VOTE! - BGOL Halloween Horror Writing Contest 2!

[godofwine]

I couldn't resist

Man, there is a lot of talent here on BGOL. I showed these to people at work and they were thinking that this is work from professional authors, not amateurs, for real. I don't know why cats aren't hip.

This stuff here makes us better. Like Allen Iverson said, "Practice". When we start the critiquing when the voting is done we will really be able to help each other be better at what we do, and who knows, one or more of us might actually publish a novel in the future. Even though BGOL is largely anonymous sans a few people who you know and put on, I swear I am going to send PM's to folks if I ever get put on. Real talk.

 

[Duval's King]

Dude it was a joke Get it a halloween Colin Powell Mask..Halloween stories

It was meant to be all in fun not critical..

 

[godofwine]

Dude it was a joke Get it a halloween Colin Powell Mask..Halloween stories

It was meant to be all in fun not critical..

Dude, there is no way I could have been on this board as long as I have and not known that Colin Powell in any form, though the Halloween mask was the first I'd seen on that, was a joke.

I was just trying to make a point of the talent and hopefully get more than 11 people to vote.

 

[Damian Stone]

Well then, since people are not in a voting mode when will we start doing some critiques?

 

[godofwine]

Well then, since people are not in a voting mode when will we start doing some critiques?

I want to wait til the voting is over. Just 9 hours

 

[Damian Stone]

I want to wait til the voting is over. Just 9 hours

Cool!

 

[Duval's King]

Dead River is a great story but the name sets it up as well..Great work

 

[godofwine]

When I get home I'll post a countdown thread which I hope will generate more votes

 

[godofwine]

 

[godofwine]

The voting is complete. Thank you, BGOL for participating.

 

[godofwine]

Now the critiquing can begin.

What did you like about the stories? Why did you like it? Why did you vote for it? Why didn't you? If you missed the voting, which one would you have voted for?

 

[Echelon]

Looks like we're all good. Excellent. Thanks for for hosting this contest godofwine. I'm sure I can also speak for Damian Stone and Mr. MajestiK when I say it was a good experience. I really do wish we had more entries, but I'm grateful for for the AWESOME stories we got. Let's reread, get analytical on these bad boys and better our skills in the process!

 

[Damian Stone]

Yes Echelon you may speak for me lol.

Well congrats to the winner.

I voted for the first story because I am a big sucker for anything science fiction and I found the vampire mythos and mars intriguing.

 

[godofwine]

Yes Echelon you may speak for me lol.

Well congrats to the winner.

I voted for the first story because I am a big sucker for anything science fiction and I found the vampire mythos and mars intriguing.

I was amazed that it came in last place. After reading it I thought it'd be one of the favorites to win it all. Great execution, great idea. Vampires taking over Earth. We see how gullible people are from the history of elections alone. Some people gave up on the planet leaving it to the vamps, which was cool...until they ran out of the one thing they needed, fresh blood. So now they have to follow the food.

I dug it.

Oh, the poem in the beginning, like a dude who has been alone too long-good shit.

And the wife/ex-wife, tilting her head to the side like she used to do when she was human...brilliant. Most stories leave that part out, the fact that vamps were human first and retain some of their idiosyncrasies

 

[Mr MajestiK]

I was amazed that it came in last place. After reading it I thought it'd be one of the favorites to win it all. Great execution, great idea. Vampires taking over Earth. We see how gullible people are from the history of elections alone. Some people gave up on the planet leaving it to the vamps, which was cool...until they ran out of the one thing they needed, fresh blood. So now they have to follow the food.

I dug it.

Oh, the poem in the beginning, like a dude who has been alone too long-good shit.

And the wife/ex-wife, tilting her head to the side like she used to do when she was human...brilliant. Most stories leave that part out, the fact that vamps were human first and retain some of their idiosyncrasies

First of, I have to say a big thanks to godofwine for bringing this excellent idea back to this Colin Powell blighted BGOL forum where so many seem to be scared of reading. (talk less of writing anything other than shit)

I'm not particularly suprised that Sweet Streams/Old Night received the lowest votes in the comp which was probably as a result of the usage of tropes more associated with Science Fiction but I'm glad that Damian Stone and godofwine recognized the hard work I put into writing it. (I'm looking for solid critiques from both of you. )

I'm glad Dead River won though especially as that story really made me feel very uncomfortable.

