A warning to my readers: I am being completely blunt and absolutely truthful in this article (as I always am). If that bothers you, don’t read it. Better yet, don’t read my blog at all. What in the world are you doing here?
One of the burgeoning Game-related fields is one called Long-term Relationship Game (or LTR Game). This consists of the basic Inner Game, in addition to rules of woman-handling that can be use to improve a serious, long-term relationship. I’m all for LTR Game! Anything (within reason) that improves the quality and satisfaction of a LTR, is a good thing. I’ve already discussed how traditional and religious men use LTR Game to improve their relationships by changing the interpersonal dynamic. The blogger Hawaiian Libertarian has made a name for himself by proving that LTR Game is a legitimate method that shows real results.
So today, I’d like to give my 10-point list on:
How to Make Living With Your Wife Bearable
*ahem*
1. Accept that you are the Head of the Household. Deal with it, swallow it, get over it. No, God doesn’t grant exceptions: you married her, you lead her, no excuses. Men who complain about such a thing remind me of women who complain about having to raise their children.
o If she acts naughty (talks back, nags, etc.), respond by getting frisky. Tickle her, smack her on the behind, give her a wry look, or make a sarcastic comment. Just like with children, a naughty wife is just testing boundaries and trying to get some attention. So give her some attention, but don’t respond to the content of her naughtiness. Of course, this can eventually backfire. Some women get off on such attention so much that she’ll start acting up on purpose, to get a rise out of you (and a spanking, if she’s lucky).
o Save ignoring (the silent treatment, or “time out” for wives) for the most egregious cases. If you do it all the time, it just makes you seem mean, and lessens the impact. It’s better to make her gasp and giggle instead.
o Don’t shout at her, or raise your voice. If you’re driven to that, it’s because you have been failing at leadership. Don’t let it get to that point, as you lose status every time you yell. Also, you might frighten or upset her, even if you don’t mean to. Stronger women won’t be frightened, rather they’ll feel contempt for your lack of self-control.
2. Understand that she is only a person, but because she is a female person she will not think, act, speak, or feel like you do. She will do these things as a woman does them. Shocking, I know. No, you cannot change that. Nor should you wish to. God made her the way she is, and he said, “It is very good.”
o Don’t put her on a pedestal and then complain when she wobbles. She is not a goddess, she is not better than you, she’s just got two X-chromosomes and a womb. She’s a very real person, and like most real people, she does stupid stuff occasionally. Expect that and it won’t seem so shocking when it happens.
o Get to know your wife’s body. Women’s bodies are very complicated things, and it’s important for men to understand how they work, and how it effects their moods, emotions, and health. Any husband without this basic knowledge is flying blind, and will walk around in dazed confusion and fear for the rest of his life. A wife is the biggest investment of money, time, and energy that most men will ever make. Educate yourself.
o Remember that her moods usually have little or nothing to do with you. Women are highly affected by the hormonal changes that occur over the menstrual cycle. That’s why prepubescent girls and postmenopausal women are so much more evenly-tempered than those in their child-bearing years. That is the price paid for fertility, and explains why pear-shaped women are generally the most volatile. (That volatility extends to their libido, in case you were wondering why any man would want them around, crazy as they are.)
o Keep rough track of her menstrual cycle, especially if she’s prone to mood swings. If you know her period is going to start in a few days and she’s getting downright bitchy, just ignore her. Many men are easily upset by their wife’s moods because they take it personally. Simply accept that she’s just nuts sometimes, and it won’t seem so frightening. Don’t try to “calm her down”; it will just put you in the line of fire.
o If your wife seems to be unusually irritable, you might want her to have some blood-work done. It’s sometimes a sign of hypothyroidism. (Also make sure to check for this if she is having trouble getting pregnant, as it is a common cause of infertility.)
o Realize an ugly truth: women like alphas. Yes they do. They all do. There are no exceptions other than lesbians. The difference between “good girls” and “bad girls” is that the good girls have more self-control. They understand that alpha-chasing will keep them from meeting other goals they have in life, like marrying you. And they didn’t marry you because you weren’t an alpha, they married you because they were hoping you’d be a bit alpha-ish. That’s right, they picked you out for your “alpha potential”. If you don’t live up to that potential, she’ll lose interest and might look for an alpha somewhere else. That’s just how women are. Don’t bother asking your wife because she’d rather die than admit to it. She knows how you’d react, and she has a reputation to protect.
