real talk - tell the real reason why you are not in a relationship ?
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King Midas in reverse, everything I touch turns to shit.
Yea that shit had me dying
ing I might have that touch but I'm trying to change
K
kwazdog
Guest
I used to believe in soul mates and all that jazz. I'm not so sure anymore.
Yea that shit had me dying
I think a lotta us have that touch.
I had crushes on women...some girls who wanted to get with me... didn't cause most black women are about themselves...every girl i wanted to get with has told me i'm everything they want in a man...but,nothing so far...i have no kids,i'm not gay or on the down low,never been arrested,don't do drugs,etc...simply put,i'm a good man...20 to 25% of all black women are worth a damn anyway,so...
That's not a good attitude to have. And most women are about themselves. Most PEOPLE are about themselves.
All I tell you is that it not my time yet....I get asked that ALL the time by mostly females. When I tell them i'm single and have no kids, first they can't believe it, then they immediately think it's something i'm doing wrong or if there's something wrong with me.I just laugh.....my moms has never full court pressed me about it, but she has mentioned that she wishes that I was married.
My last serious relationship was 4 years ago, and after that I decided to just get into me more...and i'm cool with that. I'd rather be alone and happy then to settle and be miserable like some people I know who are already married.
At this point I just leave it in GOD's hands, maybe he has a better plan for me, they say the Lord works in mysterious ways.
Man, you said a mouthful .... Amen.
The sad thing is, how many HAPPILY married people do you know?? (That are past the "Newlywed" first couple of years?)
It doesn't discourage me, but still it IS sad.
Peace
D
DigitalAngel2007
Guest
Femme knows.
She knows I attract unstable women who hate me an love me.
I'm also an emotionally challenged, shallow, selfishly prideful, spoiled, impatient only child who is basically King Midas in reverse, everything I touch turns to shit.
hmmmmm.... You attract unstable women or you go for unstable women....Just cause she doesn't spot you first doesn't mean it's a not a match. Step right on over those petty broads and tap the shoulder of someone on your level. Nowadays guys seem to want women to make the first move. If I hadn't of broken out of my shell and initiated a friendship with my current boyfriend I'd still be single to this day. When exactly did the tables turn and making women have to do all the work.
ROFL @ Digital Angels Sig!!!!
I need to get into the Sig making thing.
However let me answer the question. I'm 32 and single, no kids and no ex wives. There is one simple reason for this. There seem to be a lack of real women. I'm finding that women no longer know how to be women. I do blame this on us men. It's a cycle. Women have been convinced that it's ok to partner up with incomplete men. This causes them to be inadequate women. So it's a crazy spiral. Band man make bad women who in turn make bad men. all the apples and the oranges in the baskets are going bad. Thus It's sad to say but my family blood line ( as polluted and crooked as it is) will more than likely end with me.
It's tiring to keep coming across black women that are either entirely to weak due to being completely dominated by a series of men, or women that have been conditioned into exerting their perceived masculinity and competence because they have a history of having to be the support for men or from not having the support of a man.
I can't find a woman that a good enough of a woman for me to be her good man. That's why I'm not married....
Then again maybe it's because I like milk, and I have milk breath from time to time.
I need to get into the Sig making thing.
However let me answer the question. I'm 32 and single, no kids and no ex wives. There is one simple reason for this. There seem to be a lack of real women. I'm finding that women no longer know how to be women. I do blame this on us men. It's a cycle. Women have been convinced that it's ok to partner up with incomplete men. This causes them to be inadequate women. So it's a crazy spiral. Band man make bad women who in turn make bad men. all the apples and the oranges in the baskets are going bad. Thus It's sad to say but my family blood line ( as polluted and crooked as it is) will more than likely end with me.
It's tiring to keep coming across black women that are either entirely to weak due to being completely dominated by a series of men, or women that have been conditioned into exerting their perceived masculinity and competence because they have a history of having to be the support for men or from not having the support of a man.
I can't find a woman that a good enough of a woman for me to be her good man. That's why I'm not married....
Then again maybe it's because I like milk, and I have milk breath from time to time.
