How long do you take care of your child? Is the answer 24,26, 27, 30, 35..etc. And if the child stops listening to you and is disrespectful, do you continue to get disrespected until they listen or let them go learn by themselves????
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They are no longer a child by that age. Better have your shit together by 22 at least. They would never disrespect me no matter what age, so I can't answer that question. Once you get old enough to take care of yourself, you don't have to listen to anyone. As a parent, I can make suggestions and offer guidance, but whether or not they listen is totally up to them and there is nothing I can do about it
Experience is the best teacher. Once they get in the age range posted I don't give a damn about disrespect as long as they don't threatened
My son is 20 and just learned a valuable lesson I warned him about
My son is 20 and just learned a valuable lesson I warned him about
You gotta be more specific by what you mean by "take care"?
my mom was there for me her whole life if I needed any support financially emotionally physically whatever
So for me I'll take care of mine till I day.
my mom was there for me her whole life if I needed any support financially emotionally physically whatever
So for me I'll take care of mine till I day.
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There is a difference between helping and taking care of adult child. Your children will needs a helping hand here and there, but to do everything for your children is handicapping them.
If you doing "everything" for child
Grown or not
Your not a good parent if that's your approach
and your are hurting them now as adults or all along.
Enabling ain't supporting.
18 get the fuck out. Or, if they're going to school, depending on course load, they can have room and board. Soon as you get a job, start looking for someplace to live. You got 1 year then out you go.
Did have a situation where rent was paid and chores were done so that was cool for 2 1/2 years but always with the stipulation you got to get the fuck out. He was saving to buy a house and is very sensible - wasn't partying his money away etc.
I guess it depends on the child but ain't nobody living in my house that doesn't listen and do chores at the very least.
Did have a situation where rent was paid and chores were done so that was cool for 2 1/2 years but always with the stipulation you got to get the fuck out. He was saving to buy a house and is very sensible - wasn't partying his money away etc.
I guess it depends on the child but ain't nobody living in my house that doesn't listen and do chores at the very least.
tim i use to say the same thing bro.i raised my 3 children almost by myself.did all the cooking ,cleaning, everything for my children right i use to say stuff like ill bet 10 million dollars my children will never turn on me cause thats how close we was but once me and there sorry mom broke up and she turn my children ages 14,15,19 totally against me .i mean i was never a mean father my children got what the needed never had a want but the power of these evil females it can happen to you man im just saying......if there disrespectful then stop doing for them so they will act right for the time
That leads back to what I said. Don't handicap your child. Employ responsibility in them at a young age.
If you employ responsibility and accountability in a child at a young age, they won't have this leach mentality that the parent has to take care of them no matter what.
Sadly, the only way a parent can do this is if they are in a good financial position. You can't teach a child how to pay a mortgage if you don't have a house. You can't teach a child to pay a car note if you don't have a car...etc.
You have to teach your kids the value of success and money. Teaching a child that money isn't everything is very dangerous.
I tell my kids all the time, I will give them the tools to be successful as long as they listen to me and follow my lead. I also tell them that they won't have a good life if they aren't successful and they don't have money.lol
I hear you and that's great parenting
But I completely disagree on that part.
And financial ignorance or short comings I may have?
Is EXACTLY what I ensure that my child DOES have.
And that goes with everything.
I didn't get swimming lessons, meet scientists and politicians and speak on front of Congress, have an investment portfolio, start a business etc
My kids did all that and more before high school.
Of course you should want all that knowledge / experience for yourself
But a good parent wants the best for their children and specifically give them all the benefits they didn't have or know.
Might be too late for me (hopefully not) but it's NEVER too late for them.
I get it your right.
But I know a lot if miserable rich "successful" people.
A strong work ethic, personal pride, respect, being sensible, learning to save and invest.
Trust I get it and I stress that too, but you hit all that with the first part.
If you teach them from DAY ONE to just be good people?
All that other sh*t gonna work out.
I think I’ve handicapped my child. She is 15 now, but has a strong dependency on me and her mother. Very smart kid and she has all the tools she needs to be an awesome data scientist like her dad.
She has a desktop gaming computer, and a MacBook Pro that she is using to game on. And now she is learning the basic of data entry and conditional formatting in spreadsheets. I have her working for me doing some data basing and I pay her for the work.
