How do I getr her back?!!

[Dannyblueyes]

As I sobbed about before, I recently fell in love with a woman who doesn't love me back.

We had a good thing going for 2 months. In the last week she started acting foul. I called her on it and she broke up with me. she said that i wasn't giving her enough time to pursue her projects (she goes to school full time, works at the library, and does freelance art). She told me I was bullshit with nothing going for me. I thought I was doing okay just getting to this country and going to school with good grades, but in a she's right. I was resting on my laurels for far too long.

This is why i need her in my life. She pushes me to be a better person. Pulls me up unlike every other woman I've known. She's also very attractive and her sex game is off the chain.

From all I can see she didn't dump me for another man. I've got a job and a car now (two of her biggest complaints). So I'm wondering what else i can do to get her back.

The easy answer is to forget her and show some swagger to some innocent white girl scared of being in Oakland. Deep inside I know that's a copout though. When worse come to worse I need to know there's a lion in my corner not a lamb.

I can see she needs the same. I'm not like her last man who ran her name through the mud with a check kiting scam. I'm not her teenage ex boyfriend who ran trains on her in the middle school restroom just to make her feel loved.

This is the woman I want to grow with. It also seems that she needs my experience as much as I need her youth (she's 18 I'm 30)

So what do I do? Ladies please tell me, cause the male advice I've gotten is bullshit. I can barely sleep or eat without her. She's still talking to me and we've gone out twice since our breakup so maybe there's a chance.

 

[OnSlaught]

You know what you should do....

Fuck it, just read the disclaimer, I won't say shit....

 

[SEXY_SCORPIO]

Im sorry to tell you this,but the fact that she knows you want her that much allows her to manipulate and play with your emotions. You are going to have to get over her and find someone else, if she wasn't there with you at the beginning then you should have known it wasn't meant to be. I know its going to be hard to move on,but you need to in order to save your sanity and happiness. One more thing, you never "need" anyone to the point where it makes you miserable.

 

[jucurious]

please correct me if i am wrong but haven't u posted a good portion of post about issues u have with women and how it doesn't work out?

if i am correct, maybe its time for u to work on improving u to lesson these issues.

if i am wrong then please disregard

 

[BrownTurd]

In life we make decisions based off two key factors. Those two factors are emotions and logic. Logic is based off truth and factual information and emotions are based off how one feels. Reading your post it seems as if you are making a decision based off emotions. Making a decision based off emotions can be very dangerous.

What I gather from you is that you are not truly in love with this woman. Even though your emotional side is saying that she is the one for you. Essentially what is happening is that you are in love with the idea of "Being In Love" If we were to take away the emotional aspect of your problem and apply logic...you then would see a different outcome. Logic would tell you that you are not truly in love with this woman because she does not provide all of the things that are important to you. Emotionally you want her to push you and be that so called lion but the reality is she is not. She has proven that to you already.

Another factor is this woman is 18 and you are 30. At 18 she has her whole life ahead of her. I am not trying to judge you my brotha but why is an 18 year old child saying that you need to get your life together...I would assume that you should have been schooling her on life? Emotionally you want her to be mature enough and ready for a serious relationship but logically how many 18 year old kids are ready for that kind of commitment?

If you truly love her then let her have her life. At 30 you have lived your teens years already. If you love her let her be.

Getting Her Back

You probably will not be able to get her back because she is only 18. Her maturity level is not one of a an adult. If you were the perfect man she would be to young to process that kind of information.

 

[2jzmk3]

i know it might be hard to hear.. but man up.. there are many other girls/women out there.

chalk it up to the game, and move on...

 

[Cleopatra_J]

This is why i need her in my life. She pushes me to be a better person. Pulls me up unlike every other woman I've known. She's also very attractive and her sex game is off the chain.

This is a good thing, anyone can appreciate that, but you can find that again...


From all I can see she didn't dump me for another man. I've got a job and a car now (two of her biggest complaints). So I'm wondering what else i can do to get her back.

How are you 30 without a job??


The easy answer is to forget her and show some swagger to some innocent white girl scared of being in Oakland. Deep inside I know that's a copout though. When worse come to worse I need to know there's a lion in my corner not a lamb.

I applaud this...


I can see she needs the same. I'm not like her last man who ran her name through the mud with a check kiting scam. I'm not her teenage ex boyfriend who ran trains on her in the middle school restroom just to make her feel loved.

This is the woman I want to grow with. It also seems that she needs my experience as much as I need her youth (she's 18 I'm 30)

This is a lot of baggage for an 18 yr old.. trains?? how the fuck old was she?? not a good look in any case...