3. Do not allow her to nag you. Ever. Never, ever, ever. Ad infinitum. Forever and ever. At all. Every time you allow her to nag, a little bit of the few scraps of respect she has left for you dies. It sort of sloughs off, like dead skin sells. It’s very ugly, and you will regret it if you don’t nip the problem in the bud immediately. She will become completely hideous to you later, if you do not prevent the decay now.
o If you are gracious enough to help her complete a task, and she complains about how you do it, just drop it and leave. Don’t argue with her. If she doesn’t appreciate it, don’t do it.
o In fact, don’t argue with her about anything. It’s a good idea to discuss things with her, and to get her opinion before making your decision. One of the reasons you married her is because you like her and think she’s smart. But if it turns into an argument, stop discussing it. Arguing with her just makes you look like a fool. If she tries to keep arguing, just say, “This conversation is over. I will not argue with you about this.” Then stay silent and ignore her until she is quiet.
o Understand that women are schizophrenic about arguing. At first, they enjoy dominating you in the conversation. But later, they begin to feel a bit upset. By showing weakness that way, you shake her confidence in your ability to defend and protect her.
o Recognize that her complaint might be a not-so-subtle way of defending her territory. Women can get really greedy about their household chores, and will see you as an intruder if you try to take over. She complains about them in an attempt to get praise, not necessarily because she doesn’t enjoy them.
o However, if you have agreed in advance to regularly complete a task, do it without waiting for her to remind you. Keep your word.
4. Do not lie to her. Lying is something someone does because they are afraid to tell the truth, and every lie she catches you in will make her trust and respect you less. What are you afraid of? You are the Head of the Household (see #1).
o If you want to watch the game rather than her cheesy reality show simply say, “I’m going to watch the game.” You may have to practice this in advance to keep the quiver out of your voice.
o If she complains, take a page from my father’s book and tell her to “Go pound sand.” Pounding sand is a good way for her to stay in shape, and is a valuable but little-used activity for wives to partake in. All wives should pound sand regularly.
5. Don’t act like a Neanderthal. She’s your wife, not your slave. It’s alright to order her around a bit, or to be curt, but be gracious. Don’t talk down to her as if she’s stupid, or insult her.
o You can sometimes even tell her when she’s doing a good job. Just don’t get all sappy about it.
o Show some compassion. If she’s not feeling well, cut her some slack. Bring her a cup of tea, let her chill on the couch for the evening, whatever. Don’t expect her to wait on you hand and foot when she’s got a 104-degree fever, or the menstrual cramps from hell.
o Lead by example, and don’t act like a jerk. Don’t lord your breadwinner role over her, or denigrate the tasks she does. Don’t justify your leadership role by saying stupid stuff like “I make the money around here, so I can make the rules.” You make the rules because you are the man, it has nothing to do with money, strength, size, whatever. Such comments will only confuse her and make her think your leadership derives from your income. She might be the breadwinner one day, and she won’t forget what you said, or how you acted.
6. If she asks you for your advice, give her some. If she asks you for advice, your opinion, or “reports” to you (Honey, I finished all the laundry!) she’s trying to be submissive or is looking for your approval. Don’t shoot her down with a “Whatever.” or “I don’t care.” You will make her day if you tell her you’d prefer the aquamarine over the sea-green paint. Little pleasures can go a long way. But if she starts pestering you constantly, she’s just being an attention-whore.
