I just heard a good joke. Y'all got any?
- Thread starter CoTtOnMoUf
- Start date
Get it? Shake the "fuck" out of it.
What's the difference between a Hippo
and a Zippo?
A Hippo is really heavy and the other
is a little lighter.
Ok...
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the chin!
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the chin!
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
....because 7, 8 (ate) 9.
....because 7, 8 (ate) 9.
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Heard that joke before and they use a floor buffer and no "Bubba" name, they just said janitor.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with,
but I've been trippin' all day.
BAN
A lady went to the gas stations for cigarettes and a fillup
When she drove off she forgot to close the gas cap
As she drove she lit up a cig. When it was done she tossed it out the window. It landed in the gas tank and caught fire
She drove past a cop as her car was ablaze. The cop followed
By the time she realized her car was on fire she was covered in flames. She stopped and got out.
The cop stopped as well and ran to her aid. But she ran towards him, covered in flames
The cop shot her
Later his captain sat him down and asked him why he shot her
He said
“Because she had a firearm”
When she drove off she forgot to close the gas cap
As she drove she lit up a cig. When it was done she tossed it out the window. It landed in the gas tank and caught fire
She drove past a cop as her car was ablaze. The cop followed
By the time she realized her car was on fire she was covered in flames. She stopped and got out.
The cop stopped as well and ran to her aid. But she ran towards him, covered in flames
The cop shot her
Later his captain sat him down and asked him why he shot her
He said
“Because she had a firearm”
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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
Charlie died in a fire and his body was burnt pretty bad.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for.
Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, “Yup, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over. ”
The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, “Nope, ain’t Charlie. ”
The mortician thought that was rather strange.
Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body.
Gomer took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain’t Charlie. ”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell? ”
Gomer said, “Well, Charlie had two assholes. ”
“What? He had two assholes? ” said the mortician.
“Yup", Gomer said, "everyone in town knew he had two assholes."
"Every time we went to town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Charlie with them two assholes.’
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for.
Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, “Yup, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over. ”
The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, “Nope, ain’t Charlie. ”
The mortician thought that was rather strange.
Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body.
Gomer took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain’t Charlie. ”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell? ”
Gomer said, “Well, Charlie had two assholes. ”
“What? He had two assholes? ” said the mortician.
“Yup", Gomer said, "everyone in town knew he had two assholes."
"Every time we went to town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Charlie with them two assholes.’
HaWhat's the difference between a Hippo
and a Zippo?
One is really heavy and the other
is a little lighter.
Lmfaoo
The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Bobby in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
“What happened Bobby?” she asks anxiously.
“What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!”
“Ah now, calm down, calm down Bobby!” says his mother-in-law. “There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened.”
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. “Bobby, there, I told you it must be a simple explanation… She never got your email!”
“What happened Bobby?” she asks anxiously.
“What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!”
“Ah now, calm down, calm down Bobby!” says his mother-in-law. “There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened.”
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. “Bobby, there, I told you it must be a simple explanation… She never got your email!”
Great thread
Buddha goes to a hot dog stand and says:
"Make me one with everything."
The vendor does and says, "that'll be $5.75."
Buddha hands him a ten.
The guy says, "have a nice day."
Buddha says, "what about my change?"
The vendor replies, "change comes from within."
"Make me one with everything."
The vendor does and says, "that'll be $5.75."
Buddha hands him a ten.
The guy says, "have a nice day."
Buddha says, "what about my change?"
The vendor replies, "change comes from within."
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