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A stretchwallz GoT style review...![]()
Saw it in a packed crowd last night (all 3 theatres were packed) I waited until the morning to see if my feelings were any different but..... all I can say is DISAPPOINTED
- WTF is Leia Space Ghost
- General Huck is a chump
- Rebellion lost all the bombers?
- Supreme Leader Snoke needs a wheelchair
- Fuck that lightsaber throw it over the cliff
- Green goblin titty milk? Luke has fell off
- Rose the only chubby asian I've seen since I left San Diego
- A Casino planet with no Calrissian's
- Benicio Del Toro character ...was a spy or opportunist
- Where is the green lightsaber
- Captain Phasma is the Jay Cutler of the universe
- The force wasn't strong with Snoke... got caught slippin
- Rebellion can't win they running like Floyd Mayweather
- Finn tries to go Independence Day but Rose intervenes
- Luke taking more AT-AT shots to the head than Cardi B
- Wait.... he isn't there? Force ghost my ass
- Rey never gets trained ....just moves rocks
- Kylo Ren is in charge now, First Order is doomed
someone should be like that chick in the movie misery and tie lucas to bed and make him rewrite all that shit
Also we learned later that Luke had shut himself off from the force so that may explain how she was handling him.
Best Star Wars flick since Empire.
Thanks you!!
Finally someone is getting it.
Since this is a spoiler page... I will say that my biggest love is the fact that for the first time... All of the rebellion plans failed. Every single plan failed... nothing worked out the way they wanted. This was basically a self contained movie with the rebellion on the run. Any one with any issues with Finn didn’t see how his role shifted in this movie. Finn basically did everything in the first movie because he was in love with Rey and looking out for himself. This was the movie where he became a rebel.
All that being said... I give this 4 Quaid belly faces outta 5.
Huge Star Wars fan, but this is the very first film that I have zero desire to see again in theaters. It was entertaining and there were some clap moments (like Luke dusting his shoulder off), but overall I have to say it was a letdown. Rey's Mary Sue-isms CONTINUE TO BE THE BIGGEST HINDRANCE to my enjoyment of the plot. So she's just going to be the most incredible and powerful Jedi of all time without an ounce of proper training? NOT AN OUNCE. Self taught force user after a handful of tips, capable of levitating an entire rock slide without any struggle. For goodness' sake, they showed Luke's X-Wing in the water, at least have a sequence with him teaching her to lift it, so that there is a payoff when she lifts the rocks at the end of the movie. Even worse is the fact that Rey wields lightsabers and goes toe to toe with anyone in the galaxy without ANY instruction. She doesn't even farm for kyber crystals and construct her own lightsaber. She just uses Luke's old lost one, which by the way they still NEVER explained how it got from Cloud City to Maz Kanata.
And while it was a nice sequence and a good use of Yoda's force ghost, NO the burn the old, prepare for the new way of the Jedi concept doesn't explain away everything I was just ranting about. It's plot hole filled lazy story writing. Oh, but wait, Rey took the Jedi texts with her, so I guess she is going to train herself, akin to Daniel LaRusso trying to teach himself Karate from a book. If in episode 9, it turns out that they have Luke's force ghost train her, that will again be short shrift, and lazy writing. What exactly can Luke's force ghost accomplish that Luke alive could not? Which brings me to my second largest issue with this film, the way they ended Luke's story. I get it and even bought the fact Luke wants to die, but to have him go out the way that he did seemed like it was at best; a cheap attempt to tug the heartstrings with the loss of one of our favorite characters, or at worst; a disrespectful out with the old, in with the new transition for the sake of moving the universe forward.
Yoda stated that Luke must teach Rey about failure, but how is he supposed to do that when he's 1. Dead, and 2. Rey has literally never failed at a single force related activity? And if they expect us to count her inability to turn Kylo as a failure, then that is again, lazy writing. Also, what was the deal with Snoke? We won't even get into his terrible CGI. But as a character, he's this uber-powerful Sith that we were never properly introduced to, or given a backstory on. He's just there, and then he's not. Despite his ability to literally toss Rey around the room with his index finger, and manipulate both Kylo and Rey's minds from across the galaxy. While I get that what happened to him was completely in line with the mythos, i.e. the rule of two and how the apprentice is secretly always looking to overthrow the master, particularly once they've identified their own apprentice (which Kylo thought he had in Rey); that moment was neither a surprise, nor did it seem earned by the plot that they'd given us to that point.
