http://thewellversed.com/2010/11/11/life-love-and-sinn-an-assumption-of-immortality/
Being a single mother is never easy. The delicate balancing act between being productive at work or school, creating a nurturing home, attending PTA meetings and making sure to balance the budget so you can put food on the table every night is a challenge that over 9.8 million single mothers in the United States juggled in 2007 according to the US Census Bureau’s statistics. I’m not even talking about the difficulties of trying to find adequate housing, childcare, health care or even balancing a social life adds to the fray.
Now add a sexy job to the mix… what do you have? You have someone like me.
When I started in this business I was a college student with a saucy attitude and an insatiable appetite for knowledge. My sex drive wasn’t bad either. I’d never watched porn or stepped foot in a strip club, but with 2 toddlers under two years of age, a husband I decided I could do better without, 2 jobs and 13 units, I found my way into porn so I could cut back on my work hours and actually raise my children instead of letting day care do it for me. I wasn’t looking to be famous. I was looking to supplement my income to support my family and not have to forego my dream of finishing college.
And I did.
Perhaps its my naiveté’ that I always find it amusing when fans on social networking sites find me to be an anomaly in that my tweets are about my kids and gourmet dinners or sex with my boyfriend rather than porn shoots and rolling blunts; not that there’s anything wrong with that. I have my share of sensually charged moments filled with dirty sexual fantasies or tweeting an erotic novel 140 characters at a time after amazing sex with my partner. I think what shocks me is that I was always raised to be a well-rounded, open-minded person, and as a result, I just naturally assume that everyone is.
The most frequent questions I am asked by new followers and curiosity seekers are about my children, family or intimate relationships. People want to know how hard it is to raise children while working in porn and whether it’s difficult to maintain a relationship due to the nature of my work. I’d like to preface the following answer by saying that my experience is my experience, and certainly shouldn’t be viewed as “the norm” for my industry. It also shouldn’t be viewed as particularly unusual either. But this is MY experience, My Life.
When I hear someone say they are surprised at how bright and articulate I am, (for a porn star,) I often wonder to myself, “how many porn stars do they know?” For me, this is no less offensive then all the people that told me I “sounded white,” when I was a child because I chose the King’s English over slang growing up. Yet what frustrates me most are those that are incredibly offended that I would chose raise children while working simultaneously in porn… as if my sexuality ended the day I pushed a child out of my womb.
So often, our society is quick to adopt a Madonna/Whore complex towards the women who carry and birth the future. We expect them to be the Mother Goddess and often forget that even our mothers and grandmother had to spread their legs to receive before giving us life. True, they may not have done it on film for the world to see – but were they no less worthy of praise because they sucked their spouse’s dick? Its sad that in today’s society, we are still so blinded by hypocrisy that so many men believe you “can’t turn a ho’ into a housewife,” yet fail to acknowledge that having a ‘ho for a husband is no catch either. And society continues to put wives on pedestals and keep their hoes firmly hidden in the closet – all while maintaining their own whoredom. These men, who can’t imagine sticking their dick in their wife’s mouth because she has to kiss their children with those lips, yet would spread their seed carelessly on the lips of the friendly neighborhood ho’. We accept this double standard without questioning a man’s ability to still be a good father despite his indiscretions.
We seem to have convinced ourselves that a woman’s intellect diminishes if she chooses to embrace her sexuality or share her nude frame with the world on permanent record. We demonize the woman that chooses sexual freedom and promiscuity over the religious based social norm of monogamy. We tell ourselves through lyrics and comedy specials and on message boards across the Internet that you can’t “wife that ho’” and the man that attempts to do so is a fool. We assume that the woman we’d want to raise children with should be chaste and the woman we fuck should be skilled – and rarely shall the two meet.
Maybe I’m the exception to the rule, because I am proudly both whore and housewife.
My favorite line I find myself repeating to describe my life and career is simply this, “Who I am and what I do are not synonymous with one another.” I revel in the duality of my life. I have mastered the art of juggling all the aspects of my life and do my best to make sure no detail goes unattended to. Some days I feel like a superhero; making dinner and leaving the sitter with instructions before rushing to pack my luggage to fly cross-country in my cape to be my porn star alter ego. I think my porn star title is misleading for many because I don’t consider myself as a “star” and I certainly don’t bring my work home with me at the end of the night. On any given evening I can be found checking homework and watching the news with my partner before heading to bed. I prepare a healthy, gourmet meal every night for my family and speak to my mother every day on the phone. Yet I have no problem with climbing in the shower with my man for a passionate morning romp or bringing another gorgeous woman home.
What can I say; I think my partner is amazing in bed and should be shared with others.
I feel fortunate that in having a sex-positive household that my 13 year old daughter feels comfortable to ask me about everything from abortion to a friend’s feelings of suicide. I believe in empowering children with knowledge so they can come to me instead of a friend that knows less than they do. Despite my occupation, I am regularly called on for car pool duties and my home is always filled with other people’s kids on the weekend. I’m just like everyone else. I vote, I ground my kids, I bitch about the governments over-involvement in our raising of our children, I give to charity, I complain about the lack of positive images of African-Americans on television… I could sing, “I’m every woman,” and mean it.
Yes, I’ve been having professional sex for 17 years and have done things that many men wish they could do with their partners. I believe that if we give ourselves permission to experiment in our bedrooms or take a positive approach towards our sexuality we can begin to break down the barrier between whore and housewife. In doing so, we can insure that as women our needs are met by our partners and as men we decrease the desire to step outside our household to meet our sexual needs. Out of all the sex I’ve had on camera, the best sex to me is when there is familiarity and intimacy. My hope in starting this column on The Well Versed that I give you the reader an open forum to ask me anything and create a dialogue on how to not only spice up your sex lives, but to answer any questions you’ve been dying to know the answer to. Sex is to be enjoyed, and sometimes, you just need to be pointed in the right direction. I’m here to be your guide.
I...I'm sorry
