K
kwazdog
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One of ya'll young chicago cats need to swoop this sista up! She's talking about food!!! yum
Successful, black and lonely
- Thread starter Brigade4Radiant
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One of ya'll young chicago cats need to swoop this sista up! She's talking about food!!! yum
you know what we need?
we need an actual successful black woman to participate in this thread.....
followup, lone, onyx, and several other females just don't qualify under that title and are just assuming what they think it is.....
no offense....
Define what you mean be "succesful?" Another poster said it, but successful can be subjective, depending on whom you talk to?
For some women, successful is defined as the marriage, two kids and a house with a white picket fence. To others, it might be related to their earning potential. For others, it might be the amount of countries they've traveled to or the amount of degrees they have attained...
Stop playing brand new. Successful to bitches on this board and offline is how many degrees you have and earning potential.
American black woman thing?!? Seriously??! As Kanyanation stated, it's more of a cultural thing, particularly an American culture thing, than anything...don't try and lump all African American women into the same category or try to portray us all as the lady in the video...
You speak of your culture, your appreciation for certain things as a result of your upbringing. You're not the only black woman who may have grown up with virtuous values and morals taught explicitly by your parents and elders. Part of the problem also has to be with too many of US (yes, US) trying to distinguish ourselves from the others, pointing fingers rather than saying, "Hmm, how can I help this sister/brother out?"
Not necessarily... I know many girlfriends, particularly since I'm from the South, who feel "successful" being married and having kids. It's all subjective. You think I went to school because, to me, that defined how "successful" I was? That was only one chunk of the equation to me, and I'm sure to many other women...
JofromthaNO, we are talking in terms of what this breezy wrote in the article.
I understand the definition of "successful" in the article. I think everyone understands that, based on how this thread has developed...
However, the question I posed was in regards to how do men define successful, not from a women's point of view. I offered a counter based on the question posed, not based on the article.
Da Don meant do these bitches in this thread reciprocate what they demand of us according to the article.
Honestly, I could care less. Why should a woman's career and money concern me? I make my own. Only a faggot or a sissified bitch nigga raised by a single mother cares about such things.
Let's say I was overcame with a bout of insanity and decided to start a family. Let's say I met a "career woman" who was going to be the mother of my child. Guess what? Her career is OVER and she'll be starting her new career as THE MOTHER OF MY CHILD.
Bruh thanks for the new blog I have to check out!
Powerful statements in that post..And that's real rap! I consider myself a "professional" and my girlfriend wants to be an attorney as well. However, I chose her not because of what she aspires to become, but for the content of her character NOW...Honestly, I don't care what she does, I'm good for myself.. That's what Helena and her ilk are overlooking: It's your character that get's you chose. You can be a fucking CEO of Google, but if you're a bitch and your character shows that, even if the brotha is on Bill Gates status he isn't going for you! Bitter broads kick rocks...
By the way, y'all should check out the stuff ol girl is tweeting...
Apparently she's claiming the column was taken out of context... @Helena_andrews on Twitter.
I think it's apparent, in the thinking of many men on this board, that "bitches (as you tend to use the word so carelessly)" will sometimes want much more than what they actually bring to the table. This article is only more evidence of this thinking amongst black "bitches." However, just as some men have goals/desires they wish to accomplish, as an individual, why shouldn't a female be privy to fulfilling certain desires, education-wise, that she possesses? Now, that question is unrelated to how that impacts the dynamics of male/female relationships, BUT I think it's unfair to say (or, rather, assume) that a woman cannot fulfill any post-secondary education or moderate level of success without it being looked upon, particularly by men, as a masculine/unfeminine or poor trait because she doesn't need that, personally, for herself...
I remember you have your desires about a woman only being a homemaker in your household. I have several girlfriends who, now married, gave up their jobs, when pregnant, to care for their children. However, it was through their joint income, with their husband, that not only were they able to afford having a child, but also able to afford one parent being stay-at-home.
I actually use the word with precision. I never called you a bitch now have I?
You're talking about NEEDLES IN A HAYSTACK.
Ultimately this is a BLACK WOMAN PROBLEM and not a Black man problem.
