Why Black Men ARE REFUSING to Play Step DADDY!
- Thread starter MisterT
- Start date
It's a very tough and thankless job.
Stop playing with me. I was being sarcastic since we keep wanting to go to our own lil spot but we'll mess that up too.
Uh....NO.
This is not about the piece of shit NOT raising his kids.
This is about men who do not want to deal with a woman with children and exercising his options not to.
So let me clarify....
First guy....BAD. NOT TAKING CARE OF HIS RESPONSIBILITIES.
Second guy....GOOD. EXERCISING HIS OPTIONS.
Not sure how you missed that.
*two cents*
Peace,
Damn.
That’s some callous shit. It’s obviously a lot more complicated than that. These are children, not discarded party favors.
Women are in relationships before you meet them. Some of them produce children as a result of being in those relationships. A lot of cats get women pregnant then (for whatever reason) split, leaving women to bear the burden of raising kids that a lot of those dudes emotionally and physically abandon.
Driven in large part by the same callousness exhibited in your post, a lot of brothers only want to blame the women but don’t want to take responsibility for the critical part that men play in these situations.
Uh.....
No.
No person should be guilt tripped into taking on a responsibility he had no business in creating.
That's all this is. A person exercising their options.
I have no problem with a man taking on a 'no children' policy just like I have no problem with a woman taking on a height/occupation/money/appearance policies.
This is really about one party getting butt hurt because the other party has options and are exercising them.
Is it not?
*two cents*
Peace,
It’s not simply an economic decision. A lot of men, unfortunately, tend to base their relationship with their kids on how well things are going with the mother.
It’s not simply an economic decision. A lot of men, unfortunately, tend to base their relationship with their kids on how well things are going with the mother.
Peace,
That’s not the point I was trying to make at all, brother.
I’m not currently (nor have I ever) raised another man’s children. I also haven’t abandoned my own children and left someone to do that for me. My point is that the sword is double-edged and that both men and women are responsible for single motherhood, fatherless children and the sticky American stepfather-stepchild dynamic.
That’s not the point I was trying to make at all, brother.
I’m not currently (nor have I ever) raised another man’s children. I also haven’t abandoned my own children and left someone to do that for me. My point is that the sword is double-edged and that both men and women are responsible for single motherhood, fatherless children and the sticky American stepfather-stepchild dynamic.
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I do get the sentiment, Ive met women who can not control their kids, has huge financial deficits, and a host of other issues. Couple of them really did try and guilt me into taking on a responsibility that I did not create.
At the same time, my sons mother will never have this issue because my son doesnt need a step dad since my son is with me 50% of the time, and we learned to work to raise him together. No courts involved, and we make a conscious effort to be fair to each other. I have felt like Ive gotten the short end of the stick a couple times, as so has she.
Brothers do have to step up, but sisters also have to cut the bs, and acting as if they have complete autonomy to control a child made together.
PS: I did not watch the video.
At the same time, my sons mother will never have this issue because my son doesnt need a step dad since my son is with me 50% of the time, and we learned to work to raise him together. No courts involved, and we make a conscious effort to be fair to each other. I have felt like Ive gotten the short end of the stick a couple times, as so has she.
Brothers do have to step up, but sisters also have to cut the bs, and acting as if they have complete autonomy to control a child made together.
PS: I did not watch the video.
I thought this thread was about a man not wanting to take on another man's children as his own NOT a man skirting his responsibilities to raise his children.
I will not nor should not be guilt tripped into raising another man's kids.
It's selfish and selfishly unfortunate for the single mothers whose options are limited because of their situation but that's life.
I have children and if my marriage dissolved and I met a woman who had a 'no kids' policy then them the breaks....for me with her.
How's it that men FULLY understand that concept but women do not?
*two cents*
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Yeah well I have coached youth sports and have been step daddy and step momma called coach.
"I love you Cheryl, but if you don't take me back I'm going to ignore our seed and give you an ass load of money. Boo hoo hoo!"
Men that unstable usually can't keep a decent job in the first place.
I didn't watch the video and my view won't change..
There are fewer stepdaddies, male role models, father figures than in years past because there are more selfish people today.
More people concerned only with their own well being.
There are fewer people who will go knock on an elderly neighbors door after a snowstorm to check on them.
There are horror stories but that doesn't make them the rules
And we have people who have never had a bad experience who will refuse to step up based on something they heard happen to somebody else.
Funny they know all the horror stories but don't speak to all the success stories. the men who made a difference the men who become daddy even if they aren't the father.
If that isn't how you choose to role then just keep it moving but don't make excuses and videos trying to get cosigners. If you thought you were right you wouldn't need any.
There are fewer stepdaddies, male role models, father figures than in years past because there are more selfish people today.