Hmmm... where do I start? Well I think it's because my first real relationship hurt me really bad. Every since then I've just been running around like a chicken with his head cut off. I just fuck girls and keep it moving. I haven't meet a chick I was really interested in, in years. I've been single for 5 years.
It doesn't really bother me. I just jump from 1 chick to the next. But since I don't really like them. I do whateva I want. So I make them mad. I'm very picky right now. I'm 27 and I don't really want to invest any time in anyone I'm not feeling. Meaning spending time with her and going out with her in public if I'm not feeling her like that. REAL TALK!
It doesn't really bother me. I just jump from 1 chick to the next. But since I don't really like them. I do whateva I want. So I make them mad. I'm very picky right now. I'm 27 and I don't really want to invest any time in anyone I'm not feeling. Meaning spending time with her and going out with her in public if I'm not feeling her like that. REAL TALK!
I have officially surrendered my title as "CAPTAIN SAVE A HOE". I need a woman whose is stable, emotionally, financially, and sexually. Fellas real talk - A big ass does not equate to asset, some times more of a liability. Yes ladies I am bitter. Although my wounds are self-inflicted, they still hurt.
I suppose the real reason I am single is for a combination of reasons.
The first reason would be because I am not totally over my ex. We were together off and on about two years. And I can honestly say that he was the first person I totally let my guard down with and allowed myself to fall really truly in love with. We broke up in March and as much as I tell myself I'm over it. . I'm not.
The second reason would is do with not being able to meet people. Let's see. . I don't go to clubs or out all for that matter. And I'm the one of the few blacks in my school program and at work and I live in an all-white area. So I hardly ever get a chance to meet anyone. Then when I do so happen to meet people. . we just haven't clicked or were just incompatible.
The last reason would be time. I work full-time and go to school full-time and I just really don't have the time to do the pre-relationship stuff. . like talking on the phone all night. I don't have time for it. . . So because of that it's for me to really even get the opportunity to know someone.. . Idk. Maybe it's just an excuse. I've just been trying to give me some myself some me time and just relax on the relationship stuff. I'm trying to learn how to be patient again. . . and just become a better person because the old me would have already replaced my ex.
But I must add the single life isn't bad. I'm starting to get used to being alone now and it really feels peaceful. .
The first reason would be because I am not totally over my ex. We were together off and on about two years. And I can honestly say that he was the first person I totally let my guard down with and allowed myself to fall really truly in love with. We broke up in March and as much as I tell myself I'm over it. . I'm not.
The second reason would is do with not being able to meet people. Let's see. . I don't go to clubs or out all for that matter. And I'm the one of the few blacks in my school program and at work and I live in an all-white area. So I hardly ever get a chance to meet anyone. Then when I do so happen to meet people. . we just haven't clicked or were just incompatible.
The last reason would be time. I work full-time and go to school full-time and I just really don't have the time to do the pre-relationship stuff. . like talking on the phone all night. I don't have time for it. . . So because of that it's for me to really even get the opportunity to know someone.. . Idk. Maybe it's just an excuse. I've just been trying to give me some myself some me time and just relax on the relationship stuff. I'm trying to learn how to be patient again. . . and just become a better person because the old me would have already replaced my ex.
But I must add the single life isn't bad. I'm starting to get used to being alone now and it really feels peaceful. .
I live in a small town near St. Louis. I was just raised in Chicago.
LOL. . Chicago is my home. That's actually where I am right now lol. I just go to school in a very rural area.
LOL. . nope. Hence why I can't meet anybody. Because I don't leave the house.
South suburbs
Good thread. My dude, don't let your folks pressure you to get with any woman. Especially a woman from church.
I had my doubts but not now. I think there are many though and its not always intimate and sexual in a romantic way. Some people you just have a connection with. Hopefully, you can find one you can feasibly live with, whose company AND cuntpany you can enjoy, and want to build something with.
Thanks for answering nuk. It doesn't matter about perceived percentages. Only a handful of people male or female are really going to be about shit in general.
^^^ What he said.
Good for you. When you meet the right person(s), it should still feel like that- peaceful.