It took nature millions of years to evolve us to where we are now. You think just because you got some power and a louder bark that I as a man am going to be attracted to that because YOU want us too? Doesn't work like that. I'd take an Amber Rose over this bitch that wrote the article any day if that meant I wasn't going to be locked in a daily power struggle and not nagged to death.
Men should earn enough income on their own if they want a home maker. I don't respect kats who need "crutches".
I don't see it as being a "crutch" as much as both individuals being responsible to care about the household and how it is run. And, it's not even about, "Oh, if something happens, I want my half of the pie, etc." It's just about being a contributing member to the household and not just taking, but providing in more ways than just domestically. Any man can HIRE a woman to care for his household, raise his child, etc. these days...is this how we define (or want to define) a long-term relationship with a woman? A domestic partnership? Nothing more than a caretaker who a man gets to sleep with when he so pleases? If men (not just black men, but all men) look at women as nothing more than a baby carrier and a caretaker, shucks, what the hell are we (women) needed for anyway?
True, it is a culture thing. And because of that, all I can do is sit back and say "hmmmm" when I see so many "successful" black men wife up non-black women or foreign-born black women and then people like Helena Andrews write articles about why successful black women cant find a man.What you described is more cultural than anything.
We are in a culture where people don't talk with their mother/father or brother/sister.
You can't work it out with your family but you want to meet a stranger, get to know them and live together forever and ever? Expect to meet someone and in a few years get married till death do you part
Good luck with that.
I'm not lumping all African American women in a category, that's absurd. And I never said I was the only person that had grown up the way I did, I was merely stating what I have observed. I am trying to understand why so many black women are having this problem and if I could help I would. However (from my experience), whenever I offer words of wisdom or advice many of the black women I know take it with a grain of salt or brush it off because I was not born here therefore they believe I don't "truly know what a black man wants" but obviously they don't either if they are "successful, black, and lonely"
I'm not lumping all African American women in a category, that's absurd. And I never said I was the only person that had grown up the way I did, I was merely stating what I have observed. I am trying to understand why so many black women are having this problem and if I could help I would. However (from my experience), whenever I offer words of wisdom or advice many of the black women I know take it with a grain of salt or brush it off because I was not born here therefore they believe I don't "truly know what a black man wants" but obviously they don't either if they are "successful, black, and lonely"
Great comment!
I'm not lumping all African American women in a category, that's absurd. And I never said I was the only person that had grown up the way I did, I was merely stating what I have observed. I am trying to understand why so many black women are having this problem and if I could help I would. However (from my experience), whenever I offer words of wisdom or advice many of the black women I know take it with a grain of salt or brush it off because I was not born here therefore they believe I don't "truly know what a black man wants" but obviously they don't either if they are "successful, black, and lonely"
I took your comments as such, perhaps, because it seemed as if you took your intercontinental nature as a means of how much more enlightened you (possibly) were than other black women. Regardless of how you were raised or what county you grew up in, American women are having this problem, as a whole, because American womens' numbers, as it relates to income, etc. is climbing and meeting the numbers of their male counterparts.
I agree that, yes, some American women and, yes, some African American women don't have it figured out...but, the article isn't just about Successful, African American, and Lonely women but Successful, BLACK, and Lonely women...which incorporates all black women, not just those born in America...Too many times, people try to offer their "support" without first listening in and understanding the nature of others. As a psychologist, I see this all the time with other psychologists and with people, in general. Sometimes we could all benefit from just trying to understand the situation before mounting a full scale attack or assault on the issue...
My reply is/was meant in no way to attack you or your points. However, I feel that the blame game needs to stop and black women, as a whole, needs to get to solutions.
