Married brothers or long term relationship brothers, I need some advice on dealing with live in girlfriend.

[phanatic]

I had to leave the house for a few this morning because I didn't want to argue with her. I have a sunroom that I said she can grow plants in, and I told her just to maintain the room so it's not a mess. I go in there today, and there is trash everywhere, makeup shit laying all over the place, and dirt from the plants spilled on the floor. This is the 5th time I've asked her to keep the room somewhat tidy, and every single time she has an excuse about why it looks the way it does. Today I went in there and took everything on the floor and put it in a giant trashbag because I'm done asking.

How do you talk to your ladies when you've asked them multiple times to do something, and it seems they just don't give a fuck? I want to address this now, and not let it fester and I bring it up a year down the road.

 

[Dr. Truth]

You need to drop her. If you already having issues it will be there always. Also if a bitch is messy like that it’s a sign of a lazy sloppy bitch and you need to cit her loose. My wife is constantly cleaning up making sure the crib is clean.

 

[HUNTSVEGAZ]

Just like that.

They'll learn to pick up eventually

 

[DJCandle]

She’s showing you the tip of the iceberg. If you’re ok with that, carry on. If not, bring it up every time is happens until it changes.

If it doesn’t, you know what you gotta do.

 

[sammyjax]

I have never dealt with this kind of sitch

My broads shit be looking like hotels and staged homes and shit

 

[Entrepronegro]

Sound like she just don’t give a fuck and is just a messy person. If this keeps happening you need to find somebody that isn’t like this.

 

[HellBoy]

One of my ex-girlfriends was like that. Just didn't care how she left the bathroom counter, the kitchen or where she threw her clothes. We went back and forth on it for a while until I put her out. She wasn't respecting my place and I can't function in filth.

Sorry I have no advice, but your post triggered me.

 

[dasailr03]

You need to drop her. If you already having issues it will be there always. Also if a bitch is messy like that it’s a sign of a lazy sloppy bitch and you need to cit her loose. My wife is constantly cleaning up making sure the crib is clean.

I agree with this. The language is a bit coarse but the point remains the same. This is just the beginning. It's a sign and if you ignore it, its at your own risk. If she can't handle something this small, it won't get any better. Leave the chick alone now and be thankful later. Force it to work now, and return to BGOl later with your horror stories... BUT YOU BEEN THOROUGHLY ADVISED.

 

[4 Dimensional]

Ask yourself will you be able to tolerate it.

There is no woman on the planet that will satisfy your every need. There will be some areas where you’ll have to ask yourself “can I deal with this long term?”

Some people just sucks at doing certain things no matter how hard they try. If your from a life where effort and tidiness was important and you date a chick that comes from a life where that wasn’t stressed, then it’s going to be difficult for you to set those expectations that she’ll understand without you having to be patient to a degree.

Personally, some shit I just let go of completely because people are who they are. In one way, she could be a great mom, funny personality, easy to be around, but is sloppy with cleaning or doesn’t cook well.

Just ask yourself is this something you can tolerate and does this snowball into other areas. Because best believe there are aspects about you where she probably thinks you’re failing in.

 

[yureeka9]

First off, who's crib is it? Hers? Yours? Both of you? If its your place, lay down the law and let her know this is the way its gonna be or she will have to leave. If its her place, find your own spot. Problem solved. If you own the place together and you're not married to her, find the most painless way out of it possible. The lesson here is that you can get the most joy out of a relationship when you live in separate places. As soon as you move in with a chick you see the real side and a lot of times its not pretty.

 

[veritech]

I had to leave the house for a few this morning because I didn't want to argue with her. I have a sunroom that I said she can grow plants in, and I told her just to maintain the room so it's not a mess. I go in there today, and there is trash everywhere, makeup shit laying all over the place, and dirt from the plants spilled on the floor. This is the 5th time I've asked her to keep the room somewhat tidy, and every single time she has an excuse about why it looks the way it does. Today I went in there and took everything on the floor and put it in a giant trashbag because I'm done asking.

