why black women arent getting married

[JofromthaNO]

From a man to a woman if i told you. "losing weight will help you feel better and increase your attractiveness to the opposite sex"

what would be your response? and an honest one, not the "i'm gonna lie to prove my point response"

Honestly, I would probably be defensive, and say what I TRY to do (honestly) to keep myself in shape. You have to give me a personal reference and make it meaningful to me, not just state something in absolutes. A better way of going about it would be to say, "Why don't WE go out walking this afternoon after Sunday dinner? It makes ME feel good to do that, and I want to share that with you? or, "I want to help you with (fill in the blank) because I know you've want to keep up (fill in the blank)."

Some other women would probably get pissed off and have a good return to your statement, such as, "other men don't seem to mind my weight," or, "I already feel good about myself."

 

[Adam Knows]

Honestly, I would probably be defensive, and say what I TRY to do (honestly) to keep myself in shape. You have to give me a personal reference and make it meaningful to me, not just state something in absolutes.

ok

A better way of going about it would be to say, "Why don't WE go out walking this afternoon after Sunday dinner? It makes ME feel good to do that, and I want to share that with you? or, "I want to help you with (fill in the blank) because I know you've want to keep up (fill in the blank)."

but we live in the real world. "subtle" approaches 9/10 do not receive the appropriate response, and can even still put many women on the defensive.

"how about going for walks in the evening?"

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MY WEIGHT?"

that's one of "our" problems. everything has to be sugar coated to get the message out.

Some other women would probably get pissed off and have a good return to your statement, such as, "other men don't seem to mind my weight," or, "I already feel good about myself."

and that's truly dread. Because again. you have to be attracted to that person to be able to deal with them. if some of these folks can't figure that out that single percentage is going to get larger.

 

[onyxfemme]

All I know is this...W/ my husbands permission...
This is a pic from my wedding June 26, 2005

Respect It!
I am so sick of hearing this ridiculous myth about black women not getting married. I cant even speak on it anymore...​

 

[BronxBomber]

Completely agree with that Don. Case in point Obama speech has bee characterized as the first time in a long time we have heard a politician speak to us as adults. When you get to a certain point in a relationship I dont want to drop hints. You you need to get right. Just like if my son is acting a fool in class and Im not busting his ass. She need to be able to say you need to get your son right and I need to be man enough to be able to say hhmmmm she is right.


"how about going for walks in the evening?"

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MY WEIGHT?"

That statement is so true. Its 11pm and I hear Im hungry. I say its too late to eat. Now theres an issue.


Peace

 

[JofromthaNO]

All I know is this...W/ my husbands permission...
This is a pic from my wedding June 26, 2005

Respect It!
I am so sick of hearing this ridiculous myth about black women not getting married. I cant even speak on it anymore...​

Thanks for posting this, Onyx...too many times we do hear these stereotypes...when, one of my best friends is married, the other engaged, and I in a long-term relationship...it is still happening, but maybe just not at the same rate as our white counterparts... and, another poster also mentioned the divorce rates earlier...knowing these stats, both parties should be more cognizant of who the person is that he/she are entering the union of marriage into, including their weight issues. and whether or not they can handle it...

 

[Adam Knows]

All I know is this...W/ my husbands permission...
This is a pic from my wedding June 26, 2005

Respect It!
I am so sick of hearing this ridiculous myth about black women not getting married. I cant even speak on it anymore...​

congrats n all that but your part of the small percentile of black women that do. ( i mean someone has to be in the 30 percent don't they?)

remember just because it doesn't affect you directly doesn't mean the problem doesn't exist.

 

[onyxfemme]

Thanks for posting this, Onyx...too many times we do hear these stereotypes...when, one of my best friends is married, the other engaged, and I in a long-term relationship...it is still happening, but maybe just not at the same rate as our white counterparts... and, another poster also mentioned the divorce rates earlier...knowing these stats, both parties should be more cognizant of who the person is that he/she are entering the union of marriage into, including their weight issues. and whether or not they can handle it...

Speak on it sis....

 

[Adam Knows]

because a lot not ALLof our sister demeanor is like this

i'll say maybe half of that 70% fall under that

 

[shanebp1978]

All I know is this...W/ my husbands permission...
This is a pic from my wedding June 26, 2005

Respect It!
I am so sick of hearing this ridiculous myth about black women not getting married. I cant even speak on it anymore...​

Well. I love hardwood floors.

