The Demise of Dating: Hooking-Up aka Random Smashing is Here to Stay!

[keysersoze]

The Demise of Dating
​

NY TIMES
By CHARLES M. BLOW

The paradigm has shifted. Dating is dated. Hooking up is here to stay.


(For those over 30 years old: hooking up is a casual sexual encounter with no expectation of future emotional commitment. Think of it as a one-night stand with someone you know.)

According to a report released this spring by Child Trends, a Washington research group, there are now more high school seniors saying that they never date than seniors who say that they date frequently. Apparently, it’s all about the hookup.

Kathleen Bogle, a professor at La Salle University in Philadelphia who has studied hooking up among college students and is the author of the 2008 book, “Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus.”

It turns out that everything is the opposite of what I remember. Under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date.

I asked her to explain the pros and cons of this strange culture. According to her, the pros are that hooking up emphasizes group friendships over the one-pair model of dating, and, therefore, removes the negative stigma from those who can’t get a date. As she put it, “It used to be that if you couldn’t get a date, you were a loser.” Now, she said, you just hang out with your friends and hope that something happens.

The cons center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse. Also, there’s an increased likelihood of sexual assaults because hooking up is often fueled by alcohol.

That’s not good. So why is there an increase in hooking up? According to Professor Bogle, it’s: the collapse of advanced planning, lopsided gender ratios on campus, delaying marriage, relaxing values and sheer momentum.

It used to be that “you were trained your whole life to date,” said Ms. Bogle. “Now we’ve lost that ability — the ability to just ask someone out and get to know them.”

Now that’s sad.

1st - Is dating dead? I know some friends who do it occasionally. I admit it wasn't a big thing in college and H.S. and haven't heard of my by buddies say they are "dating" - most are in a serious relationship or just smashing their youth away.

Now that dating is dead or almost non existent - how do you ladies addressing the point the article raises about women not finding relationships from the casual sex situations? It seems like women are the losers in this equation.

Men = free pussy, no commitment, no hard feelings... go somewhere else to find a wifey.

What do women gain from this?

 

[Mo-Better]

How old is this professor? She needs to get out more. Jump off sex took off in the 60s. Hooking up for casual sex has been going on for decades. Why do you think clubs exist and ladies nights? There's nothing new here and the 30+ or 30 something crowds have been doing this for years.

It's when you get tired of those one-nighters and or happen to meet that person you think is special is when dating really starts to take off. Her findings are outdated.

 

[keysersoze]

^^ Its not that jumpoffs didn't exist but rather jumpoff sex has spread beyond the club scene... to now random sex amongst 'book club' members.

Btw, author is a NY Op-ED columnist:

 

[Profit]

Men = free pussy, no commitment, no hard feelings... go somewhere else to find a wifey.

What do women gain from this?

Seems to me that they get to avoid the negative connotations of being a "hoe". The double standard is softened and they can be guilt free freaks.

In reality, even though a many a dude is smashing without calling her a hoe, he thinking that shit every second which is why she can't get wifed up.

 

[Mo-Better]

^^ Its not that jumpoffs didn't exist but rather jumpoff sex has spread beyond the club scene... to now random sex amongst 'book club' members.

Btw, author is a NY Op-ED columnist:

OK I could be wrong but I don't see this becoming the norm. I do believe there will be a percentage that will fall into this category but I don't think the percentage will be large. BTW book clubs, stores like Barnes & Nobels have always been prime spots to pick up dates.

 

[bgbtylvr]

Nah, the problem is too many women show they ain't worth shit early in the game, thus, why take them bitches anywhere? LOL!!! Every real kat has a lil game he runs on a broad to see where to take it next, if she falls for the entry level shit, that shit is a wrap! No nachos for you, hoe! LOL!!!

I'll date a woman, but bitch gets no love. Sadly, too many females act like, look like or hang with bitches, so they get the bitch treatment. Dating hasn't decliined, the quality of women worthy of taking on a date has.

