The Official BGOL " All About Women" Thread....

I can understand where you're coming from and agree somewhat, but how can one help him/her self, when they don't know that help is needed?
im assuming that the person knows that they need help and accept it....trying to tell someone they need help when they have been told they are perfect in every way, or should I say "strong, independent,etc" is a pointless endeavor....it works better with kids.....which is why I volunteer and spit to those who are listening...
 
im assuming that the person knows that they need help and accept it....trying to tell someone they need help when they have been told they are perfect in every way, or should I say "strong, independent,etc" is a pointless endeavor....it works better with kids.....which is why I volunteer and spit to those who are listening...

Good luck, brotha.....
 
Good luck, brotha.....

I know man I know, from experience...so I only deal with those who truly want to advance and judge them by the work put into their actions as opposed to what they say....

alot of the "sistas" have pledged loyalty and sacrifice in public but sown discord and hatred in private for far too long bro....now that the shit is hitting the fan and someone has to be held accountable, they got the nerve to complain about finding a mate...gtfoh with that shit!!
 
not in that sense I mean "outgoing" they just walk around grumpy as hell and the minute you utter a hello..how are ya..they look at you like they have seen a monster with 3 heads....I guess its this 30+ crowd. All my friends in their mid 20's seem to be very outgoing...not that 30 + femaie crowd though:smh:

apparently the new 'thing' is that BW don't like it when other folk (Black men) tell them to smile...

:smh::smh:

another reason to move to Brasil.. :dance::lol:
 
stuff like this applies across the board...how many black women have lied in the same manner??? we seen on this board women refuse to acknowledge the role they play (ie "You chose him, so dont be mad at me") in relationships when they go sour, but when they work its b/c she is "all that"....

"She said it was impossible to ignore the part that fathers' pressure groups had played in highlighting issues previously hidden behind the secretive doors of the family courts."

"A significant number of fathers, some estimate as many as 40%, will within two years of the split lose all contact with their children. Previously this had been seen as a sign of male fecklessness, but now it is also being recognised that dads are being pushed away, not only by the residual conflict with ex-partners, but also by a legal system that works against them maintaining relationships with their children."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/sep/26/family-courts-fathers-custody
 
not in that sense I mean "outgoing" they just walk around grumpy as hell and the minute you utter a hello..how are ya..they look at you like they have seen a monster with 3 heads....I guess its this 30+ crowd. All my friends in their mid 20's seem to be very outgoing...not that 30 + femaie crowd though:smh:

thats because by the time these dumb bitches are 30 they have been promised thew world 20 times by some slime ball who they knew was no good and fucked over in each case. By 30 them hoes is bitter
:lol:
 
Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.
George Bernard Shaw

Men are by nature merely indifferent to one another; but women are by nature enemies.
Arthur Schopenhauer

Yet consider now, whether women are not quite past sense and reason, when they want to rule over men.
John Calvin

The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.
Wilson Mizner

Women would rather be right than reasonable.
Ogden Nash

Why are women... so much more interesting to men than men are to women?
Virginia Woolf

Whether women are better than men I cannot say - but I can say they are certainly no worse.
Golda Meir

I have lived and slept in the same bed with English countesses and Prussian farm women... no woman has excited passions among women more than I have.
Florence Nightingale

Women have no sympathy and my experience of women is almost as large as Europe.
Florence Nightingale

Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.
Marlene Dietrich

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
Bill Cosby
 
Speak



ok, guys. Here's a question i'm sure many of us come across and i'm sure the answers will be a bit varied with age (20 is going to answer differently than 30 or 40 y.o. On here because of different expectation levels).

So for you guys out in the dating scene, if you meet a single woman (not just a random smash off) what's the limit for you?

-----

my story: I met a girl this weekend at a german beer house oktoberfest celebration. It was girls night out for her and friends. We pretty much hit it off. Nice convo for an hour or so, we exchange numbers, blah blah blah.

Cute girl. Splitting image of troy beyer. Petite, 5'4", 120lbs or so. Has a college degree, works for a ngo here in d.c. As a director of something or other.

johnqpre3.jpg


we talked again last night and we set up another date for this weekend. Then she dropped the bomb on me at the end of the conversation...

She has 3 kids! :eek: A set of twins from her former husband and one "oops" baby for an ex-boyfriend who died. 4,4, and 6.

Man, that 3 kid shit was a complete turn off to me. I'm in my 30's, have 0 kids, and don't like the fact that i have to be subject to dating with strings attached and/or competing for attention with her kids or having to always compromise or work around the kids schedule.

Maybe if i had the money to hire a nanny at will or babysitter, i wouldn't mind as much. My friend's day nanny cost $2,500 a month so i know what the price is.

Now i'm going to have to break it off with baby doll, but fuck it - i could 1, but 3 is far too many for me.

I don't think i'm being shallow - i am just being fair to myself.
 
In response to Heist's post, I'm 25 and I DO NOT date single mothers...they make great jumpoffs though and I will fuck them (with a condom of course), but I could never be in a real relationship w/ a chick w/ a kid for several reasons:

1) I've managed to make it to this point in life without having kids (a number of pregnancy scares, but none have ever come to fruition)...at some point, I'd like to start my own family, passing down my own genes to a child I've fathered with a woman that has proven herself worthy and capable of bearing and caring for my seed.

