Moral Maturity and Self Love

[onyxfemme]

**From a blog that I visit wanted to share w/ SOL**

It seems that many black women like to pretend to love themselves online but have been in toxic environments throughout their lives where black women were abandoned, demeaned, dishonored and disrespected. Many black women have not seen black women being valued apart from their usefulness as rescuers, enablers and mules. This has impacted the development of self-love among many black girls that has translated into adulthood.

We love to say that black children mean a lot to us but the majority of black women I have spoken to about their family planning have justified repeated patterns of unplanned children. There are scores of black women who make decisions to have more children without having any plans to improve their standard of living and without requiring marriage from the men who are sleeping in their beds and eating their food in their house.

We love to say that blacks don't condone abortion as birth control but there are twice as many abortions of black fetuses than there are live births of black babies. Are all of those abortions due to rape pregnancy or incest pregnancy? I honestly don't believe that they are.

We love to say that we're pro-family but at least 70% of black children are growing up in broken homes and we pretend that homes are not "broken" when children are fatherless.

We love to say that we aren't as promiscuous as white women (which is hardly a standard of measure that we should be mentioning) but many black women do not seem to know how to depict womanhood without fetishizing and objectifying themselves. The "black whore" complex is in full effect in the way that many black women choose to present their sexual definitions and we don't want to talk about it.

We love to say that we don't need a man but in all of the all-black residential areas that I have been in, the ones without large numbers of responsible black fathers supervising their sons seem to be the most toxic and most dangerous for black women and their daughters.

We love to say that we want collective advancement but we often get hostile when we are challenged to dismantle dysfunctional class conditioning and address emotional woundedness.

What will it take for us to be courageous with our stance for moral maturity?

**Discuss**

 

[owl]

.....

 

[bigirl]

It seems she is referring to just a small cross section of Black women(low class american ghetto) and is very wrong to try to paint all of us with that brush

 

[onyxfemme]

VERY VERY TRUE...

It seems she is referring to just a small cross section of Black women(low class american ghetto) and is very wrong to try to paint all of us with that brush

 

[owl]

It seems she is referring to just a small cross section of Black women(low class american ghetto) and is very wrong to try to paint all of us with that brush

Why would you say that bi-girl?

The article is quite myopic(narrow in scope) and also elitist. It finds as its basic argument the need to criticize those women who choose to live non-traditional lifestyles within the american complex. Basically saying that if you don't live according to the norms prescribed, you are on the internet lying about how much you love yourself, or just not loving yourself. This is another subtle attack, and it is getting trite...

 

[onyxfemme]

Explain owl?
Personally when I read it, the 1st thing I thought was wow...Another generalization. But then I thought, is there ANY truth to this? In my own life, I could say-yeah there are things I do in life that I would never post or share on the board and vice versa.
For instance:

We love to say that we're pro-family but at least 70% of black children are growing up in broken homes and we pretend that homes are not "broken" when children are fatherless.

I AM pro-Family..I truly believe in family...But I am now in the middle of a divorce....I.E. I now have a broken home.
Will I stop believing in family? Nope.. Will I post against single mothers? Nope..Will I be an advocate for black 2 parent families? YES! Because that is how I grew up.
I guess I am trying understand your meaning of an attack.

Why would you say that bi-girl?

The article is quite myopic(narrow in scope) and also elitist. It finds as its basic argument the need to criticize those women who choose to live non-traditional lifestyles within the american complex. Basically saying that if you don't live according to the norms prescribed, you are on the internet lying about how much you love yourself, or just not loving yourself. This is another subtle attack, and it is getting trite...