Rick Ronson
Banned
i dated an african zimbabwe girl for a minute.
you niggas would monkey flip over her ass to waist ratio.
she was cool...british accent so i guess british ruled/schooled
she had none of the smart ass mouth and constantly challenging shit
but she tried to be a little bit too demanding for me.
she was bangin beautiful ...wanted more but i was going through the motions
to fuck here and there...she was a burden with her expectations and talks of
how the marriage and courting process goes in her country. this one goes in
the quality category...she makes big money as an engineer in jersey.
she came over here prude and demanding......right......
man months later i see pictures of her on the internet just turned the
fuck out...dress code and getting freaked sandwich style on the fucking
ground...i was like ohhh shit....thats the same bitch that was pushing
all up on some devotion shit a year ago ?
she started playing games like standing me up just to have the one up
i stopped callin her monkey asss
bumped innto at a hotel when i was working in bmore she was with a friend
both talking nasty and wanted to hook up.....stood me up again on purpose.
never heard from the bitch again.
you niggas would monkey flip over her ass to waist ratio.
she was cool...british accent so i guess british ruled/schooled
she had none of the smart ass mouth and constantly challenging shit
but she tried to be a little bit too demanding for me.
she was bangin beautiful ...wanted more but i was going through the motions
to fuck here and there...she was a burden with her expectations and talks of
how the marriage and courting process goes in her country. this one goes in
the quality category...she makes big money as an engineer in jersey.
she came over here prude and demanding......right......
man months later i see pictures of her on the internet just turned the
fuck out...dress code and getting freaked sandwich style on the fucking
ground...i was like ohhh shit....thats the same bitch that was pushing
all up on some devotion shit a year ago ?
she started playing games like standing me up just to have the one up
i stopped callin her monkey asss
bumped innto at a hotel when i was working in bmore she was with a friend
both talking nasty and wanted to hook up.....stood me up again on purpose.
never heard from the bitch again.
I completely agree! When the blame stops maybe the solutions to the problems can develop.
dayum never though this would spark this much convo let me go back and get up to speed.
This is my problem with you "career" women. Women like you don't respect the natural order of things.
Not ANY woman can raise my child. There is a reason why I selected the mother of my child. I'm not going to select just ANY woman to have my child. I'm not going to have a "career" woman give birth to my child just to go back to work the next day and send the child off to daycare to get molested. A woman's function is to have and nurture children, that's what you are built for. Unlike you, I RESPECT YOUR FUNCTION. After all, you keep the species going. I have an infinite amount of respect for the house wife who can raise 2-3 kids to be productive members of society than some ivy league career bitch whining about how she can't find a man. Remember, you ARE NOT built to compete and fight with men.
And yes, it is an American cultural thing, however, most of the Black men in the thread don't date anything but Black/Afro-Hispanic women.
It amazes me how many women have this mentality. When did it become a demeaning thing to cook for children? Funny how it went from a thing of pride, to sistas today who take pride in not learning how to cook. I guess our grandmothers and great grandmothers were weak then.
I do find it astonishing how women ask our opinions on what we want, get frustrated with the answer, then tell us what we SHOULD want.I've said it previously in this thread, but women are projecting their wants and needs on to men. Traditionally women have wanted the man who has the Ivy League degree, the house etc because that is stability. Be it human beings or lions, the male role has always been security and stability. And I'm not offended by that (I don't know many men that are). Yet, traditional roles for females are now seen as offensive. That throws off balance. In a twist of irony, the same women who deject traditional roles for women, still want men to pull out the chair, open the door, walk on the outside when walking down the street... traditional values.
Queen, I respect a woman who is educated because she can teach our child. But I also respect a Queen who WANTS to be an important part in raising our child. Who doesn't view cooking as demeaning. Who take pride in what goes in the bodies of her King, Princes and Princesses. There is vast gray area between a woman who wants to make sure her family eats healthy and wants to make sure her home is in order, and a woman being a maid/housekeeper. That right there is YOUR projection on the situation, not the man's.
Seems that women are hungry, standing on the banks of the river, casting their fishing line with cardboard on the hook getting frustrated that no men will take the bait. If you're fishing for large mouth bass with nothing on the hook, would you get mad at the fish or yourself when you're ribs are touching that night?
women with marriage, two kids, and a house with a white picket fence wouldn't be complaining about being "lonely" or no man is on there level...so the "definition" of a successful black woman that the article is about is very clear.
