they read... some people's peices probally didn't get read. Or they didn't grab them in the beginning to keep them reading.

I know the authors read and voted. That's the audience you should pay attention to. especially with the critiquing.

Let me know if you want to host cause if you don't I will. I got a few ideas to present.

1. Superheroes, a day in the life of your hero and 2. War- picking out a time in history and writing about it.

we can kick ideas back and forth.

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

Grammar is a pain in the ass. Trust me... it sucks balls. Do what I do. I do grammar exercises at least once a month. And a few years ago I bought a few grammar books. Cause just like math you have to practice it. Reading helps if you're paying attention to how the author writes.

So actively read and pay attention to the grammar. Trust me your brain picks it up.

Ill admit I didnt get a chance to proofread my shit.......I was wrong for that...After all the editing I did for it I got lazy.....Im thinkin about puttin all the elements I had and make it a Bonus for everyone in the next contest..because I really do want everyone to critique it since Im writing the book for it...

ps. forgot to say something.. alot of people can write but don't have any imagination. You got them beat. Write down every single idea you get. You never know when you'll use them.

I got notebook full of ideas for Lycaon and another book I want to write ....

 

[future2001]

whyd we get unstickied?

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

whyd we get unstickied?

I was thinkin the same

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

I like every story in the contest.....especially Community and Desolate Fears but I like Community slightly better due to their should of been more of Desolate Fears....hopefully we get a continuation for it

Also I will revise my story since I cant find it on my computer I will redo it and ask for everyone's critique on it.....I will be alot longer maybe 7 pages long if anyone wants to read that much but other than I will try to make it alot better...


Overall it was good contest but wish alot more people would of voted...What can we do to make the contest better and make people interested in it.


Also when I host another contest it will be 3-5 pages or 2500 words....I got a great idea for that one

 

[mealstrom]

thanx for the critique

Like I said many times I got alot of imagination but have a hard time with my grammar ...I dont understand why especially since I've been reading books for the past 2 years....It seem the more I try the worse it gets...

You'll probably have to do what I did when I first started writing. When I started writing my stories were terrible. Great ideas, bad delivery. So I started writing a LOT of short stories for practice and getting critiques on them. That helps a LOT.

Also when I read books I get so absorbed in the story I don't pay much attention to the writing styles. I had to go back and reread some books I've read, only this time paying CLOSE attention to the writing styles. How did they describe their characters actions? How do they start their sentences? When do they use thoughts, and when do they have the character say stuff? Do they use passive or active voices? What parts of the story drew me in, and how can I duplicate that?

If you want to become a master painter you can't just look at their finished product. You have to dissect every little minute detail about their work and try to duplicate it yourself. You have to learn the styles of your favorites as a good starting point. Then after that you can find your own voice. It takes a lot of work but it's worth it.

ps. forgot to say something.. alot of people can write but don't have any imagination. You got them beat. Write down every single idea you get. You never know when you'll use them.

This is a GREAT point. I'd rather have a lack of practice with writing and grammar than to never be able to come up with a good idea. Good, original ideas are hard to come by - so if you've got them then you are already FAR ahead of everyone else. It's easier to learn the mechanics of writing than it is to try to force an original idea. You're obviously a very creative dude, which means that all you have to do is learn the art of writing and storytelling and you've got it made. Study the works of the writers you admire the most and figure out what it would take to be like them.

Future, you had some great critiques. Your advice to Assassin was really good - I loved the restructuring of the sentences. Not only were they really good improvements but I think you're giving him a lot of help toward improving his storytelling. Props to you for doing the extra work.

whyd we get unstickied?

Not sure. I saw that today and wondered what was up. Unless voting ended and they unstickied it after the voting deadline stopped.

 

[mealstrom]

Don't forget all: There is a Challenge trophy also! So if you want to start a small contest challenge someone or some people you can use it too. I'd say keep it to 2 or 3 people at the max, otherwise we'll just make it a regular contest.

So if you're feeling a little froggy you can tell someone to nut up or shut up. Winner take all - no second or third prize. The trophy looks like this:

(It's two rams going head-to-head for a Head-to-Head Challenge)

 

[Mr MajestiK]

Which one is yours?

Keep in mind that first off it's great to get votes, but we're here to improve our writing skills.

Also keep in mind that you can have a technically perfect story that just doesn't end up being the favorite. The problem with only 1 vote is that people only vote for their favorite. Which means that you could easily have been plenty of people's second or third favorite, but with only 1 vote it doesn't show.