 

[LoneStar29]

What I don't like about this blog and others like it is the fact that there is so much blame ... "you're doing this and that wrong" ... where is the part that "teaches" us how to be better

I mean lets face it ... some of that shit is true and I know some of it applies to me and some applies to you ... but it's like we're being beat up for our mistakes instead of being taught how to do better

I know I've admitted my faults on many occassions on here ... I aint one of the ones frontin' like I'm perfect
But when I ask for help and guidance I'm looked down upon like I'm stupid cuz I don't know ... then the sheer frusturtaion of that makes me BLOW then I'm called "irrational" ... give me a fuckin' break

STOP JUDGING AND START TEACHING

If you aren't a part of the solution then you are a part of the problem as far as I'm concerned

Another good discussion Onyx ... you're on a roll today mamma

 

[onyxfemme]

Exactly why I posted it!!!
Also why my heart is so deep in doing the volunteer work that I do....
So lets discuss ho do we fix these things for those who want help in OUR communities?

What I don't like about this blog and others like it is the fact that there is so much blame ... "you're doing this and that wrong" ... where is the part that "teaches" us how to be better

I mean lets face it ... some of that shit is true and I know some of it applies to me and some applies to you ... but it's like we're being beat up for our mistakes instead of being taught how to do better

I know I've admitted my faults on many occassions on here ... I aint one of the ones frontin' like I'm perfect
But when I ask for help and guidance I'm looked down upon like I'm stupid cuz I don't know ... then the sheer frusturtaion of that makes me BLOW then I'm called "irrational" ... give me a fuckin' break

STOP JUDGING AND START TEACHING

If you aren't a part of the solution then you are a part of the problem as far as I'm concerned

 

[LoneStar29]

Exactly why I posted it!!!
Also why my heart is so deep in doing the volunteer work that I do....
So lets discuss ho do we fix these things for those who want help in OUR communities?

I think step one should be EVERYBODY GETTIN' OFF THEIR DAMN HIGH HORSES and recognizing their own faults and how to fix them as opposed to trying to tell everybody else what to do ... seriously ... the sheer amount of people who feel THEY ARE NOT contributing to the problem is alarming

 

[bigirl]

So lets discuss ho do we fix these things for those who want help in OUR communities?

Thats the key words right there and the problem is many(even most) don't want help

Also, I know how I was raised, and who I was raised amongst and if I had kids I would raise them the same way but if people are only surrounded by all that is mad ghetto, it is very difficult to open them to other things I see this every day all over Bed Stuy and so many of them think that anything different to what they see on the block is "white" or "corny" so how do you deal with that?

 

[jucurious]

iono y i love controversial threads lol

but anyway...i think there are some valid points in what is being said that apply to women of all classes, but some more than others.

and yes this entry is very problem centered but for some of us in our life journey, that is what we need b/c we don't "see" or wont admit to such things. I see this entry as stage 1.

now, there are some of us that are past that stage and are like ok, where do we go from here, how do we address it (exactly what Lone mentioned). Entries like this, especially a lot of them, can annoy ppl who have passed the 1st stage.

I can see why the author didn't put solutions (sometimes solutions can put u in a damned if u do damned if u don't situation with ppl saying that they have done that or that wont fit their life so they brush it off) BUT it would have been a great start.

I'm going to revisit the list and just throw some things out there.

This could be a good discussion if kept positive and hopeful. Instead of brushing something off or saying blk women wont/can't do that, suggest some modifications. <--- that was for the bashers that will soon smell the blood of this thread


yay to solution based conversation!

 

[bigirl]

The only solution I see is better parenting for a few generations again to break the vicious cycle but how this could get started I have no clue

 

[LoneStar29]

I think some people feel better about themselves when they think someone else has it worse than them ... trying to keep people down so they can go higher

Mad people on here are like that ... I mean I straight up PMd a few of the men on here after the "Black women don't get married" thread asking them their personal opinions on the matter and how they felt women could do better ... I heard either alot of bragging on their part about how much they know, mild clowning of me about what I didn't know, and some straight up no replies

I repeat IF YOU AREN'T A PART OF THE SOLUTION THEN YOU'RE A PART OF THE PROBLEM

 

[bigirl]

I think some people feel better about themselves when they think someone else has it worse than them ... trying to keep people down so they can go higher

a lot of people do that like you ever notice how the bottom of the barrel whites are the most racist ones cause they need to feel like they above someone? Also what I call the "duane reade security guard syndrome" when the person in the low level shit job who has the tinest bit of "power" needs to flex it every chance possible and abuse the shit out of people