More people concerned only with their own well being.
There are fewer people who will go knock on an elderly neighbors door after a snowstorm to check on them.
There are horror stories but that doesn't make them the rules
And we have people who have never had a bad experience who will refuse to step up based on something they heard happen to somebody else.
Funny they know all the horror stories but don't speak to all the success stories. the men who made a difference the men who become daddy even if they aren't the father.
If that isn't how you choose to role then just keep it moving but don't make excuses and videos trying to get cosigners. If you thought you were right you wouldn't need any.
Peace,
The thread was originally about that, yes. Then what happened (as usual) is that cats used the original premise of the thread to blame women and broadcast their hurt feelings.
The thread was originally about that, yes. Then what happened (as usual) is that cats used the original premise of the thread to blame women and broadcast their hurt feelings.
It was tough at times but I don't regret being a step dad. My son and I have a much better relationship than he does with his biological. There's a difference between being with a woman who had a failed relationship/marriage and a hood rat with multiple baby daddies.
I didn't miss anything. As Ill Paragraph said above it's a double edge sword.
I waa only speaking to the thread title and original premise pimpsauce.
To me it's pretty cut and dry. Those who have options will exercise them and it's not one's responsibility as an adult to take on another's.
IT'S THEIR CHOICE. But no person should be subjected to ridicule because they choose not to take that on. Man or woman.
I salute you sir because I could not do what you do. It took me having kids to realise I could not be a step father. I love my children to much and I would be doing the woman and her children a disservice because my children would come first period.
Takes a special type of cat to raise another man's seed in my eyes...
*two cents*
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I see your point. But this statement is only valid on a case by case basis. Every black man that left a black woman with a child was NOT an asshole. Some guys got ran off by a crazy bitch! Some women get pregnant by married men. Some women get pregnant after a one night stand. Some women get pregnant because they were trying to trap a baller or man of means. I don't completely vilify the women but I'll never say every single mom is a victim of a no good black man either.
To tell the truth I didn’t watch the video, I saw 41 minutes and was shook. My response was based off the title.
The man doesn’t “Have” to play step dad nor play with the kids. As a human it’s weird not to interact with the kids if they’re in the room. Most women aren’t asking you to be the step dad nor are the kids looking for one. But if you happen to move forward it’s part of the process to accept the kids and not necessarily be a father to them unless that what you all feel.
Peace,
Damn.
That’s some callous shit. It’s obviously a lot more complicated than that. These are children, not discarded party favors.
Women are in relationships before you meet them. Some of them produce children as a result of being in those relationships. A lot of cats get women pregnant then (for whatever reason) split, leaving women to bear the burden of raising kids that a lot of those dudes emotionally and physically abandon.
Driven in large part by the same callousness exhibited in your post, a lot of brothers only want to blame the women but don’t want to take responsibility for the critical part that men play in these situations.
You have a point about the callousness of the men that get women pregnant and bounce. But I can make statements like that because I've never gotten a woman pregnant. I consider it an affront for a woman to have the expectation that I'm willing to take on her and her last relationships mistakes just to be with her. I've always had three reasons not to get too serious with a woman with kids. 1.) You will never be first in that woman's life even as you make her first in yours. I'm not willing to be in a relationship that's unbalanced. 2.) I should not have to deal with any of her exes. She never has to deal with mine and I shouldn't have to come home and see her baby daddy sitting on my sofa drinking my wine. 3.) I'm not willing to deal with someone saying "you ain't my daddy!" These days that can lead to a boy squaring off with you in your own home or a girl putting a false molestation charge on you. I'm not dealing with either. Its funny how people are quick to call someone callous over their particular standards but won't think the same way about their own standards. I'm sure if I dig deep enough I'll find a statement you made about the kind of woman you aren't willing to deal with i.e. No fat bitches, no weave, no tattoos, no broke hoz, no ghetto bitches, etc. No single moms just happens to be on my list. Everyone is entitled to a preference.
How? Please explain.
Example. Let's say you and I were casually dating and you found out I had over $300,000 dollars in personal debt. In your knowledge of that you tell me that we can continue dating, casually, but we're not going above that because you have no desire to take on financial obligations you had no part in creating.
In hearing that, I then cuss you out and guilt trip you on how you're like all other chicks who aren't WOMAN ENOUGH to take me and my debt on.
The example I gave is ridiculous because how is my debt your problem?
That's how I feel when woman lambast men who don't want to take them on long term because they have kids.
*two cents*
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Always found it funny how woman are applauded when they exercise their options but when a man does it he ain't shit.