How do you talk to your ladies when you've asked them multiple times to do something, and it seems they just don't give a fuck? I want to address this now, and not let it fester and I bring it up a year down the road.

bruh, it is time to cut your losses. she has already proven that she doesn't respect you or your home.

it will only get worse over time.

 

[RUDY RAYYY MO]

Multiple times? obviously she's child minded. And being nasty is in her DNA so she'll never change

I judge a chicks cleanliness off how she keeps her bathroom, if she kept a nasty bathroom at her spot....well there you have it

 

[850credit]

Had 3 girls live here. All I can say is people in general don't respect money they didn't earn or property that's not in their name. If you have no intention on marrying the girl move on asap. It won't get better if she's not respecting your wishes now.

Don't care how great she is in bed or how fine.

She will resent you bringing it up "all the time" .

You will resent cleaning up after another grownup.

 

[4 Dimensional]

How do you talk to your ladies when you've asked them multiple times to do something, and it seems they just don't give a fuck? I want to address this now, and not let it fester and I bring it up a year down the road.

If this is your crib, then set your expectations and express your feelings about it.

Ask her why she doesn’t see it they way that you do. Find the underlying cause. You just may be dealing with a woman that never had to clean up after herself like that. If that’s is the case, then you should know what to expect long term and figure out is this something you can tolerate or not.

My homie just booted a chick out his crib for similar reasons. He couldn’t do it long term.

 

[papi68]

Do it for her. I’m sure she won’t mind doing some stuff you hate. You’re looking at this issue specifically as opposed to the entire relationship and the push and pull that goes with it.

 

[Varis]

Find another one

 

[4 Dimensional]

The lesson here is that you can get the most joy out of a relationship when you live in separate places. As soon as you move in with a chick you see the real side and a lot of times its not pretty.

And to be fair, that lesson works both ways.

Both partners gets the real deal. For example, now that you’re living together you could be fussing and nagging about shit you wasn’t doing beforehand. Or she may have to deal with your anger or lack of empathy that you wasn’t showing before hand. She may not know how you are after a long day of work and sees another side of you that she didn’t see before.

I scared off many chicks with my anger issues I never showed initially while dating. Some even thought I would kill them. I didn’t know I was that bad.

 

[4 Dimensional]

Do it for her. I’m sure she won’t mind doing some stuff you hate. You’re looking at this issue specifically as opposed to the entire relationship and the push and pull that goes with it.

Well stated, fam.

 

[gene cisco]

You finish how you start with women. In general, people don't test people they know are serious.

Also, if you give them a space, don't dictate what goes on in that space and they are not to dictate what goes on in yours. When living with a woman, both the man and woman will need their own space free from judgement of the other.

 

[God's Gift]

Your choice in shoes... Is different than mine.

You have a great opinion here fam

Multiple times? obviously she's child minded. And being nasty is in her DNA so she'll never change

I judge a chicks cleanliness off how she keeps her bathroom, if she kept a nasty bathroom at her spot....well there you have it

 

[yureeka9]

And to be fair, that lesson works both ways.

Both partners gets the real deal. For example, now that you’re living together you could be fussing and nagging about shit you wasn’t doing beforehand. Or she may have to deal with your anger or lack of empathy that you wasn’t showing before hand. She may not know how you are after a long day of work and sees another side of you that she didn’t see before.

I scared off many chicks with my anger issues I never showed initially while dating. Some even thought I would kill them. I didn’t know I was that bad.

Yeah, I agree. I've never lived with a woman before and I've never had domestic issues. My solution is probably too extreme for most so learning to cooperate, adapt and compromise is all you have left.

 

[4 Dimensional]

Yeah, I agree. I've never lived with a woman before and I've never had domestic issues. My solution is probably too extreme for most so learning to cooperate, adapt and compromise is all you have left.