2) The only women that have babies are...WOMEN THAT WANT TO HAVE THEM. There are so many ways NOT to have a baby that one can only conclude that there are no "accidental pregnancies", but merely choices instead. It's hard for me to take single mothers seriously b/c they were the ones who ultimately made the decision to have a child that they are now burdened with raising with no male presence. I can't see how anyone who knows anything about the effects of an absent father on a child's development (especially as we have seen in the black community) would in good conscience bring children into this world with no male presence.

3) My parents have always told me that, if you do it with the right woman, having a child is a one-of-a-kind adventure...single mothers have chosen to share in that adventure with another guy. She'll always feel a closeness to that guy that you'll never understand, and we all know baby daddy niggas feel that they have first right of refusal on that pussy forever.

Bottom line, I just wanna see this shit stop...I'm tired of these young niggas growing up w/ no sense of identity and no idea what manhood is. I'm tired of little girls growing up to be hoodrats who turn around and spit out a shitload of kids, collect WIC checks, and sit at home. All of this is due to lack of family, and it starts with the single mothers. Women have to make better choices in the men they deal with, and brothers have to stop knocking up hoodrats. Understand, I'm not knockin who women choose to fuck...if the bitch wants to fuck the Jaequan the dopeboy b/c he got some new rims on his Chevy, that's cool. But to have a child w/ him when you know that he is, by nature, unstable and probably will not be a positive role model for your unborn? :smh:
 
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Me and my woman had this conversation last night in light of the Oprah show that will be on tonight about a group of black woman over 30 who have not had sex.:hmm:

I'm under the belief that there is no such thing as 'involentary celibacy' for women...period. Dick finds pussy every time.:hmm: Their lot in (sex) life is by their own doing, either consciously or subconsciously.

That being said I think the reason why these ladies and others are in the situation they are in is due to the following...

1) The men they would freely give the pussy to do not even know of their existence; those men are simply unattainable to those women....and they those women know that.

2) The men who are on their level (which is a lot lower than she is willing to admit) take a look at the mental gymnastics they would have to go through with these women just to get a sniff of it and turn the other way.

3) The men who would actually go through the bullshit just to get at those women....THEY DON'T WANT!


Oh...you can change out 'sex' for 'relationship' and get to a similar conclusion....:hmm:

*two cents*
 
Me and my woman had this conversation last night in light of the Oprah show that will be on tonight about a group of black woman over 30 who have not had sex.:hmm:

I'm under the belief that there is no such thing as 'involentary celibacy' for women...period. Dick finds pussy every time.:hmm: Their lot in (sex) life is by their own doing, either consciously or subconsciously.

That being said I think the reason why these ladies and others are in the situation they are in is due to the following...

1) The men they would freely give the pussy to do not even know of their existence; those men are simply unattainable to those women....and they those women know that.

2) The men who are on their level (which is a lot lower than she is willing to admit) take a look at the mental gymnastics they would have to go through with these women just to get a sniff of it and turn the other way.

3) The men who would actually go through the bullshit just to get at those women....THEY DON'T WANT!


Oh...you can change out 'sex' for 'relationship' and get to a similar conclusion....:hmm:

*two cents*

:yes::yes:;)
 
From the WHO IS MORE LOYAL, MEN OR WOMEN thread...

Loyalty is such a broad term and needs to be put into parameters in order to get an answer that isn't all over the place. Loyal to what?

To their emotions? Women.

To their logic? Men.


There's and old saying that 'if you want to change a man's emotions you must change his logic, and if you want to change a woman's logic you must change her emotions.'. Not to say that men cannot be ruled by their emotions and that women cannot think things out logically but in most cases *pulls out wide paint brush* to get at one you have to get at the other.

Example, I have been in many threads on this board alone where to male poster would passionately be arguing over a subject only for the passion to disprese from one of the posters once enough evidence was provided to change their way of thinking.

I had many conversations with women who were totally against my stance on a subject, only after I got them to calm down (changed their emotions), that they realized that they more than understood the validity of my agruement if not just taken up my stance all together.


In, short our loyalties are different cause we're different.

IMO of course.

*two cents*


A response from 'info'

your on to something...but the reason this needs to be asked is because the women have dominated the conversation for too long, in an effort to make themselves look like victims and make men look like the boogeyman....and men have accepted it...and the next generation of men who are being raised by primarily women may accept it, unless they have a male influence...this is not good.....

im convinced,however, that the more emotions a woman claims to have, the more cold, calculating and ruthless she is....blaming her emotions is something she would say to disarm the man before she overwhelms him....this "loyalty" thing is being used in the same fashion......

men oftentimes argue about this from a defensive position, instead of an offensive one....asking hard questions shuts up most of the women who run this game...especially as it regards to personal accountability...


follow up response to info's response

The highlighted part is the straight up gospel. Women use their emotions as a 'rational hamster' to spin up (change) reasons on why they do a whole range of shit and then claim they 'succumbed to their emotions' when that shit does not play out in their favor.