I liked the fact that it had a truly folklorish feel to it steeped in older traditions and myths in spite of its modern time setting.

I am however somewhat pissed off with the fact that at least one of the stories that did get more votes than mine actually ripped off components of one of my own fucking stories entered in a previous writing contest within this very forum.

That took some major balls on the part of the contestant in question but hey,I guess plagiarism is one of those temptations some people can't resist.

It is what it is.

Peace.

 

[godofwine]

I am however somewhat pissed off with the fact that at least one of the stories that did get more votes than mine actually ripped off components of one of my own fucking stories entered in a previous writing contest within this very forum.

That took some major balls on the part of the contestant in question but hey,I guess plagiarism is one of those temptations some people can't resist.

It is what it is.

Peace.

You cannot leave us hanging like that. What story stole from yours? Was it just a minor piece or was it full all-out "I know what the fuck I'm doing" plagiarism?

I'm looking at The Big Score and a certain story here and I see similarities glancing thru it, but it is also 1:30 in the damned morning and I have been up for 18+ hours.

Speak on it. This ain't a place to hide shit. This is the reason I said no "fan fiction" because a person stole a section out of The Walking Dead comic and though no one would notice. it was a great story, and it would have been without those few details that were spot on from pictures in Walking Dead comic.

I will re-read both again in the morning...shit, afternoon. I'm off tomorrow (thank you , Veterans day). I'll compare then.

To person X, come forward and chu got some 'splain to do. Maybe Mr. Majestik got it wrong, so say how he got it wrong. Bad feelings we don't want. These contests are fun, so no need for cheating, plagiarizing or any of that. More stuff like that and people aren't going to want to do it. Shit, we only had 4 people this time.

We are going to just sit here like a bunch of Fonsi's. Be cool.

 

[Mr MajestiK]

You cannot leave us hanging like that. What story stole from yours? Was it just a minor piece or was it full all-out "I know what the fuck I'm doing" plagiarism?

I'm looking at The Big Score and a certain story here and I see similarities glancing thru it, but it is also 1:30 in the damned morning and I have been up for 18+ hours.

Speak on it. This ain't a place to hide shit. This is the reason I said no "fan fiction" because a person stole a section out of The Walking Dead comic and though no one would notice. it was a great story, and it would have been without those few details that were spot on from pictures in Walking Dead comic.

I will re-read both again in the morning...shit, afternoon. I'm off tomorrow (thank you , Veterans day). I'll compare then.

To person X, come forward and chu got some 'splain to do. Maybe Mr. Majestik got it wrong, so say how he got it wrong. Bad feelings we don't want. These contests are fun, so no need for cheating, plagiarizing or any of that. More stuff like that and people aren't going to want to do it. Shit, we only had 4 people this time.

We are going to just sit here like a bunch of Fonsi's. Be cool.

Bro, I'll PM you.

 

[Damian Stone]

OK Since we are only 4, I had some doubts about the claim that one story was ripped off.
I went back to the stories and I realized he was talking about my story.
And after reading The Big Score which I did not remember consciously I see the amazing similarities.
I started laying down the basis for my story 2 years ago and in my mind it was inspired by a voodoo story my mother told me; in that tale the guy was a christian guy who goes to a party meets a girl and after he disappeared they found out the girl was long dead and that he was dancing with a zombie/ghost type of thing.
I revived it for this contest and started adding the party scenes and the convos plus changed the ghost for a ghoul creature.

This being said, I will frankly tell you that I did not purposefully copy your ideas but I do see that indeed your story must have stuck in my mind all the way to the mystery and me tariq nasheed method.
This is very strange to me

I am sorry and too bad the voting is over because I would ask to be taking out. Well this still can be done actually.

 

[Damian Stone]

First of, I have to say a big thanks to godofwine for bringing this excellent idea back to this Colin Powell blighted BGOL forum where so many seem to be scared of reading. (talk less of writing anything other than shit)

I'm not particularly suprised that Sweet Streams/Old Night received the lowest votes in the comp which was probably as a result of the usage of tropes more associated with Science Fiction but I'm glad that Damian Stone and godofwine recognized the hard work I put into writing it. (I'm looking for solid critiques from both of you. )

I'm glad Dead River won though especially as that story really made me feel very uncomfortable.

I liked the fact that it had a truly folklorish feel to it steeped in older traditions and myths in spite of its modern time setting.