 

[DeSiRe]

Every real kat has a lil game he runs on a broad to see where to take it next, if she falls for the entry level shit, that shit is a wrap! No nachos for you, hoe! LOL!!!

interesting...

care to elaborate on this

 

[itwazuntme]

Nah, the problem is too many women show they ain't worth shit early in the game, thus, why take them bitches anywhere? LOL!!! Every real kat has a lil game he runs on a broad to see where to take it next, if she falls for the entry level shit, that shit is a wrap! No nachos for you, hoe! LOL!!!

I'll date a woman, but bitch gets no love. Sadly, too many females act like, look like or hang with bitches, so they get the bitch treatment. Dating hasn't decliined, the quality of women worthy of taking on a date has.

Dating hasn't decliined, the quality of women worthy of taking on a date has

You hit the Nail on the HEAD!!!

 

[DjMorpheus]

Nah, the problem is too many women show they ain't worth shit early in the game, thus, why take them bitches anywhere? LOL!!! Every real kat has a lil game he runs on a broad to see where to take it next, if she falls for the entry level shit, that shit is a wrap! No nachos for you, hoe! LOL!!!

I'll date a woman, but bitch gets no love. Sadly, too many females act like, look like or hang with bitches, so they get the bitch treatment. Dating hasn't decliined, the quality of women worthy of taking on a date has.

 

[followup]

How old is this professor? She needs to get out more. Jump off sex took off in the 60s. Hooking up for casual sex has been going on for decades. Why do you think clubs exist and ladies nights? There's nothing new here and the 30+ or 30 something crowds have been doing this for years.

It's when you get tired of those one-nighters and or happen to meet that person you think is special is when dating really starts to take off. Her findings are outdated.

My bad

 

[itwazuntme]

The Demise of Dating
​

1st - Is dating dead? I know some friends who do it occasionally. I admit it wasn't a big thing in college and H.S. and haven't heard of my by buddies say they are "dating" - most are in a serious relationship or just smashing their youth away.

Now that dating is dead or almost non existent - how do you ladies addressing the point the article raises about women not finding relationships from the casual sex situations? It seems like women are the losers in this equation.

Men = free pussy, no commitment, no hard feelings... go somewhere else to find a wifey.

What do women gain from this?

What do women gain from this?

free dick, no commitment, no hard feelings...go somewhere else to find a husband...shit women aint meek no more. They just like nigga's now.

 

[greygoose]

The Demise of Dating: Hooking-Up aka Random Smashing is Here to Stay!

 

[Makkonnen]

one night stands have been around since monkeys started fucking
white people finding new ways to write about old behavior

 

[jucurious]

Nah, the problem is too many women show they ain't worth shit early in the game, thus, why take them bitches anywhere? LOL!!! Every real kat has a lil game he runs on a broad to see where to take it next, if she falls for the entry level shit, that shit is a wrap! No nachos for you, hoe! LOL!!!

I'll date a woman, but bitch gets no love. Sadly, too many females act like, look like or hang with bitches, so they get the bitch treatment. Dating hasn't decliined, the quality of women worthy of taking on a date has.

i think this can be said for both men and women. its kind of like a catch 22. ppl tryna date are ending up w/ hoes, then they start to say fuck it, let me just hook up then and don't take ppl seriously. the SMART ones can still distinguish between a hoe and a potential mate while others get on the "everyone is a jump" train and never get off

and i think both sexes game the other person to see where their head is at. ppl are all about testing boundaries lol.

 

[bgbtylvr]

interesting...

care to elaborate on this

Here I come, Homey Homez!

You/we have weak game for worthless bitches, than tight game for women you assume are above board or have some class. If your weak shit works on the above board broad, that bitch is declassified promptly! LOL!!! Think of any weak line you would never use, if it works, don't care what the bitch says, she loses! Game over!

Secondly, I for one don't date bitches i meet at clubs or anywhere i go to get pussy or a buzz. If the bitch was worth something, she wouldn't be posted up where i go for pussy and snacks. Can't claim to be a high dollar bitch when you got low budget plans like me. In short, clubs are where you go to meet hoes not wives. At that point, she's already failed the wifey test.

Lastly, if i can fuck without a dance, buying her a drink (which i never do) or before i know your last name, address or where you even work, yo ass will never get a date.
Weekend pussy at best! Fuck her, than spray her with a can of Bitch-
be-Gone![/B]

 

[DeSiRe]

dude u are funny as hell

Here I come, Homey Homez!