I agree Jam Jam. All this shit is a crap shoot. Believe it or not, I just determined that shit -- I mean REALLY accepted it -- within the last 2 years.
Number 1, Marriage is overrated. I did all the right things the right way
. And still, I am going thru a divorce right now. I went school, graduated with a bachelors, landed a good job, met a man, got engaged for 2 years, married him, had a baby 3 years later. The marriage went south and I realized it was no longer healthy to be in, even for my daughters sake. Im saying all this shit to say that even if you do the right things shit can still be jacked up. Number 2, Relationships are nice, but not necessary. (I wish the "old school" generation would accept that shit! I hear them talk about how my female cousins must be gay because they are in their 30s and not married! WTF?!?!
) Fuck all that. MFs need to focus on going to school, getting the paper, get a good job, KEEPING THE JOB, save money and invest wisely. (Over Thanksgiving, I heard 3 stories from college drop-outs wishing they'd stayed in school. Degrees can make a $30K difference on an entry level job!!) I digress. Anyway, if you are single, sure you may get lonely! But I've learned that thats the time to focus on improving self, obtain new skills, enjoy family, improve faith, join organizations and volunteer in the community.Number 3. Like the SOS Band says, Take your time do it right. Im kicking myself in the ass for not heeding this advice I got years ago. Now, I truly know what it means. WTF is everyone rushing to be in committed relationships for? They are time consuming, expensive and stressful. Although I no longer have casual sex (It's so not safe and hell, I'm 32 with a daughter!), my focus is on my child and being a good, solid provider and role model. But when I do get the patience (and energy) to settle down with a man again, it will be slow and easy, giving 100%.
I agree Jam Jam. All this shit is a crap shoot. Believe it or not, I just determined that shit -- I mean REALLY accepted it -- within the last 2 years.
Number 1, Marriage is overrated. I did all the right things the right way
Number 2, Relationships are nice, but not necessary. (I wish the "old school" generation would accept that shit! I hear them talk about how my female cousins must be gay because they are in their 30s and not married! WTF?!?!
Number 3. Like the SOS Band says, Take your time do it right. Im kicking myself in the ass for not heeding this advice I got years ago. Now, I truly know what it means. WTF is everyone rushing to be in committed relationships for? They are time consuming, expensive and stressful. Although I no longer have casual sex (It's so not safe and hell, I'm 32 with a daughter!), my focus is on my child and being a good, solid provider and role model. But when I do get the patience (and energy) to settle down with a man again, it will be slow and easy, giving 100%.
Marriage is a whole different animal than a career or accomplishments. The same qualities that can make you successful in other aspects of life can doom a marriage. Marriage or a long term relationship has to be approached from a different angle. That shit isn't a notch on one's belt.
I feel you on that Thanksgiving shit, damn near all the female members of the fam were like damn you ever gonna get another girlfriend, havent had one in 2 years. I was like naw Im just chillin right now. But either they havent thought about it or dont realize that Im an only child, so I dont feel the overwhelming desire to be in a relationship, nor have I ever. Only children are just built differently than others I guess.. People seem to think that if you dont have a significant other then you must be lonely, couldnt be farther from the truth. I guess my nonchalant attitude about relationships along with my lone cub mentality is to blame for me not being in one.
The way I see it, you have to approach ALL of it - marriage, school, career, family, relationships - with a venegence. Sure, there has to be a balance, but to me, the same vigor & drive you put in at work is the same vigor & drive you put in at the crib. On the most basic level, It's really no different, man. Cause guess what? You dont work, you dont eat. And if you work too hard for too long, ya shit at the crib is gonna be fucked up.
No difference.
Femme,
First, congratulations on beating the Big C, I've seen people face it - some with grace and some with a lotta fear. Never easy, even after.
On the long time between relationships, giving up a real trippy time for me that gave me room to be in a real relationship again;
Short: She approached me, 3 times, til I agreed we would try it out. She was 20 years younger, BI, and would make you think you were looking at a taller, slimmer Sanaa Lathan. I couldn't deal with the age thing at first, because I have a daughter not much younger.