How many times have your heard this statment from a woman: "I did _________ because I FELT LIKE_______." She did it based on what she felt.


But what they use as a weapon has a double edge sword thats cuts both ways. That's the foundation of the pimp game "Any fool can have a woman's body but the key is to have her mind and the only way to get her mind is through her emotions.". I known men (included myself) who have got women to do the most ridiculous things because I tapped into her emotions and change her way of thinking. She did it based on what she felt.

*two cents*
 
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yup....
Similarities Between Cult Victims and Abuse Victims

Bullies, narcissists, borderlines, histrionics and sociopaths like easy targets. They go after people who are kind, generous, trusting, eager to please, self-reflective, competent, talented or “gifted” and, most importantly, people who have a desire to cooperate or work things out and a non-confrontational personal style (Namie, 2003). Cults like easy prey, too. They typically target individuals who are in a state of heightened stress.

They seek individuals who have recently had a destabilizing experience such as a bad break-up, the death of a loved one, being fired or some other significant life stressor such as a young man who’s left for college and is on his own for the first time. During a period of heightened stress certain people are more susceptible to an individual or group who claims to have all the answers and/or offers instant companionship or instant intimacy. Michael Langone, PhD has compiled a list of cult victim traits that are similar to the traits of abuse victims. The similar traits are:

* Dependency. An intense desire for a sense of belonging, approval, acceptance and a fear of being alone.
* Unassertiveness. Non-confrontational, people-pleasers who are reluctant to question authority.
* Gullibility. A willingness to believe what another person says without critically thinking it through or challenging it.
* Naive Idealism. The belief that everyone is good, has some redeeming quality or can change for the better.
* Desire for Spiritual Meaning. The belief that life has a “higher purpose” or that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes people are just abusive jerks and there’s no deeper meaning attached to it, but good targets keep searching for it despite all evidence to the contrary.

The above personality traits and a state of heightened stress aren’t sufficient to brainwash a potential victim. A conscious knowledge or instinctual knowledge of mind control techniques is also required. Margaret Singer, PhD cites 6 conditions necessary for brainwashing or thought reform. Many cult leaders study these principles and know exactly what they’re doing. Most abusive women have not studied these techniques. They seem to have an instinctual knowledge of them. [Please note: If they are aware of what they're doing it's highly likely that they're full blown sociopaths and you should regard them as dangerous.] Singer’s 6 conditions for thought reform:

1. “Keep the person unaware of what is going on and how he is being changed one step at a time.” Not a problem since most abusive women are only vaguely aware of what they’re doing or completely unaware.
2. “Control the person’s social and/or physical environment; especially control the person’s time.” She doesn’t want you talking to outsiders who might challenge the “reality” she feeds you or her authority.
3. “Systematically create a sense of powerlessness in the person.” She instills a sense of learned helplessness within you by placing you in no-win situations.
4. Manipulate a system of rewards and punishments in order to inhibit the person’s natural personality and behavior. The goal is to break you down and turn you into a handpuppet.
5. Manipulate a system of rewards and punishments in order to promote the group’s ideology or belief system and group-approved behaviors. In other words, she’s right. She’s always right. Don’t question her. Don’t challenge her. She always comes first. You live to serve.
6. “Put forth a closed system of logic and an authoritarian structure that permits no feedback and refuses to be modified except by leadership approval or executive order. The group has a top-down, pyramid structure. The leader must have verbal ways of never losing“ (1996, p.64-69). Most abusive women are mental and verbal contortionists/escape artists. They can twist the most obvious set of facts into a Gordian knot or find ways to evade the conversation by changing the subject or attacking you on a new front.

Similarities Between Abusive Women’s Courtship Behavior and Cult Recruitment Techniques

Cults and abusers create feelings of guilt, covert and overt fear, powerlessness and dependency in their victims in several ways. Manipulation, deception and “love bombing” are how cult recruiters and emotional predators get their foot in the door. They lure you in by misrepresenting themselves, lying, hiding their abusive nature and drugging you with praise and affection. Once they insinuate themselves into your life, the outright abuse ensues. First, let’s look at their seduction and relationship building tactics.

Manipulation and Deception. Both cult recruiters and emotional predators employ manipulation and deception to ensnare their targets. Initially, they hide their true natures and intentions and wear a carefully crafted, too-good-to-be-true persona. “They identity the specific needs or desires of their targets and play to them. They learn to pick up on a person’s fears and vulnerabilities and portray [themselves] accordingly” (Layton).

Abusive women, particularly histrionics and borderlines, are natural chameleons and shape shifters. They intuitively discern what you want—e.g., sexy, sweet, adventurous, sporty, artsy, etc.—and play it and you to the hilt. As soon as they’re secure in your attachment, the facade drops away and the emotional and/or physical abuse starts. These women insidiously misrepresent themselves to their potential partners. Sometimes they’re impossible to detect until you’re in over your head.

Furthermore, most abusers aren’t abusive all the time. If they were nasty the majority of the time, psychologically healthy people would keep their distance. This kind of woman is like the wicked witch in a fairy tale who transforms herself into the beautiful maiden to attract potential lovestruck suitors. Shortly after you pledge your devotion to her, she exposes her inner ugliness. It’s hard for many men to let go of the initial illusion and so they continue to play right into her hands.