 

[LoneStar29]

a lot of people do that like you ever notice how the bottom of the barrel whites are the most racist ones cause they need to feel like they above someone? Also what I call the "duane reade security guard syndrome" when the person in the low level shit job who has the tinest bit of "power" needs to flex it every chance possible and abuse the shit out of people

"Security guard" syndrome ... yeah I've met quite a few people with that problem

That is why when people are the most judgemental it makes me think that they are the biggest losers ... I mean wtf do you really have to prove

We are all humans and make mistakes ... the sooner you help out the sooner things will get better for all of us

 

[Harbinger]

We have to educate ourselves and our kids. If we as parents become educated, we set better standards for ourselves and rely on other people and programs to lesser extents, because we are apt to be more self reliant. We understand that having children without being able to provide and teach them how to be productive in the world is actually harmful to the children in particular, and society in general.

Break the cycle. You want your kids to do better? Teach them better, set better examples, create better evironments. Easier said than done? Hell yeah, but to be better sacrifice must be made.

This is really much too complex a subject for such a simplistic response, but education is key to most of societal ills.

 

[LoneStar29]

This is really much too complex a subject for such a simplistic response, but education is key to most of societal ills.

Where does the education come from ... I mean where are the parents gonna learn how to act ... not everybody knows ... they don't teach this sort of stuff in school soooooooooo

 

[onyxfemme]

Great posts and observations all!
Let me 1st start by what I do...When I volunteer at the Julian Center(domestic violence shelter) here, I make sure that I tell my personal story. I do not go in to just preach. I go in and clean, play w/ the kids and talk girl talk. Then I just be me. I let them know that you dont have to follow the "masses" the videos and music images and what not. It is small but that is what I do. If they ask about help w/ employment I will do their resumes and help w/ their attire.

I agree w/ bigirl about better parenting, which is why I am TRYING to get the DOVE project going. I have sent several request so I may just do my own thing...I believe a lot of cycles can be broken by educating our young sisters, daugther, nieces and whomever on the fact that there is more to life then getting w/ a guy who HAS so he can give to her...I could go on and on....

The only solution I see is better parenting for a few generations again to break the vicious cycle but how this could get started I have no clue

iono y i love controversial threads lol

but anyway...i think there are some valid points in what is being said that apply to women of all classes, but some more than others.

and yes this entry is very problem centered but for some of us in our life journey, that is what we need b/c we don't "see" or wont admit to such things. I see this entry as stage 1.

now, there are some of us that are past that stage and are like ok, where do we go from here, how do we address it (exactly what Lone mentioned). Entries like this, especially a lot of them, can annoy ppl who have passed the 1st stage.

I can see why the author didn't put solutions (sometimes solutions can put u in a damned if u do damned if u don't situation with ppl saying that they have done that or that wont fit their life so they brush it off) BUT it would have been a great start.

I'm going to revisit the list and just throw some things out there.

This could be a good discussion if kept positive and hopeful. Instead of brushing something off or saying blk women wont/can't do that, suggest some modifications. <--- that was for the bashers that will soon smell the blood of this thread


yay to solution based conversation!

Thats the key words right there and the problem is many(even most) don't want help

Also, I know how I was raised, and who I was raised amongst and if I had kids I would raise them the same way but if people are only surrounded by all that is mad ghetto, it is very difficult to open them to other things I see this every day all over Bed Stuy and so many of them think that anything different to what they see on the block is "white" or "corny" so how do you deal with that?

I think step one should be EVERYBODY GETTIN' OFF THEIR DAMN HIGH HORSES and recognizing their own faults and how to fix them as opposed to trying to tell everybody else what to do ... seriously ... the sheer amount of people who feel THEY ARE NOT contributing to the problem is alarming

We have to educate ourselves and our kids. If we as parents become educated, we set better standards for ourselves and rely on other people and programs to lesser extents, because we are apt to be more self reliant. We understand that having children without being able to provide and teach them how to be productive in the world is actually harmful to the children in particular, and society in general.