When I agreed to find out if she could really handle the age difference, I found a person that brought me out of 8 years of waiting to meet someone worth of "not finding another woman like the one I married". We never really caught on, but this young girl was cool enough that I finally got over the divorce BS and started seeing women a lot differently -- and met someone that I think I'll be with for a minute. No marriage, neither of us want it, we just want to chill with each other ONNAREAL tip for a minute. It's nice.
But dating has so much BS in it now that I wonder how anybody hooks up long term anymore. I am truly fortunate, and, yes, blessed to have found a beautiful, smart and loving Black Woman that wants to be only with me.
And I love a Black Woman.
There are two reasons I'm not in a relationship. One reason I tell most people...I been divorced for years, had my kids already, blah, blah...the REAL reason...I been on a selfish, hedonistic run that kinda took over part of my life. It's kinda hard to be in a relationship when you're out fucking around all the time. I don't have to account for who...or how many chicks I'm hittin. I don't have to account for my time or money. The crazy thing is that there are STILL women who will get with my program and ignore the one-sidedness of it all. I suppose they don't want a real relationship, either...although some think if they just hang around long enough, I'll change. There may be some truth to that. Every few years, I get tired of running around and want to get serious. But after a year, or so, I'm back to 
again. If I could find a fine, freaky, smart, funny woman that likes lookin at BGOL with me, I might be good.
I suppose they don't want a real relationship, either...although some think if they just hang around long enough, I'll change. There may be some truth to that. Every few years, I get tired of running around and want to get serious. But after a year, or so, I'm back to again. If I could find a fine, freaky, smart, funny woman that likes lookin at BGOL with me, I might be good.Femme knows.
She knows I attract unstable women who hate me an love me.
I'm also an emotionally challenged, shallow, selfishly prideful, spoiled, impatient only child who is basically King Midas in reverse, everything I touch turns to shit.
...maybe you're attracting people with those same qualities. You can excuse your own behavior, but you loathe others who behave the same way...
I've been married twice. First to my daughter's dad (we were too young) and then to a wonderful guy who I adored. We seemed like a perfect match, but we each had some immaturity issues in different areas. Instead of learning from each other and growing together, we let it destroy our marriage - I think we're both better people now, but we're not together. Now I that I have all this knowledge and understanding, I'm better prepared, but some people can only see that I've been married twice, so they think that there "MUST be something wrong" with me. I'm also overly cautious. I want to be married again, but I refuse to be divorced again. I'm an eternal optimist, so I'm convinced that I'll meet someone just like me - down to earth, loving, spiritual AND open minded (among other things)...and I've met some people like that, but either I was more into them than they were into me or vice versa. So it's a fucked up situation on some levels (may not have any more children), but I'm not pressed...if it happens, it happens.
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Anonymity is the ultimate relaxer so I'm gonna be honest...
I'm still single because I've accepted that my expectations are about as absurd as those statistics Oprah women keep waving like the King James bible. Although I'm not looking for supermodels, I'll be the first to admit that at 33, I'm not compromising on what I want. That, and fuck it - like I said in another post, if I can't have a black woman, I'd rather do without. In Lost Angels, it's mad easy to get love from anything OTHER than a sista. For whateva psychological fugged up Willie Lynch social excuses you can come up with though, the fact REMAINS; Ninjas and sistas ain't connecting.
Here's my list of (5) things I want that I've nearly given up on finding:
1. Complimentary Queens
Notice I didn't say complimentary girls, or even complimentary princesses. I said QUEENS which implies WOMEN, and by compliments, I don't mean smiles. As a man, it's hard enough to make it out here, and back in the day, black women and men supported each other through hardship AND prosperity. Shit, i want a woman that will compliment, i.e., ADD her whole to mine and make two wholes walking down the same path. This isn't on some Dr. Phil-good ish... Black women today - at least from what i've encounted - want black men that are already pre-made prosperous. They want their man already paid, packaged, and ready to go. Forget growing with the dude, and No building together, either. Sometimes in their confusion to have that magazine life, they'll settle for Hustlers, Playas, and deep-pocketed thugs that are easier 'fix-em-ups' than the line of black men just at their peripheral holding down modest jobs with aspirations of Bill Gates instead of Jay-Z.