The Love Bomb. Cult recruiters and many emotional predators drug you with love, admiration, validation, affection, adoration, flattery, laser beam attention, responsiveness and sexual and non-sexual touching. They hang on your every word and create a sense of instant rapport, connection and intimacy. Margaret Singer (1996) describes the technique:

“As soon as any interest is shown by the recruits, they may be love bombed by the recruiter or other cult members. This process of feigning friendship and interest in the recruit was . . . part of their program for luring people in. Love bombing is a coordinated effort, usually under the direction of leadership, that involves long-term members’ flooding recruits and newer members with flattery, verbal seduction, affectionate but usually nonsexual touching, and lots of attention to their every remark. Love bombing – or the offer of instant companionship – is a deceptive ploy accounting for many successful recruitment drives.”


Many people are seduced by this kind of behavior. Everyone wants to feel special. Abusers play to your ego needs and then turn the tables on you, which is why it’s so difficult to break away once the abuse begins in earnest. You yearn for her to return to the kind, loving person she was when you first met. You believe that’s the real person and the abusive, hostile, cold, unempathic harpy is the aberration. In reality, the opposite is true.

This is how emotional predators and cults seduce you. They flatter you and make you feel special—at first. Next week, I’ll explore how they break you down and keep you down. Meanwhile, don’t drink the Kool-Aid.
 
Black women and the marriage gap
A report finds the college-educated more likely to marry. That's long been the case for African-American women

You might have read today that the "marriage gap" has been reversed. College-educated adults are now more likely to marry by age 30 than their lesser-educated counterparts. In other words: Women can bid farewell to the so-called "marriage penalty."

Only, black women did so a long time ago. That's the interesting and less-reported tidbit behind the headlines: This recent shift is largely due to change among college-educated white women. "For decades, college-educated men have been at least as likely to enter into marriage as their less-educated counterparts," says the Pew Research Center report. "Similar to men, better educated black females have been more likely to marry than less-educated black females for quite some time."

At the same time, the marriage rate has sharply declined among black women as a whole, and the marriage gap between college-educated black women and white women has grown dramatically. Last year, Yale sociology Professor Hannah Brueckner told UPI, "[Black women] are less likely than black men to marry outside their race, and, compared to whites and black men, they are least likely to marry a college-educated spouse."

This all raises a big question: Why did the "marriage penalty" disappear so long ago for black women? It's a complicated issue and there are, of course, many different theories out there, but for now I will leave you with some intriguing thoughts from an American Prospect piece by Cecilia A. Conrad, which is two years old, but relevant as ever:

Marriage has not historically been the route out of poverty for black women that it has been for white women. ... Single black mothers are not more likely to be poor because they are not married. They are likely to be not married because they, and their likely marriage partners, have poor economic prospects. For black women and black men, a good job may be a prerequisite for a good marriage.


http://www.salon.com/life/coupling/?story=/mwt/broadsheet/2010/10/08/black_women
 
By Nina Robinson
BBC News, New York
Bene is a young, bright and beautiful black woman in Manhattan. But she thinks that finding a decent black man who could be marriage material may not be so easy.
"I'm looking for someone who is smart, funny, ambitious, someone who is in his career or actively working towards a career," she says.
Single, college-educated, black women like Bene are playing a tricky numbers game when it comes to finding a suitable marriage partner in the US.
'Education gap'
In a Yale University study by Nitsche and Brueckner, about 22% of highly educated women - both black and white - between the ages of 20 and 45 were single in the 1970s.
But that number has diverged over time, between the races.
It has remained the same for white women, but now 38% of black women have never been married.
The study argues that this is hindering the progression of the black middle classes.
Averil Clarke, assistant professor at Yale University, has written on the subject, and sheds light on one of the reasons behind the statistics.
"There are not many college-educated black men out there and black women are aware of the numbers," she says.
The education gap is wide between the sexes, with 40% more black women than black men continuing in education and going on to college.
According to a Columbia University study, boys who drop out of high school are 60% more likely to end up in prison.
Blind date
Bene agreed to go on a blind date to explore some of the issues involved.
Andre is a 25-year-old African-American man who has been in and out of prison on drug and gun charges.
He was offered a full scholarship at a university, but it was withdrawn after he got arrested.
If Andre had taken up his scholarship and not ended up in prison, he could have been on a similar income and education level to Bene at this point in their lives.
"As long as he's intelligent, I do not mind about his past background. Everyone makes mistakes and in society, quite often we do not give each other a second chance," Bene says.
'Totally dysfunctional'
A third of African-American men, at some point in their lives, spend time behind bars.
But there are problems with dating men who have been in prison according to Mark Goldsmith, who runs a non-profit organisation called Getting Out and Staying Out, which helps young men who have just come out of prison.
"Some of these young men come from totally dysfunctional families," he says.
"They come from neighbourhoods with terrible schools which they leave in ninth grade (age 13-14) to sell drugs on the street. It's an epidemic of young men of colour."
Mr Goldsmith thinks this background feeds into the relationships these men have when they're older.
"They have no idea what a healthy relationship with a woman is all about - remember they may have never seen one. They see women as sexual objects and women have a low opinion of them too," says Mr Goldsmith.
Inter-racial relationships have increased in America but more men are going down that route then women.
While 14% of educated African-American men in the US tend to marry outside their race, only 4.5% of women choose that route.
Bene and Andre meet at a basketball game as Andre is the team coach.
After the date, Andre makes it clear that there is chemistry between them.
"I like her as she's intelligent and she's street smart too and I like that, but it's in her power," he says.
Bene is impressed with Andre's honesty and intelligence.
"He's polite, cute and a good guy, but I could not date him. And let's be realistic - what kind of job is he going to get as an ex-felon?" Bene says.
But given his current situation, Andre has been effectively taken out of the dating market.
And there are many men who are in a similar position to Andre.
"In the community that I come from, it is really normal," says Bianca van Hadren, who works at Getting out and Staying Out.
She says she would consider dating ex-convicts, despite the fact this would not be the ideal scenario.
So not all is lost for men like Andre.
But for Bene, the struggle to find an eligible man from her own race, socio-economic and educational background carries on.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-11434399
 