Don't let it get to you man. I'd be feeling discouraged too, but instead of letting it discourage you listen closely to the critiques on your stories and take it as a challenge to get first next time. If you're grammatically and technically perfect then you've already got 98% of it conquered. You just have to refine your stories to make them more appealing.

I wrote Devil in the detail.

 

[godofwine]

Bump. Don't know why we were unstickied, but...BUMP

 

[future2001]

bump... unsticky bump... voting isn't over...

 

[future2001]

whose hosting the next one? This is great practice and the critiuqes help alot.

 

[future2001]

Ps. Thanks all who voted for my story. It began as one thing and ended up as a totally different thing. My first idea was what if a man had to be in the house at the same time as his newly turned zombie family. Would he kill them? Would he join them? Would he let them eat him? But that changed from that into what you read. How far would a man go for his wife?

I hope you enjoyed it and next time I hope Meal will be in it... lol...

 

[Lesane Crooks]

BUMP.

I wrote Devil in the detail.

Your previous comments make a lot of sense.

My two faves when I finished reading were Community and yours (Ark Knight too is off the chain...hit me on the subliminal like Titans last round).

Its very hard to quantify diff stories on an even plane but even harder putting in the work on a thankless project for critique like you all have.

I salute ya.

 

[godofwine]

Unsticky bump

 

[Damian Stone]

Thanks for those who voted for my story

I wrote Community, thanks for all the critiques.

This being my first story ever I will get educated on writing structure and even try to catch a course or two as it is something I always wanted to do.

I voted for The Long Walk, which is ironic when you see the voting scores but with no regrets as I felt this was the better story of the bunch.

Now on to the next one...

 

[Echelon]

I hope the lack of voter turnout doesn't discourage further participation in these contests. I think the greatest reward to be gleaned from this experience is the exchange between both the authors and the readers. I have serious respect for everyone who took the time to write and everyone who took the time to read.

That being said, I'm tired, so I'll keep these brief.

• A Brief Convo
  The protagonist has a way with women. In a world ripe with strife born of ethnic intolerance and jealously, this gift, along with an outright stubborn refusal to die, has allowed him the strength of character, spirit, and company to gain influence amongst the populace in hopes of reforming the world.
  
  The concept was an easy one to grasp, but I feel a little more proofreading could have alleviated unclear statements and could have corrected a few grammatical errors and missing words that broke the flow of the narrative.
  
  Most importantly though, I got it. There was a complexity in the character's reflections that juggled simplistic and complex verbiage that worked quite well, considering the manner in the which story progressed from simple carnal indulgence to culminating n the exposition before the gathered masses.
  
  
• Community
  The protagonist's sole goal in life is to preserve his sanctuary. With the world suffering a catastrophic "double shot" of geological and biological disaster, he must remain vigilant to survive as mutants test the boundaries of his solace.
  
  This exploration of a day in the life of one man on the fringe would have been so much easier to follow if better attention was paid to punctuation. The long paragraphs and lack of indentation really necessitate using an extra line of spacing between them. Though slight, the combination of the aforementioned issues makes the story almost tiring to read.
  
  Luckily though, this was a great story. I LIKED it. The fact that the protagonist is probably insane (or worse) just made it all the more cool. Once I reached the end, I had to immediately go back through the tale, just to pick up more clues to what was really going on in the guy's head.
  
  
• Desolate Fears
  The protagonist is thrust into a new life. Finding his world destroyed, he discovers a new role burgeoning for himself as a stranger brings enlightenment upon him.
  
  Negatives, negatives, negatives... Too many adverbs? That's honestly the best I could come up with as occasionally (rarely), a singular extra word would break the pace of my reading.
  
  I'll give you credit for making this a solid preface instead of an abridged adventure & explanation or one shot story. That takes balls, but it was done well. Also, the fact that the protagonist and his watcher both possessed a terrifically grating sense of humor in the worse possible time, but for different reasons, was fun to read. One of my "4"
  
  
• Devil in the Details
  A man questioning his purpose is finally given the path of his calling.
  
  Negatives? I got nothing.
  
  I thought this story was AWESOME. I wondered through most of the narrative, where the title would find meaning and then suddenly things began to reveal themselves. I felt like I was experiencing the same revelation as the protagonist began to understand what he had become and by whose influence he'd reached that point. One of my "4".
  