My third major gripe with the film is their handling of Finn's storyline. They've completely taken one of the brightest stars in TFA and shifted him to the C plot. And a meaningless C plot at that. He accomplishes NOTHING. He would have been more incremental to the storyline at this point, if they had let him finish the suicide mission, and that had bought time for the rebels to get away. I would have been very pissed that they killed him, but it would have made more sense than just having him bumble around like "Hey guys, I'm still a character in this thing, so I have to do something." It's to John Boyega's charisma, credit, and acting credentials that we are able to see any character development with the plot that they've given him. He could have been a part of the foundation for the continuing Jedi order, if they had just went with the force sensitive angle. Instead we get what amounts to a glorified extra, suddenly thrust into a lazy love triangle. Oh, and some random child laborer doing his best Turbo sweeps the sidewalk impression, as an insight into the potential future of the force.
Again this movie wasn't terrible, but it wasn't that great, especially with what came before it. I see a lot of people already gushing about how awesome this movie was, and those are some of the same people that berated JL up and down for what they considered to be plot holes, and the movie forcing you to connect too many dots from logic or your outside knowledge. TFA is guilty of the same thing to a comparable degree, and it didn't have an hour shaved off of it's runtime. I guess it really comes down to your fandom, with regards to how much movie malarkey you are willing to let slide. Again, I'm a fan, but this movie required us to fill in holes that shouldn't exist, and assumed moments and plot beats that it didn't earn. This just shouldn't happen to a franchise like Star Wars, NINE MOVIES into the universe.
Lastly, the comedy. I'm aware that Star Wars always has comedy, but it was too much in this film. It was approaching Thor Ragnarok levels of incompatibility. It was a Rogue One/ Empire Strikes back level story (good guys getting trounced more or less), with Return of the Jedi level comedy. I will eventually watch it again, and own it like all of the other SW films, but I found it to be a disappointment, overall.
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Saw it in a packed crowd last night (all 3 theatres were packed) I waited until the morning to see if my feelings were any different but..... all I can say is DISAPPOINTED
- WTF is Leia Space Ghost
- General Huck is a chump
- Rebellion lost all the bombers?
- Supreme Leader Snoke needs a wheelchair
- Fuck that lightsaber throw it over the cliff
- Green goblin titty milk? Luke has fell off
- Chewbacca can’t eat his 2 piece in peace?
- Rose the only chubby asian I've seen since I left San Diego
- A Casino planet with no Calrissian's
- Benicio Del Toro character ...was a spy or opportunist
- Where is the green lightsaber
- Captain Phasma is the Jay Cutler of the universe
- The force wasn't strong with Snoke... got caught slippin
- Rebellion can't win they running like Floyd Mayweather
- Finn tries to go Independence Day but Rose intervenes
- Luke taking more AT-AT shots to the head than Cardi B
- Wait.... he isn't there? Force ghost my ass
- Rey never gets trained ....just moves rocks
- Kylo Ren is in charge now, First Order is doomed
Also they can go anywhere with this franchise...
This was the first one in forever with generally shocking moments where characters died that you did not expect to die in the first movie and the rebellion ended up in the worst shape that it has ever been in the franchise. There is no hope. No one answered the call even with them knowing that Leia made the call. That means they have no allies. Again huge shit.....
I’m shocked that so far I’m in the minority on this one....
Me and my girl loved it... we have been talking about it Morning.
The only legit complaint to me... is Forced charged Leia. That is still my only really WTF moment.
Also again... Ken being in charge is the perfect and unexpected thing to have in this movie. For the first time... there is no Sith Lord, there is no Aprentice. Ken has decided that the only way for peace to end all ties of the old establishment. That is monumental shit right there.
You also have the last Jedi with zero training.... who already has a deep connection to the dark side. Again... monumental shit... currently she is one of the oldest to discover a connection to the force and she doesn’t have the benefit of any Jedi temples for knowledge.