^^^^those women are single because of their choices....Im sure she bypassed plenty of black dudes in school she would not have given the time of day now....why dont people get this???
 
^^^^those women are single because of their choices....Im sure she bypassed plenty of black dudes in school she would not have given the time of day now....why dont people get this???
co-sign.

sometime we're our own worse enemies.
 
I had a revelation tonite dealing with a chick. If you are a nice guy and you do right, you gotta hold a chick to higher standard. Be a king and she has to be a queen. I was wilding in the club cause ol' girl tried to lecture me about how I was acting when she was the one being foul. For real, that's the last time I play that game of respecting a person that ultimately doesn't respect you.
 
they in no way reflect my personal opinion. Just the facts.

10. Incessantly asking a guy "what are you thinking about?"

9. Nagging. Nag. Nag. Nag nag nag nag nag. Actually i don't think that this is fixable but i'll bring it up anyway. If a guy never had arms and legs and somehow he got with a girl and they get married. He'll spend the next fill in the amount of time here hearing her nag about all the things that he can't do because he has no arms. Or all the things that she has to do because she's the only one in the relationship with arms and legs. Bottom line, if you say it once; that should be enough. He has no arms and legs but he does have ears.


8. Thinking that it's not always about sex.

7. I know that us guys seem all powerful and omnipotent. But we do have one shortcoming. We are not psychic. Say what you mean and ask for what you want. You'll be much better off.

6. Bringing up all the wedding plans you have been working on since you were six years old.

5. Asking questions about past girlfriends or relationships.


4. Comparing him to other past dudes. This goes for comparing him in a good or bad way. We don't want to hear it. Period.

3. Talking about past boyfriends/husbands/lovers/flings/first crush. Any of that, and definitely neva eva eva eva eva eva go into any details about encounters with these dudes. No matter how funny the story may be. Tmi.


2. Trying to "trick" a guy into a serious relationship. If you've never seen your late-night booty call in the daylight hours. Don't think that you can trick blade into a real serious relationship. He is a hunter and can not be domesticated.

1. Don't let the flames die. Whatever it is you did to get the guy. Do double that, plus 1 more for good measure (here's the formula if you're confused. 2n(x+y/n)+1). The moment there's slippage in performance the guy will be wondering why. Bring the sexy back. Stop pausing encounters to put your wrap scarf on. And stop wearing a big old ass t-shirt to bed. Put the shoe on the other foot. What if a guy pulled out a patrick ewing knee brace and headband every time you were about to get down? It might put a little damper on the mood.

speak on it
 
They in no way reflect my personal opinion. Just the facts.

10. Incessantly asking a guy "what are you thinking about?"

9. Nagging. Nag. Nag. Nag nag nag nag nag. Actually I don't think that this is fixable but I'll bring it up anyway. If a guy never had arms and legs and somehow he got with a girl and they get married. He'll spend the next fill in the amount of time here hearing her nag about all the things that he can't do because he has no arms. Or all the things that she has to do because she's the only one in the relationship with arms and legs. Bottom line, if you say it once; that should be enough. He has no arms and legs but he does have ears.


8. Thinking that it's not always about sex.

7. I know that us guys seem all powerful and omnipotent. But we do have one shortcoming. WE ARE NOT PSYCHIC. Say what you mean and ask for what you want. You'll be much better off.

6. Bringing up all the wedding plans you have been working on since you were six years old.

5. Asking questions about past girlfriends or relationships.


4. Comparing Him to other past dudes. This goes for comparing him in a good or bad way. We don't want to hear it. PERIOD.

3. Talking about past boyfriends/husbands/lovers/flings/first crush. Any of that, and definitely Neva eva eva eva eva eva go into any details about encounters with these dudes. No matter how funny the story may be. TMI.


2. Trying to "trick" a guy into a serious relationship. If you've never seen your late-night booty call in the daylight hours. Don't think that you can trick Blade into a real serious relationship. He is a hunter and can not be domesticated.