It’s a bachelors perspective which is fine.

Similar to my homie, he never lived with a chick until recently and brothaman was stressed the fuck out. I hardly even spoke with him and when I did, it was about her and what she wasn’t doing.

Now that they are not together, he is a totally different guy and more like I knew him.

Living with a person comes with new sets of perspective. Your space has been how you wanted it to be. Once you let anyone in that space, the real you comes out.

Don’t even have to be a chick. Could be a homie or family member that needs temporary stay.

 

[KunningLinguist]

Ask yourself will you be able to tolerate it.

There is no woman on the planet that will satisfy your every need. There will be some areas where you’ll have to ask yourself “can I deal with this long term?”

Some people just sucks at doing certain things no matter how hard they try. If your from a life where effort and tidiness was important and you date a chick that comes from a life where that wasn’t stressed, then it’s going to be difficult for you to set those expectations that she’ll understand without you having to be patient to a degree.

Personally, some shit I just let go of completely because people are who they are. In one way, she could be a great mom, funny personality, easy to be around, but is sloppy with cleaning or doesn’t cook well.

Just ask yourself is this something you can tolerate and does this snowball into other areas. Because best believe there are aspects about you where she probably thinks you’re failing in.

Nice mature response.

And I totally agree

 

[yureeka9]

It’s a bachelors perspective w is fine.

Similar to my homie, he never lived with a chick until recently and brothaman was stressed the fuck out. I hardly even spoke with him and when I did, it was about her and what she wasn’t doing.

Now that they are not together, he is a totally different guy and more like I knew him.

Living with a person comes with new sets of perspective. Your space has been how you wanted it to be. Once you let anyone in that space, the real you comes out.

Don’t even have to be a chick. Could be a homie or family member that needs temporary stay.

True. But I've had roommates and lived with family. In those situations you go in knowing your range is reduced but you still have personal space. When you live with a significant other, the only private space you have is sitting on the toilet! That takes a toll on a lot of people!

 

[largebillsonlyplease]

Do it for her. I’m sure she won’t mind doing some stuff you hate. You’re looking at this issue specifically as opposed to the entire relationship and the push and pull that goes with it.

But he's already doing something for her with letting her do her thing in his sun room. He doesn't want the plants.

I get what you're saying but that's usually when it's a team beneficial thing - "ok I'll mop the floors cause you hate it so you dust cause I hate dusting"

Now he's gotta be johnny Appleseed for some plants he never wanted or cared about?


But the biggest picture is simple request she ignores
And cleanliness is important. You don't have to be Danny Tanner level clean but looking at mess should bother anyone

Just talk to her about how important maintaining a clean place is. Is this the only room she leaves a mess?

 

[Goingmark40]

you did right. don't take no shit from her. she'll get over it. women can be clutterfucks in their own spaces. so depending on how you all feel about each other you all might have to find a middle ground. been with my wife for 22 years ....woman can do it all but over time she builds clutter. 90 percent of the house is spotless but areas like her bedstand, her sink, her car.....in my eyes are clutterfucks. early years i used to straighten shit up. throw useless shit away. she'd get mad and fuss. i fuss back. she'd clean it up her way then we'd yap about it off and on for maybe a few weeks. then they'll slowly build back. repeat process. eventually she as well as my family realized i'm a neat freak. and i realized how they needed space to be who they are. to a point. they know the limits

 

[4 Dimensional]

True. But I've had roommates and lived with family. In those situations you go in knowing your range is reduced but you still have personal space. When you live with a significant other, the only private space you have is sitting on the toilet! That takes a toll on a lot of people!

Man, you ain’t never lied about the toilet! I’m even going as far as looking for a house with a toilet in a closet like space

I forgot what them shits are called.

 

[knightmelodic]

Two words -

Law. Yer.

You got to get that ass out of there, B. Only with separation will things become clear; you're too close to the situation at this point.

