I recently moved back to a city I used to live in and have been reconnecting with folks this month.
I was talking with an old friend today and he asked me who from our circle I've talked with since I've been back. I named a few people and then I got to one guy who we can call Bill for discussion's sake.
"And I was with ____ at ____, ran into and Bill was there so I chatted with him a bit."
"Oh you mean her. It's her now, just so you don't get shit for it like I did."
This was a real surprise. I've had a lesbian friend transition to male, with testosterone shots and the whole package. This friend (who was a heterosexual to the best of my knowledge) clearly looks like a dude now.
However, this person who I was informed is now a "her" looks exactly the same as three years ago! Hair is longer, that's the only change.
I try to respect people's preferences but I find it harder with people I knew pre-transformation, especially in a case like this where there has been no visible change. For the rest of the discussion, I just avoided using pronouns and used Bill's name instead. "Oh, that's wild. I couldn't tell by looking at Bill." It's a lot weirder when the person doesn't even look like the gender he/she wants to go by.
I was talking with an old friend today and he asked me who from our circle I've talked with since I've been back. I named a few people and then I got to one guy who we can call Bill for discussion's sake.
"And I was with ____ at ____, ran into and Bill was there so I chatted with him a bit."
"Oh you mean her. It's her now, just so you don't get shit for it like I did."
This was a real surprise. I've had a lesbian friend transition to male, with testosterone shots and the whole package. This friend (who was a heterosexual to the best of my knowledge) clearly looks like a dude now.
However, this person who I was informed is now a "her" looks exactly the same as three years ago! Hair is longer, that's the only change.
I try to respect people's preferences but I find it harder with people I knew pre-transformation, especially in a case like this where there has been no visible change. For the rest of the discussion, I just avoided using pronouns and used Bill's name instead. "Oh, that's wild. I couldn't tell by looking at Bill." It's a lot weirder when the person doesn't even look like the gender he/she wants to go by.