Beautiful. Especially the bolded. This is why I only fuck with females who understand having MOTHERING qualities is sexy as hell. Why the hell would I fuck with a woman who wants to wear both the pants and the skirt in the family? What kind of shit is that? A man is not attracted to a woman's degree or money. Only a bitch made boy is. A man that can provide for both HIMSELF and his potential WIFE and KIDS wants a woman who can be the foundation, the backbone, the rock of the family. I feel raising a family is harder than keeping a job. Any woman who understands this will get the ring put on her finger eaaaarly!
It's easy to leave your job and move to the next one, but your family is for life and takes dedication.
Beautiful. Especially the bolded. This is why I only fuck with females who understand having MOTHERING qualities is sexy as hell. Why the hell would I fuck with a woman who wants to wear both the pants and the skirt in the family? What kind of shit is that? A man is not attracted to a woman's degree or money. Only a bitch made boy is. A man that can provide for both HIMSELF and his potential WIFE and KIDS wants a woman who can be the foundation, the backbone, the rock of the family. I feel raising a family is harder than keeping a job. Any woman who understands this will get the ring put on her finger eaaaarly!
It's easy to leave your job and move to the next one, but your family is for life and takes dedication.
agreed. I live in Philly. On any given weekday, one can stand on the corner of 15th and Market and see waves of beautiful sistas with degrees, good jobs, and phat asses. They're abundant. So with that said, what makes one stand out from the others? For me, it's a woman who is well read (besides Terri Woods and Steve Harvey), and one who ENJOYS cooking. Who doesn't see this as me trying to oppress her. It's true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Your degree may impress him because he respects your drive. But at the end of the day, your drive is not the thing that will keep him. He doesn't need your degree to make him feel loved, and appreciated. A woman who is strong, yet humble, driven yet sees the big picture with regards to family is rare these days.
At the end of the day, I guess it comes down to this. Some people don't know the difference between something VALUABLE, and something EXPENSIVE. I'll take a woman who is 5 credits short of her bachelors, who works, and understands the VALUE of taking care of her King, Prince/Princess over a woman who has an Ivy League Masters, condo, BMW who's offended by traditional roles when it comes to her and whose values differ from mine.
A real man has his own money. He don't need more money. Why would he want to marry a bread winner? He's looking for someone to be a woman. Which goes to what I said long long long loooooong time ago: "A man would rather "struggle" to pay bills than "struggle" with a chick."
any man who marries because of a woman's income is......pathetic, to say the least.....
still waiting for a professional successful black woman to come in here and comment.....
agreed. The fact that a lot of women don't recognize that is showing a distinct disconnect in communication between the genders.
I'm not lumping all African American women in a category, that's absurd. And I never said I was the only person that had grown up the way I did, I was merely stating what I have observed. I am trying to understand why so many black women are having this problem and if I could help I would. However (from my experience), whenever I offer words of wisdom or advice many of the black women I know take it with a grain of salt or brush it off because I was not born here therefore they believe I don't "truly know what a black man wants" but obviously they don't either if they are "successful, black, and lonely"
Damn, now why can't a lot of African American women think like this...
I'm bored I might as well put my 2 cents in. Professional and successful are 2 different things. I think the ish here is the fact that some (not all) women still think they want to be the submissive 1 in a relationship. Since they think that their degree....Should be advanced..IE masters or above, puts them on a pedistal, only lawyers, and doctors will do. Being that I don't have a degree...as a young buck I was rejected by the so called upwardly mobile black women. The winter boo thing is kinda new to me but I've never been one for driving chicks around to begin with, even though I'm sure the lady was using the term figuratively. Now aproaching 40 I own my own home, and while I still don't feel I'm finacially secure..( seven figure bank account would do) my girlfriend and I have come to the conclusion that while she herself does have a degree, I generate more income potential than she does. So basically their are a lot of women over looking men because of what they think is status. I had to wake my girl friend up and let her know that she could do far worse and that she was not settling. What it all come down to is value.
Do sistas value a get up and go to work man or a dude that carries a brief case to work. She should know that it ain't gonna be full of money for her.
Do sistas value a get up and go to work man or a dude that carries a brief case to work. She should know that it ain't gonna be full of money for her.
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