So what do I do? Ladies please tell me, cause the male advice I've gotten is bullshit. I can barely sleep or eat without her. She's still talking to me and we've gone out twice since our breakup so maybe there's a chance.

I think that yes, there are some good things about this girl that are admirable, but I think you should focus more on getting yourself together, and she hers. It sounds like she has a lot of issues, being 18 with those kind of man issues.. and she needs to grow on her own.. I think at this point you both should cut your losses...

 

[Dannyblueyes]

I think that yes, there are some good things about this girl that are admirable, but I think you should focus more on getting yourself together, and she hers. It sounds like she has a lot of issues, being 18 with those kind of man issues.. and she needs to grow on her own.. I think at this point you both should cut your losses...

To answer your questions. I decided to hold back on getting a job for the first few months in the Bay so that i could adjust to college life and my new surroundings. I saved up enough money before I came down that I didn't have to worry about it. After being here six months I started to get a little complacent so I applaud her for showing me this.

Yes, she has had man issues and I know you can't turn a ho into a housewife. However a ho can turn HERSELF into whatever she wants to be. Long as she's put it behind her that's good enough for me. Better to have that then to have a curious virgin who thinks running trains in a public restroom might be fun.

As far as relationships go even an 18 year old woman can benefit from the love, companionship, support and stability that come along with a good man and vice versa. It doesn't have to be any more serious than that. I'm not trying to push any harder because I know that getting married, shacking up, kids or any of the other extras would ruin her life (I got married at 21. Big mistake).

 

[mbgxxx]

If she is making you better, maybe she feels like you she is an upgrade for you.. a woman wants to be able to look up to her man and in general nobody should feel like they are the reason you are what you do. If you feel like nothing without her that could be part of the problem, how can you let someone who doesnt even know the bigger picture of life at 18 dictate your 30 years of experience

 

[QueEx]

LOL. Man, you must be bored; writing a story like this. LOL. There can't be any truth to this.

Can it

 

[Dannyblueyes]

If she is making you better, maybe she feels like you she is an upgrade for you.. a woman wants to be able to look up to her man and in general nobody should feel like they are the reason you are what you do. If you feel like nothing without her that could be part of the problem, how can you let someone who doesnt even know the bigger picture of life at 18 dictate your 30 years of experience

I wouldn't quite say that I'm nothing without her. I have a 3.7 GPA in an accelerated bachelor's program. Before I met her I was also singing in a band (it broke up for unrelated reasons) and had a few other things going on as well. If it wasn't for that I wouldn't have asked her out in the first place.

I also wouldn't say that she dictated my life. I've learned better than to let a woman of ANY age do that. That being said, when you're with someone who's intelligent, hard working, goal driven, and future oriented eventually she's going to notice flaws that you might not have otherwise seen. Calling me bullshit was extreme, but there was room for improvement.

I upgraded her as well. Got her a design contract, got her connected with the school paper, helped her with homework and offered to help with a few other things which she refused. It definitely wasn't the one sided deal she made it out to be.

 

[BrownTurd]

I wouldn't quite say that I'm nothing without her. I have a 3.7 GPA in an accelerated bachelor's program. Before I met her I was also singing in a band (it broke up for unrelated reasons) and had a few other things going on as well. If it wasn't for that I wouldn't have asked her out in the first place.

I also wouldn't say that she dictated my life. I've learned better than to let a woman of ANY age do that. That being said, when you're with someone who's intelligent, hard working, goal driven, and future oriented eventually she's going to notice flaws that you might not have otherwise seen. Calling me bullshit was extreme, but there was room for improvement.

I upgraded her as well. Got her a design contract, got her connected with the school paper, helped her with homework and offered to help with a few other things which she refused. It definitely wasn't the one sided deal she made it out to be.

I have to be frank with you. But you are the definition of a SIMP. You seem like a overall nice guy who is genuine. You should not have a hard time finding what you want. Women like guys like you a lot.

If you want her back then you will have to play the game. You are going to have to place her in the friend Zone. Women hate being placed their. Continue to talk to her but also start to have your on life. For example if she calls...simply say "I can't talk right now. I am about to head out." Of course she is going to be curious and ask where and with who. You simply say with a friend. Stop being dependent on her and on her schedule.

 

[ronmch20]

Try someone closer to your own age. What the fuck could a man in his thirties have in common with an 18 year old. She didn't leave you because of your "game", she left you because of your age. I mean c'mon, damn.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

Try someone closer to your own age. What the fuck could a man in his thirties have in common with an 18 year old. She didn't leave you because of your "game", she left you because of your age. I mean c'mon, damn.