I am however somewhat pissed off with the fact that at least one of the stories that did get more votes than mine actually ripped off components of one of my own fucking stories entered in a previous writing contest within this very forum.

That took some major balls on the part of the contestant in question but hey,I guess plagiarism is one of those temptations some people can't resist.

It is what it is.

Peace.

Yes I an ashamed!
I did not do it consciously but still it was done which means my mind cannot separate things I've read and my own imagination.
I have some thinking to do.

 

[godofwine]

Bro, I'll PM you.

I know of the one you speak. They are very similar, but IMO it is not enough to call full out plagiarism. It's the same idea, different location. It's not enough to get pissed about, IMO.

Aaaht, aaaht, aaaht.

I know, I know.

You're still pissed off. I get that.

But the story you wrote is a popular idea. Plausible, if not for the monster transformation, which is one of the reasons it garnered so many votes, because so many people could identify with so much of it. We can all relate because we all did it to our friends in our party days.

Chillax. I read them both, and though similar, it is not a rip off of your story.

If Damian Stone is sincere, then I believe him and what he did was unconscious. We read things all the time and pieces of one idea get convoluted in the soup of our minds and we add them to our own. I don't want EITHER OF YOU to back out of the next contest because of this shit.

This shit is minor, and if anything it is an honor that a small piece of one story, just the idea of it, stuck in the others mind unconsciously. This happens. I have seen full out plagiarism and this isn't it, or close. I don't see word or word combination similarities. With Damian speaking of the birth of his idea it should quell any feelings of angst.

 

[godofwine]

This being said, I will frankly tell you that I did not purposefully copy your ideas but I do see that indeed your story must have stuck in my mind all the way to the mystery and me tariq nasheed method.
This is very strange to me

I am sorry and too bad the voting is over because I would ask to be taking out. Well this still can be done actually.

Man, I did a werewolf story because I used to love Silver Bullet years ago. Watching Van Helsing and how poorly they did the werewolf - with the skin melting off and the hair being underneath I wanted to do it right.

We as creators can't help but be inspired or influenced by things that we have seen or read. Though an idea may be ours, it may be inspired, at least in part, by outside sources. Your statement above proves you didn't do it on purpose.

Nobody is taking anything out or taking anything away from either author. The people liked your story and that is it. Now if you hadn't said anything, just hung around in the background silent I may have figured differently. But because you were up front and stated your influences for this story I am inclined to believe you.

 

[Damian Stone]

Man, I did a werewolf story because I used to love Silver Bullet years ago. Watching Van Helsing and how poorly they did the werewolf - with the skin melting off and the hair being underneath I wanted to do it right.

We as creators can't help but be inspired or influenced by things that we have seen or read. Though an idea may be ours, it may be inspired, at least in part, by outside sources. Your statement above proves you didn't do it on purpose.

Nobody is taking anything out or taking anything away from either author. The people liked your story and that is it. Now if you hadn't said anything, just hung around in the background silent I may have figured differently. But because you were up front and stated your influences for this story I am inclined to believe you.

Well it's more of a pride thing for me. Good thing the first contests were still searchable because otherwise I would not have known.

One thing to be sure, if Mr Majestik was a regular author he probably would be one of my favorites because I do tend to like his style hence my liking for his story again this time around.

Which means I should never read his stuff again lol

This seriously is making me reconsider my whole writing plans.

 

[godofwine]

Well it's more of a pride thing for me. Good thing the first contests were still searchable because otherwise I would not have known.

One thing to be sure, if Mr Majestik was a regular author he probably would be one of my favorites because I do tend to like his style hence my liking for his story again this time around.

Which means I should never read his stuff again lol

This seriously is making me reconsider my whole writing plans.

It's a complement. Nothing to be ashamed about. The hardest thing for a writer is unique inspiration.

Think about it.

My second story - The Ultimate Revenge, was bases in part of the African Take-Over. I added to it, but the similarities are definitely there if you pay attention. My first story - The Hunters, it was a complete rip-off of the life of the author. His herpetology dreams unable to come to fruition because of a fear/dislike of bugs. My

I should sue him...me...myself.

The Aardvark-like hunters looked like the Aardvark from the Pink Panther cartoon, and I hadn't seen that show in decades.

I changed it enough to make it mine, and, that was so long ago that no one would see it as inspiration, but that was the thought in my mind when I created the character. I tried to put it out, but ended up saying fuck it.

