VOTE! Apocalypse Writing Contest

[mealstrom]

Whats your suggestion on how to improve each contest,looks like people dont want to read 1-3 pages for each person...I dont understand that at all..

We just have to keep doing what we do. Colin Powell isn't going to disappear overnight.

Yup, I think that's pretty much about it. The ones who will be interested will participate, and those that aren't won't. We'd all love more votes and critiques, but if it doesn't happen oh well. Chances are those are the dudes we don't want offering critiques anyway.

I can already see improvement in just 2 contests. Can't wait until we hit double digits - the stories will be bad as hell then.

 

[Mello Mello]

Good work to all.

I really should of been writing in this contest I've written so much about this subject. Maybe I'll have time to get in on the next joint.

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

Who is gonna host the next one

 

[future2001]

lol thats what i was asking... since these usally finish by friday the new contest should start the following week... let's keep this going guys...

I'll post up my remaining reviews tommorrow it was semi busy today.

Next contest Please.

 

[mealstrom]

lol thats what i was asking... since these usally finish by friday the new contest should start the following week... let's keep this going guys...

I'll post up my remaining reviews tommorrow it was semi busy today.

Next contest Please.

If someone who hasn't hosted one yet has any good ideas definitely take the lead. If not I have a few good ideas that might be fun.

 

[Sampson]

I wrote Desolate Fears. Stupidly, I had to do it in an hour because I always leave things till the last minute.

But I will definitely critique all the stories today.

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

I wrote Desolate Fears. Stupidly, I had to do it in an hour because I always leave things till the last minute.

But I will definitely critique all the stories today.

You should make a continuation of the story it was my second favorite behind Community

 

[Mello Mello]

If someone who hasn't hosted one yet has any good ideas definitely take the lead. If not I have a few good ideas that might be fun.

I want to host the next one I got a crazy idea for a new subject. I want to start it tomorrow.

 

[future2001]

so show of hands who wants to host the next contest?

 

[future2001]

I think the next host should be someone who has critiqued some of the stories.

 

[Sampson]

You should make a continuation of the story it was my second favorite behind Community

Well, I'm busy working on different things, a two scripts for a series, three novels. So this short story thing I had come up with in a week... I don't know if I'll continue it, I'm not really into fantasy to be honest... but if I do, I don't want to be a cliche 'end of the world' story. I'm more into social dynamics.

This may be a bit Colin Powell-ish but allow me to explain:

I remember one time when this news in the story came about a train crash. All different races, religions and cultures were stuck together through this tragedy. These are people that would never associate with each other in public... but because they had to, they soon realized that their differences didn't mattter when it came to survival. They were sharing, helping each other our etc. It's only because of their social construct that they feel the need to be divisive.

So in my story, I wanted to explore the relationship between 5 characters from completely different backgrounds, how this tragedy had forced to work to together. I wanted to have a red neck, a fanatical Muslim, a Jamaican yardie and a Chinese Fascist. But because of the word limit, I could only include my protagonist.

So what I was trying to show is how in disasters and tragedies, we don't allow superficial differences to be the divider when human survival is more important.

And don't worry, I don't mind putting this idea out there because I'm not looking to really continue this story. But if anyone wants to pick up this ball and run, go for it.

 

[future2001]

damn you got alot on your plate... much luck to you... Thanks for taking the time to participate.

 

[Mello Mello]

I think the next host should be someone who has critiqued some of the stories.

That's fine. I'll provide the Theme, Genre or Subject matter.

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

Well, I'm busy working on different things, a two scripts for a series, three novels. So this short story thing I had come up with in a week... I don't know if I'll continue it, I'm not really into fantasy to be honest... but if I do, I don't want to be a cliche 'end of the world' story. I'm more into social dynamics.

This may be a bit Colin Powell-ish but allow me to explain:

I remember one time when this news in the story came about a train crash. All different races, religions and cultures were stuck together through this tragedy. These are people that would never associate with each other in public... but because they had to, they soon realized that their differences didn't mattter when it came to survival. They were sharing, helping each other our etc. It's only because of their social construct that they feel the need to be divisive.

So in my story, I wanted to explore the relationship between 5 characters from completely different backgrounds, how this tragedy had forced to work to together. I wanted to have a red neck, a fanatical Muslim, a Jamaican yardie and a Chinese Fascist. But because of the word limit, I could only include my protagonist.