7. Don’t feed her hysterics. Nothing results in a domestic-violence incident as fast as feminine hysterics. You know what I’m talking about: she gets all worked up about something, chases you through the house, screams at you, throws things, etc. Even if it’s never happened to you, you probably know of someone who’s had it happen. Nip this sort of thing in the bud ASAP. Don’t let it escalate and don’t attempt to reason with her. Talking to a crazy person will make you a crazy person.
o If she starts to rant on, and you can see her self-control start to slip, simply walk away. She will either become immediately quiet in shock, or she will get even more worked up and start yelling at you Don’t you walk away from me!
o If that occurs, leave the room, or even the house. Just get away, until she cools down and becomes rational again. You might have to take the kids with you. And the fine china, if she’s so inclined.
o If something similar occurs while you are driving the car, pull over immediately and stop the vehicle. Get out, or make her get out, until you both calm down. Do not drive with a crazy woman in your car.
o I know that sometimes her anger is justified and righteous, and your guilt tempts you to stay and “talk it out”, but that doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that you get the heck away from her, until she calms down. You can discuss the actual topic later. Right now just concentrate on self-preservation, and avoid getting chased with golf clubs, or pushed to violence yourself.
8. Have sex with her. It’s a simple, but difficult truth: if your wife isn’t having sex with you, it’s either because she’s having sex with someone else, or because she thinks you’re a chump and you’ll put up with it. Eventually, she’ll get so disgusted at your chumpiness that she’ll go on a hunt for a less-chumpy man. She’ll shag him immediately, as her libido will increase — and her headache will decrease — instantaneously. You see, it’s not that she’s not in the mood, it’s that you don’t turn her on.
o So have sex with her. If she refuses, make her sleep on the couch. You are the Head of the Household. It is your house, your bed, and you get to decide who sleeps in it.
o Never let her make you leave your bed and sleep on the couch. That’s the fastest route to celibacy you could ever take. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200. If she doesn’t want to share the bed with you, she can leave. Point the door out, if she seems to have trouble finding it, and remind her to make sure it doesn’t hit her behind on the way out.
o Don’t let her act like sex is a treat she doles out for good behavior. You are not a dog, you are her husband. Demand some respect and don’t act like such a chump.
o Be dominant in the bedroom. Aim to please her, but don’t act like her servant. Sexually submissive men are like junk food. It’ll turn her on at the moment, but get unsatisfying fast.
o Openly display your lust. If you want her, kiss her and say, “I want you.” Don’t be coy, shy, or reserved about it. Chances are, if you’re not explicit, she won’t even notice and you’ll spend another night on the couch watching Dancing with the Stars.
o Maintain dominance even outside of the bedroom. Make it clear that you feel you have the right to touch her. Whisper lewd comments in her ear, grope her while she’s cooking dinner, kiss her whenever you feel the urge, etc.
o Hold her tightly sometimes (choose a random moment), take her chin, lift her face, and look her straight in the eyes until she looks away. It will unnerve her, which is the point. She should feel a little bit afraid of you. That bit of fear creates excitement, which turns her on (that’s what women are wanting when they chase “bad boys”).
9. Manage expectations. Happy people are those whose expectations are met. Keep the expectations low, and when you meet them, she’ll be ecstatic.
o Rarely buy her gifts, complement her, or help her with the household tasks she’s responsible for. That way when you do so, she’ll see it as the loving gesture it is, and appreciate it. In other words: don’t spoil her. Avoid buying her jewelry, except for really big occasions (like a 10-year anniversary). Otherwise, she’ll expect a bigger and bigger piece each time.
o If you want to impress her (and I know you can’t help it), be good to her kids. Don’t spoil them, but be an attentive, loving father. This is the thing she cares about most. Besides, it’s just the right thing to do, and they’re cute. Realize that if you hurt or neglect her children, she will leave you so fast it’ll make your head spin. Don’t go there.
o Also, don’t neglect or cut off contact with any children you have from a previous relationship, for your wife’s sake. Not only is it just plain wrong, it also sets a precedent that puts her own children at risk of abandonment, and shows your weak character.
