women and respect

[Dannyblueyes]

I've been with my girlfriend for just over a month. She's a great woman and I've been working hard to maintain my manhood and respect with her. Last night I fucked it up big time.

We were both working on very difficult and important projects in the college lab. Nothing was going right. Computers were failing, everyone in the lab was starting to get frustrated. People cussing and that sort of thing. At any rate I went a little overboard. Started talking shit about the teachers (they weren't in the room), computers, and so forth more than the others while she was handling the situation with a lot more grace.

Even though I finished the project and never directed any of that frustration at her, I still let my emotions override my intelligence. I exposed myself as a bitch and made a fool of myself in front of our classmates. I represented her and myself very poorly.

It's been said that once you show your ass like that your woman will never respect you ever again. Is that true, or is there a way to repair your reputation?

 

[blackpepper]

You think you the only one that ever got pissed in front of you girl? It aint like you went off on her. If she caint get over that then, keep it movin. No biggy.

 

[jjUSTAZZ]

If she trips over that kind of situation then you should probably just keep it moving.

But if you feel like you have to address the situation with her then maybe you should start with trying to figure out why you were so frutrated and upset about the situation. If the two of you have an understanding as to why your reactions were what they were then you should be able to learn from it and move forward together.

 

[DeSiRe]

personally it would depend on if i thought the situation was that serious or not

we are all human...everyone looses thier cool every once and awhile...so i can understand if it was an intense situation

but if u are being ultra dramatic about little things it would be a turn off for me

i cant stand a drama king

 

[Dannyblueyes]

personally it would depend on if i thought the situation was that serious or not

we are all human...everyone looses thier cool every once and awhile...so i can understand if it was an intense situation

but if u are being ultra dramatic about little things it would be a turn off for me

i cant stand a drama king

The project was a final that was due the next morning in our media class. We had been at work for several hours (I had personally been working on this project for over 10 hours in addition to a 3 hour class time that day alone). She told me that I was annoying her, but aside from that she SAID she understood. I apologized and admitted that I was not acting the way a man should act. No excuses.

My concern is that the second half of this term starts next week. Near the end, which is coming in about 6 weeks, we will be in pretty much the same situation. Pulling late nighters to get a short documentary completed in time for an evaluation. I really don't want her to cringe and brace herself for it because of what I did last night.

Also losing your cool while your woman keeps hers is like losing to a woman in an arm wrestling match. Gender equality aside, it's embarrassing and makes you look like even more of a punk.

 

[Noir]

The project was a final that was due the next morning in our media class. We had been at work for several hours (I had personally been working on this project for over 10 hours in addition to a 3 hour class time that day alone). She told me that I was annoying her, but aside from that she SAID she understood. I apologized and admitted that I was not acting the way a man should act. No excuses.

My concern is that the second half of this term starts next week. Near the end, which is coming in about 6 weeks, we will be in pretty much the same situation. Pulling late nighters to get a short documentary completed in time for an evaluation. I really don't want her to cringe and brace herself for it because of what I did last night.

Also losing your cool while your woman keeps hers is like losing to a woman in an arm wrestling match. Gender equality aside, it's embarrassing and makes you look like even more of a punk.

First, you apologized, she stated she understood, and was straightforward with how your behavior annoyed her. Great. You may think you were a punk for losing it, but you were the bigger man for recognizing the fault and apologizing. This incident is over -- time to move on.

Second, at least you recognize your problem of how stress and frustration gets to you -- that is half way to solving the problem. I know that school has short deadlines and all (Hell, I am about to go into work for a project I am working on ), but is there a way to perhaps plan your projects so that there is no last minute all-night stress-filled crunch? I know stupid question.

Third, even if you are forced into a situation where you'll be working long hours on a project, it is important to take periodic breaks. Get away from the desk and computer, and refresh. Get a small meal, get something to drink, stretch, read some a book, take a short walk -- anything to release the stress and refresh your mind. Hell, take your girl back to your dorm, or some other convenient place for some hard quick sex -- that will definite release that stress and tension for both of you.