Inevitably, when their thug-project doesn't work, when they get beat on, and their bank accounts are emptied, and their dirty-dick ninja comes home infecting YOUR pussy after sweet-talking the five OTHER college-educated sistas that cut-n-pasted their perfect man straight from VIBE magazine and into the real world...suddenly there are (gasp) NO black men out there and perhaps "I should start considering other men from other races 'cause Oprah said ain't nobody out there no mo'."
To be fair, I'm speaking from my experiences going on eight years in Los Angeles colored by a growing up in DC/Maryland. All I know is that I work in a nearly all-white nerd office at MTV with a range of folks that scale from geek to passably cool for white folk. The ages fall between 25-35 on average, and after doing the math, 90% of them are either married, engaged, or in serious relationships headed toward the nuptials. NOBODY's rich, but they're doing their lives all the same. You know...supporting each OTHER. One couple pooled their resources and just got back from a honeymoon in Venice last weekend.
...Find me a black couple that does that. I dare you. He better have that money all ready with that FICO score just right or y'all ain't even seeing the second date.
Flip that shit and make that a black office - same age stats, and how much money you wanna bet that most people wouldn't be married or even IN serious relationships? How many hard-luck stories would you hear from women that say there aren't any good guys out there and that they're still looking? How many simp-assed brothers do you think you'd find that cherish the pimpTACULAR culture and play mad chickens on the side because they make it SOOOO easy? Worse, of those that ARE in relationships in the SAME office, how many would even be WITH a black guy?
Hispanics don't have the same problems either. This is a black thing.
Fuck it, I ain't trying to get the Colin Powell, so I'll list numbers 4 through 1 later...
Be Easy...
I'm still single because I've accepted that my expectations are about as absurd as those statistics Oprah women keep waving like the King James bible. Although I'm not looking for supermodels, I'll be the first to admit that at 33, I'm not compromising on what I want. That, and fuck it - like I said in another post, if I can't have a black woman, I'd rather do without. In Lost Angels, it's mad easy to get love from anything OTHER than a sista. For whateva psychological fugged up Willie Lynch social excuses you can come up with though, the fact REMAINS; Ninjas and sistas ain't connecting.
Here's my list of (5) things I want that I've nearly given up on finding:
1. Complimentary Queens
Notice I didn't say complimentary girls, or even complimentary princesses. I said QUEENS which implies WOMEN, and by compliments, I don't mean smiles. As a man, it's hard enough to make it out here, and back in the day, black women and men supported each other through hardship AND prosperity. Shit, i want a woman that will compliment, i.e., ADD her whole to mine and make two wholes walking down the same path. This isn't on some Dr. Phil-good ish... Black women today - at least from what i've encounted - want black men that are already pre-made prosperous. They want their man already paid, packaged, and ready to go. Forget growing with the dude, and No building together, either. Sometimes in their confusion to have that magazine life, they'll settle for Hustlers, Playas, and deep-pocketed thugs that are easier 'fix-em-ups' than the line of black men just at their peripheral holding down modest jobs with aspirations of Bill Gates instead of Jay-Z.
Inevitably, when their thug-project doesn't work, when they get beat on, and their bank accounts are emptied, and their dirty-dick ninja comes home infecting YOUR pussy after sweet-talking the five OTHER college-educated sistas that cut-n-pasted their perfect man straight from VIBE magazine and into the real world...suddenly there are (gasp) NO black men out there and perhaps "I should start considering other men from other races 'cause Oprah said ain't nobody out there no mo'."
To be fair, I'm speaking from my experiences going on eight years in Los Angeles colored by a growing up in DC/Maryland. All I know is that I work in a nearly all-white nerd office at MTV with a range of folks that scale from geek to passably cool for white folk. The ages fall between 25-35 on average, and after doing the math, 90% of them are either married, engaged, or in serious relationships headed toward the nuptials. NOBODY's rich, but they're doing their lives all the same. You know...supporting each OTHER. One couple pooled their resources and just got back from a honeymoon in Venice last weekend.