 

[4 Dimensional]

you did right. don't take no shit from her. she'll get over it. women can be clutterfucks in their own spaces. so depending on how you all feel about each other you all might have to find a middle ground. been with my wife for 22 years ....woman can do it all but over time she builds clutter. 90 percent of the house is spotless but areas like her bedstand, her sink, her car.....in my eyes are clutterfucks. early years i used to straighten shit up. throw useless shit away. she'd get mad and fuss. i fuss back. she'd clean it up her way then we'd yap about it off and on for maybe a few weeks. then they'll slowly build back. repeat process. eventually she as well as my family realized i'm a neat freak. and i realized how they needed space to be who they are. to a point. they know the limits

Rinse, clean, and repeat

17 years for me. And when that baby came along I gave the fuck up on everything.

You should see our bedroom. My side is tidy as fuck. Her side…well like you said, cluttered. I do it that way intentionally. Makes her feel like crap at times, but she grown.

When my wife cleans, she spend hours trying to organize her clutter instead of just picking it up or throwing shit away. Then she realize she done created more of a mess. But don’t let me do it because I’m throwing shit away. Then she be mad like shit because I threw something away she wanted.

 

[yasky777]

Can you list a few great qualities that may offset this or is this a dealbreaker? No judgement just questions.

 

[850credit]

I'll be honest here.

Both parties have to buy in to the concept of "our".

If you're going to approach every issue starting with the mindset of, "this is my house, you'll do as you're told", it's doomed from the start.

Find a way for her to have some skin in the game...she needs to feel invested in you and your home to be invested in the relationship...otherwise she's just sucking dick for a roof over her head until a better option comes along.

Consider letting her have that room to herself. Have a maid come in every 2 weeks if you can afford it so you don't have to clean it. Have her pay at least half that cost if not all. That way you all don't resent each other, she has a woman cave, you have your spaces but most importantly she feels invested in the relationship.

Most importantly....MAKE A RUNNING JOKE OUT OF THE WHOLE SITUATION IF she can take a little teasing. Make sure you're laughing with her and not at her. She'll know the joke is based in truth and there's seriousness behind it.

Keep comedy in your relationship.

 

[michigantoga]

I checked my wife's closet when we first met...

That kinda tells you how they will keep shit...

You have to talk to her about taking care of the home.. (it's both of you guys place) even though she moved in

Just be insertive & hear her feedback on why it has gotten out of control.

 

[yureeka9]

Man, you ain’t never lied about the toilet! I’m even going as far as looking for a house with a toilet in a closet like space

I forgot what them shits are called.

Yeah, water closets are definitely the way to go! Ain't nobody trying to invade that space with you!

 

[playahaitian]

Ask yourself will you be able to tolerate it.

There is no woman on the planet that will satisfy your every need. There will be some areas where you’ll have to ask yourself “can I deal with this long term?”

Some people just sucks at doing certain things no matter how hard they try. If your from a life where effort and tidiness was important and you date a chick that comes from a life where that wasn’t stressed, then it’s going to be difficult for you to set those expectations that she’ll understand without you having to be patient to a degree.

Personally, some shit I just let go of completely because people are who they are. In one way, she could be a great mom, funny personality, easy to be around, but is sloppy with cleaning or doesn’t cook well.

Just ask yourself is this something you can tolerate and does this snowball into other areas. Because best believe there are aspects about you where she probably thinks you’re failing in.

^^^^:

This about covers it

 

[playahaitian]

Rinse, clean, and repeat

17 years for me. And when that baby came along I gave the fuck up on everything.

You should see our bedroom. My side is tidy as fuck. Her side…well like you said, cluttered. I do it that way intentionally. Makes her feel like crap at times, but she grown.

When my wife cleans, she spend hours trying to organize her clutter instead of just picking it up or throwing shit away. Then she realize she done created more of a mess. But don’t let me do it because I’m throwing shit away. Then she be mad like shit because I threw something away she wanted.

Good lawd this is triggering