Break the cycle. You want your kids to do better? Teach them better, set better examples, create better evironments. Easier said than done? Hell yeah, but to be better sacrifice must be made.

This is really much too complex a subject for such a simplistic response, but education is key to most of societal ills.

 

[jucurious]

The only solution I see is better parenting for a few generations again to break the vicious cycle but how this could get started I have no clue

not only that but also community involvement: programs, orgs, churches, w/e...I think we really need to get back to collective support of not only children but of parents.

CP warning!!!

^ all of that is more long term stuff that involves other people so here is something I do myself. We all do this, it just may not be this formal, in depth or intentional lol. I am planner/evaluator so I love doing this type of thing but it can seem tedious at first.

periodically i take a self assessment of myself, where i'm as opposed to where i want/need to be. the ONLY way for this to work is for you to be PAINFULLY honest w/ urself. It should be done in terms of you. If you have a S/O and/or a family, they should be included but separately from you (i.e. physical a) ur children are getting exercise but are YOU getting exercise.)I have done this on multiple sheets of paper and have done side by side comparisons by taping them on a wall (i got a dry erase and chalk board now ) b/c you need to see ALL of you

1) I look at different dimensions of my life :emotional, educational, spiritual, financial, familial, love/relationship, physical, stress/relaxation, sex and etc.

2) Then I measure it by either (this is the hardest stage IMO):
a) listing adjectives/phrases about that area that describe where i am currently and then on the other side where i want to be
OR
b) list the pros and cons / good n bad of that dimension

3) then you go into your short and long term solutions. What can possibly alleviate this issue? What can I cut back on/increase? Where can I go for resources on this? What do I need to start/stop? Who can help/guide me? Where is my support?
- with this I try to find solutions that can knock out more than one issue at a time.

4) Then implementation

5) Evaluation

6) modification

7) implementation

Yeah this may seem tedious but for me it helps me focus and re-focus. I don't do this all in one sitting. When I first did it it took me about a week (I had time to spare and I got really excited about it) to make the list and another to get my solutions/resources; for some it will take more than that and that's fine. I took baby steps w/ the solutions (short term) to get to where I wanted to be (long term). Sometimes we get ahead of ourselves and don't set mini goal or objectives/targets to reach the big goal.

If anyone has questions about this feel free to pm me

 

[onyxfemme]

This is what I need to do.....I have so much I need to change in my life...I like who I am...But I love the woman I am destined to be...Now just to get there....

not only that but also community involvement: programs, orgs, churches, w/e...I think we really need to get back to collective support of not only children but of parents.

CP warning!!!

^ all of that is more long term stuff that involves other people so here is something I do myself. We all do this, it just may not be this formal, in depth or intentional lol. I am planner/evaluator so I love doing this type of thing but it can seem tedious at first.

periodically i take a self assessment of myself, where i'm as opposed to where i want/need to be. the ONLY way for this to work is for you to be PAINFULLY honest w/ urself. It should be done in terms of you. If you have a S/O and/or a family, they should be included but separately from you (i.e. physical a) ur children are getting exercise but are YOU getting exercise.)I have done this on multiple sheets of paper and have done side by side comparisons by taping them on a wall (i got a dry erase and chalk board now ) b/c you need to see ALL of you

1) I look at different dimensions of my life :emotional, educational, spiritual, financial, familial, love/relationship, physical, stress/relaxation, sex and etc.

2) Then I measure it by either (this is the hardest stage IMO):
a) listing adjectives/phrases about that area that describe where i am currently and then on the other side where i want to be
OR
b) list the pros and cons / good n bad of that dimension

3) then you go into your short and long term solutions. What can possibly alleviate this issue? What can I cut back on/increase? Where can I go for resources on this? What do I need to start/stop? Who can help/guide me? Where is my support?
- with this I try to find solutions that can knock out more than one issue at a time.