...Find me a black couple that does that. I dare you. He better have that money all ready with that FICO score just right or y'all ain't even seeing the second date.
Flip that shit and make that a black office - same age stats, and how much money you wanna bet that most people wouldn't be married or even IN serious relationships? How many hard-luck stories would you hear from women that say there aren't any good guys out there and that they're still looking? How many simp-assed brothers do you think you'd find that cherish the pimpTACULAR culture and play mad chickens on the side because they make it SOOOO easy? Worse, of those that ARE in relationships in the SAME office, how many would even be WITH a black guy?
Hispanics don't have the same problems either. This is a black thing.
Fuck it, I ain't trying to get the Colin Powell, so I'll list numbers 4 through 1 later...
Be Easy...
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Back in the day I never really wanted to have VERY SERIOUS relationships. Mostly because I was a male slut, and I hated to break a girls heart after breaking a few when I was young. Typical male shit of telling a female yeah you my girl, but knowing you fucking chicks on the side.
So I had to get real with the ladies and with myself, and just tell them that we can go out, be friends, have a good time, and chill together but I'm not looking for anything serious. Know that I'm going to treat you well, you are going to have a good time when we are together, we will do shit, I will do all the freak, nasty shit you want to do but never felt comfortable telling a man before but that's just it. So don't be surprise if you see or hear about me with another lady. That worked well, ladies knew what to expect, noone got feelings hurt, etc.
Then I met my current wife. I thought I had done ALL of the freaky things I wanted to, had enough pussy to last me a lifetime, and that I was ready to settle down. She had all of the prerequisites I was looking for in a wife and I got married, still married to this day.
However, I still do think about fucking and getting freaky with other women that can understand the kind of relationship I'm in and hold it down on her end.
So I had to get real with the ladies and with myself, and just tell them that we can go out, be friends, have a good time, and chill together but I'm not looking for anything serious. Know that I'm going to treat you well, you are going to have a good time when we are together, we will do shit, I will do all the freak, nasty shit you want to do but never felt comfortable telling a man before but that's just it. So don't be surprise if you see or hear about me with another lady. That worked well, ladies knew what to expect, noone got feelings hurt, etc.
Then I met my current wife. I thought I had done ALL of the freaky things I wanted to, had enough pussy to last me a lifetime, and that I was ready to settle down. She had all of the prerequisites I was looking for in a wife and I got married, still married to this day.
However, I still do think about fucking and getting freaky with other women that can understand the kind of relationship I'm in and hold it down on her end.
This thread is therapeutic. I never knew there were so many people out there who thought like me. My homeboy says I'm like a pink elephant you don't see many single brothers with no kids. But I have ALWAYS been picky. I refuse to settle for less.
I agree Jam Jam. All this shit is a crap shoot. Believe it or not, I just determined that shit -- I mean REALLY accepted it -- within the last 2 years.
Number 1, Marriage is overrated. I did all the right things the right way
Number 2, Relationships are nice, but not necessary. (I wish the "old school" generation would accept that shit! I hear them talk about how my female cousins must be gay because they are in their 30s and not married! WTF?!?!
Number 3. Like the SOS Band says, Take your time do it right. Im kicking myself in the ass for not heeding this advice I got years ago. Now, I truly know what it means. WTF is everyone rushing to be in committed relationships for? They are time consuming, expensive and stressful. Although I no longer have casual sex (It's so not safe and hell, I'm 32 with a daughter!), my focus is on my child and being a good, solid provider and role model. But when I do get the patience (and energy) to settle down with a man again, it will be slow and easy, giving 100%.
I am just curious, what do you do to "feed the need" when you feel for "some"??
low self esteem and my expectations on how i want my girl to look is to high. i have passed up alot of good girls becuz i felt that they werent on my level and even petty reasons like there eye brows or nails werent done.. im an asshole.
I do agree about the conditional aspect except for my friendships. They seem to be able to withstand time and troubles. So why can't I have the same expectation of a romantic relationship?
That's why I wonder if men and women really do try to make things work. I don't think they do. I think people in general are too selfish.