 

[JofromthaNO]

First, you apologized, she stated she understood, and was straightforward with how your behavior annoyed her. Great. You may think you were a punk for losing it, but you were the bigger man for recognizing the fault and apologizing. This incident is over -- time to move on.

Second, at least you recognize your problem of how stress and frustration gets to you -- that is half way to solving the problem. I know that school has short deadlines and all (Hell, I am about to go into work for a project I am working on ), but is there a way to perhaps plan your projects so that there is no last minute all-night stress-filled crunch? I know stupid question.

Third, even if you are forced into a situation where you'll be working long hours on a project, it is important to take periodic breaks. Get away from the desk and computer, and refresh. Get a small meal, get something to drink, stretch, read some a book, take a short walk -- anything to release the stress and refresh your mind. Hell, take your girl back to your dorm, or some other convenient place for some hard quick sex -- that will definite release that stress and tension for both of you.

This message is:

 

[Dannyblueyes]

Update:

She stood me up yesterday. She stood me up again today. Her attitude has flipped 180 degrees since I fucked up and now I'm probably going to have to dump her.

I guess it goes to show that once you break one of the sacred laws of manhood you're relationship is living on borrowed time. For those who don't know the 10 sacred laws of manhood are as follows

1) NEVER EVER let her see you cry. It's the equivalent of taking a shit on the kitchen floor

2) Never let her see you worried, jealous or frustrated. It's annoying and shows a lack of control.

3) Never let her hear you bitch or gossip. She wants you to be her man not her girlfriend

4) Remember that you're representing her in everything you do. Anything that makes you look bad makes her look bad too.

5) Always have a plan. The words "I don't know" should never pass your lips when you're in her presence.

6) When she comes to you with problems your response should be a silent hug.

7) Call her out on any lies or disrespect immediately. Turn a blind eye to everything else.

8) No Means No. That means no more begging, petting, questions, or whining for at least 24 hours.

9) If you're broke, keep it to yourself

10) Never talk to her when you're drunk unless she's drinking with you. If she catches you by surprise cut the conversation short and don't let her know why.

 

[sean69]

Update:

She stood me up yesterday. She stood me up again today. Her attitude has flipped 180 degrees since I fucked up and now I'm probably going to have to dump her.

I guess it goes to show that once you break one of the sacred laws of manhood you're relationship is living on borrowed time. For those who don't know the 10 sacred laws of manhood are as follows

1) NEVER EVER let her see you cry. It's the equivalent of taking a shit on the kitchen floor

2) Never let her see you worried, jealous or frustrated. It's annoying and shows a lack of control.

3) Never let her hear you bitch or gossip. She wants you to be her man not her girlfriend

4) Remember that you're representing her in everything you do. Anything that makes you look bad makes her look bad too.

5) Always have a plan. The words "I don't know" should never pass your lips when you're in her presence.

6) When she comes to you with problems your response should be a silent hug.

7) Call her out on any lies or disrespect immediately. Turn a blind eye to everything else.

8) No Means No. That means no more begging, petting, questions, or whining for at least 24 hours.

9) If you're broke, keep it to yourself

10) Never talk to her when you're drunk unless she's drinking with you. If she catches you by surprise cut the conversation short and don't let her know why.

Couldn't disagree with you more on the highlighted.

That's just me.

 

[alyric]

Update:

She stood me up yesterday. She stood me up again today. Her attitude has flipped 180 degrees since I fucked up and now I'm probably going to have to dump her...

-----
wait a minute. i don't know you like that or nothing but you get pissed off, she gets irritated in return (sounds like it) and you're ready to call it quits just because she hasn't talked to you yet?

sounds like this to me... you're so busy gearing up to protect your manhood that you're making this into a bigger deal than it is. quite frankly, you didn't fuck up. you just acted like a human being. and if you haven't been acting like a human around your girl all this time, you know...not farting around her, not letting her see you upset, etc., then yeah, it probably threw her for a loop. but that's not her fault...that's yours. stop acting like you're perfect and maybe she won't hold you to this impossible standard.

and as far as your rules...uh, hubby has been there and done that on all of them and i haven't lost respect for him.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