But I'm jealous of that cat, getting his beautiful skinned woman.

But also it makes me smile.

It's a wonderful and powerful picture of life captured by a camera.

I hope that day keeps ya'll happy until your last days, and even then, you'll smile.


Respect.

 

[shanebp1978]

Thanks for posting this, Onyx...too many times we do hear these stereotypes...when, one of my best friends is married, the other engaged, and I in a long-term relationship...it is still happening, but maybe just not at the same rate as our white counterparts... and, another poster also mentioned the divorce rates earlier...knowing these stats, both parties should be more cognizant of who the person is that he/she are entering the union of marriage into, including their weight issues. and whether or not they can handle it...

Shut your super cute ass up and go wink at some dude.

You never know! Could be a Shane.

 

[dadirty30]

Bottom line is this. Black men and women need to just pull together no matter what. No matter the education, position in life, weight issues, and this, that, and the third. The difference is now we let too much stuff that, doesn't really matter, cloud our minds and make us think that we must have this or that in order to have a successful marriage, when in reality if we all check our egos,wants, and needs at the door we would find out is that to truly have someone by your side in this life is what matters the most.

 

[PrincessC]

All I know is this...W/ my husbands permission...
This is a pic from my wedding June 26, 2005

Respect It!
I am so sick of hearing this ridiculous myth about black women not getting married. I cant even speak on it anymore...​

I LOVE IT Onyx. You look amazing. I hope that one day I can have a pic of my own like that.

I hate when people make these stereotypes. Yeah, there's a considerable amount of black women who are not getting married, but this is a phenomenon that is happening to a lot of other races as well. This is not just a black issue.

 

[Izayoi]

Bottom line is this. Black men and women need to just pull together no matter what. No matter the education, position in life, weight issues, and this, that, and the third. The difference is now we let too much stuff that, doesn't really matter, cloud our minds and make us think that we must have this or that in order to have a successful marriage, when in reality if we all check our egos,wants, and needs at the door we would find out is that to truly have someone by your side in this life is what matters the most.

Well said dadirty

 

[Adam Knows]

Bottom line is this. Black men and women need to just pull together no matter what. No matter the education, position in life, weight issues, and this, that, and the third. The difference is now we let too much stuff that, doesn't really matter, cloud our minds and make us think that we must have this or that in order to have a successful marriage, when in reality if we all check our egos,wants, and needs at the door we would find out is that to truly have someone by your side in this life is what matters the most.

and when people check their ego's, want's and need's at the door your basically marrying anyone at that point. according to you, because basically you just told both men and women to "settle". Which is why divorce rates are so high. You "settle" for what you didn't really want but hey, it's there, it's easy and convenient. that's like saying i want a whopper but i'll take chicken nuggets instead because their out.

sorry, doesn't work that way. And i have the divorce stats to back it up.

what it comes down to is everyone has to better themselves, and expect the same if not more from their potential partner. your suppose to find someone that compliments/strengthens you, not keep you in the same spot. i know it's easier to say "oh well, i'll take what's behind door number 2" instead of looking to see what's behind all the doors, but you have to make the effort. And you can't stop once you get there. You have to continue to follow through after the fact. (the other reason divorce rates are so high). dont' (and i'm only using this as an example) stay toned until u get married and let yourself go. keep the same thing going, that's one of the many reasons why that person married you. don't drop out of college after you get married continue forward in that edu. again, that's why that person was drawn to you, for the things that your doing/going to do, not the things your going to stop doing/cede after you jump the broom.

 

[Izayoi]

your suppose to find someone that compliments/strengthens you,... And you can't stop once you get there. You have to continue to follow through after the fact. (the other reason divorce rates are so high). dont' (and i'm only using this as an example) stay toned until u get married and let yourself go. keep the same thing going, that's one of the many reasons why that person married you. don't drop out of college after you get married continue forward in that edu. again, that's why that person was drawn to you, for the things that your doing/going to do, not the things your going to stop doing/cede after you jump the broom.

Da Don I dont think dadirty was talking about settling but seems he was making a point that superficial things will put blinders on from seeing what's important. I don't believe in settling, but man ego in general fucks with a lot of clear perception and right thinking.

