OK Fellas you got a chick coming thru....What's ya prep work???

[SNYC]

Damn some of yall are turning your homes into RESTHAVENS

And I forgot to mention, remove the economy sized bottle of lube and used condom wrappers off your dresser

And make a guest account on the computer. Some chicks like to show me pics and pages of their homegirls. I can't let them see my 2000 bookmarks of porn and other goodies

 

[Joe Dirt]

Clean Bathroom,Airfresheners,Candles,Perfect HairCut by Hasaan @ Against Da Grain,Shower, Get Fuck Essentials Together ie:Condoms,Baby Oil,KY,Some John Vartos Black, Gentleman Jack For Me Bottle Water For Her. Some Plies,Luther,Pretty Ricky, Smooth Jazz depending on the age of the Smashee.Phone On Silent.

 

[WaterBottle]

lol im married but back in the days if a shorty was comin thru she knew what time it is...i aint straightenin up shit...the MOST ill do is have a bottle of liquor handy and that aint all for 4 her cause i wanna drink too...

 

[gameboy]

this thread is str8 comedy,,, i can tell some of ya'll only get new pussy every leap year

 

[Onpoint]

this thread is str8 comedy,,, i can tell some of ya'll only get new pussy every leap year

I can't remember who posted that if you can't tidy up in 5 mins you living fowl!! but they're rght! All I do really is make sure I got some cold beverages juice or soda! i always have some liquor in the fridge!!! Most single men should and not just beer!!! I don't have to switch up sheets cuz that's done after I bang them out anyway!(I don't wanna lay in no pussy juice overnight!) Make sure the bathroom is in order, maybe switch the glade plug-ins to high, make sure I got a movie on deck if it's the 1st trip over! That's about it! condoms are already in the drawer ready to go!

 

[mainevent0516]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68XC1hwSnMs
embed help

Fast Forward to the 4:14 mark

 

[Chitownheadbusa]

...shit I will keep it real and say there have been 2 occasions where I couldn't even get it up the 1st time to fuck those chics and the whole time they felt it was their fault...the 1st time the chic just hung w/ me all nite and it wasn't til the next morning my shit work...

happened to me once.
i smoke some herb, drunk a little absolute vodka and the bitch sucked me off for like an hour....my shit was so numb the next day.... but anyways....my dick woke up for a sec...but then once i took another look at her extremely out of shape body...stomach sitting on her lap, etc....the blood in my dick retracted with the quickness.

ive known her for 15+ years. she was always slim with some fat titties...even when she was a shorty. but she lost her job...started smoking weed and eating whole steaks and shit. she completely fell off body wise.

we fell out after i told her why i couldnt get my dick on hard. guess she couldnt handle constructive criticism.

I neva messed with a fat bitch since then..and ill neva do it again.

y'all must be dealing w/ some fucked up ass uncompassionate chics that's quick to clown you over some bullshit...shit if a bitch make you cum quick she should be proud

not really.
Im just not tryna spend a lot of time with these bitches.
hit..then they can go home...hence me wanting to get the shit right the first time.

i love the solitude...so ill keep doing my ritual until i can hang with the best of em.
lol

 

[DAT DUDE DERE]

i'm fresh out of bubble gum

 

[Onpoint]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68XC1hwSnMs
embed help

Fast Forward to the 4:14 mark

I was just about to up this vid!!!

 

[patscorpio]

hide any incriminating shit
if theres time no shower, if not wet wipes
spray febreze and cologne all over the place
keep sex paraphernalia (rubbers, lube, cuffs. flicks, etc) within close range of where you're going to be fucking
mints, gargle or brush teeth

 

[LSN]

Make sure you throw your "nutrag" in the hamper...1 time a shorty found a t-shirt of mine under the bed w/ a dry white patch stain on it...I tried to flip it on her like what she was doing under the bed...luckily she had known me for a while and had a good sense of humor...also make sure you log off of BGOL and CLOSE the window don't just minimize it true story hahaha

 

[LoneStar29]

LMAO @ some of ya'll pretending you are too cool in here

 

[UptempoDro]

Make sure you throw your "nutrag" in the hamper...1 time a shorty found a t-shirt of mine under the bed w/ a dry white patch stain on it...I tried to flip it on her like what she was doing under the bed...luckily she had known me for a while and had a good sense of humor...also make sure you log off of BGOL and CLOSE the window don't just minimize it true story hahaha

If she woulda dug a lil deeper and found that fleshlight..