However, she isn’t confident in herself, very insecure, and a high level of social anxiety. She doesn’t ever want to go out or do anything.
She told me and her mother she was worried about turning 18 because she thought we was going to kick her out the house and because many teenagers leaves home at 18. I told her circumstances are different and some kids has to grow up faster than others. I wanted to leave because I was from a small town and didn’t want to get stuck.
Plus, Covid really did a number on her because she essentially missed all her middle school years. Covid hit while she was in the 6th grade and she did return to in-seat until 9th grade (last year). I have ZERO perspective what that may feel like for a kid. 8th grade a incredible year for me.
I don’t know man. This parenting shit has been weighing heavy on me. I feel like I’m not good at this shit at all, but people around reminds me that my wife and I are doing well.
Those are months right?
Bruh you're fine. All you can do is instill values and foundations for them to make decisions, daily. You will not be there every step they take every day. You grew up without your parents micromanaging your every breath. Don't feel like everything she does or doesn't do, "she could of" done this or that.
I raised 3, last one is very similar to yours but older.
All you can do is instill values.
Pat yourself in the back for all you've done.
Brother first off you and your wife ARE magnificent parents
And that covid thing we really underestimated it's effects.
EVERYTHING you wrote is spot on
Now imagine kids who lost family?
Or had parents who worked in hospitals?
Or had parents who lost their jobs?
Or lived with immunocompromised relatives?
It's something I think a whole lot of families are not considering enough.
And our families really have to adjust and be forgiving more on those effects on us and how long they may last.
and I mean how it effects ALL AGES.
I have called it an 18 sentence with lifetime probation. For 18 yrs, it's your job and duty to provide in all forms for your offspring. During that time, you should be getting them ready with the tools needed, knowledge, wisdom, etc., to take of themselves. After that, you're always there for them, but not an automatic fall back or safety net. But....you never let your kid suffer. Like Earthquake, I'm no longer your provider, but your advisor.
I got a story to tell, sort of dilemma in relation to this.
My daughter, lives on her own, 27, drives her own car, lives about 20 mins from me.
Over a week ago, she came by, wife and her went out in wife's car left the daughters car here.
Same time, wife's mom calls me, says her sink backed up, so having a snake, I jumped in my daughter's car to run over. Driving it I hear this growling noise from the rear wheel. I'm assuming it's the wheel bearing.
I asked my daughter, do you hear a noise? "no". I said can you go to a nearby mechanic to double check it and see if they hear anything. She brushes it off.
Me being concerned, cause she has none, will drive it til it dies. I asked again. She said she went to get the yearly inspection and she asked them to listen for the noise. I know she is lying and didn't ask anyone anything.
Plus you know these inspection shops, at times it's not even a mechanic doing inspections. So I asked her again to go to this mechanic dude we know.
She has all these excuses that she don't know when she can, basically cause she's lazy.
Now I bought all the tools to do it, just haven't bought the bearings until I get her to ask the mechanic. At this point I know she won't and me being concerned for her safety, I'll probably just buy the bearings and do it this week B4 school starts and she'll be driving daily to work, she's a teacher.
I hate to enable these rude mofo's but this is her safety and what not if the wheel was to fall off or whatever, worse.
But what does a father do
My daughter, lives on her own, 27, drives her own car, lives about 20 mins from me.
Over a week ago, she came by, wife and her went out in wife's car left the daughters car here.
Same time, wife's mom calls me, says her sink backed up, so having a snake, I jumped in my daughter's car to run over. Driving it I hear this growling noise from the rear wheel. I'm assuming it's the wheel bearing.
I asked my daughter, do you hear a noise? "no". I said can you go to a nearby mechanic to double check it and see if they hear anything. She brushes it off.
Me being concerned, cause she has none, will drive it til it dies. I asked again. She said she went to get the yearly inspection and she asked them to listen for the noise. I know she is lying and didn't ask anyone anything.
Plus you know these inspection shops, at times it's not even a mechanic doing inspections. So I asked her again to go to this mechanic dude we know.
She has all these excuses that she don't know when she can, basically cause she's lazy.
Now I bought all the tools to do it, just haven't bought the bearings until I get her to ask the mechanic. At this point I know she won't and me being concerned for her safety, I'll probably just buy the bearings and do it this week B4 school starts and she'll be driving daily to work, she's a teacher.