Your mind targets things when charged to do so. Someone asks you a question and automatically your mind thinks of the answer with little or no effort. Yours was unconsciously, as was mine. When I realized it, I decided to take this not quite original idea and make it mine. I made them brown, furry and 2-3 feet tall, which was nothing like the aardvark from the cartoon.

Don't fret. That shit happens, and most of the time we aren't aware that it is happening. Of course my aardvarks were in much better shape than this one.

 

[godofwine]

bump

 

[Mr MajestiK]

To my bro's godofwine and Damian Stone.

It's all love.

I can understand how folks have similar ideas so I'm cool.

I have way too much respect for you guys to remain pissed over a little non-issue like this and will say that I'd love to work with any one of you cats in the future on some collaborative type venture.

Peace and blessings.

 

[godofwine]

c/s Mr MajestiK. Let's talk about these stories. How did you come up with your ideas?

For mine, I thought I wanted to do it in a suburb of Chicago, so I went to google maps and scouted a location. Scouted the higway, ever talked to a trucker I knew to ask about the area/highway. Brought the "little man" down from google maps and actually walked the streets of the town that I was going to be destroying. I mapped the exit where he exited to make it as realistic as possible.

I know that most people read the story and didn't think of this, but it is important to me, and to my Illinois folks, y’all know I got it right. The lawyer that got eaten, I scoured google to find law firms in Chicago city, which is how I found Mayer Brown. Even though I didn't come right out and say it, he shared the same hometown as the victim, Oak Lawn. I scouted Ernest F. Kolb school, but I didn't end up putting it in the story. Also, when the old woman noted the distance between Mayer Brown and Small World Day Care in Oak Lawn (a real day care) the drive is 30 minutes in real life.

The names I chose were special, also. Ms, Coretta after Coretta Scott King. The protagonist/antagonist was Matt, named for Matthew Henson, the first man, a Black man, to reach the North Pole. Marla Stanfield was kind of a joke. I wonder if any fans of "The Wire" caught the similarities to Marlo Stanfield. With her, I made it a point to visit Starbucks and saw that the Caramel Macchiato was the most popular, so I made that her drink.

If I had had time, and space, I was going to kill the officer in the beginning who was talking. I changed the dialog because I was unable to kill him, but I had the convo about him about to go on maternity leave for his wife and this was his last day. Killing him would have been fun, kind of tying the end to the beginning.

I was going to have the killing at the end. Go around stalking and snatching up kids that walked too far ahead of the pack and get people to care because I was eating/killing kids. I did this, and I didn't realize it at the time but this was the growth of my writing abilities.

When I began my story for last year’s contest, I stalked and killed the kids, I scared peoples' dogs in their backyards. For this year’s contest, my idea had been to just continue where I left off, but I started over, changing the direction of the story. I unconsciously built up Marla Stanfield, making her human. Making you care about her and her family. I showed her motivation for being who she is, and then I brutally killed her. Showing the story to a peer, she said that that was a difference in my old writings and my newer writings. She loved the way I built her up only to slay her. By throwing in homage to a classic, Edger Allen Poe’s Tell-Tale Heart, I made to feel for the protagonist, as well.

 

[ansatsusha_gouki]

I finished with the first part of my short story.....Im hoping I can finish the other two parts some time this week and then upload it here whenever I can...

 

[godofwine]

I finished with the first part of my short story.....Im hoping I can finish the other two parts some time this week and then upload it here whenever I can...

Send it to me and I'll post it in freetext host.

 

[dbluesun]

sorry it took me so long to read all the stories,they were all good for different reasons. Each story could be developed into a larger piece of work IMO. Sweet Dreams was fast paced and very sci-fi,,,not much dialogue but i was transported into that world from the storyteller's viewpoint,exceptionally well.Party of the Year was easy to identify with and if it were a longer story could be made into something very creepy and spine-tingling.American Werewolf was a good adaptation of an oldie but goodie,,had a lot of descriptive detail in a small piece of work. I liked the background of the main character and the killing was very well done,i thought this would be my favorite,but i was wrong.Dead River was the simplest written,but was mysterious and creepy from the very beginning.The supporting characters added to the unease as the story moved along. i also was uncomfortable from early on and liked this one the most.

Good job dawgs

 

[Damian Stone]

Thanks for the feed backs, my goal with Party Of the Year was to relate a creepy story that could happen to anybody anytime, anywhere.