4) Then implementation

5) Evaluation

6) modification

7) implementation

Yeah this may seem tedious but for me it helps me focus and re-focus. I don't do this all in one sitting. When I first did it it took me about a week (I had time to spare and I got really excited about it) to make the list and another to get my solutions/resources; for some it will take more than that and that's fine. I took baby steps w/ the solutions (short term) to get to where I wanted to be (long term). Sometimes we get ahead of ourselves and don't set mini goal or objectives/targets to reach the big goal.

If anyone has questions about this feel free to pm me

 

[shanebp1978]

a lot of people do that like you ever notice how the bottom of the barrel whites are the most racist ones cause they need to feel like they above someone?

The rampant and persistent racism of lower class whites, " White trash " or " Poor white trash " should be viewed in it's full historical context and origin, and not simply a quest for some feeling of superiority.

That origin being the Southern plantation system forcing poorer whites onto inferior farmland. Dooming them to generational poverty, a lack of educational access and their geographical location cut them off from opportunities of networking to achieve upward social mobility.

Of course since an economy based on agricultural mass production required large forced labor forces, they concluded the basis of their poverty lead them to guess what, BLAME the slave.

This continues as persons of few skills compete for the same employment opportunities.

But why not just call them, " Trash "? Is it so amazing that they are, " White "!?

 

[jucurious]

I agree w/ bigirl about better parenting, which is why I am TRYING to get the DOVE project going. I have sent several request so I may just do my own thing...I believe a lot of cycles can be broken by educating our young sisters, daugther, nieces and whomever on the fact that there is more to life then getting w/ a guy who HAS so he can give to her...I could go on and on....

Best of luck with that! I also want to start a community based non profit not only for the youth but parents also. Whenever I run across anyone who has one whether successful or not I'm always asking questions. I'm also jacking material(not supplies but lists of books n handouts) from all of my jobs and internships (shhhhh) lol. I need to get more into the business side of it b/c with people lending you stuff and grants and what not, that also brings limitations and control on topics and how you go about it so I need to continue to be mindful of it.

It is hard work but the payoff is priceless. Seriously, best of luck with that.

 

[Harbinger]

Where does the education come from ... I mean where are the parents gonna learn how to act ... not everybody knows ... they don't teach this sort of stuff in school soooooooooo

It really does start with school. This type of education gives you options, so you don't have to settle for your current circumstances and environment. You also meet more like minded people who are trying to make something of themselves and their lives. There is hope, ambition, goals. If we are able to do this for ourselves, then we can teach our kids a better way, and then you begin to break the cycle.

But we as parents have to make the first step.

 

[LoneStar29]

It really does start with school. This type of education gives you options, so you don't have to settle for your current circumstances and environment. You also meet more like minded people who are trying to make something of themselves and their lives. There is hope, ambition, goals. If we are able to do this for ourselves, then we can teach our kids a better way, and then you begin to break the cycle.

But we as parents have to make the first step.

That is why I think they should teach social skills in school ... I'm talkin' REAL social skills ... like how to deal with peoples different personalities, how to love yourself and stuff like that ... I teach my son ALOT about real life ... I don't make things all about cartoons for him ... I tell him real stories and try to teach him life lessons ... nothing too mature but things that he will face now and when he is a bit older

I follow the old saying "It takes a village to raise a child" too ... if I see any kids doing something fucked up I will talk to them about it ... they seem to always listen to me and I think that is because I come down to their level and speak to them respectfully in a way they will understand as opposed to talking down to them which I think is a problem alot of adults have ... I mean even when you're dealing with kids I think you gotta give respect in order to get it

 

[owl]

**From a blog that I visit wanted to share w/ SOL**

It seems that many black women like to pretend to love themselves online but have been in toxic environments throughout their lives where black women were abandoned, demeaned, dishonored and disrespected.

How could you possibly prove this and thus know this? Where are the statistics, the samples, the interviews...it is pure conjecture, and quite possibly a projection. You aren't going to get over it, huh?

Many black women have not seen black women being valued apart from their usefulness as rescuers, enablers and mules. This has impacted the development of self-love among many black girls that has translated into adulthood.