You/we have weak game for worthless bitches, than tight game for women you assume are above board or have some class. If your weak shit works on the above board broad, that bitch is declassified promptly! LOL!!! Think of any weak line you would never use, if it works, don't care what the bitch says, she loses! Game over!

ok...gimme an example of these lines?

is it like...girl are u tired? cause u been running thru my mind all day!

Secondly, I for one don't date bitches i meet at clubs or anywhere i go to get pussy or a buzz. If the bitch was worth something, she wouldn't be posted up where i go for pussy and snacks. Can't claim to be a high dollar bitch when you got low budget plans like me. In short, clubs are where you go to meet hoes not wives. At that point, she's already failed the wifey test.

 

[russhigg]

Here I come, Homey Homez!

You/we have weak game for worthless bitches, than tight game for women you assume are above board or have some class. If your weak shit works on the above board broad, that bitch is declassified promptly! LOL!!! Think of any weak line you would never use, if it works, don't care what the bitch says, she loses! Game over!

Secondly, I for one don't date bitches i meet at clubs or anywhere i go to get pussy or a buzz. If the bitch was worth something, she wouldn't be posted up where i go for pussy and snacks. Can't claim to be a high dollar bitch when you got low budget plans like me. In short, clubs are where you go to meet hoes not wives. At that point, she's already failed the wifey test.

Lastly, if i can fuck without a dance, buying her a drink (which i never do) or before i know your last name, address or where you even work, yo ass will never get a date.
Weekend pussy at best! Fuck her, than spray her with a can of Bitch-
be-Gone![/B]

 

[greygoose]

dude u are funny as hell




ok...gimme an example of these lines?

is it like...girl are u tired? cause u been running thru my mind all day!

what.... you wanna know if the slut shoe fits your feet??

 

[jucurious]

Here I come, Homey Homez!

You/we have weak game for worthless bitches, than tight game for women you assume are above board or have some class. If your weak shit works on the above board broad, that bitch is declassified promptly! LOL!!! Think of any weak line you would never use, if it works, don't care what the bitch says, she loses! Game over!

Secondly, I for one don't date bitches i meet at clubs or anywhere i go to get pussy or a buzz. If the bitch was worth something, she wouldn't be posted up where i go for pussy and snacks. Can't claim to be a high dollar bitch when you got low budget plans like me. In short, clubs are where you go to meet hoes not wives. At that point, she's already failed the wifey test.

Lastly, if i can fuck without a dance, buying her a drink (which i never do) or before i know your last name, address or where you even work, yo ass will never get a date.
Weekend pussy at best! Fuck her, than spray her with a can of Bitch-
be-Gone![/B]

hahahahahahahaha

is it wrong that i agree? well fuck it, cuz i do

i don't take dudes at parties seriously unless they...wait nope, i don't take them seriously

 

[water]

dude u are funny as hell




ok...gimme an example of these lines?

is it like...girl are u tired? cause u been running thru my mind all day!

So this is turning into a tutorial/workbook?

You sound worried about where you stand.....

 

[moblack]

Dating is fucking dead. I have tons of pretty female friends or chicks that I know who are single. All they do is go out in groups. Frequent parties ,but none of them have boyfriends, or engaged. Heck I know a female Engineer with a good job,but can't get a man. Even her friends who're all Engineers can't find a man either. One problem is when you see chicks in upscale parties or whatever them chicks have the stankest attitudes. For example a few weeks ago I went to this nice party in Houston. I saw this girl I went to school with . My boy was like go speak to her. I was like nah I didn't know her that well. WE knew each other cause we were in the same grade. He was like she fine and shit. I said nigga please she got a baby at 15 and works as a secretary. Sisters will have to learn to take it down a notch.