So what I was trying to show is how in disasters and tragedies, we don't allow superficial differences to be the divider when human survival is more important.

And don't worry, I don't mind putting this idea out there because I'm not looking to really continue this story. But if anyone wants to pick up this ball and run, go for it.

Good Luck with your scripts and novels.....Im currently writing a novel myself along with making a video game....so I understand how it feels to be busy.....Hopefully, these contest can help me better myself as a writer because my story was horrible not that I didnt have a good idea its just I need to work on my grammar....

Hopefully you can critique some of our work whenever you get a chance


Looks like Mello Mello is the next host...I hope you come up with something great

 

[future2001]

I want in... !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Mello Mello]

I want in... !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got you.

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

I got you.

When is you gonna anounce the third contest

 

[Mello Mello]

When is you gonna anounce the third contest

I thought this was the 2nd? I already made a thread. http://www.bgol.us/board/showthread.php?t=428411

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

I thought this was the 2nd? I already made a thread. http://www.bgol.us/board/showthread.php?t=428407

Naw,The Apocalypse was the second contest which I hosted

Mealstrom did the first one

 

[Mello Mello]

Naw,The Apocalypse was the second contest which I hosted

Mealstrom did the first one

Alright I'm starting a new thread to correct the title. I just need a mod to sticky it.

If you have any suggestions let me know.

 

[Echelon]

Echelon said "I noticed at least one missing word. That's the best I could come up with. "

I didn't understand what you meant with that.

Naw, somewhere near the end of the story, I noticed what seemed like a word missing> I can't read it now, not on my comp. But I was basically saying that if I had to find a negative, that was about the only thing I could come up with, and obviously that was a stretch. I was not expecting writing of this calibur here. Next time, I won't be so casual with my story.

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

bump

 

[godofwine]

Naw, somewhere near the end of the story, I noticed what seemed like a word missing> I can't read it now, not on my comp. But I was basically saying that if I had to find a negative, that was about the only thing I could come up with, and obviously that was a stretch. I was not expecting writing of this calibur here. Next time, I won't be so casual with my story.

Thanks. It's strange that mine only garnered votes from a friend of mine and myself. What am I doing wrong? Is it a good story but some were better? Should we disregard the votes totally because it isn't a real gauge on the grading of these stories? My buddy at work said that even though it was a good story it came off as being too basic, English wise. I don't feel that I have to wow folks with big words and see if they can pick up the context clues I leave like I am the literary version of Hansel & Gretal. I don't feel like I have to talk over the readers heads like I'm Michael Crichton. I just tell a story and use the best words I know that will send my message home.

 

[Echelon]

ArkKnight only garnered 2 votes, and I'm surprised it got that considering how much I KNEW it was going to offend some people's religious sensibilities. Hell, I voted for "Long Walk" in the end.

The problem is that it's a single vote. Were it a "choose your 1st, 2nd, and 3rd" type scenario, then things would probably be a lot clearer, but the hosts would have to tally and average every voters input x 3. The way the polls are set up, this is the just the best we can get. Don't let it bother you, though. I'm not. It was fun trying to abridge that little segment of ArkKnight's adventure into 2500 words, and I'm glad I got read other people's pieces. Like I said man, your's was definitely one of my favs.

 

[Lesane Crooks]

Just a suggestion for Meal and co.

You could just do away with the coded poll and let the users give their top votes straight in the replies (top 3 or whatever). Then after a set time, the arbiter can skim thru the post tally up the numbers giving points to each rank (college football poll style).

Of course its not anonymous, might lead to pooling of favorites and the tally not being automated.


But it would give a more even result.

 

[mealstrom]

Thanks. It's strange that mine only garnered votes from a friend of mine and myself. What am I doing wrong? Is it a good story but some were better? Should we disregard the votes totally because it isn't a real gauge on the grading of these stories? My buddy at work said that even though it was a good story it came off as being too basic, English wise. I don't feel that I have to wow folks with big words and see if they can pick up the context clues I leave like I am the literary version of Hansel & Gretal. I don't feel like I have to talk over the readers heads like I'm Michael Crichton. I just tell a story and use the best words I know that will send my message home.

For me the wordage can draw me in or push me out more than anything. Too basic and I'm bored. Too over the top and I feel like the author is forcing or faking it. Anyone can throw some Ragu on pasta and call it dinner. A true master picks spices and herbs that make your mouth water and make you wish your stomach was bigger so you could fit a little more in. That's how it is to me with writing/reading. It's not the words that matter, it's how they flow together to make the reader wish the story was twice as long.