What is the definition of "being valued", i.e. what are some concrete examples of black women being valued, and then we can begin to address whether or not on the whole scale they are or are not. i personally see black women in the positions of grad student, parole officer, judge, author, actress, mother, sister, aunt, big mama, teacher, nurturer, supporter, and friend...all quite valued positioned that i am sure many other sisters have seen. So we will need some data for that one to fly.

[/color][/font]

We love to say that black children mean a lot to us but the majority of black women I have spoken to about their family planning have justified repeated patterns of unplanned children.


What does 'F' have to do with 'G'?
You saying you love black children, and having unplanned children, i don't want to amiss with my understanding here, but i don't fully grasp how having unplanned children negates loving black children...hmm..let me find an analogy...okay, i love black sex...i have a lot of unplanned black sex...hmmmm...just not seeing the fit there, lady...


There are scores of black women who make decisions to have more children without having any plans to improve their standard of living and without requiring marriage from the men who are sleeping in their beds and eating their food in their house.


How can you completely know for certain that a person is not planning on improving their lot in life? If a survey was conducted, i would sure like to have the page bookmarked for my library...and why does marriage have to even be apart of the equation?


We love to say that blacks don't condone abortion as birth control but there are twice as many abortions of black fetuses than there are live births of black babies. Are all of those abortions due to rape pregnancy or incest pregnancy? I honestly don't believe that they are.


i thought i was random, where in the phuck did this come from? Okay ladies, don't have children, don't have abortions...where are we going with this? Are we rambling? Me thinks so...



We love to say that we're pro-family but at least 70% of black children are growing up in broken homes and we pretend that homes are not "broken" when children are fatherless.


So, why are you attacking the women and not the men since they are the problem....[realtalk]i be telling my dawgs, put the dick on 'em right, have 'em call they mamas bitches to they face, i swear by it....[/realtalk]


...*calls little sister, tells her he loves her, makes sure she is alright...thanks god he is around...*


We love to say that we aren't as promiscuous as white women (which is hardly a standard of measure that we should be mentioning) but many black women do not seem to know how to depict womanhood without fetishizing and objectifying themselves. The "black whore" complex is in full effect in the way that many black women choose to present their sexual definitions and we don't want to talk about it.

<cite></cite>i would like further clarification of the "black whore" complex and its relation to the white "whore" one, and the slavery complex in general....

We love to say that we don't need a man but in all of the all-black residential areas that I have been in, the ones without large numbers of responsible black fathers supervising their sons seem to be the most toxic and most dangerous for black women and their daughters.

This is a fair speculation. i can't totally agree with her definition of "most toxic" and "most dangerous" for black women....

We love to say that we want collective advancement but we often get hostile when we are challenged to dismantle dysfunctional class conditioning and address emotional woundedness.


OH Sh!T!!!!

NOW THIS IS RICH!!

She goes on a page long tirade about how blacks shouldn't act the way they do, and then blames it on class, and says sisters are stuck in the lessons learned in the hood...



What will it take for us to be courageous with our stance for moral maturity?

**Discuss**

BITTER BITCH STAMP OF APPROVAL...

And i hate to say because i went on her blog, and she seems knowledgeable, but i don't see the maturity in her own words. Maturity of one's own people suggests an acceptance of behavior, and acceptance on the part of the intellect supposes that that intellectual route the negative energy into something positive for the whole. That is MA'AT...this is nothing more than another ivy league internet glued to, ass to chair, verbal in the classroom, silent in the community black "scholar"...

This sister(i'm really growing here...) is insane....
<!-- google_ad_section_start --> Wednesday, March 4, 2009

BLACK DIVESTMENT AND CRITICAL RETURNS

We have been discussing black divestment for a month at this think tank and I believe that it is important to continue to examine the implications of a refusal to divest.

Many blog guests have expressed reservations about divestment because the notion of removing our presumed obligation to black men cuts at the core of the conditioning that many sistas have accepted. Divestment is not an anti-black men imperative. Divestment is a self-preservation imperative.