*two cents*
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This thread comes across as woman bashing. And for some reason the same thread comes up like once a month
Who fucking cares? Who cares if you don't want to deal with a single parent? Then fucking don't. If you can deal with it because you are feeling the woman and the kid is cool, then do. There are good people who have kids as well as irresponsible ones.
Do what makes you happy. I have yet to hear from any of my friends/associates who are single parents (men and women because we all know both) that they are looking for a parent for their kid or that the other sex is weak because of those that want to steer clear. Yes if shit is going to be serious, the kid is part of the package, but not every single parent is looking for something serious.
Who fucking cares? Who cares if you don't want to deal with a single parent? Then fucking don't. If you can deal with it because you are feeling the woman and the kid is cool, then do. There are good people who have kids as well as irresponsible ones.
Do what makes you happy. I have yet to hear from any of my friends/associates who are single parents (men and women because we all know both) that they are looking for a parent for their kid or that the other sex is weak because of those that want to steer clear. Yes if shit is going to be serious, the kid is part of the package, but not every single parent is looking for something serious.
I feel you. Much respect.
But as someone with a gang of single black friends with no kids, we don’t owe women shit. Not even an ounce of sympathy. I never fuck raw. I mean it’s rare! My ex had issues and had her business removed in her 30’s, and that’s the most fun I’ve ever had. Once single again, straight rubbers. I hate rubbers. Hate those mothefuckers! But I’m used to em. Now because I can admit it and still rock em, no woman can say shit to me about any aspect of kids out of wedlock.
Now, there are some dudes on here with a few baby mommas. That’s on them. Do right by em. But there are as many women with several baby daddies as there are men with baby mommas. Personal accountability speaks volumes. No matter the woman, if she comes to the table with a kid or more, she can never be a 10. She can never say “where are all the good men?” because we off smashing broads fully bagged up. You’re first pregnancy is your only OOPS. The rest of them kids are additional burdens on a man’s time, income, personal space and freedoms. A woman letting men bust wide open in em is the same as me letting a stranger drive my new car. One of us knows fucking better. Women should value their pussies like Avis values their rental cars because in the end, you’re gonna have to deal with the results.
PS, I wrote this while wearing a condon. Just Incase.
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I will be the first to state that it's harder for black men,we usually end up the pawns on the board of life but that's not to say that a lot of use bring shit to the table and act like it's something of value,if they bring anything at all to the table.
This youtuber and many other's are some self loathing,hating miserable fucks who blame everything black women instead of looking at themselves in the mirror and start with "I" before you blame anyone else,especially a black woman who might of done you wrong,disappointed you,let you down and some more dramatic shit.It's ok,brother,to gripe,cry,scream and kick but what I am getting tired of seeing is this new negro who chooses to sit on their asses and blame black women for their own burdens that 9 times out of 10 were brought on to themselves or their actions,day in and day out.When the truth is usually it's a black man that does or doesn't stand by,stand up.stand with another black man in the real world,in the work place,in the social circles and in everywhere else.They now sit around and gossip,talk shit,swallow spit,click up and complain,bout this,bout that,with no fucking solution in sight,it's as if they take pride in staying stuck in that place mentally.
My father,my grandfathers,Their father's didn't have anyone to complain to when white's forced them to the work,didn't have no one to turn too when their kids were hungry,didn't have no one to blame when their wives weren't happy,reality was that they had to deal with it,not in my case but some even turned to the bottle,a distructive lifestyle,suicide but they never blamed black women and they have it 100 times worse than some out of shape black man with a platform sitting on his ass complaining about social ill's of today.Nigga it's not them it's you.....
Be a father to your offspring than we might not have this problem,have any issue's take it to the courthouse ,doing something is better than doing nothing or how about wearing a condom and not having kids til your ready....you can walk away at any time.
breh....me and my boy talk about this all the time....
just because a woman dont have kids doesnt mean she's never been pregnant.....especially 30 and above
my exwife technically didnt have kids but had been pregnant atleast 4 time i came to find out.....one miscarriage and 3 abortions....and the miscarriage she wasnt even sure who the father was......like i said that i know about.....
you need to start asking these women if they ever been pregnant....multiple abortions is a huge red flag
Bruh, if people don't read this and say "oh damn, he's right. I see the point now" then you may as well stop trying to explain.
This had me dying!
I'm glad that men, it seems, are starting to see the light concerning the scam that is single mothers. It's really important that men start seeing their true value (which is high) in this hellhole of feminism.
this is not whats being said....
my understanding is that its single men with no kids that dont want to be stepdads.....
and i see nothing wrong with that
this is not whats being said....
shes more than welcome to do as she likes....but men witout kids also have the right to not want to date women with children....
whats wrong with that?
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
My boy played step daddy for a couple years. He grew pretty attached to the kid. It was his mom that was the problem. Actually, thats usually the case.
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