For me your story was good, but it felt like an excerpt from a much longer book. Novels are like buffets: The individual parts don't have to all be great just so long as you're happy with the overall experience. Short stories are like small expensive meals - you want to get as much flavor and taste in the small portion you're given. I felt like your story was a good excerpt from a longer book. I felt like The Long Walk had the beginning, middle, and end all combined in a single package.

Just a suggestion for Meal and co.

You could just do away with the coded poll and let the users give their top votes straight in the replies (top 3 or whatever). Then after a set time, the arbiter can skim thru the post tally up the numbers giving points to each rank (college football poll style).

Of course its not anonymous, might lead to pooling of favorites and the tally not being automated.


But it would give a more even result.

That's actually a damned good idea that I hadn't thought about. I'm going to try the multi-vote experiment to see how it works. If that doesn't work out so well I think I'll take your idea. Thanks for that.

 

[future2001]

already started working on the third contest... how come mel aiint in it... and i'm sorry about not posting up the reviews... they're coming I got five more to put up...

I wonder how much my story will change from today till next friday...

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

already started working on the third contest... how come mel aiint in it... and i'm sorry about not posting up the reviews... they're coming I got five more to put up...

I wonder how much my story will change from today till next friday...

I started on it alittle bit today along with my revision of Lycaon....

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

 

[mealstrom]

already started working on the third contest... how come mel aiint in it... and i'm sorry about not posting up the reviews... they're coming I got five more to put up...

I wonder how much my story will change from today till next friday...

I've been wanting too - I keep watching everyone else join with envy and jealousy. I am craving writing some stories to compete with y'all. I just have too much to writing going on for school to have time to devote to contests. Hopefully the paper due next week is my last one! Then it'll be on. I have some great ideas for contests when I get some time to host them.

 

[godofwine]

I just read the long walk. I read it yesterday and today read it to my wife. no wonder it won. Great story. Some punctuation errors, but not enough to spoil a great story. Racial genocide gone awry. I can imagine it is targeted on those with melenin and it backfired tagetting those without. "Gone from the minority to the majority"

The end I was like...It's over...DAMN. Reading this one I can see mine was not s apocalyptic as I thought, I wrote 'The Ultimate Revenge'. Great story. Great twist at the end.

 

[future2001]

Thanks man... it's great to create something and have people appreciate it...

That's one of the places I was going but I wanted people to find out for themselves... everyone will see the story in a different light... shit some people will see it as saying don't trust black people... but that's a story...

 

[Les W]

To the Authors: I have NOT read any reviews but did see who were the winners, i say this so you know my opinion isn't biased or based on others. I put a lot into these reviews folk.

The initial reaction of the american intelligence community locked on Japanese soil was to blame the muslims. The rallying cry that spread through the Japanese media was muslim terrorism. What none of the CIA trained opperatives knew was that that Black marine was somebodies cousin. Nor did they know that that Japanese woman had an Auntie in Los Angelos, California. When the bodies of the black marine and japanese physicist were found however, a youtube clip of a member of the 18th Street Pirus from San Diego holding the wailing body of his Japanese mother-in-law while explaining the whole incident, truthfully with dental evidence from the police offices of Tokyo, the Muslim community reacted with complete vengeance. Somehow, a young jihadist in Canada was able to detonate a nuclear warhead from Quebec. Over night, half of the east coast population was dead. At home, we were dealing with our own fall outs

This paragraph after a very long preamble had me scratching my head. That was like a laundry list of scenes, no offense to writer. If me story was this act one heavy I apologize

This seems to be a synopsis of a larger story or something. I don't feel like you really made an effort to engage me in the story. Like you said here's a 3some sex scene, got you attention? Good, then you read the minutes to me. The imagination and creativity was there, and I am actually very interested in this very subject, rebirth, resurrection and such but you danced around the exciting issue for so long then turned it into a punchline imo.

“But I took the Oath already. I-“
“DAMMED BE THE OATH!”
“Ahhh!” His exclamation hurt my entire being. Then, all at once the stress, the fear, the foreboding, it all came back. This entity… was not Him.
“Fight… for meeeeeeeeeee.”
“YOU ARE NOT GOD!” I rose to my feet, surrounded by pitch black. I could discern neither left nor right, up nor down, front nor back. “Who the fuck are you!” I yelled into the darkness.
“I am WAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!
“Son of a bi-”
**FWOOOM**

I applaud this well executed exchange, at this point I am sold and sucked in good job to the writer!