Not even overlooking the fact that Smoak hubris about connecting Ren and Ray together to trap Rey backfired on him and created something new.... AGAIN Huge Shit.
We might have the third movie end with the complete end of the Jedi and Sith religions.... as a way to finally end the conflict between the factions.
Also they can go anywhere with this franchise...
This was the first one in forever with generally shocking moments where characters died that you did not expect to die in the first movie and the rebellion ended up in the worst shape that it has ever been in the franchise. There is no hope. No one answered the call even with them knowing that Leia made the call. That means they have no allies. Again huge shit.....
The Casino Scene was fire
DogWhat scene in the casino was fire?
I liked the flow of the lightsaber battles (I thought the one's in the prequels were complete ass)
I like that this movie seems to close out the whole Skywalker story (the ones we know and care about.)
Hopefully after Ep 9 and whatever reckoning Rey and emo come to we can get some shit like this live action.
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Huge Star Wars fan, but this is the very first film that I have zero desire to see again in theaters. It was entertaining and there were some clap moments (like Luke dusting his shoulder off), but overall I have to say it was a letdown. Rey's Mary Sue-isms CONTINUE TO BE THE BIGGEST HINDRANCE to my enjoyment of the plot. So she's just going to be the most incredible and powerful Jedi of all time without an ounce of proper training? NOT AN OUNCE. Self taught force user after a handful of tips, capable of levitating an entire rock slide without any struggle. For goodness' sake, they showed Luke's X-Wing in the water, at least have a sequence with him teaching her to lift it, so that there is a payoff when she lifts the rocks at the end of the movie. Even worse is the fact that Rey wields lightsabers and goes toe to toe with anyone in the galaxy without ANY instruction. She doesn't even farm for kyber crystals and construct her own lightsaber. She just uses Luke's old lost one, which by the way they still NEVER explained how it got from Cloud City to Maz Kanata.
And while it was a nice sequence and a good use of Yoda's force ghost, NO the burn the old, prepare for the new way of the Jedi concept doesn't explain away everything I was just ranting about. It's plot hole filled lazy story writing. Oh, but wait, Rey took the Jedi texts with her, so I guess she is going to train herself, akin to Daniel LaRusso trying to teach himself Karate from a book. If in episode 9, it turns out that they have Luke's force ghost train her, that will again be short shrift, and lazy writing. What exactly can Luke's force ghost accomplish that Luke alive could not? Which brings me to my second largest issue with this film, the way they ended Luke's story. I get it and even bought the fact Luke wants to die, but to have him go out the way that he did seemed like it was at best; a cheap attempt to tug the heartstrings with the loss of one of our favorite characters, or at worst; a disrespectful out with the old, in with the new transition for the sake of moving the universe forward.
Yoda stated that Luke must teach Rey about failure, but how is he supposed to do that when he's 1. Dead, and 2. Rey has literally never failed at a single force related activity? And if they expect us to count her inability to turn Kylo as a failure, then that is again, lazy writing. Also, what was the deal with Snoke? We won't even get into his terrible CGI. But as a character, he's this uber-powerful Sith that we were never properly introduced to, or given a backstory on. He's just there, and then he's not. Despite his ability to literally toss Rey around the room with his index finger, and manipulate both Kylo and Rey's minds from across the galaxy. While I get that what happened to him was completely in line with the mythos, i.e. the rule of two and how the apprentice is secretly always looking to overthrow the master, particularly once they've identified their own apprentice (which Kylo thought he had in Rey); that moment was neither a surprise, nor did it seem earned by the plot that they'd given us to that point.
My third major gripe with the film is their handling of Finn's storyline. They've completely taken one of the brightest stars in TFA and shifted him to the C plot. And a meaningless C plot at that. He accomplishes NOTHING. He would have been more incremental to the storyline at this point, if they had let him finish the suicide mission, and that had bought time for the rebels to get away. I would have been very pissed that they killed him, but it would have made more sense than just having him bumble around like "Hey guys, I'm still a character in this thing, so I have to do something." It's to John Boyega's charisma, credit, and acting credentials that we are able to see any character development with the plot that they've given him. He could have been a part of the foundation for the continuing Jedi order, if they had just went with the force sensitive angle. Instead we get what amounts to a glorified extra, suddenly thrust into a lazy love triangle. Oh, and some random child laborer doing his best Turbo sweeps the sidewalk impression, as an insight into the potential future of the force.