Plenty. We both go to the same school and take the same courses. We're both writers as well. we share similar interests in movies, music, and so forth. Most importantly, we're both hustling hard to create a life for ourselves.

Most women my age have already achieved the status I'm aiming for and got a little too comfortable. Also, many are trying to start families, get married and have kids. I've already been there and done that which is a big part of the reason I'm so far behind right now.

I ain't trying to do it again. I'm trying to get my degree and make enough money that the kids I already have can live the life they deserve. That doesn't necessarily mean I need a younger woman, but that seems to be where the fire is.

 

[mariano42]

Im sorry to tell you this,but the fact that she knows you want her that much allows her to manipulate and play with your emotions. You are going to have to get over her and find someone else, if she wasn't there with you at the beginning then you should have known it wasn't meant to be. I know its going to be hard to move on,but you need to in order to save your sanity and happiness. One more thing, you never "need" anyone to the point where it makes you miserable.

co-sign with everything u mention including the bolded part. If theres one thing i learn is that when a man ignore a women it will drive her crazy for the simple fact that shes not your top priority anymore. I've had many women(female friends who experience this themselves) and my own mother telling me this, and its true.

If shorty say hi to you dont say nothing and keep going about your business. Thats what im doing right now. shorty rejected me a while back and whenever she sees me she wave and say "hi" but i say nothing and i keep it moving. Lord knows what will happen, maybe she will stop me one of these days just to talk to see why im not saying nothing or maybe she wont. either way im moving on, im a once in a lifetime opportunity. once you miss the chance to talk/get with me, thats it. You should do that, make yourself look like a prize; not the other way around.

i know it might be hard to hear.. but man up.. there are many other girls/women out there.

chalk it up to the game, and move on...

co-sign.

talk to every femal you find attractive.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

co-sign with everything u mention including the bolded part. If theres one thing i learn is that when a man ignore a women it will drive her crazy for the simple fact that shes not your top priority anymore. I've had many women(female friends who experience this themselves) and my own mother telling me this, and its true.

If shorty say hi to you dont say nothing and keep going about your business. Thats what im doing right now. shorty rejected me a while back and whenever she sees me she wave and say "hi" but i say nothing and i keep it moving. Lord knows what will happen, maybe she will stop me one of these days just to talk to see why im not saying nothing or maybe she wont. either way im moving on, im a once in a lifetime opportunity. once you miss the chance to talk/get with me, thats it. You should do that, make yourself look like a prize; not the other way around.


co-sign.

talk to every femal you find attractive.

After she turned me down for a date last night I went out with another classmate. She wasn't nearly as interesting or attractive as my ex, but it was still a good time. Hopefully, spittin at all these different types and getting good results will lure her back to me. Especially once I upgrade my status a little more.

 

[GET YOU HOT]

I offered you hugs, (from a nearby place), in a previous thread and you didn't respond, so I think you resort to focus on misery, I'll sit this one out.

Now back to politics...

 

[CT's Finest]

Im sorry to tell you this,but the fact that she knows you want her that much allows her to manipulate and play with your emotions. You are going to have to get over her and find someone else, if she wasn't there with you at the beginning then you should have known it wasn't meant to be. I know its going to be hard to move on,but you need to in order to save your sanity and happiness. One more thing, you never "need" anyone to the point where it makes you miserable.

I think that yes, there are some good things about this girl that are admirable, but I think you should focus more on getting yourself together, and she hers. It sounds like she has a lot of issues, being 18 with those kind of man issues.. and she needs to grow on her own.. I think at this point you both should cut your losses...

I agree with Sexy and Cleo on these points. It's good to feel inspired by the woman you're with, but it shouldn't be to the point that they "complete" you. In relationships both parties should be complete on their own as individuals. From that point they can get together and work on making the relationship work...

Try someone closer to your own age. What the fuck could a man in his thirties have in common with an 18 year old. She didn't leave you because of your "game", she left you because of your age. I mean c'mon, damn.

Co-sign on the age issue. I'm 28 (almost 29) years old, and I really don't see what I have in common with a 21 year old woman, let alone an 18 year old. I'm not knocking you for having feelings for this girl because she may really be something special, but I would try to find a woman closer to my age and build something with her...Whatever the case, keep handling your biz playa. The right woman will come along in due time...

I offered you hugs, (from a nearby place), in a previous thread and you didn't respond, so I think you resort to focus on misery, I'll sit this one out.

Now back to politics...

*Stares at GYH's avy...Wipes his mouth, and exits the thread...*

 

[rph2005]

the age issue is a big factor dawg. when i turned 25, i told myself i wouldnt date anyone 5 years younger than me. 30/18.....just not pragmatic.