  
• Lycaon
  After events lead to the death of the few he trusted a realizes the start of his quest to unlock the supernatural origins of and unseat the evil ruling class.
  
  This preface needs length, I believe that condensing all the ideas into such a short narrative clipped the ability to evolve the complexity of the writing. There is a great deal of obvious exposition, which can come off as elementary. Many of the sentences express too many ideas, and carry one, almost to the point of fatigue. Simply separating ideas more would have helped a great deal. All in all, I'd say a lot more time proofing could have cleaned things up a good deal.
  
  Another preface-type story. It suggests a very detective story style to the greater work, and with such a supernatural force behind the mal intent of the world presented, there is sure to be a great deal of suspense and action for the protagonist. To say many questions are unanswered is an understatement, as this piece's purpose was solely to pique interest and start the mind wandering. It did a very good job of raising anticipation.
  
  
• The Long Walk
  A man makes his way on the hunt to feed his family. The world has gone to Hell and even those who fight the good fight are not whom they appear to be as he has to choose between what's right and what's best for his family.
  
  Negatives... I'll come up with something sooner or later.
  
  I'm still completely baffled as to what kind of genius allowed you to so quickly construct this narrative so so fully, genuinely, and confidently in such short time. The dialogue was easy to follow, the action was rich, and the entire affair was so down to Earth (so to speak). One of my "4".
  
  
• The Ultimate Revenge
  A young warrior, honed into a predator by a vengeful heart reeks havoc against alien foes who destroyed his family years ago.
  
  I noticed at least one missing word. That's the best I could come up with.
  
  This kid hones himself into a warrior and goes Commando on the group who ruined his life, all while realizing his special place in the lore of his people. This was by far the most unique of the stories, and the ease with which the protagonist's journey from child to predator was amazing. One of my "4".

Choosing the better of all these entries was not an easy task. And oh yeah, unsticky bump! (I really just wanted to say "unsticky". Funny word.)

 

[mealstrom]

I wrote Devil in the detail.

Aaahhh. Well let me tell you that your story was one of the best there. Great story, great descriptions, a character you got to know and could care about, and a story that was really interesting. You also did a great job of bringing some great back-story into it pretty quickly and keeping it interesting. I loved the story.

The reason it didn't win my vote was because it didn't fall 100% into the theme for me. The Long Walk was just a damned good story and was 100% in the post-apocalyptic theme. Your story was an awesome one, but when I pick my favorite part of my requirements is that it fits the best into the theme.

 

[future2001]

I voted for devil in the detail myself... It was one of the best written and even though it didn't follow the theme... I felt it more than some of the others. Now I can see why some wouldn't vote for it because it does stray from the theme but it was very well written and thought out.

As for my story... it takes alot of practice... and this time with the pressure of others reading it I took time to edit it and get my ideas out.

Who's hosting the next contest????

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

bump

 

[Damian Stone]

Well I guess voting is over...

 

[godofwine]

This got fewer votes than the first one. This idea (The Ultimate Revenge) was waaaaaay too big for 2500 words. I tried to turn this into a guy movie, kinda. Start off with the slashing hoping it got folks attention. There was purpose behind it, it wasn't just straight killing. Looking back I didn't develop The Blue Ones at all. What did they look like? Did they look like the protagonist's people except blue?

As i said earlier, I do believe I stuck to the topic of apocalyptic (since The Blue Ones killed all the men and children) and the supernatural (the invisibility), but I should have had more to say about that. Ironically, I cut a part that showed him learning where he was while he was invisible and such.

Echelon said "I noticed at least one missing word. That's the best I could come up with. "

I didn't understand what you meant with that.

 

[mealstrom]

Now that the voting's over I've posted all the winners. Tie for third! Great comments all. Lot's more critiques this time around which is a great thing. We're slowly turning around Colin Powell syndrome here at BGOL!

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

Now that the voting's over I've posted all the winners. Tie for third! Great comments all. Lot's more critiques this time around which is a great thing. We're slowly turning around Colin Powell syndrome here at BGOL!

Whats your suggestion on how to improve each contest,looks like people dont want to read 1-3 pages for each person...I dont understand that at all..

 

[godofwine]

Whats your suggestion on how to improve each contest,looks like people dont want to read 1-3 pages for each person...I dont understand that at all..

We just have to keep doing what we do. Colin Powell isn't going to disappear overnight.