Black women are dying while attempting to carry the black community on our backs. We are dying earlier than our foremothers. We are suffering from stress-related medical issues. We are often being diagnosed with curable medical issues at acutely advanced stages because so many of us haven't prioritized our longevity. We don't ask, "what will it take for us to live longer? What changes must we make right now?

 

[onyxfemme]

Are you talking about the blogger? This is from her site? Not my words....Getting over what? I havent followed her long.

How could you possibly prove this and thus know this? Where are the statistics, the samples, the interviews...it is pure conjecture, and quite possibly a projection. You aren't going to get over it, huh?

I think you are missing the point of this thread but okay...
I wouldnt go as deep as to call her a bitter bitch...
Here is a link to her blogs. I still think they are great topics.
Anyone who is interested in her blogs here is the link:
http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com/

BITTER BITCH STAMP OF APPROVAL...

And i hate to say because i went on her blog, and she seems knowledgeable, but i don't see the maturity in her own words. Maturity of one's own people suggests an acceptance of behavior, and acceptance on the part of the intellect supposes that that intellectual route the negative energy into something positive for the whole. That is MA'AT...this is nothing more than another ivy league internet glued to, ass to chair, verbal in the classroom, silent in the community black "scholar"...

This sister(i'm really growing here...) is insane....
<!-- google_ad_section_start --> Wednesday, March 4, 2009

BLACK DIVESTMENT AND CRITICAL RETURNS

We have been discussing black divestment for a month at this think tank and I believe that it is important to continue to examine the implications of a refusal to divest.

Many blog guests have expressed reservations about divestment because the notion of removing our presumed obligation to black men cuts at the core of the conditioning that many sistas have accepted. Divestment is not an anti-black men imperative. Divestment is a self-preservation imperative.

Black women are dying while attempting to carry the black community on our backs. We are dying earlier than our foremothers. We are suffering from stress-related medical issues. We are often being diagnosed with curable medical issues at acutely advanced stages because so many of us haven't prioritized our longevity. We don't ask, "what will it take for us to live longer? What changes must we make right now?

 

[owl]

On a whole, i suspect that many black women are in a fight within themselves. A constant moral battle that begins the minute they understand the tacit agreement between black men and black women. An understanding built on the auction blocks of a sunny day, possibly the spring's eve in May, when the first born son of a christianized african woman, born in america, was stripped from her clutches and in a desperate but blind plea for help, she looked into the eyes of the only human there who might care, the child's father. Another african, born here in the states whose tone suggested hard work, yet the lack of whip marks simply imply a life as a docile laborer, possibly an overseer, or just a humble soul...regardless of his class amongst the classless and base, his tear drops would be of no avail to her. Whatever courage he mustered to hold on to during that life of his couldn't have been enough to at least believe he needed to fight...and thus begins our pact.

Some might say the remnants of slavery have long since left our veins, and yet these same people will place chimpanzees on the pedestal of human development as a guide post to explain our genesis here on earth. As if to say, that those chimp's blood is worthy of recognition and examination, but not the fear induced into the babies of mothers who had been tortured and raped as a lifestyle. As if to say, that being part of a group of women targeted for the vilest of encroachment to the human soul and no protectors to call on for four hundred plus years, has not the same evolutionary impact on a people only one hundred or so years removed from the source, as a damn ape phucking his mate...

Black women love black men more than black men love themselves, because every race of man on earth has stood up and either defeated their oppressors, were wiped out, or they are still fighting. How black women allow black men to infiltrate the very core of their being and rewire their mental circuitry to think such backwards thoughts, such as it is the black woman's fault for fatherless households, will forever enamor me to the impurities of the science of psychology and the dark art of communications. But, still they rise, and continue to hope to have a man by their side...