-----
wait a minute. i don't know you like that or nothing but you get pissed off, she gets irritated in return (sounds like it) and you're ready to call it quits just because she hasn't talked to you yet?

sounds like this to me... you're so busy gearing up to protect your manhood that you're making this into a bigger deal than it is. quite frankly, you didn't fuck up. you just acted like a human being. and if you haven't been acting like a human around your girl all this time, you know...not farting around her, not letting her see you upset, etc., then yeah, it probably threw her for a loop. but that's not her fault...that's yours. stop acting like you're perfect and maybe she won't hold you to this impossible standard.

and as far as your rules...uh, hubby has been there and done that on all of them and i haven't lost respect for him.

My concern is that flaking out is a sign of disrespect. If I let it go unchecked the disrespect will grow until she's cussing me out in front of my friends (and yes, my last girlfriend did that). Also, she says that one of the things she likes about me is that I handle situations like a real man instead of like the juveniles she's used to dating. This is why I'm taking this so seriously.

Modern technology is allowing women a lot more independence. Y'all don't need us for money, sex, professional gain, children or anything else any more. The only draw that's left is our manhood. More specifically, it's our ability to be an emotional rock, a fearless protector, to have an answer to every problem, to stay in control when you've lost yours, and provide direction when you're not sure what to do. If I falter on these lines then what's left?

 

[Noir]

Update:

She stood me up yesterday. She stood me up again today. Her attitude has flipped 180 degrees since I fucked up and now I'm probably going to have to dump her.

I guess it goes to show that once you break one of the sacred laws of manhood you're relationship is living on borrowed time. For those who don't know the 10 sacred laws of manhood are as follows

I have to CO-SIGN Alyric. It seems you are making it a bigger deal than it is. Did you bother to ask her why she stood you up the past two days?

If she does say it is because of your episode, then perhaps you are better without her. Damn, you act like a HUMAN BEING and she flips out? What kind of man does she expect? Sounds like she more wants a robot more than a thinking, feeling human.

Why are you so quick to dump her? Trying to avoid her dumping you first? Just have a conversation with her and if you two decide to part ways, let it be mutual and the self-centered bitch can be on her own.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

I have to CO-SIGN Alyric. It seems you are making it a bigger deal than it is. Did you bother to ask her why she stood you up the past two days?

If she does say it is because of your episode, then perhaps you are better without her. Damn, you act like a HUMAN BEING and she flips out? What kind of man does she expect? Sounds like she more wants a robot more than a thinking, feeling human.

Why are you so quick to dump her? Trying to avoid her dumping you first? Just have a conversation with her and if you two decide to part ways, let it be mutual and the self-centered bitch can be on her own.

The first day was a spontaneous family outing with her godmother. She invited her out for breakfast and then took her all around everywhere for the rest of the day, something she does often.

The second day was because of an incident with the bank. She did end up rescheduling things right after it was over though.

I can understand somewhat. When you're young and living at home you don't have as much control over your schedule as most older adults do. In the end I let it go, but not before I politely let her know how much inconvenience it caused me. I also know now that if she's doing something with her godmother I should assume she'll be occupied for the entire day.

Why am I so worried? It was a deserved lack of respect on my ex-wife's part that caused me to lose my home, money, credit, and essentially ruined 6 years of my life. I didn't behave like a man so she didn't treat me like one. I'm NOT going to make the same mistake again.

 

[swiftandsilent]

You think you the only one that ever got pissed in front of you girl? It aint like you went off on her. If she caint get over that then, keep it movin. No biggy.

C/S

 

[Noir]

Update:

She stood me up yesterday. She stood me up again today. Her attitude has flipped 180 degrees since I fucked up and now I'm probably going to have to dump her.

The first day was a spontaneous family outing with her godmother. She invited her out for breakfast and then took her all around everywhere for the rest of the day, something she does often.

The second day was because of an incident with the bank. She did end up rescheduling things right after it was over though.

I can understand somewhat. When you're young and living at home you don't have as much control over your schedule as most older adults do. In the end I let it go, but not before I politely let her know how much inconvenience it caused me. I also know now that if she's doing something with her godmother I should assume she'll be occupied for the entire day.