I collapsed to my knees as the agony resurfaced. At least, I thought, War’s dead. I closed my eyes and sighed through the pain.
“Heheheh. Foolish child of man,” that familiar, boomy voice teased. “How can ye hope to conquer War… with war?”

Excellent Enthralling exchange! I was going to mention to you that as an idea to beat war with positive as he seems impossible to defeat in combat being WAR...but you did it better
You are very talented nice work!

Well it happened
didn't it the solar "killshot" a first massive mother of a solar
flare that did two things; at first it took down all of earth's
communications and fried all non well-shielded pieces of
electronics, there was massive food and water riots just hours
after the first event as people regressed into survival mode
with no apparent contact from authorities for directions during
the crisis.

One sentence?

' Still animals, thank god, smarter, faster, better and evolving
but still falling for the most basic traps ' He mused while
scanning again the darkness with his infrared goggles. Why
were dogs even infected was a testament to human madness,
who would give an animal water from a $2000 a liter bottle of
pure Arctic Defrost while thousands were dying daily from lack
of drinkable water is still a mystery to Len, he at least was
practical

I feel this would have been a stronger starting place for the story.
With that said I think there was a lot of filler, and you never got to develop your idea. I feel like I am reading someone's journal rather than living through or witnessing the Apocalypse. You wrapped it up well, good job.

[Okay I want to say something I noticed just now and will help everyone: Stop the A.D.D. inspired meaningless tangents. Especially if the story is underdeveloped and it does not match the tempo of the writing or pace of the story at the time. Maybe once is interesting but the 3rd time is torture, picture it like a horror movie where the hero has a knife inching toward the door where the monster is but then trips over the dog, then bumps into the table, then someone calls his cell, then he stops and ties his shoe...after a while the momentum is ruined IMO]

As I rubbed the salt water out of my eyes, it became clear that the sky had kept its integrity as it was as blue as the day I was born. The sun will still as blazing hot as a summer‟s day, the antithesis to the dark sorrow I felt. Now the bigger challenge was to rise to my feet to see what kind of land awaited me. I reluctantly rose to my nervously shaking legs as the smell of urine became more apparent with every muscle I moved. It seemed I could survive a flood but my bladder couldn‟t sustain the urine inside of me for the time I was knocked out.

Vivid, economical and I think you got all five senses in there. This is literature IMO.

The will to live slightly edged out my desire to die.

the rose scented smell that I reminisced on became overpowered by the blood trails that surrounded me.

Bravo, I see art in this

note: I wish you did some quick position descriptions of the scene with the reaper-like figure. The exchange warranted it and would have been a good chance or add suspense, comic relief, etc

Great story idea I think would make a great movie or book good job!

My head spun as the contents of the can swarmed their way through my bloodstream. Liquid amber washing down my throat, clouding my mind even further and dimming my lights as I drifted off to a fitful sleep ears filling with the screams of the dead and dying.

I Love the imagery very interesting way to describe a tasty beer!
Okay now what happened how did the title get worked into the story? I can't find where he accepts any offer

After the death of my dad I was only two
years old at the time and never understood why my mom was so
determined kill who murder her husband and Mr. Randall.

Definite head scratcher simple story ending but I commend you for staying within the word count

“The real enemy is us,” I said while I kicked his carcass off the roof.

Chilling. Let me get it:
So the wife was a zombie right, a black woman and he was white? And the daughter was mixed and he was trying to feed her humans to survive?


Anyways I am burnt out gonna save Ultimate for Later, seems interesting has revenge and psychic abilities

 

[mealstrom]

Thanks so much for coming back and doing your reviews.

 

[future2001]

lol hints... he's black... daughter's mixed... wife's white... i messed up on her discription... should have emphasized that more... with green eyes or something...

And yes he was trying to keep her alive.. in the sense of her the body there cause we all know she can't be there much as a person being a zombie.

His mind state is messed up... fucked up... screwed up... however you wan't to put it. He leaves his young daughter with a zombie to go kill hiumans to bring back to feed her... But he's in love... he can't cope... the world around him is lost... he's lost...

and whatever else you can see with your imagination in it...

I still got my reviews to do on the rest... im slipping I know... and meal i think we should start the horror contest cause I don't know what the hells going on with the other one...