 

[Malegobia]

As I sobbed about before, I recently fell in love with a woman who doesn't love me back.

We had a good thing going for 2 months. In the last week she started acting foul. I called her on it and she broke up with me. she said that i wasn't giving her enough time to pursue her projects (she goes to school full time, works at the library, and does freelance art). She told me I was bullshit with nothing going for me. I thought I was doing okay just getting to this country and going to school with good grades, but in a she's right. I was resting on my laurels for far too long.

This is why i need her in my life. She pushes me to be a better person. Pulls me up unlike every other woman I've known. She's also very attractive and her sex game is off the chain.

From all I can see she didn't dump me for another man. I've got a job and a car now (two of her biggest complaints). So I'm wondering what else i can do to get her back.

The easy answer is to forget her and show some swagger to some innocent white girl scared of being in Oakland. Deep inside I know that's a copout though. When worse come to worse I need to know there's a lion in my corner not a lamb.

I can see she needs the same. I'm not like her last man who ran her name through the mud with a check kiting scam. I'm not her teenage ex boyfriend who ran trains on her in the middle school restroom just to make her feel loved.

This is the woman I want to grow with. It also seems that she needs my experience as much as I need her youth (she's 18 I'm 30)

So what do I do? Ladies please tell me, cause the male advice I've gotten is bullshit. I can barely sleep or eat without her. She's still talking to me and we've gone out twice since our breakup so maybe there's a chance.

I know this aint supposed to be funny but i read that shit and spit up the pop i was drinkin dawg!

 

[Dannyblueyes]

the age issue is a big factor dawg. when i turned 25, i told myself i wouldnt date anyone 5 years younger than me. 30/18.....just not pragmatic.

So what's wrong about it exactly? I'll date an attractive, intelligent woman 18+ provided there's a genuine affection and we can build each other up instead of dragging each other down. I understand that there's special considerations when she's nearly half your age, but so what? There's special considerations involved with ANY woman I could go out with. As long as you're willing to tackle the challenges that come along with it, and believe me I am, I don't see what the problem is.

 

[Cock Head Jones]

Man take this to...

Wait where am I? How did I get here?

 

[absolutvodka]

nigga fuck that bitch

there are other hoes alive.

 

[QueEx]

As I sobbed about before, I recently fell in love with a woman who doesn't love me back.

Bro, is there anything about this relationship that makes you get the feeling its just going the

???

Listen to it.



QueEx

 

[sean69]

Nigga, man the fuck up. Sheesh

 

[jjUSTAZZ]

I can't imagine what this female in her short trauma filled 18 years has done to have you this messed up.

You ask what to do..... This is what you do....

Focus on improving your life cause at 30 you have plenty of things in your own life to improve on. (I mean just reading what you put on the board)

When you improve yourself you give yourself the chance to improve the company you keep. And from what you have put out here already you definitely need to improve your female company!

 

[onyxfemme]

I dont know what to say....

 

[jucurious]

I can't imagine what this female in her short trauma filled 18 years has done to have you this messed up.

You ask what to do..... This is what you do....

Focus on improving your life cause at 30 you have plenty of things in your own life to improve on. (I mean just reading what you put on the board)

When you improve yourself you give yourself the chance to improve the company you keep. And from what you have put out here already you definitely need to improve your female company!

that's what i said.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

I can't imagine what this female in her short trauma filled 18 years has done to have you this messed up.

You ask what to do..... This is what you do....

Focus on improving your life cause at 30 you have plenty of things in your own life to improve on. (I mean just reading what you put on the board)

When you improve yourself you give yourself the chance to improve the company you keep. And from what you have put out here already you definitely need to improve your female company!

I make improvements every day. I know I'm far behind the curve for my age, but I'm hustling to make up the lost time. She hustled with me. She picked me up when I was deficient and vice versa.

Her life has trauma? So does mine. Not near as bad as hers (I'm not going to get into that other shit though) but it fucks with you all the same sometimes. Still she handles it better than anyone I ever met. Her strength is remarkable and it inspires me to have more strength as well.

I finally found the right woman and it's almost unbearable to know that I'm probably not the right man. I could easily replace her, but deep inside I'll know I'm settling. One thing's for sure. I can't go back to the kind of broads I was with before her. Bad choices with women is mainly what got me into this
whole mess to begin with.

Eventually I got bitter, cynical, some even called me misogynistic. This woman was the one to break me out of that. Showed me that I could have a relationship without sacrificing my goals or identity. Every other woman I've had in my life was like an obstacle I had to work around to get what I wanted.

If there's a better class of female then her out there God must have kept them for himself.

