This turned out to be sort of a rant, but please, hear me out.
Okay BGOL/SOL, here's the deal:
I've been in a LONG 3 1/2 year monogamous relationship with a woman, we've been having problems ever since July (as far as I know), and we even almost split up back then. What kept us together was the fact that neither of us wanted to just "give up" on three years. Last week, we had another falling out, which made me leave her house @ 4 in the morning.
On this past Wednesday, I walked from my house in the hundreds (around 103rd street & Cottage Grove) to her house (around 71st & Morgan), just to talk to her face to face before she left for work. Within the conversation, she stated that she "didn't know who I was anymore," and that she was in the middle of the road as to whether or not she wanted to continue on. I told her I was willing to fight for this relationship, and that I still wanted to eventually marry her. At the end of the conversation, I told her "although you may think I've changed into another person, I'm still the man you fell in love with. I'm still the man that wants to do right by you." She said that she would see how things went from there.
Side note: I looked through her cell phone's text history, and saw a few messages from some guy who she says she's just friends with, and happens to be in his mid to late forties. She's 26, I'm 27. Also, the only arguments we had been having were arguments about her smoking weed, either around me, or period, because she told me she would stop two years ago and hasn't done anything about it since.
Thursday I had a job interview to go to, and she didn't call me that day or Friday to see how it went.
Saturday, Sweetest day, I had planned to cook some Chinese food and catch the bus over to her house with it, seeing as we were still at least "considered" a couple. Around 2pm she called me, but I was taking my afternoon jog around the parking lot, so when I got back in, I checked the caller ID and called her back. This is how the conversation went:
Brown Bear: Hello?
Her:Hey, how'd your job interview go?
BB: Short, the guy only asked me four questions then told me the store manager would be in contact with me.
Her: Ah. *silence*
BB:Hello?
Her: yea I'm here
BB: Was that all you called for?
Her: Yeah, to see how your interview went, that is the *friendly* thing to do, right?(emphasis on "friendly")
BB:*Silence* .... Is that what we are now?
Her: (Sharply) Uh, yeah.
BB: Is that all we are now is friends?
Her: Yeah.
BB:Are you breaking up with me?
Her: (Sharply, again) Uh, yeah.
I ask her why, and every time I rephrase the "why" and get a little more in detail, she gives a different answer.
"Because I feel like you aren't trying to be with me, so why should I try?"
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO BE WITH YOU! THERE HAVE BEEN WEEKS ON END THAT I'VE WENT WITHOUT CIGARETTES JUST TO SCRATCH UP ENOUGH MONEY TO CATCH THE BUS TO COME SEE YOU! I'VE DONE FAVORS FOR PEOPLE SO THAT THEY CAN GIVE ME A RIDE OVER TO YOUR HOUSE! I'VE PAID PEOPLE TO TAKE ME TO YOU! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT DOESN'T VISIT ME!
"You don't do anything."
WERE YOU JUST LISTENING?? I DO PLENTY. I'VE BEEN DOING PLENTY. EVERY DAY SINCE JULY 1ST, I'VE FILLED OUT AT LEAST 4 JOB APPLICATIONS AT ANY AND EVERY PLACE I COULD IMAGINE EXCEPT FAST FOOD!
"You're not there for me."
WHEN YOU WENT IN FOR SPINAL CORD SURGERY, I WAS THERE HOLDING YOUR HAND BEFORE AND AFTER! WHEN YOU WERE GOING FOR REHABILITATION, I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS TAKING YOU THERE! WHENEVER YOU NEEDED A SHOULDER TO CRY ON OR JUST AN EAR TO BEND, I WAS THERE! WHEN YOU NEEDED AN "ESCAPE" WHEN YOU WERE LIVING WITH YOUR MOTHER, WHO'S DOOR WAS ALWAYS OPEN?! WHEN YOU NEEDED CIGARETTES AND DIDN'T WANT TO PAY IL PRICES, WHO DROVE ALL THE WAY TO YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE, THEN TOOK YOU TO INDIANA, AND BACK? ME! I WAS THERE TO DO THOSE THINGS FOR YOU!