 

[Rossini]

If she woulda dug a lil deeper and found that fleshlight..

 

[LSN]

If she woulda dug a lil deeper and found that fleshlight..

Hahahahaha

Idk man the women I known have been real cool w/ me and understanding of my weird/freaky side...I think they like it cuz @ work or w/e I meet these chics they often misread me as being uptight but it's like they get to see this whole other side...it's just a fleshlight...I really don't see any chic getting bent outta shape over it and if she do so what...nobody gonna make me feel uncomfortable about myself especially in my home

 

[BrownTurd]

1.Wash Dick good (making sure to get under the balls good)
2.Trim up pubic hair (If you want head be sure to keep it trimmed)
3.Rub some nice smelling lotion or cologne on
4.Groom myself (if new chick)
5.Clean sheets
6.Smell good in the room
7.clean house

that is all i do. The rest is just to much

 

[LoneStar29]

If she woulda dug a lil deeper and found that fleshlight..

 

[The Pope]

make sure house ( or apartment ) is clean
make sure bathroom is clean and doesn't smell like piss
have something in the fridge
have some of that killa if she blazes
have something to drink ( alcohol, juice, soda )
take a bath, shoot one out
have something good to look at
and have some food.

 

[Rick Ronson]

why would you jack off before getting some?

young rookie season ass niggas

what stopped the dick beating routine in the first place?​

 

[Soul On Ice]

Bump for entertainment purposes

 

[cincitystudios]

let me put ya'll up on some game ...... if a new chick is coming over make sure you have

coffee - from experience coffee drinkers need coffee in the morning ,after her coffee she is a different person

hair wrap /doo rag - ladies spend a lot of money on their hair
and wrap it at night to maintain the style


scented candles /febreze - febreze your sheets and light some candles throughout your crib

extra toothbrush - self explanatory

free Game from your Boy

Man....You just setting these youngin's up for a world of hard times and heartache. Imagine handing a bitch a hair wrap that another girl has worn!
"Here you go, I get so much ass here that I have a sally's beauty supply under the counter"
You can't be serious?

I was reading his list thinking WTF?! He on some other shit, having hair wraps for broads an coffee an toothbrushes.. buddy gotta work at a hotel

The only thing I do is empty the trash in my bedroom, an make my bed... No candles, incense, cologne, cooking NADA

p.s. that's funny as hell that y'all cats jack off before the chick get there I just take my chances, it will be what it will be

 

[Onpoint]

Bump for Old times Sake!

 

[d-weezy]

1.Rub one out
2.Shower
3.Shave
4.Brush my teeth and use some mouthwash
5.Put on some deodorant and cologne
6.Put on some fresh clothes
7.Make sure my apartment is tidy
8.Make sure I have a few different kinds of drinks

Pretty much and do some man-scaping to make sure she has a clean work area.

 

[FiveKnuckleShuffle]

1. Clean the crib
2. Take a shit
3. Take a good long shower
4. Make sure the crib is clean, including the bathroom. That part is so key.
5. Hide the porn (unless she likes that shit)

That's pretty much it. I have a bar that's built in so I stay stocked with liquor, beer, mixers and chasers. I have a large vintage popcorn machine so I may make a fresh batch. I can't tell you the number of times chicks have been like "Oooh what's that smell?" We go down to the bar, they start munchin, drinking and chatting. I pull out the mixing guide and start saying "I've always wanted to try this drink..." Even though I've made it 100 times before and can do it in my sleep. Start mixing up pro style drink combos and its on.

A half hour later, we fuckin. 99% success rate.

 

[jthedilla]

I think cats are missing the point. The most important thing to be prepared to talk for 30 mins each about at least three things that you are passionate about. Women want to fuck an interesting man more than anything!

Going once, going twice...SOLD! To the man with obvious experience...