Why am I so worried? It was a deserved lack of respect on my ex-wife's part that caused me to lose my home, money, credit, and essentially ruined 6 years of my life. I didn't behave like a man so she didn't treat me like one. I'm NOT going to make the same mistake again.

Taking care of/going out with your Godmother, and then taking care of an incident at the bank does not sound like "standing someone up" and someone whose "attitude has flipped 180 degrees". It sounds like someone taking care of responsibilities and commitments. While it may be wrong on her part if she did not inform you ahead of time (or when she discovered she would not be able to meet you), it does not seem like the grounds to dump someone right off the bat.

I'm sorry for what happened between you and your ex-wife, but you are making it sound as if we do not "act right" and by the "man code" 100% of the time we deserve nothing -- especially respect from a woman.

If you are interested in being a man, cut the puppet strings you have let women have control of you with and move on your own. You may be surprised, walking on your own, you may trip and even fall once in a while, but it is a great feeling to be free rather than under someone else's control.

 

[Zero]

Look bruh, a woman is a human being and human beings respect those that respect themselves. I don't care where you came from or who you are, you may play the role, you may make bad decisions, you may chase thrills, but unless you have no respect for YOU (male or female) you want to be surrounded by people that respect themselves. Bad self-esteem is a bitch in today's society. We are all bombarded with images that make us feel broke, dumb and ugly, but the airbrushed world we are bombarded with is NOT the REAL world we live in. A person that can't accept and respect your faults is NOT mature enough yet to live in this world. My wife saw me cry, fuck up, fall off, do any and every dumb fuckin' thing you can think of BEFORE she ever chose to be my wife. She chose to be with ME because she took the time to see who I really was. She saw that, besides my flaws, I was the type of man that was NOT going to abandon her or my oldest daughter (who we had back in the gully days). She CHOSE to see what I COULD be as a young man (15+ years ago) and not who I currently was at that time (a lowlife, criminal nigga on his way to no-damn-where who was intelligent as hell). Her support MADE ME what I am today, I ain't afraid to admit that and if you ask her what made her what she is today, she will tell you the same.

So maybe the girl you are with now is not the girl you are meant to be with, or maybe (if you think she IS the ONE) you gotta do what YOU need to do to keep her on your team.

I'm not gonna feed you some immature ass pimp shit like you would get on the main board, I can only tell you what is real.

And you know what is REAL? What is REAL is that we live several lifetimes over the course of our existence and whatever is going on now with you and your girl TODAY can be resolved, or forgotten, but who YOU are won't change and who YOU are is all that is gonna really matter to you.

Sounds to me like you are doing the right thing, if she can't respect that, fuck her, keep moving. If she doesn't want to deal with that at her young age, respect her wishes and keep moving. If she just needs some time to figure out how she wants to live her life, give her her space, keep moving, but keep her in your radar because anything she does to make HERSELF better is only gonna make the both of you better in the long run (but if she is doing HER thing, you gotta do YOURS too).

Dog, if she is the right female for you, keep her ass around. It ain't about the rules you mapped out (good credit, good job, a fat ass or whatever else you got as "requirements" for wifey), it ain't about all these females out here being mindfucked (like 90% of BGOL will tell you), it ain't about all this borderline faggot pimp (we don't love these hoes) bullshit niggas talk, it's about YOU finding the one that is right for YOU.

I've seen hoes become housewives with the right dude, I've seen ignorant thugs become husbands and fathers for the right female. Shit is NOT all black and white.

 

[Noir]

Look bruh, a woman is a human being and human beings respect those that respect themselves. I don't care where you came from or who you are, you may play the role, you may make bad decisions, you may chase thrills, but unless you have no respect for YOU (male or female) you want to be surrounded by people that respect themselves. Bad self-esteem is a bitch in today's society. We are all bombarded with images that make us feel broke, dumb and ugly, but the airbrushed world we are bombarded with is NOT the REAL world we live in. A person that can't accept and respect your faults is NOT mature enough yet to live in this world. My wife saw me cry, fuck up, fall off, do any and every dumb fuckin' thing you can think of BEFORE she ever chose to be my wife. She chose to be with ME because she took the time to see who I really was. She saw that, besides my flaws, I was the type of man that was NOT going to abandon her or my oldest daughter (who we had back in the gully days). She CHOSE to see what I COULD be as a young man (15+ years ago) and not who I currently was at that time (a lowlife, criminal nigga on his way to no-damn-where who was intelligent as hell). Her support MADE ME what I am today, I ain't afraid to admit that and if you ask her what made her what she is today, she will tell you the same.