I was also uncomfortable reading Dead River lol I guess that was the point.

 

[godofwine]

sorry it took me so long to read all the stories,they were all good for different reasons. Each story could be developed into a larger piece of work IMO...American Werewolf was a good adaptation of an oldie but goodie,,had a lot of descriptive detail in a small piece of work. I liked the background of the main character and the killing was very well done,i thought this would be my favorite,but i was wrong.

Thank you, man. This is real encouraging. I've been working on a novel of my own, taking a short story or an idea and growing it. I have 3 going so far, one kids story, one quasi-scifi fiction that I have 13,300 words so far, and one true life fiction. I don't know when I'll finish them all, but I have at least 5,000 on all of them. Contests like this let me practice, let me know where I need to improve and have people like you show me where I stand as a writer. Thanks again.

Thanks for the feed backs, my goal with Party Of the Year was to relate a creepy story that could happen to anybody anytime, anywhere.

I was also uncomfortable reading Dead River lol I guess that was the point.

Dead river was very simple, as dbluesun said, but I am curious how the author came up with the idea. Caulborn/ en caul, geechie folks, plateye, people don't come up with stuff like that.

That was good shit. Creepy from jump, and the end...damn, talk about misunderstanding costing you.

Great story.

 

[dbluesun]

Thanks for the feed backs, my goal with Party Of the Year was to relate a creepy story that could happen to anybody anytime, anywhere.

I was also uncomfortable reading Dead River lol I guess that was the point.

in your story you could add little elements about the chick to make her creepier,,,like maybe she doesn't blink very often,the way dogs don't or slightly longer lower canine teeth,maybe fingers a little too long. i really thought she was gonna be feline...The forest part could have rustling or half seen shadows,maybe sniffing noises or things brushing up against ole' boy's leg. these things are just suggestions for if you consider making this a longer piece. Anyway i wish i could write like you guys,if ya'll ever want me to look at something just let me know.

 

[dbluesun]

Thank you, man. This is real encouraging. I've been working on a novel of my own, taking a short story or an idea and growing it. I have 3 going so far, one kids story, one quasi-scifi fiction that I have 13,300 words so far, and one true life fiction. I don't know when I'll finish them all, but I have at least 5,000 on all of them. Contests like this let me practice, let me know where I need to improve and have people like you show me where I stand as a writer. Thanks again.



Dead river was very simple, as dbluesun said, but I am curious how the author came up with the idea. Caulborn/ en caul, geechie folks, plateye, people don't come up with stuff like that.

That was good shit. Creepy from jump, and the end...damn, talk about misunderstanding costing you.

Great story.

i can easily see you making your story into a novel,,,unfortunately Hollywood has run the Vampire/Werewolf genre into the ground.The Little Red Riding Hood element at the end was genius.there isn't much i could suggest to improve your story so keep on writing...You guys may inspire me to start a piece that i have been thinking about for years.

i had to look up a few things in Dead River which really made that story so good,,i'm gonna start paying more attention to these contest in the future

 

[godofwine]

in your story you could add little elements about the chick to make her creepier,,,like maybe she doesn't blink very often,the way dogs don't or slightly longer lower canine teeth,maybe fingers a little too long. i really thought she was gonna be feline...The forest part could have rustling or half seen shadows,maybe sniffing noises or things brushing up against ole' boy's leg. these things are just suggestions for if you consider making this a longer piece. Anyway i wish i could write like you guys,if ya'll ever want me to look at something just let me know.

Those who can't do, teach. This ain't a bad thing at all, bro. This is nowhere near an insult, so please don't take it as one. Look at the NFL. There are TONS of former back-up quarterbacks in the NFL right now as head coaches or top coordinators. They are able to see things others can't see, they may not be able to do it like a starting QB, but they can see it, see the things around it that allow the play to get done and get done right.

Do you know how many writers struggle with punctuation, where/when to make paragraphs, run-ons, nondescript characters? Or those with a good idea but not enough follow through? A good editor, or a person with the ability to be the back-up QB and see what the QB can't see is necessary and one great skill to have. It is difficult for writers to see anything other than greatness in our writings. People like you give us that needed, "This is good, but..."

I'm definitely going to holla at you. I appreciate what you do, and if you could give a good/bad on my story I'd appreciate it.

 

[dbluesun]

got you