Relationship Question

[SamSneed]

Man y’all got some shit relationships

Or just a shit women

I done put ms sneed through all kinds of shit, but she know I’m loyal.

I told her once, there’s always someone out there who will do what you won’t and vise ver.

She loves concerts, I’m not big on them but I go cause she likes it.

She wasnt too fond of fishin but after I showed her how peaceful it can be, she’s up ready to go now. Catches more than I do

Baseball our religion and Minute Maid Park is our church, once I thought her all about the game. She’s all about it now.

 

[^SpiderMan^]

Every family is different, but one formula that seems to work is a proportional income split. For instance, if you make twice what she does then you put in twice as much money into the expenses as she does. This includes the kid's expenses too.
It doesn't seem fair on the surface, but IMO you can't have a blended family if you insist that those are only her kids.

I could never go for that kind of an arrangement myself, but that's why I don't date single moms.

This is logical and how men think as far as fairness. Doesn't really address how woman think though. Women value security more than we do. By taking control of all finances and her feeling comfortable with the results, everyone will be happy. Even if the reality is that she is paying a large portion of the household finances.By combining and approaching it as a team with the man as the leader, you will all be happy rather than each of you having separate money haggling over who is paying what.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

This is logical and how men think as far as fairness. Doesn't really address how woman think though. Women value security more than we do. By taking control of all finances and her feeling comfortable with the results, everyone will be happy. Even if the reality is that she is paying a large portion of the household finances.By combining and approaching it as a team with the man as the leader, you will all be happy rather than each of you having separate money haggling over who is paying what.

I understand. Was in a similar situation myself.

On the day I moved to San Francisco I found out that a woman I was dating was pregnant with my child. I just signed a one-year lease and decided to use that time to see if we were compatible enough to start a family.

Within a few months I realized the San Francisco offered far more opportunity than Alameda County does. she didn't want to move to the city and insisted I moved to her house near Antioch instead.

I eventually broke it off mainly because I realized that this move would make me dependent on her for shelter, transportation, and finance because her job paid more than anything I could get out there. My security would be based on how well I followed orders and kissed ass more than anything else.

True security is always based on what you can do for yourself. Otherwise you will always be under the thumb of your benefactor

 

[cocobeauty]

Let me hear you all opinions on this one. My wife says she doesnt love me anymore and wnts to "eventually" seperate divorce. Our whole marriage I pay for both cars and the mortgage and a lot of the other bigger bills we racked up. Her ass isnt making any move to leave but expects me to keep paying the majority of the bills. I made an expense list where yea since she doesnt want to be with me anymore that we need to split these bills where she start paying some of the mortgage and cars. Even the little bills she has i split those up too. the only bills i wont are the fucking credit cards she decided get and anything single bill that isnt joint. She calling me all sorts of shit because of this, but if your ass here and you basically want to live as a fucking roommate then lets do that. What's yall take?

Does she work? I will never understand someone working not contributing to a household. She can't afford to leave but don't you be a damn fool allowing her to verbally abuse you.

If she wants to go so bad mention putting the house on the market. I'm at work and it's the beginning of the fiscal year so I can't type much but I'll be back later this evening.

 

[kirkout]

how will getting married before you live w/ a woman change this??? the only difference that marriage “label” makes is instead of expressing you want to go your separate ways, you now have to file for a divorce...if you can’t live w/ her for 6 months to a year w/o incurring “headaches” then it wouldn’t have been better waiting until y’all were married to move in together

Bruh, that’s why I said staying over for a few days at a time. You can find out what you need to know going this route before putting a rock on her hand.

 

[cocobeauty]

I been a damn fool trying to "win " her back for a year now. Yea i cam to my senses and listened to her saying she hates me im the worst husband ever and wish she never married me. Yea i wasn't the best but i always made sure she was straight, but now as she says "she don't give a fuck about me" and can get all this on her own then I am finally gonna do it. I already called our financial companies to see how to refinace the loans into each of our names and how to refinance the house into my name. This whole thing is Im good doing all this on my own if she not in the picture, but since she don't want to work it out then hey why the fuck am I doing for someone that don't give two shits about me? She blew up and called me dirty for actually looking into this process and that i was wrong for doing it, but her ass is not moving like she wants out and living like this is bullshit.

She can't sustain on her and she's want to admit it. Be willing to split what you have to and move on. Don't be surprised if she changes her mind and try to work things out.

After my first marriage I promised I would never place myself in a position that I couldn't walk away if and when I wanted to.

 

[LSN]

Bruh, that’s why I said staying over for a few days at a time. You can find out what you need to know going this route before putting a rock on her hand.

I’m sorry...I’m just not getting your train of thought...if you can’t stand being around her for more than a few days @ a time in an attempt to truly get to know her how can you even consider marrying her? how is marriage going to make that an “easier pill to swallow” if you can’t stand being around her for more than a few days prior to that? I’m not married so I’m trying to understand the rationale

 

[eatcake]

You in a Common Law State?????

Meet a chick at the club now your home is her home???

Whew

 

[kirkout]

I’m sorry...I’m just not getting your train of thought...if you can’t stand being around her for more than a few days @ a time in an attempt to truly get to know her how can you even consider marrying her? how is marriage going to make that an “easier pill to swallow” if you can’t stand being around her for more than a few days prior to that? I’m not married so I’m trying to understand the rationale

I am not saying you can’t stand being around her. I am just saying you need your own space until that decision (marriage) is made. No need to complicate your life. Also, it gives your relationship a chance to breathe. I am speaking from the mistakes I made in the past and what I could’ve done better and from the mistakes I have seen others do. I think you think I am being old-fashioned or have some type of religious belief why I think it’s a bad idea. Trust me, it definitely isn’t rooted in that. Just from my past experiences and observations.

 

[LSN]

I am not saying you can’t stand being around her. I am just saying you need your own space until that decision (marriage) is made. No need to complicate your life. Also, it gives your relationship a chance to breathe. I am speaking from the mistakes I made in the past and what I could’ve done better and from the mistakes I have seen others do. I think you think I am being old-fashioned or have some type of religious belief why I think it’s a bad idea. Trust me, it definitely isn’t rooted in that. Just from my past experiences and observations.

yes to a smaller extent but largely no I just don’t see the logic...it just sounds like you’re delaying the inevitable...I’m not saying shack up right away obviously but I don’t understand jumping from spending a few days @ a time w/ her bcuz you want space to being married and living w/ her 24-7 w/ no transitional period...again my question is w/e it is you’re worried about re: living w/ her before y’all are married, won’t those problems manifest when y’all are married and living together or do you think y’all “suppress” those issues bcuz of the “marriage” title and the “need” to make it work out ie there’s more @ stake?