....having said that I agree with what you say above and this applies to MEN as well. Fitness is very important to me so if I married you and you cared about your health, then yes it would bother me if you then decided to go on a chicken wing and curly fry binge everyday and said fuck it we married now! But change is inevitable. No one of us will look the same forever. Like dadirty was saying imo, has to be more than that. Something intriniscally deep and real.

Edit: I see a lot of fat married people- lol. So there really is somebody for everybody.

 

[onyxfemme]

I've actually lost weight since getting married. I try to keep myself up not for him but for me. But he actually has gained weight and I love my big poppa.
But hey I only rep 30%

Thanks for the comps on my wedding pic...That was one of the best days of my life

 

[Adam Knows]

But hey I only rep 30%

be very very happy that your reppin that "30%"

i know i'm happy reppin several small percentiles when it comes to black men.

 

[onyxfemme]

Well. I love hardwood floors.

But I'm jealous of that cat, getting his beautiful skinned woman.

But also it makes me smile.

It's a wonderful and powerful picture of life captured by a camera.

I hope that day keeps ya'll happy until your last days, and even then, you'll smile.


Respect.

This posts makes me smile..This is my favorite picture from my wedding day. The other is us jumping the broom...I was mad because he landed 1st though

 

[onyxfemme]

be very very happy that your reppin that "30%"

i know i'm happy reppin several small percentiles when it comes to black men.

True..True..But it makes me sad. I think dadirty30 said it best:

Bottom line is this. Black men and women need to just pull together no matter what.

 

[Adam Knows]

True..True..But it makes me sad. I think dadirty30 said it best:

Bottom line is this. Black men and women need to just pull together no matter what.

it's the no matter what which would make it worse though.......

 

[onyxfemme]

it's the no matter what which would make it worse though.......

How so?

 

[infamous-online]

i think it has a lot to do with people and how they view marriage. if they are against it, then it doesn't matter if they have beyonce, then nothing will make them commit.

our generation isn't getting married based on a lot of factors, but those factors are too long of a list for me to list. so i won't even try.

 

[Adam Knows]

How so?

how so?

No matter the education, position in life, weight issues, and this, that, and the third. The difference is now we let too much stuff that, doesn't really matter, cloud our minds and make us think that we must have this or that in order to have a successful marriage,

despite the posters intentions, those are issues that cannot be ignored.

1. education - yes it makes a difference it "tonya" was a high school graduate, a college graduate, or a 11th grade dropout. That tells you their potential in the real world. Are they a quitter? or unafraid to take the next step?

2. weight issues - again...foreseeable problems in the future maximized or minimized by their habits. don't get me wrong a physically fit specimen can get cancer and throw all of that out of the window, but at the same time a person who takes care of themselves, minimizes many avoidable diseases....diabetes, hypertension, heart trouble, etc.

3. position in life - not even going there because we've all argued this topic repeatedly, but i'll say "i'm right"

4.this and that and that and this - whatever it is it can inhibit you:

bad credit
cleanliness
religion
political belief
hell snoring at nightime.

 

[Adam Knows]

put it this way....

ladies are you going to overlook the actions of an abusive man to prevent you from marrying him? or are you going to stick together no matter what?

 

[JofromthaNO]

Shut your super cute ass up and go wink at some dude.

You never know! Could be a Shane.

I'm waiting for a super cute dude to pass my way...know of any?

 

[Harlem's Angel]

I've actually lost weight since getting married. I try to keep myself up not for him but for me. But he actually has gained weight and I love my big poppa.
But hey I only rep 30%

Thanks for the comps on my wedding pic...That was one of the best days of my life

Oh man that pic was beautiful! You got me all excited! I'm going shopping for dresses next Saturday. Wonder how many black women will be there?

 

[Cleopatra_J]

be very very happy that your reppin that "30%"

i know i'm happy reppin several small percentiles when it comes to black men.

Aren't you reppin' that larger percentile that's married to non-black women??

 

[Adam Knows]

Aren't you reppin' that larger percentile that's married to non-black women??

sure...

so????

does it make anything i'm posting untrue?

 

[Cleopatra_J]

sure...

so????

does it make anything i'm posting untrue?

Idk, to me it makes it biased. How can you tell sisters what they need to do to increase their chances at marriage when you don't even deal with them. How would you know what a black man wants from a black woman when you don't want a black woman? Maybe others find your "insight" helpful, but I just feel it's another way for you to undercover "black woman bash" which I feel you do a lot of...