About 8-10 minutes go by, where she tells me that she doesn't feel like I'm doing anything in this relationship at all, and says she'll have to call me back later. Well, here it is Sunday, and my phone still hasn't rung. Another thing, I tried calling her back on both of her phones, and she wouldn't answer either.
I don't know if I've been a great man, but I know I'm far from a bad man. I never hit her, called her out of her name, called her stupid, didn't cheat on her, and never, EVER disrespected anyone in her family (although there were times when it would've been justified). I always told her "I Love You" when we talked. I always told her "I Love You" during sex. I just simply always told her "I Love You."
Why do I deserve this? After three whole years? Three years of happiness, around 4 months of arguments, and now I'm thrown out like "Your services are of no use to me anymore."
It wouldn't hurt as much if I knew why. I could accept a honest, viable reason, but the reasons she's giving don't hold water. The only thing that is popping up in my head is that she was cheating on me, and is a coward for not admitting it.
The real question is how am I supposed to find someone else that will accept me for who I am? I mean, fuck. I'm almost 30 years old, I don't like children if they aren't related to me, I play MMORPGs, I live in a "hood"-assed neighborhood, but I don't have any of the qualities of my surroundings (don't talk in slang mostly, don't have any kids, don't smoke weed or deal drugs), I like watching porn, I don't listen to rap music or most of today's R&B, I don't like the "club" atmosphere (I'd rather get drunk @ home), I don't like talking on the phone, and I'm into computers. There's not a lot of women out there that can accept/deal with that kind of man, especially in my neighborhood.
The only goals I had in life were to make her happy, and to get a job and climb my way up until I paid of my student loans, then go back to school, and somewhere between there get another car. Since no one has called me back since July for anything other than "Temp" service, I was happy just being with her. Now that I don't have a job I can focus on, OR a woman to help me through these troubled times, what am I supposed to do? And please, don't say "Put faith in God." Fuck him and his "divine plan." If me going through this type of heartache is in his plan, he can go fuck himself.
Okay BGOL/SOL, here's the deal:
I've been in a LONG 3 1/2 year monogamous relationship with a woman, we've been having problems ever since July (as far as I know), and we even almost split up back then. What kept us together was the fact that neither of us wanted to just "give up" on three years. Last week, we had another falling out, which made me leave her house @ 4 in the morning.
On this past Wednesday, I walked from my house in the hundreds (around 103rd street & Cottage Grove) to her house (around 71st & Morgan), just to talk to her face to face before she left for work. Within the conversation, she stated that she "didn't know who I was anymore," and that she was in the middle of the road as to whether or not she wanted to continue on. I told her I was willing to fight for this relationship, and that I still wanted to eventually marry her. At the end of the conversation, I told her "although you may think I've changed into another person, I'm still the man you fell in love with. I'm still the man that wants to do right by you." She said that she would see how things went from there.
Side note: I looked through her cell phone's text history, and saw a few messages from some guy who she says she's just friends with, and happens to be in his mid to late forties. She's 26, I'm 27. Also, the only arguments we had been having were arguments about her smoking weed, either around me, or period, because she told me she would stop two years ago and hasn't done anything about it since.
Thursday I had a job interview to go to, and she didn't call me that day or Friday to see how it went.
Saturday, Sweetest day, I had planned to cook some Chinese food and catch the bus over to her house with it, seeing as we were still at least "considered" a couple. Around 2pm she called me, but I was taking my afternoon jog around the parking lot, so when I got back in, I checked the caller ID and called her back. This is how the conversation went:
Brown Bear: Hello?
Her:Hey, how'd your job interview go?
BB: Short, the guy only asked me four questions then told me the store manager would be in contact with me.
Her: Ah. *silence*
BB:Hello?
Her: yea I'm here
BB: Was that all you called for?
Her: Yeah, to see how your interview went, that is the *friendly* thing to do, right?(emphasis on "friendly")
BB:*Silence* .... Is that what we are now?
Her: (Sharply) Uh, yeah.