 

[mbgxxx]

I wouldn't quite say that I'm nothing without her. I have a 3.7 GPA in an accelerated bachelor's program. Before I met her I was also singing in a band (it broke up for unrelated reasons) and had a few other things going on as well. If it wasn't for that I wouldn't have asked her out in the first place.

I also wouldn't say that she dictated my life. I've learned better than to let a woman of ANY age do that. That being said, when you're with someone who's intelligent, hard working, goal driven, and future oriented eventually she's going to notice flaws that you might not have otherwise seen. Calling me bullshit was extreme, but there was room for improvement.

I upgraded her as well. Got her a design contract, got her connected with the school paper, helped her with homework and offered to help with a few other things which she refused. It definitely wasn't the one sided deal she made it out to be.

3.7 gpa ass still aint smart enough to know when to let somebody stay off that stepped off

 

[sean69]

3.7 gpa ass still aint smart enough to know when to let somebody stay off that stepped off

*chuckle*

 

[jjUSTAZZ]

I make improvements every day. I know I'm far behind the curve for my age, but I'm hustling to make up the lost time. She hustled with me. She picked me up when I was deficient and vice versa.

Her life has trauma? So does mine. Not near as bad as hers (I'm not going to get into that other shit though) but it fucks with you all the same sometimes. Still she handles it better than anyone I ever met. Her strength is remarkable and it inspires me to have more strength as well.

I finally found the right woman and it's almost unbearable to know that I'm probably not the right man. I could easily replace her, but deep inside I'll know I'm settling. One thing's for sure. I can't go back to the kind of broads I was with before her. Bad choices with women is mainly what got me into this
whole mess to begin with.

Eventually I got bitter, cynical, some even called me misogynistic. This woman was the one to break me out of that. Showed me that I could have a relationship without sacrificing my goals or identity. Every other woman I've had in my life was like an obstacle I had to work around to get what I wanted.

If there's a better class of female then her out there God must have kept them for himself.

How can you make this statement when by your own admission you can't see any other woman in your life but this one. You already judged the new female you went out with by the old females standards.

Some people enter our lives for a season. You said this woman hustled with you. She showed you that you didn't have to sacrifice. Have you considered the fact that she was in your life to show you that all the previous women were not what you needed. She was also a lesson for you to learn and experience and nothing more. Could it be that the lesson you were supposed to learn from her was that there was something better out there for you. There is more than one female that will hustle with you, encourage you to be a better person, and make you better.

 

[mariano42]

After she turned me down for a date last night I went out with another classmate. She wasn't nearly as interesting or attractive as my ex, but it was still a good time. Hopefully, spittin at all these different types and getting good results will lure her back to me. Especially once I upgrade my status a little more.

ninja, move the fuck on.

I didn't learn how to move on to the next woman, until i started to understand the game. Your wasting your time. talk to other women to better yourself not to make her jealous.


if she comeback to you, reject her ass. This syht will crush her ego to the point where she might off herself. Women cant deal with rejection like men, because they're not used to it. So just talk to other women for yourself and if she tries to get with you leave her in the dust.

 

[NativeSon]

I've been going thru the same shit w/ my ex too fam.

The best advice I can give you is to quit dwelling on it.

Like Mariano said, IGNORE HER!!! she will surely become curious and ask why? then you just stick to your guns.

(Also if you want her to start really sweating you start hollering at her friends. And or let her see you with other/better women.)

Overall, you need to quit looking for the right person and become the right person and then women will look for you.


This advice is coming from experience. I ignored my ex and she starting blowing me up....but i was smart enough to realize she was trying to use me as an ego boost and i wudn't having that. so i continue to treat her as if she's dead to me and get on with my life. I think of this experience as a critical learning experience. and now the next female i'm with won't be able to play me like this last one.

good thing too cuz i'm still so young (20yrs old) and i have my life ahead of me. but fam, you are 30!!! and you don't know this yet??? c'mon fam that's not a good look.

if a 18yr old female is telling you to get your shit together then you must really have some things you need to work on. (i'm not baggin on you i'm just being honest).

also you need to have a better screening for women. 9 times out of 10 the signs where there and you noticed them but didn't acknowledge them cuz you where in love with the pussy....(i know i was). step you game up fam, you don't wanna be with a woman who doesn't want you. you deserve better.

IT'S OVER WITH THIS LAST ONE. IF you got back with her it's surely not gonna be what you think it will be. the relationship will be ackward, she probably treat you like shit and play you again......

this is what you really need right now.
http://www.macklessons.mypodcast.com/

 

[Dannyblueyes]

We just reconciled everything last night. She's back y'all. I'm the happiest man alive.