10. Point out when she’s wrong. One of your responsibilities as Head of Household is to help keep her in line. If she’s acting lazy, getting fat, being rude, dressing frumpy, or cooking gross food… point it out. You are the only one in a position to say something, and if you don’t, nobody will, and you will have to eat Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese for the rest of your days while looking at her in comfy-clothes.
o Be tactful, but be blunt. Speak clearly and look her in the face (she’ll look away). She might cry or act indignant (it’s painful to be criticized), but now isn’t the time to comfort her as you’ll be tempted to give in and drop the topic. Stay calm and stern. Once she’s agreed with you, then give her a hug. It might take a while, even a few days for really stubborn women. Don’t bring it up anymore, she hasn’t forgotten. It just takes a while for her to swallow her pride enough to agree. If she’s particularly prideful, she may never formally agree, but you’ll probably notice her improving her behavior anyway.
o Don’t just point out what she’s doing wrong, offer advice and assistance in improving. For example, instead of saying, “You look like a slob.” Say, “I’ve been noticing that you’re not paying much attention to your appearance. How can I help you in that area? Would you like me to show you the type of clothes I prefer?”
o If she gets angry about it, don’t apologize. You said it because you think it’s true, and to retract it now would be to lie to her (see #4). This would be a good opportunity for her to pound some more sand.
o On the flip side, point out when she’s done something particularly well. She’ll glow.
11. “So have sex with her. If she refuses, make her sleep on the couch.”
12. Yep, make the bitch sleep on the couch if she won’t come across, I agree. Lol!
13. Sheesh. You never hear of a guy saying he has a headache.
14. A woman who WANTS sex will never be disappointed as her husband will always be willing to oblige.
15. Some women on the other hand need a good swift kick in the butt when they refuse their husbands’ sex , often for the flimsiest of reasons.. Just because she may not be in the mood , how hard is it for her to open her legs and please her man (you know the guy she loves.. the one she promised to love and cherish in her wedding vows) Surely that closeness and feeling of being wanted( even if she isn’t really interested in orgasming) is well worth the effort.
16. Last week I woke early one morning, feeling thirsty. Still half asleep I got up and went to the kitchen for a glass of water.
17. Upon my return, I heard hubby’s quiet but stern voice say, “Shut the door”
18. I replied , “What for?” (duh! Okay I was still half asleep)
19. “Because I said so ” he shot back. I complied without a word.
20. “Take off your top” he demanded.
21. I did as I was told.. It never occurred to me to do otherwise.
22. I was wide awake in a trice too
23. “Make it clear that you feel you have the right to touch her. Whisper lewd comments in her ear, grope her while she’s cooking dinner, kiss her whenever you feel the urge, etc”
24. This is something that we both engage in B&G. Hubby is usually pretty tired when he arrives home from work, so it’s usually me who is whispering in his ear whilst I am giving him a back rub. Gives him something to look forward to later on when the kids are in bed.
25. Seriously though, it’s a good thing for couples to engage in. Particularly those with kids. That way your spouse will never feel neglected. I am a touchy feely person anyway, so I am always groping or hugging him. I just love it when does the same.. Especially when he comes up behind me in the kitchen and grabs me while I am doing the dishes.
26. You know it’s true. I told my husband to sleep on the couch one time, when I was in a tiff. He just lifted his eyebrow slowly, gave me a long look, and said, “I’ll sleep on the couch, if you’ll sleep on the floor. Now come here.”
I sometimes refuse, just to see what he’ll do. (I suppose that’s a shit-test.)
I’ve found sex is actually a good cure for a headache. All the endorphins, I suppose.
I prefer it when I’m stirring the sauce. One has to stay really still to stir correctly, you know.
I think some men don’t understand that a woman’s enjoyment of sex has less to do with some technique he uses, or lighting candles, or not-what. Rather, it’s something that has to be cultivated during every waking hour. If she’s thought of you periodically throughout the day, kissed you when you came home from work, cuddled and flirted with you when she’s cooking dinner, then she’ll be impatiently waiting for the kids to Fall asleep already! so she can get it on with you.
If you just roll over 10 minutes before she wants to sleep and lackadaisically ask, “Hey, how about it?” she might give in, but she might not get off. Half the time, such men sound like they don’t even want it themselves. What is she to get excited about?
