This will probably be the most controversial thing I have said to date on BGOL, but fuck it I got thick skin.After reading this thread I have come to the conclusion that some of you dudes ain't shit. Just some sexist ass misogynistic insecure sons of bitches. Your reasoning defies logic. You (unfortunately) like many of our other brothers wanna act like well off, rich whitey with the homemaker wife that bows to his every whim. Well guess what? You are not whitey.
If you want a woman that conventionally bows to you in every way, than get up off your ass and be the SOLE provider. No way that a two income household, where both of the adults are working equally hard can act like a house where only the man is bringing home the bacon and the woman is tending the house/raising the kids. That is not the reality for most people especially those of us that are black.
You have no right to demand that your woman be suzie homemaker if she's workin' just as hard as your ass and gettin' home like 30 minutes before, or even later than you, five to six days a week. Who the fuck are you? Place a lot of these women in situations where they don't have to work, and they will be glad to "submit" to you in some of the ways that you seem to require. Until you are in a position to do this, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
All this shit about the only way she better keep her name is if she is making money off of it, please what about basic identity mufucka? She was a person before she met you, she is a person while she is with you, and she will be a person if she leaves your ass or you die first. You want to keep your name, why? Because of its identification. Should any fully autonomous person want anything less?
Also, to those of you that say my Dad wore the pants but my mom was still strong; Congratulations! You just described every complete black family. And guess what, your dad, like mine may have walked hard, carried a big belt, and gotten the last word, but you knew who was making some of the decisions. A lot of times, the woman was handling some things behind the scenes and or keeping things together, and allowing the man to have the last word in order to appease his fragile male ego. Not to mention the fact that our mothers, grandmothers, and aunts that had men "in charge" of the household, put up with shit that any self respecting husband WILL NOT put their wife through (i.e. women outside the home).
My wife didn't hyphenate her name. She dropped her middle name and took my last name, meaning her last name is now her middle name, but potato pot-a-to, same difference. She did so because of identification and guess what, she made the decision because it is her name. She said I don't want to hyphenate cause its ugly, but I do want to keep my last name as a part of my identification because its how I have been identified for all of my life up until this point, and I want people that knew me before to be able to recognize and find me.
And it has nothing to do with who "wears the pants", people that are married and have been for sometime realize that this shit is so small on the scale of life issues, problems, and joys that you will encounter as a couple. No one "wears the pants" so to speak in every single situation. The person that "wears the pants" in a given situation is the more rational solutions oriented person with either the resources, or the plan for using the joint resources to handle whatever issue is being encountered. Surprise Surprise, this WILL NOT be the man in every situation.
Lastly, this whole "western civilization is weak" is complete bullshit.That same western civilization colonized 90% of the world and impregnated its societies with its patriarchal views. That same western civilization is responsible for the creation of the perceived male and female roles in America, and yes, your fucked up thinking. Women are not traditionally considered the weaker, more subservient people in every culture, especially a number of African cultures, at least as they were originally conceived.
Basically, all of you need to step back and question why A NAME bothers you so much. Is it an attack on your own fragile ego, sense of sexuality or self?
wow...you go!