 

[jucurious]

what.... you wanna know if the slut shoe fits your feet??

damn you aint gotta say it like that


but i was kinda thinking the same thing


*backs out of thread*

 

[followup]

Dating is fucking dead. I have tons of pretty female friends or chicks that I know who are single. All they do is go out in groups. Frequent parties ,but none of them have boyfriends, or engaged. Heck I know a female Engineer with a good job,but can't get a man. Even her friends who're all Engineers can't find a man either. One problem is when you see chicks in upscale parties or whatever them chicks have the stankest attitudes. For example a few weeks ago I went to this nice party in Houston. I saw this girl I went to school with . My boy was like go speak to her. I was like nah I didn't know her that well. WE knew each other cause we were in the same grade. He was like she fine and shit. I said nigga please she got a baby at 15 and works as a secretary. Sisters will have to learn to take it down a notch.

So let me get this right. You saw a girl you knew back in the day. She is beautiful. She has a nice personality (since you did not say that she has a "stank" attitude). She has a decent job. She is a single mother for the past at least 10 years taking care of her child. And your excuse for not talking to her is "I don't know her that well"?

Seems like YOU need to take it down a notch. Obviously you are not married or in a happy relationship, so you are at these same parties where single women are too. Maybe you are not the great catch you think you are otherwise you would not be kicking it so hard with your boys

 

[DeSiRe]

So this is turning into a tutorial/workbook?

You sound worried about where you stand.....

what.... you wanna know if the slut shoe fits your feet??

i wouldnt call it worried about where i stand....im very happy with my situation

im very inquisitive person by nature....i love hearing other or new perspectives

aside from the porn thats the other reason why im here

it is extremely entertaining studying you all on this site

 

[LeftyLuchini]

interesting...

care to elaborate on this

the same way women got "the trick test",
men got their own tests too..

..and the game is to be sold,
not told.

 

[jucurious]

Dating is fucking dead. I have tons of pretty female friends or chicks that I know who are single. All they do is go out in groups. Frequent parties ,but none of them have boyfriends, or engaged. Heck I know a female Engineer with a good job,but can't get a man. Even her friends who're all Engineers can't find a man either. One problem is when you see chicks in upscale parties or whatever them chicks have the stankest attitudes. For example a few weeks ago I went to this nice party in Houston. I saw this girl I went to school with . My boy was like go speak to her. I was like nah I didn't know her that well. WE knew each other cause we were in the same grade. He was like she fine and shit. I said nigga please she got a baby at 15 and works as a secretary. Sisters will have to learn to take it down a notch.

wait...how do you make a comment about sistas having stank attitudes but then give an example on how you passed judgement and dismissed someone who you barely even knew just off a situation?

WOW ... the irony, the fuckin irony.

you were a teacher right? please tell me you didn't teach them about logic, reasoning, and persuasion OR critical thinking.

FAIL

 

[greygoose]

i wouldnt call it worried about where i stand....im very happy with my situation

im very inquisitive person by nature....i love hearing other or new perspectives

aside from the porn thats the other reason why im here

it is extremely entertaining studying you all on this site

situation? or situations?

hey we all have our reasons for being here

study? what are you doing a thesis on interpersonal relationships and psyche?

 

[moblack]

So let me get this right. You saw a girl you knew back in the day. She is beautiful. She has a nice personality (since you did not say that she has a "stank" attitude). She has a decent job. She is a single mother for the past at least 10 years taking care of her child. And your excuse for not talking to her is "I don't know her that well"?

Seems like YOU need to take it down a notch. Obviously you are not married or in a happy relationship, so you are at these same parties where single women are too. Maybe you are not the great catch you think you are otherwise you would not be kicking it so hard with your boys

I knew her through her friend. Her good friend was a good friend of mine. She can't be a good mother if everyweek she is up in the dam club. Shoot every weekend she updating her facebook from the latest party. Heck I knew in high school her grand moms was raising her baby. I was kicking it with my boy and 3 females due to me being off for the weekend. Is it so wrong for me to go to a club in every blue moon? Hell the party was free.

wait...how do you make a comment about sistas having stank attitudes but then give an example on how you passed judgement and dismissed someone who you barely even knew just off a situation?

WOW ... the irony, the fuckin irony.

you were a teacher right? please tell me you didn't teach them about logic, reasoning, and persuasion OR critical thinking.