Again this movie wasn't terrible, but it wasn't that great, especially with what came before it. I see a lot of people already gushing about how awesome this movie was, and those are some of the same people that berated JL up and down for what they considered to be plot holes, and the movie forcing you to connect too many dots from logic or your outside knowledge. TFA is guilty of the same thing to a comparable degree, and it didn't have an hour shaved off of it's runtime. I guess it really comes down to your fandom, with regards to how much movie malarkey you are willing to let slide. Again, I'm a fan, but this movie required us to fill in holes that shouldn't exist, and assumed moments and plot beats that it didn't earn. This just shouldn't happen to a franchise like Star Wars, NINE MOVIES into the universe.
Lastly, the comedy. I'm aware that Star Wars always has comedy, but it was too much in this film. It was approaching Thor Ragnarok levels of incompatibility. It was a Rogue One/ Empire Strikes back level story (good guys getting trounced more or less), with Return of the Jedi level comedy. I will eventually watch it again, and own it like all of the other SW films, but I found it to be a disappointment, overall.
They were fighting side by side to try to get each other to join them. It was for a moment you act like it was the whole movie.They fucked up star wars. This bullshit was confused and confusing. It
had a Sith and a Jedi actually actually fight side by side, thereby completely
blurring the whole Jedi-v-Sith basis of the Franchise. This bullshit will
fizzle out at the box office after the weekend, and who ever made it will
learn a deserved lesson.
I've read so many negative reviews and the one thing I am drawing from them is this,
if the movie didn't show the story the way you imagined it would, then it's trash.
The original trilogy is far from perfect. People forget they saw it as children and are viewing it thru nostalgia glasses now.
Didn't think about that...
Man, you wrote a lot. I'm trying to truncate cause I quoted a bunch of yall, LOL.
I agree with some of this. But yes, the biggest disappointment is Finn. Well, not him, but his story.
LOL
Where that Weebay gif...
I guess when it's all done the Resistance is going to only be Finn, Rey, Poe, maybe Rose, Chewy, and the droids. That's it. Everyone else has to go.
I enjoyed the movie. It was good.
But gosh was it beautiful!
There were some scenes that were fucking gorgeous.
Snoke's red room.
When chick went through the ship.
The last battle with the red coming off the salt.
The burning of the red room.
Good shit in there.
I do think my biggest gripe is the treatment of Finn. I want to see him shine. I know it's in his character...even more so now since the force is with/in everyone...but I wanna see it.
The group dynamic was more apparent with this one that TFA. The fact that this is Rey's story, but yea, it's other people. Other shit is happening.
Some of yall didn't like the casino bit, but it was needed. We knew from the original trilogy that the empire was shady, overtaking things, (cloud city), and doing other shit other than being dominant. But we get to see how far that has come. we know Finn is an orphan worker, but we see the families torn - not because of war - but because of workers outside of serving the empire directly. The underbelly of it all...not the poor desert of it all...there is even an elite! Who knew? That make their money off of everyone! I wonder how Finn is going to take that with him. There is no real bad and good side. Only the one you stand on and the other. And Rey shutting out the darkside / Kylo...the feminism is strong with this one. She is so pro female i got whiplash. And while I'm ok with a female heroine, it's just sooooo blatant. Oh and the books! Either Rey took them, or Yoda did. no matter which way it is, Yoda knew they weren't there and that's why he set the tree on fire. And I'm glad Yoda was not cgi. That looked like the puppet.
I'm keeping it pretty tame this time. I don't have any extremes or horriblenesses. I liked it. I can't even rate it cause I can't think of something that was so overly bad to detract from it.
They fucked up star wars. This bullshit was confused and confusing. It
had a Sith and a Jedi actually actually fight side by side, thereby completely
blurring the whole Jedi-v-Sith basis of the Franchise. This bullshit will
fizzle out at the box office after the weekend, and who ever made it will
learn a deserved lesson.