1. Don't let the flames die. Whatever it is you did to get the guy. Do double that, plus 1 more for good measure (here's the formula if you're confused. 2n(x+y/n)+1). The moment there's slippage in performance the guy will be wondering why. Bring the sexy back. Stop pausing encounters to put your wrap scarf on. And stop wearing a big old ass t-shirt to bed. Put the shoe on the other foot. What if a guy pulled out a Patrick Ewing knee brace and headband every time you were about to get down? It might put a little damper on the mood.

SPEAK ON IT :yes::yes::yes:
 
Very simply. Black woman are raised to be "Independent" of thier men. They are taught from an early age not to ever "depend on a man" especially a black man, because you cant ever rely on a black man. This is the definition of strength for a large group of black woman.

In fact, if a woman were to raise her daughter with the intention of grooming her to one day be an appealing wife. That would be considered foolish and a sign of weakness by the black woman community. The cycle just continues and only gets worse.

If your whole ideolagy and upbringing centers around being Independent, i dont undertsand why the constant headscratching is going on when you end up being what you were raised to be.

speak on it..........
 
COLIN POWELL WHERE ARE YOU????????



Facing 72 per cent rate of unwed mothers, African-Americans explore reasons and answers

HOUSTON — One recent day at Dr. Natalie Carroll's OB-GYN practice, located inside a low-income apartment complex tucked between a gas station and a freeway, 12 pregnant black women come for consultations. Some bring their children or their mothers. Only one brings a husband.
Things move slowly here. Women sit shoulder-to-shoulder in the narrow waiting room, sometimes for more than an hour. Carroll does not rush her mothers in and out. She wants her babies born as healthy as possible, so Carroll spends time talking to the mothers about how they should care for themselves, what she expects them to do and why they need to get married.
Seventy-two per cent of black babies are born to unmarried mothers today, according to government statistics. This number is inseparable from the work of Carroll, an obstetrician who has dedicated her 40-year career to helping black women.
"The girls don't think they have to get married. I tell them children deserve a mama and a daddy. They really do," Carroll says from behind the desk of her office, which has cushioned pink-and-green armchairs, bars on the windows, and a wooden "LOVE" carving between two African figurines. Diamonds circle Carroll's ring finger.
As the issue of black unwed parenthood inches into public discourse, Carroll is among the few speaking boldly about it. As a black woman who has brought thousands of babies into the world, who has sacrificed income to serve Houston's poor, Carroll is among the few whom black women will listen to.
"A mama can't give it all. And neither can a daddy, not by themselves," Carroll says. "Part of the reason is because you can only give that which you have. A mother cannot give all that a man can give. A truly involved father figure offers more fullness to a child's life."
Statistics show just what that fullness means. Children of unmarried mothers of any race are more likely to perform poorly in school, go to prison, use drugs, be poor as adults, and have their own children out of wedlock.
The black community's 72 per cent rate eclipses that of most other groups: 17 per cent of Asians, 29 per cent of whites, 53 per cent of Hispanics and 66 per cent of Native Americans were born to unwed mothers in 2008, the most recent year for which government figures are available. The rate for the overall U.S. population was 41 per cent.
This issue entered the public consciousness in 1965, when a now famous government report by future senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan described a "tangle of pathology" among blacks that fed a 24 per cent black "illegitimacy" rate. The white rate then was 4 per cent.
Many accused Moynihan, who was white, of "blaming the victim:" of saying that black behaviour, not racism, was the main cause of black problems. That dynamic persists. Most talk about the 72 per cent has come from conservative circles; when influential blacks like Bill Cosby have spoken out about it, they have been all but shouted down by liberals saying that a lack of equal education and opportunity are the true root of the problem.
Even in black churches, "nobody talks about it," Carroll says. "It's like some big secret." But there are signs of change, of discussion and debate within and outside the black community on how to deal with the growing problem.
Research has increased into links between behaviour and poverty, scholars say. Historically black Hampton University recently launched a National Center on African American Marriages and Parenting. There is a Marry Your Baby Daddy Day, founded by a black woman who was left at the altar, and a Black Marriage Day, which aims "to make healthy marriages the norm rather than the exception."
In September, Princeton University and the liberal Brookings Institution released a collection of "Fragile Families" reports on unwed parents. And an online movement called "No Wedding No Womb" ignited a fierce debate that included strong opposition from many black women.
"There are a lot of sides to this," Carroll says. "Part of our community has lost its way."
___
There are simple arguments for why so many black women have children without marriage.
The legacy of segregation, the logic goes, means blacks are more likely to attend inferior schools. This creates a high proportion of blacks unprepared to compete for jobs in today's economy, where middle-class industrial work for unskilled labourers has largely disappeared.
The drug epidemic sent disproportionate numbers of black men to prison and crushed the job opportunities for those who served their time. Women do not want to marry men who cannot provide for their families, and welfare laws created a financial incentive for poor mothers to stay single.
If you remove these inequalities, some say, the 72 per cent will decrease.
"It's all connected. The question should be, how has the black family survived at all?" says Maria Kefalas, co-author of "Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage."
The book is based on interviews with 162 low-income single mothers. One of its conclusions is that these women see motherhood as one of life's most fulfilling roles, a rare opportunity for love and joy, husband or no husband.