FAIL

Just like I saw her she saw me. Like I said she the one with the problem. I've seen her at something else. She ducked and dogged. She is a secretary in my district. When folks see you and don't speak its because they not where they supposed to be in life. Heck I saw other folks there and chatted it up with them. I'm not the type of cat to run up to some female talking about hey you went to so and so school right. Thats lame

 

[DaddyDiesel]

I don't think dating is over, but I think quality dating is over for one specific reason, the Internet. The internet is basically a place where hoes can be hoes, date cats from different cities and states with no strings attached and this is becoming all too common place.
If you don't believe me go to a dating site, log on periodically and watch you see the same females on day in and day out and I'm talkin about some decent lookin chicks if not fine.

With females puttin a lot more notches on their belts, it's going to be hard to find a quality female to date if not next to possible, unless males redefine their standards of what a quality female is...

 

[thetruthhasspoken]

the quality characteristics of women have gone done. Meaning they act and carry themselves like bitches but have the nerve to want men to treat them like queens..Aint happening!...Also women want to put so much expectations on us brotha as far as what we got to offer, bring to the table but she aint got shit to offer the man other than just pussy..If thats all she can offer cool but I aint making her my woman, just a bootycall. Women need to step up their game and get their shit straight b4 putting expectations on someone else...today most brothas are tired of wanting to do shit, be by a womans side who aint offering nothing herself. Plus women dont wanna listen to things they gotta improve on just bark on men's faults. Thats one of womens main flaws, never taking their own advise. Demise of dating IMO is really the cause of women failing to fix their faults and step up their game as well and offer more than just some ass..

TheTruth has spoken...Good night and good luck (as Keith Olbermann would say)

 

[Gods_Debris]

I knew her through her friend. Her good friend was a good friend of mine. She can't be a good mother if everyweek she is up in the dam club. Shoot every weekend she updating her facebook from the latest party. Heck I knew in high school her grand moms was raising her baby. I was kicking it with my boy and 3 females due to me being off for the weekend. Is it so wrong for me to go to a club in every blue moon? Hell the party was free.



Just like I saw her she saw me. Like I said she the one with the problem. I've seen her at something else. She ducked and dogged. She is a secretary in my district. When folks see you and don't speak its because they not where they supposed to be in life. Heck I saw other folks there and chatted it up with them. I'm not the type of cat to run up to some female talking about hey you went to so and so school right. Thats lame

Damn homie, don't be ashamed. Proudly pick up that mop and bucket and just do you. Fuck the haters

 

[The Amerikkkan Idol]

So let me get this right. You saw a girl you knew back in the day. She is beautiful. She has a nice personality (since you did not say that she has a "stank" attitude). She has a decent job. She is a single mother for the past at least 10 years taking care of her child. And your excuse for not talking to her is "I don't know her that well"?

Seems like YOU need to take it down a notch. Obviously you are not married or in a happy relationship, so you are at these same parties where single women are too. Maybe you are not the great catch you think you are otherwise you would not be kicking it so hard with your boys

wait...how do you make a comment about sistas having stank attitudes but then give an example on how you passed judgement and dismissed someone who you barely even knew just off a situation?

WOW ... the irony, the fuckin irony.

you were a teacher right? please tell me you didn't teach them about logic, reasoning, and persuasion OR critical thinking.

FAIL

Please, she's the one who had a baby at 15. Women used to have enough sense to be ashamed of that shit. Hell, one of my great-aunts from back in the day got pregnant at 21 by this lawyer in the 50's and her family sent her "down south". Then, she showed up 9 months later. Why? Because she had a daughter out of wedlock.

Now, everybody accepts that shit and expects men not to judge on that shit.

 

[LennyNero1972]

True the net allows women to fuck around a lot.

 

[DeSiRe]

situation? or situations?

hey we all have our reasons for being here

study? what are you doing a thesis on interpersonal relationships and psyche?

damn i thought i was the inquisitive one

 

[moblack]

Please, she's the one who had a baby at 15. Women used to have enough sense to be ashamed of that shit. Hell, one of my great-aunts from back in the day got pregnant at 21 by this lawyer in the 50's and her family sent her "down south". Then, she showed up 9 months later. Why? Because she had a daughter out of wedlock.

Now, everybody accepts that shit and expects men not to judge on that shit.

One of these cats is probably the cat who put the ring on her finger. When I see her engagement party photos I just think. Dam son you wifing her and she in the club every weekend.