 

[kraven]

I used to do that rub one out first bullshit. Then I found out how much I enjoy tryna hold that first nut back when I'm in the pussy. Sometimes the pussy too good an I gotta be pullin out every couple minutes at the start. Tell the bitches I'm teasin em, they cant get the dick yet.... Drives em CRAZY .

But my checklist: Shower (or at least clean the nutsack area ), Clean bathroom, maybe clean the house, have food alcohol and weed available, music and movies ready, condoms at easy to reach locations throughout the crib (never know where its gonna go down).

Shit I've learned: smoke some weed prior to their arrival or not at all otherwise I get sleepier than Snow Whites boy; if we eat, eat when we finished fuckin. Nothin worse than bein in the middle of puttin it down and havin to time the release of gas wid the bassline of whatever track I got playin

 

[Cock Head Jones]

man i just try to keep a clean house, food, stocked bar, few candles no matter what.

some of yall setup so much that it prolly makes chicks feel like u got a revolving door of pussy.

i remember one time i smashed this airline attendant in atlanta and in the morning, the chick gave me a bathrobe, towel and a ziplock back with toiletries. on 1 hand i was like this is 1 efficient lil chick. on another hand i was thinkin damn how much spur of the moment, jumpoff dick is this broad getting to where she has morning baggies prepared. like damn... this bitch keeps a stock of travel size mens speed stick and zest soap.

 

[big pimp]

Bump for Old times Sake!

^^^

 

[ScottyPiffen745]

If you STAY ready, you don't have to GET ready.

Keep your kitchen stocked, your bathroom stocked (TP, medicines, cleaning supplies, etc.), your place clean ready for FDA inspection, your fuckin' colognes lined up, etc. all that shit, REGULARLY.

You try to squeeze in shit you should've been did weeks ago into like a half hour, you already losing.

You maintain your shit, yourself and your place, so that when something does go down, it ain't no thing. You do that, and all you gotta do is shower and change the sheets. Take me like 20 minutes.

If she's special, I might cook something so she'll smell it as soon as she hit the door.

 

[jayhawk_529]

There is nuthin to add, yall nigz covered every damn thing sheeesh!!!

 

[dHustla]

Y'all ....always good for a laugh.

Y'all my niggas tho

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using Tapatalk

 

[moblack]

If a bitch coming over to fuck you don't have to do anything. Your house should already be clean. What ya'll living in filth or something? I mean how hard is it to pick up behind yourself?

 

[dray]

If you got a female coming over, she's gonna look at how you living and it will say a lot about you.

If your spot smells like corn chips and is messy then she's gonna perceive you as being lazy and dirty.

So, make sure your spot is clean...all the time.

Always stay ready so you won't have to get ready.

Make sure the bathroom is superb because females will make it their business to go in there (to see if you a nasty ass nigga ) Ciroq is good too.

Get some scented candles from Pier One or Bed Bath and Beyond. Don't fuck with that cheap shyt from Walmart (weak smell and don't last long). Put some in the living room and the bedroom.

Also, cop some Reed diffusers from Pier One as well. Those Glade plug-ins are cool too. Put em in every room.

Febreeze the sofa and them bed sheets.

Make sure you got easy access to some condoms.

Have a movie ready.

Have an assortments of drinks on deck. I've been putting females on to this whiskey called Fireball. Its goes down very smooth and tastes kinda like red hots candy.

 

[LSN]

if I get enough time in advance I try to get the candles burning for 2-3 hours

 

[daman200]

man i just try to keep a clean house, food, stocked bar, few candles no matter what.

some of yall setup so much that it prolly makes chicks feel like u got a revolving door of pussy.

i remember one time i smashed this airline attendant in atlanta and in the morning, the chick gave me a bathrobe, towel and a ziplock back with toiletries. on 1 hand i was like this is 1 efficient lil chick. on another hand i was thinkin damn how much spur of the moment, jumpoff dick is this broad getting to where she has morning baggies prepared. like damn... this bitch keeps a stock of travel size mens speed stick and zest soap.

DAMN!! Almost make a brother feel used Almost Gotta love the A!/SIZE]