BB: Is that all we are now is friends?
Her: Yeah.
BB:Are you breaking up with me?
Her: (Sharply, again) Uh, yeah.
I ask her why, and every time I rephrase the "why" and get a little more in detail, she gives a different answer.
"Because I feel like you aren't trying to be with me, so why should I try?"
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO BE WITH YOU! THERE HAVE BEEN WEEKS ON END THAT I'VE WENT WITHOUT CIGARETTES JUST TO SCRATCH UP ENOUGH MONEY TO CATCH THE BUS TO COME SEE YOU! I'VE DONE FAVORS FOR PEOPLE SO THAT THEY CAN GIVE ME A RIDE OVER TO YOUR HOUSE! I'VE PAID PEOPLE TO TAKE ME TO YOU! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT DOESN'T VISIT ME!
"You don't do anything."
WERE YOU JUST LISTENING?? I DO PLENTY. I'VE BEEN DOING PLENTY. EVERY DAY SINCE JULY 1ST, I'VE FILLED OUT AT LEAST 4 JOB APPLICATIONS AT ANY AND EVERY PLACE I COULD IMAGINE EXCEPT FAST FOOD!
"You're not there for me."
WHEN YOU WENT IN FOR SPINAL CORD SURGERY, I WAS THERE HOLDING YOUR HAND BEFORE AND AFTER! WHEN YOU WERE GOING FOR REHABILITATION, I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS TAKING YOU THERE! WHENEVER YOU NEEDED A SHOULDER TO CRY ON OR JUST AN EAR TO BEND, I WAS THERE! WHEN YOU NEEDED AN "ESCAPE" WHEN YOU WERE LIVING WITH YOUR MOTHER, WHO'S DOOR WAS ALWAYS OPEN?! WHEN YOU NEEDED CIGARETTES AND DIDN'T WANT TO PAY IL PRICES, WHO DROVE ALL THE WAY TO YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE, THEN TOOK YOU TO INDIANA, AND BACK? ME! I WAS THERE TO DO THOSE THINGS FOR YOU!
About 8-10 minutes go by, where she tells me that she doesn't feel like I'm doing anything in this relationship at all, and says she'll have to call me back later. Well, here it is Sunday, and my phone still hasn't rung. Another thing, I tried calling her back on both of her phones, and she wouldn't answer either.
I don't know if I've been a great man, but I know I'm far from a bad man. I never hit her, called her out of her name, called her stupid, didn't cheat on her, and never, EVER disrespected anyone in her family (although there were times when it would've been justified). I always told her "I Love You" when we talked. I always told her "I Love You" during sex. I just simply always told her "I Love You."
Why do I deserve this? After three whole years? Three years of happiness, around 4 months of arguments, and now I'm thrown out like "Your services are of no use to me anymore."
It wouldn't hurt as much if I knew why. I could accept a honest, viable reason, but the reasons she's giving don't hold water. The only thing that is popping up in my head is that she was cheating on me, and is a coward for not admitting it.
The real question is how am I supposed to find someone else that will accept me for who I am? I mean, fuck. I'm almost 30 years old, I don't like children if they aren't related to me, I play MMORPGs, I live in a "hood"-assed neighborhood, but I don't have any of the qualities of my surroundings (don't talk in slang mostly, don't have any kids, don't smoke weed or deal drugs), I like watching porn, I don't listen to rap music or most of today's R&B, I don't like the "club" atmosphere (I'd rather get drunk @ home), I don't like talking on the phone, and I'm into computers. There's not a lot of women out there that can accept/deal with that kind of man, especially in my neighborhood.
The only goals I had in life were to make her happy, and to get a job and climb my way up until I paid of my student loans, then go back to school, and somewhere between there get another car. Since no one has called me back since July for anything other than "Temp" service, I was happy just being with her. Now that I don't have a job I can focus on, OR a woman to help me through these troubled times, what am I supposed to do? And please, don't say "Put faith in God." Fuck him and his "divine plan." If me going through this type of heartache is in his plan, he can go fuck himself.
or family