So maybe the girl you are with now is not the girl you are meant to be with, or maybe (if you think she IS the ONE) you gotta do what YOU need to do to keep her on your team.

I'm not gonna feed you some immature ass pimp shit like you would get on the main board, I can only tell you what is real.

And you know what is REAL? What is REAL is that we live several lifetimes over the course of our existence and whatever is going on now with you and your girl TODAY can be resolved, or forgotten, but who YOU are won't change and who YOU are is all that is gonna really matter to you.

Sounds to me like you are doing the right thing, if she can't respect that, fuck her, keep moving. If she doesn't want to deal with that at her young age, respect her wishes and keep moving. If she just needs some time to figure out how she wants to live her life, give her her space, keep moving, but keep her in your radar because anything she does to make HERSELF better is only gonna make the both of you better in the long run (but if she is doing HER thing, you gotta do YOURS too).

Dog, if she is the right female for you, keep her ass around. It ain't about the rules you mapped out (good credit, good job, a fat ass or whatever else you got as "requirements" for wifey), it ain't about all these females out here being mindfucked (like 90% of BGOL will tell you), it ain't about all this borderline faggot pimp (we don't love these hoes) bullshit niggas talk, it's about YOU finding the one that is right for YOU.

I've seen hoes become housewives with the right dude, I've seen ignorant thugs become husbands and fathers for the right female. Shit is NOT all black and white.

END OF THREAD

 

[Dannyblueyes]

I'm sorry all, but I have to restate what I said about women and respect. Ever since that incident her attitude has changed in other ways.

She's asked me not to hold her hand when we're in public. She cringes every time I try to kiss her and challenges me on everything I do good or bad.

If it's good it's like "Well yeah, that's what you're supposed to do" if it's bad it's like "you're an idiot", even if it's something that's not particularly dumb or significant. For instance, when I told her that I had taken a couple of wrong trains when I was first learning the BART system. She said "well, why couldn't you have just read a map?"

Two weeks ago I had "magic fingers" when I gave her a back rub. A few days ago she said "Why do you keep doing that? It's not like it makes a difference."

She no longer laughs at my jokes. Her expression is usually a serious frown, although she still smiles and jokes with others. I called her on it today and she admitted that I was far more into her than she was into me.

If I would have kept my cool nothing would have changed. Instead I got to let her go and see if she comes around. At this point I highly doubt it.

I also just noticed taht she changed her facebook status to single without even telling me.

 

[Noir]

I'm sorry all, but I have to restate what I said about women and respect. Ever since that incident her attitude has changed in other ways.

She's asked me not to hold her hand when we're in public. She cringes every time I try to kiss her and challenges me on everything I do good or bad.

If it's good it's like "Well yeah, that's what you're supposed to do" if it's bad it's like "you're an idiot", even if it's something that's not particularly dumb or significant. For instance, when I told her that I had taken a couple of wrong trains when I was first learning the BART system. She said "well, why couldn't you have just read a map?"

Two weeks ago I had "magic fingers" when I gave her a back rub. A few days ago she said "Why do you keep doing that? It's not like it makes a difference."

She no longer laughs at my jokes. Her expression is usually a serious frown, although she still smiles and jokes with others. I called her on it today and she admitted that I was far more into her than she was into me.

If I would have kept my cool nothing would have changed. Instead I got to let her go and see if she comes around. At this point I highly doubt it.

I also just noticed taht she changed her facebook status to single without even telling me.

I don't think that the above behavior has anything to do with what happened in the computer lab, or your not acting like "a man". It sounds as if she is either: really immature, having psychological issues, or is just trying to make excuses to dump you.