 

[Adam Knows]

Idk, to me it makes it biased. How can you tell sisters what they need to do to increase their chances at marriage when you don't even deal with them. How would you know what a black man wants from a black woman when you don't want a black woman? Maybe others find your "insight" helpful, but I just feel it's another way for you to undercover "black woman bash" which I feel you do a lot of...

the only thing biased is your notion of me "not wanting"/ or disliking a black woman.

why i make the choices i make has nothing to do with the race of my spouse. true love comes regardless of the person's color. most of you refuse to grasp that concept though.

but here if it will make you feel better, i was suppose to marry a black woman years before but it wasn't attitude or "black women stereotypes" that prevented us from getting married, she was perfect in every sense of the word (until after we broke up, lol) we just had opposite beliefs on one subject that had to be dealt with before being married, up to two weeks before the wedding. neither of us would/could budge on it(pre-nuptials). that's all.

 

[Cleopatra_J]

the only thing biased is your notion of me "not wanting"/ or disliking a black woman.

why i make the choices i make has nothing to do with the race of my spouse. true love comes regardless of the person's color. most of you refuse to grasp that concept though.

but here if it will make you feel better, i was suppose to marry a black woman years before but it wasn't attitude or "black women stereotypes" that prevented us from getting married, she was perfect in every sense of the word (until after we broke up, lol) we just had opposite beliefs on one subject that had to be dealt with before being married, up to two weeks before the wedding. neither of us would/could budge on it(pre-nuptials). that's all.

I don't think my observation was biased. I've read in several of your posts, in threads similar to these, and they all seem to come down on black women. Maybe you feel strongly about the subject, maybe you harbor feelings of personal resentment. I don't know, but you often make strong generalizations, just like saying "most of you." I'm guessing there you are referring to black women who have a problem with you being married to someone who is "other." But I don't expect you to understand where those feelings come from.

 

[Adam Knows]

I don't think my observation was biased. I've read in several of your posts, in threads similar to these, and they all seem to come down on black women. Maybe you feel strongly about the subject, maybe you harbor feelings of personal resentment. I don't know, but you often make strong generalizations, just like saying "most of you." I'm guessing there you are referring to black women who have a problem with you being married to someone who is "other." But I don't expect you to understand where those feelings come from.

most of you
some of you
many of you
a lot of you
quite a few

i've used all of those. so there wouldn't be a generalization. the only time i generalize is when i'm talking about nigerians being scammers.

and it's not personal resentment. i just expect that much more from a black woman then any other woman. same as i expect more from black men. i'm not one sided when it comes to blacks. but i don't have a problem pointing out what needs to be fixed whether people want to hear it or not. All i hear from most people are excuses as to why not instead of why.....and to me it's pretty pathetic.

 

[absolutvodka]

black women don't get married cuz black men aren't simps like honky men.......they just marry any ole bitch for the fuck of it.

 

[bishoplogan]

The higher the rate of incarceration and the lower the educational level of black men (in a particular state), the less likely it is that a black woman will get married. Pretty simple.

The questions should be; "Why aren't black men getting married?" "WHERE are they?" "Why do they marry white women at 3x the rate that black women marry white men?"

Black women are always stuck waiting on black men to get their shit together, and often with his child to raise. (Which is a shame because, independent of the burden of single motherhood, black women outperform black men AND white women in terms of educational performance and post-college employment success.)

i agree black women have a higher education level more than black men.i put this to all of you WHY?

 

[bishoplogan]

I know this was not my question but I think it has alot to do with not getting married. On the psychological side. Women are attracted to men for security, safety and stability while men look for child rearing qualities which one of them is physical appearance. Thats white, Black, red or green. Also if you driving a 92 corolla but you have Lexus money sooner then later you gonna trade up. Nothing like waking up next to a beautiful in shape, about her business Black woman. Its like you hit the lottery. Kinda like why when folks get money they only marry pretty in shape people. Why? Becasue they can and thats what we all want to get the best for our money In so many words

true so true.and get this more minority women let themselves as get out of shape as time passes.especially after having children. its like "oh now i got kids f being in shape".now some of you do keep a shape even with weight gain,most most of you don't........WHY?