OK, I tried to hold out and read through the whole thread first... but I'm 142 posts in and ... I just gotta do it.
First off, NIGGA.. I shit like Al Bundy. Big shit stoppin! Lil shit floppin! It ain't 'bout shit if ain't stopped up the toilet, either. I done shat some shits longer than this thread... as a child. Shits serious!
I'll shit any and everywhere I damn feel like it. As a matter of fact, I done christened all my ppl's spots ...I think. We ain't really tight until I have.
I take pride in my shit (yea, pun).
Oh, and back on the OP topic... I hope a bitch take a shower or either know how to properly address the shitty bootyhole. Wet wipes will do the job just fine. My last g/f had 'em on top of the toilet and she was pristine w/ her monkey. I used the wet wipes a couple times while we was together and I kinda liked 'em, I ain't hafta wipe as hard and I could go against the grain without it tearing apart, finding a surprise that was hard to get to, and smearing & cross-contaminating. I ain't used or bought none since we broke up, but I'ma get some after reading this thread.
What I don't understand is how some of y'all only shit at your house?You tell yo intestines when to clock in? When duty calls, shit falls. Y'all regulate your bowels and shit? Like how, tho? Do y'all only eat during certain times every day?
I can shit and come out like ain't shit happened, you know why? Cuz it ain't shit! I still be clean cuz the shit is contained, it ain't like I got boo boo all everywhere. I cut me a continent and keep it movin.
Maybe y'all feel dirty 'cuz y'all be done touched everything in the bafroom.I'm mindful of the shit I touch.
Lemme run it down for y'all:
I been running errands all day, I walk in Wal-mart, head to the bafroom.
I first look for the paper towels,
deez kind:
I get a lot. Enough to cover the whole toilet seat twice, and wipe wit.
Then I check which stall is the cleanest (i.e. no piss on the seat commode, no piss on the floor, no packages left behind, generally no signs of wear) preferably the handicap stall 'cuz it got a lotta room to stretch out. Enter, lock the door.
I lay dem hoes on the seat, twice, like I said. Make sure I cover the front part to where my dick won't touch the front lip of the commode when I sit down.
Then I sit down, relax. Move my bowels, and cool out for a few. Take my shoes off if I feel like it(keepin' feet on top of shoes, never lettin feet touch floor), take shirt off and hang on back of door. Get on Tapatalk, see what y'all niggas talmbout. Text a bitch. Run through business emails. Make a list of shit I need to get while I'm in Wal-mart.
I use the paper towels to wipe wit, too, cuz it's stronger. That public restroom commercial paper be dat bullshit, too thin. Sometimes you gotta ball the paper towels up & grind 'em together between fists and it'll make 'em a lil softer, more pliable.
Flush... before pushin the seat cover towels in, cuz it'll be too much at one time and it's like cheatin... you won't know if it's a real stop up from a good shit or just from too much paper towels + the shit.
Then knock the cover towels in, flush & flee.
Wash hands, and don't touch the door handle on the way out (wal-mart bafrooms don't have doors).
I be walkin 'round that bitch feeling 12 lbs lighter, whistlin & shit.
Y'all ever re-read some shit you posted a couple years back and find it strange & funny at the same time?
Yea, this one is on my highlight reel.... easy
but i have opened them cheeks and seen a TP ball. game canceled.
Depending on what you ate before you might not have to use any air freshener afterwards and people won't know what you did in there if they gotta follow after you. But if it still smell like a hog exploded after the flush n go method, you might need an enema.