Sitting in Carroll's waiting room, Sherhonda Mouton watches all the babies with the tender expression of a first-time mother, even though she is about to have her fourth child. Inside her purse is a datebook containing a handwritten ode to her children, titled "One and Only." It concludes:
"You make the hardest tasks seem light with everything you do.
"How blessed I am, how thankful for my one and only you."
Mouton, 30, works full time as a fast-food manager on the 3 p.m. to 1 a.m. shift. She's starting classes to become a food inspector.
"My children are what keep me going, every day," she says. "They give me a lot of hope and encouragement." Her plans for them? "College, college, college."
On Mouton's right shoulder, the name of her oldest child, Zanevia, is tattooed around a series of scars. When Zanevia was an infant, Mouton's drug-addled fiance came home one night and started shooting. Mouton was hit with six bullets; Zanevia took three and survived.
"This man was the love of my life," Mouton says. He is serving a 60-year sentence. Another man fathered her second and third children; Mouton does not have good things to say about him. The father of her unborn child? "He's around. He helps with all the kids."
She does not see marriage in her future.
"It's another obligation that I don't need," Mouton says. "A good man is hard to find nowadays."
Mouton thinks it is a good idea to encourage black women to wait for marriage to have children. However, "what's good for you might not be good for me," Yes, some women might need the extra help of a husband. "I might do a little better, but I'm doing fine now. I'm very happy because of my children."
"I woke up today at six o'clock," she says. "My son was rubbing my stomach, and my daughter was on the other side. They're my angels."
___
Christelyn Karazin has four angels of her own. She had the first with her boyfriend while she was in college; they never married. Her last three came after she married another man and became a writer and homemaker in an affluent Southern California suburb.
In September, Karazin, who is black, marshalled 100 other writers and activists for the online movement No Wedding No Womb, which she calls "a very simplified reduction of a very complicated issue."
"I just want better for us," Karazin says. "I have four kids to raise in this world. It's about what kind of world do we want."
"We've spent the last 40 years discussing the issues of how we got here. How much more discussion, how many more children have to be sacrificed while we still discuss?"
The reaction was swift and ferocious. She had many supporters, but hundreds of others attacked NWNW online as shallow, anti-feminist, lacking solutions, or a conservative tool. Something else about Karazin touched a nerve: She's married to a white man and has a book about mixed-race relationships coming out.
Blogger Tracy Clayton, who posted a vicious parody of NWNW's theme song, said the movement focuses on the symptom instead of the cause.
"It's trying to kill a tree by pulling leaves off the limbs. And it carries a message of shame," said Clayton, a black woman born to a single mother. "I came out fine. My brother is married with children. (NWNW) makes it seem like there's something immoral about you, like you're contributing to the ultimate downfall of the black race. My mom worked hard to raise me, so I do take it personally."
Demetria Lucas, relationships editor at Essence, the magazine for black women, declined an invitation for her award-winning personal blog to endorse NWNW. Lucas, author of the forthcoming book "A Belle in Brooklyn: Advice for Living Your Single Life & Enjoying Mr. Right Now," says plenty of black women want to be married but have a hard time finding suitable black husbands.
Lucas says 42 per cent of all black women and 70 per cent of professional black women are unmarried. "If you can't get a husband, who am I to tell you no, you can't be a mom?" she asks. "A lot of women resent the idea that you're telling me my chances of being married are like 1 in 2, it's a crap-shoot right now, but whether I can have a family of my own is based on whether a guy asks me to marry him or not."
Much has been made of the lack of marriageable black men, Lucas says, which has created the message that "there's no real chance of me being married, but because some black men can't get their stuff together, I got to let my whole world fall apart. That's what the logic is for some women."
That logic rings false to Amy Wax, a law professor at the University of Pennsylvania, whose book "Race, Wrongs and Remedies: Group Justice in the 21st Century" argues that even though discrimination caused blacks' present problems, only black action can cure them.
"The black community has fallen into this horribly dysfunctional equilibrium" with unwed mothers, Wax says in an interview. "It just doesn't work."
"Blacks as a group will never be equal while they have this situation going on, where the vast majority of children do not have fathers in the home married to their mother, involved in their lives, investing in them, investing in the next generation."
"The 21st century for the black community is about building human capital," says Wax, who is white. "That is the undone business. That is the unmet need. That is the completion of the civil rights mission."
___
All the patients are gone now from Carroll's office: the prison guard, the young married couple, the 24-year-old with a 10-year-old daughter and the father of her unborn child in jail. The final patient, an 18-year-old who dropped out of college to have her first child, departs by taxi, alone.
"I can't tell you that I feel deep sadness, because I don't," says Carroll, who has two grown children. "And not because I'm not fully aware of what's happening to them. It's because I do all that I can to help them help themselves."
Carroll is on her second generation of patients now, delivering the babies of her babies. She does not intend to stop anytime soon. Her father, a general practitioner in Houston, worked right until he died.
Each time she brings a child into this world, she thinks about what kind of life it will have.
"I tell the mothers, if you decide to have a baby, you decide to have a different kind of life because you owe them something. You owe them something better than you got."
"I ask them, what are you doing for your children? Do you want them to have a better life than you have? And if so, what are you going to do about it?"

