For the holidays I have been spending them alone. I separated from my wife 2 weeks before our 17th anniversary. It was bound to happen, in our earlier years we did too much wrong to ever make everything right, even if for the last 7 of those years were much improved by both of us. It won't be as bad if I didn't love her and wanted to make sure she is alright, but as much as I do love her, I also understand now that she needs to go it alone, regain her identity, etc.
This leaves me alone... her family was my only family... and regardless of what she says, when the papers are signed I won't look at them the same. They are good parents... the kind I wished I lucked into having, and for the years, it felt as if it was true... but that is also gone.
Once she is stabilized, and the papers are signed... I'm going to simply disappear, move to the west coast possibly, but right now the wound is too raw to think logically about that... but life now feels as if I am sleepwalking through it, going through the motions of what I believed life should be about... I guess my identity of being a husband which I enjoyed removed a lot of my own identity...
with that said, yak and coke here I come... the lady which listens until emptied.
This leaves me alone... her family was my only family... and regardless of what she says, when the papers are signed I won't look at them the same. They are good parents... the kind I wished I lucked into having, and for the years, it felt as if it was true... but that is also gone.
Once she is stabilized, and the papers are signed... I'm going to simply disappear, move to the west coast possibly, but right now the wound is too raw to think logically about that... but life now feels as if I am sleepwalking through it, going through the motions of what I believed life should be about... I guess my identity of being a husband which I enjoyed removed a lot of my own identity...
with that said, yak and coke here I come... the lady which listens until emptied.