I hate to enable these rude mofo's but this is her safety and what not if the wheel was to fall off or whatever, worse.
But what does a father do
Appreciate that, fam. She is definitely a good person and has great values. We did well in that area.
It’s interesting navigating this world as a parent today when the world and society is changing faster for them than it did when I was growing up.
There's a part 1, different incident to my previous post.
For months, I'm telling you months, my daughter had a light come on the dash for low pressure. She ignores it.
One day she comes by the crib, I said you don't see the tire is low? She said no.
I got my compressor and aired up the tire. Then got some soap, sprayed around the wheel and the valve.
I saw bubbles at the valve leaking.
It's Sunday, no tire shops open.
I said tomorrow go to any tire shop and tell them to replace the valve, she said OK. I said sternly don't brush it off, get it looked at.
She got upset cause of how I spoke to her and called her mom when she left tearing up saying daddy yelled at me. I was like wtf.
Wife in defense mode started flipping out saying as a man you should take care of that for her. I said it's a little stem, a shop may not even charge you for that, you don't have to take the wheel off or nothing.
Later that week I asked her if she took it to a shop. She said yes.
I went and bought the stems and a tire plug kit on Amazon just to have for the future.
Fast forward, months later, I saw the tire low again. I said did you have that tire looked at? She didn't remember what I was talking about. She said you fixed it. In my head keeping my composure I was like wtf.
So I went and changed the stem myself. The old one had no rubber on it and was old. Meaning no one ever changed it at all.
Wtf is a parent to do smfh. Kids.
I can't get stressed out about them. But I have a dilemma of letting them learn on their own or fix a safety issue.
It's my daughter and don't want to see her hurt or broken down somewhere. But she just don't care or show concern for her ride, plus wants a new car so any kind of maintenance on her car she just don't care.
Ok end of rant.
For months, I'm telling you months, my daughter had a light come on the dash for low pressure. She ignores it.
One day she comes by the crib, I said you don't see the tire is low? She said no.
I got my compressor and aired up the tire. Then got some soap, sprayed around the wheel and the valve.
I saw bubbles at the valve leaking.
It's Sunday, no tire shops open.
I said tomorrow go to any tire shop and tell them to replace the valve, she said OK. I said sternly don't brush it off, get it looked at.
She got upset cause of how I spoke to her and called her mom when she left tearing up saying daddy yelled at me. I was like wtf.
Wife in defense mode started flipping out saying as a man you should take care of that for her. I said it's a little stem, a shop may not even charge you for that, you don't have to take the wheel off or nothing.
Later that week I asked her if she took it to a shop. She said yes.
I went and bought the stems and a tire plug kit on Amazon just to have for the future.
Fast forward, months later, I saw the tire low again. I said did you have that tire looked at? She didn't remember what I was talking about. She said you fixed it. In my head keeping my composure I was like wtf.
So I went and changed the stem myself. The old one had no rubber on it and was old. Meaning no one ever changed it at all.
Wtf is a parent to do smfh. Kids.
I can't get stressed out about them. But I have a dilemma of letting them learn on their own or fix a safety issue.
It's my daughter and don't want to see her hurt or broken down somewhere. But she just don't care or show concern for her ride, plus wants a new car so any kind of maintenance on her car she just don't care.
Ok end of rant.
Yeah, no doubt. It’s was tough on a lot of people. And as time passes, the more people are forget the effects are still here.
Easy answer… the worlds a jungle… if your child was in danger in the wild and about to get eaten are you gonna let it happen even if your child is big , strong, has been taught to defend, but will still lose this battle or are you gonna step in and save your kid cause you have tactics that will automatically defeat the predator? The easy answer is you will always keep your kids out of danger.. so you know your child hard headed on this manner but in the end you will always want to keep her safe, so step in and go take care of the situation for her…. My mom put it in perspective decades ago to me about how she viewed her kids.. no matter how old ya get no matter what ya do , ya will always be my babies/kids . I started noticing that as my young sis got older and legal age, even though she in her early 30s I still sometimes have flashbacks of her when I use to hold her as a newborn and go oh snap she will always be my lil baby sis no matter what.. so do what’s right pops
Lmaooooo
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