Regardless, you two should just break up and move on. It doesn't look as though anything can be salvaged at this point. Your "blow up" has nothing to do with it. Even if she "comes around" I would not fall for it, cut yourself loose and consider yourself lucky you did not end up married to her or something.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

I don't think that the above behavior has anything to do with what happened in the computer lab, or your not acting like "a man". It sounds as if she is either: really immature, having psychological issues, or is just trying to make excuses to dump you.

Regardless, you two should just break up and move on. It doesn't look as though anything can be salvaged at this point. Your "blow up" has nothing to do with it. Even if she "comes around" I would not fall for it, cut yourself loose and consider yourself lucky you did not end up married to her or something.

Either that or she saw a weakness and decided to test me on it.

At any rate we broke up this morning. She said that she needed time to think and wanted to stay single while she did. Now I have to answer to the facebook mob and all the folks in the neighborhood asking why she's not on my elbow any more. I'm really choked because she was the kind of woman I could see building a life with. Talented, smart, funny, attractive, great in bed etc.

 

[Noir]

Either that or she saw a weakness and decided to test me on it.

At any rate we broke up this morning. She said that she needed time to think and wanted to stay single while she did. Now I have to answer to the facebook mob and all the folks in the neighborhood asking why she's not on my elbow any more. I'm really choked because she was the kind of woman I could see building a life with. Talented, smart, funny, attractive, great in bed etc.

Tell the facebook mob just to fuck off (glad I am too old for that ) and if folks in the neighborhood ask (if you want to be nice), just tell them that you two are no longer together.


Danny, you're going through some hurt that will take time to get through, but meanwhile, continue working on yourself and your education. And there are plenty of women out there that are talented, smart, funny, attractive, great in bed, AND WILL APPRECIATE YOU FOR THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE, NOT SOME IMAGE OF WHAT A "MAN" SUPPOSEDLY SHOULD BE.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

Tell the facebook mob just to fuck off (glad I am too old for that ) and if folks in the neighborhood ask (if you want to be nice), just tell them that you two are no longer together.


Danny, you're going through some hurt that will take time to get through, but meanwhile, continue working on yourself and your education. And there are plenty of women out there that are talented, smart, funny, attractive, great in bed, AND WILL APPRECIATE YOU FOR THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE, NOT SOME IMAGE OF WHAT A "MAN" SUPPOSEDLY SHOULD BE.

There's a big difference between changing who you are and changing how you present yourself. I like to smoke cigars, watch football, tell dirty jokes, skip showers and hang out with the guys just like every other man, but I don't do those things around women. It's disrespectful and casts me in a negative light.

I enjoyed the self discipline that comes along with having a girlfriend; especially after being single for long. It helped improve my habits, hygiene and appearance. It also gave me a better reason to watch my words and emotions which carries through to other areas of life.

Had I not been her boyfriend I wouldn't have really cared so much about the way I acted that night. Representing her showed me that I have a problem and encouraged me to find solutions.

I may never meet the image of what a "man" should be, but getting even halfway there makes my life and my next girlfriend's life a lot better.

 

[A to Dah K]

if a bitch dont want me to hold her hand or cringes when i kiss her..i caint fuckin wit da bitch no mo...

 

[GET YOU HOT]

*Hugs*

 

[Dannyblueyes]

A rather ironic twist.

One of the main things she was trippin about was that we've only known each other 3 months yet we were with each other 24/7. She was in all my classes, stay 3-4 nights at my house, and text me every night she didn't. She complained that it didn't leave her enough time for her projects (she's a full time student, part time library page, and freelance designer).

Later that day I ran into a store owner who I'd helped her get a contract from. He knew we were a couple and complained to me that she hadn't returned his calls or shown him any samples lately. I realized that she was right. It was something she had complained about before but I hadn't listened to properly.

It took some time to talk to her (A friend of mine took it upon himself to cuss her out and start a scene ) but once I dealt with him I asked her for a second chance. I now have a very reluctant pass.

The irony is that she disrespected me because I disrespected her time. I feel terrible about it. This time I'm gonna do it right because I don't have a lot of free time either.