 
Copped from BMV:

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MEN: Are YOU dating a loser? Think before you answer!
CNN.com


13 signs he's dating a loser

* Story Highlights
* There are 13 signs a guy may be dating a woman who's a loser, author says
* She's constantly complaining and barking orders
* She forces you to show off to her friends, but won't hang out with your guys
* She must do everything with you; wants you always by her side at parties

By Simcha Whitehill

(The Frisky) -- I've had a bumpy ride as a single gal and have dated many guys who weren't worth my time. But that doesn't mean a girl can't be a dud, too! Case in point? That tragic and recently cancelled VH1 show "Megan Wants a Millionaire," about a girl who was looking for a rich man to pay the bills.

For all you men out there, check out the 13 signs that you may be dating a loser. See someone you recognize? If you're smart, you'll lose her.

1. Dirty-flirty double standard: She flirts with dudes in front of you, shamelessly. Then, she gets super mad and makes a scene if you so much as give a cute waitress your order.

2. She needs to do everything with you: It's one thing to share experiences, but it's another thing to need someone to hold your hand all the time. When it goes beyond wanting to spending time together to demanding it constantly, you have to wonder, what's her problem?

3. Party pooper: She's mopey when you're not giving her 100 percent of your attention. When you start having fun, she wants to leave.

4. Sex as a weapon: Putting out is the bartering chip she's been using since her school days, but it's a cheap ploy. A clever woman who respects herself doesn't have to abuse her sexual power.

5. Baby, I'm yours: She wants to have kids so she can stop working and mooch off you. Now who's the child? The Frisky: 10 reasons not to have kids

6. High-maintenance mama: She's constantly complaining and barking orders. Everyone around her rolls their eyes at her demands. Why doesn't she get off her duff and do it herself? The Frisky: What's wrong with being selfish?

7. Friend indeed: She forces you to show off to her lady friends with grand displays of obedience, love, and virility. But she never wants to hang out with you and your best bros. Why is it she expects people to think she's impressive when she never does anything to impress them?

8. Parent trap: She blames her life's problems on her parents, yet she depends on them, a lot. The Frisky -- 22 things to teach sons about dating

9. Social climber: She's always looking for someone richer to kiss up to. When it comes to making new friends, she's a total snob.

10. Beauty is only skin deep: She thinks she should be famous, but she hasn't done anything to warrant admiration besides look pretty. The Frisky: Narcissism keeping you single?

11. Eau de desperation: She reeks of needing a man, and she will stop at nothing to bag one. When she's single, her female friends even feel like they have to hide their boyfriends for fear she will try to pounce.

12. One-way street: You're constantly doing things for her, but, as Janet Jackson would put it, "What have you done for me lately?" If she's going to act like a princess, why doesn't she treat you like the prince of a gentleman you are? The Frisky: Enough with the princess routine!

13. Go fish: She's always looking for compliments. You have to constantly reassure her that she's amazing, but her response always seems to say: "I know."

TM & � 2009 TMV, Inc. | All Rights Reserved

All AboutDating


Find this article at:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/perso...ser/index.html
 
In response to Heist's post, I'm 25 and I DO NOT date single mothers...they make great jumpoffs though and I will fuck them (with a condom of course), but I could never be in a real relationship w/ a chick w/ a kid for several reasons:

1) I've managed to make it to this point in life without having kids (a number of pregnancy scares, but none have ever come to fruition)...at some point, I'd like to start my own family, passing down my own genes to a child I've fathered with a woman that has proven herself worthy and capable of bearing and caring for my seed.

2) The only women that have babies are...WOMEN THAT WANT TO HAVE THEM. There are so many ways NOT to have a baby that one can only conclude that there are no "accidental pregnancies", but merely choices instead. It's hard for me to take single mothers seriously b/c they were the ones who ultimately made the decision to have a child that they are now burdened with raising with no male presence. I can't see how anyone who knows anything about the effects of an absent father on a child's development (especially as we have seen in the black community) would in good conscience bring children into this world with no male presence.

3) My parents have always told me that, if you do it with the right woman, having a child is a one-of-a-kind adventure...single mothers have chosen to share in that adventure with another guy. She'll always feel a closeness to that guy that you'll never understand, and we all know baby daddy niggas feel that they have first right of refusal on that pussy forever.

Bottom line, I just wanna see this shit stop...I'm tired of these young niggas growing up w/ no sense of identity and no idea what manhood is. I'm tired of little girls growing up to be hoodrats who turn around and spit out a shitload of kids, collect WIC checks, and sit at home. All of this is due to lack of family, and it starts with the single mothers. Women have to make better choices in the men they deal with, and brothers have to stop knocking up hoodrats. Understand, I'm not knockin who women choose to fuck...if the bitch wants to fuck the Jaequan the dopeboy b/c he got some new rims on his Chevy, that's cool. But to have a child w/ him when you know that he is, by nature, unstable and probably will not be a positive role model for your unborn? :smh:

This right here is some real talk...RESPECT Tone
 
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