With all of my poignant phrases and cute quotes, i can only boast of a GED, and received that at a time when i had no responsibilities, the average black single mother according to the findings of this 2005 report(click source) states the over 80% of single mothers have graduated from high school. Many men will say whoop-t-doo, but that isn't the single most easiest thing for a teenager beset with social issues, a growing curiosity about her future, peer pressure, and according to "blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com"(the blog that is quoted above), having to survive "the all-black residential areas that I have been in, the ones without large numbers of responsible black fathers supervising their sons" that " seem to be the most toxic and most dangerous for black women and their daughters." Another myth that the report dispels is the notion of the untrained single black mother when they state,"... the number of black single mothers with a bachelor’s degree or higher, 315,000,...About a million black single mothers had some college education, compared to two million white single mothers and 396,000 Hispanic single mothers." Now how gangster is that?

Noble accomplishment indeed, ladies...you have my sincere respect and gratitude...

Some others seem to think the same about you as well, sisters. “We’ve kind of always known that black women had much stronger labor force attachments than white women,” Rutgers University professor William M. Rodgers told BlackAmericaWeb.com.
Well, sounds like you aren't too "hostile when we are challenged to dismantle dysfunctional class conditioning"...of course not, who would hold to such myths and immature ramblings, right...

According to the study above, "there are now 3.1 million black single mothers compared to 6.4 million white single mothers and 1.8 million single Hispanic mothers." Slightly half her white counterpart at less than twelve percent of the population. So, the question is, is she able to hold her own, and where is the black man in all of this?

Now, i don't support the notion that only one way of life works, i will say that under certain conditions, some practices achieve certain goals more effectively than others, but in the case of family, although i do support the notion, i also support polygamy as a practice for war torn societies, and i consider the black nation of america a war torn people, a people neglected by the world after suffering through a travesty worst than any form of slavery and all forms of holocaust. Suggestions for solutions, right? But ultimately, what remains to be said, is that the judgement of single black mothers should be left up to them. The black woman has dutifully kept her end of the pact, she has rode the wave of persecution with a weak male, on a planet were the male is suppose to be the protector in times of racial cleansing.

 

[onyxfemme]

Whoa^^^^ Thats a lot of wisdom!
A brilliant mind is attractive. Well said.

 

[JofromthaNO]

It really does start with school. This type of education gives you options, so you don't have to settle for your current circumstances and environment. You also meet more like minded people who are trying to make something of themselves and their lives. There is hope, ambition, goals. If we are able to do this for ourselves, then we can teach our kids a better way, and then you begin to break the cycle.

But we as parents have to make the first step.

That is why I think they should teach social skills in school ... I'm talkin' REAL social skills ... like how to deal with peoples different personalities, how to love yourself and stuff like that ... I teach my son ALOT about real life ... I don't make things all about cartoons for him ... I tell him real stories and try to teach him life lessons ... nothing too mature but things that he will face now and when he is a bit older

I follow the old saying "It takes a village to raise a child" too ... if I see any kids doing something fucked up I will talk to them about it ... they seem to always listen to me and I think that is because I come down to their level and speak to them respectfully in a way they will understand as opposed to talking down to them which I think is a problem alot of adults have ... I mean even when you're dealing with kids I think you gotta give respect in order to get it

Since I work in schools, I have to chime in...

Although the majority of the day for children IS spent in school, the majority of the skills they pick up ARE taught in the home, modeled by their parents. It doesn't matter how much I harp on not hitting a child back after a fight, if a child sees his/her parent beating their partner's/friend's/relative's ass at home. There is a new initiative in my district to achieve success with teaching parenting skills, but it's difficult to lure in the parents who NEED to hear that lesson...

 

[CT's Finest]

Whoa^^^^ Thats a lot of wisdom!
A brilliant mind is attractive. Well said.

So, a man's mind can be attractive to women? Interesting...


*Glad he was blessed with intelligence in addition to his other attributes...*

 

[sean69]

An understanding built on the auction blocks of a sunny day, possibly the spring's eve in May, when the first born son a christianized african woman, born in america, was stripped from her clutched and in a desperate but blind plea for help, she looked into the eyes of the only human there who might care, the child's father. Another african, born here in the states whose tone suggest hard work, yet the lack of whip mark simply imply a life as a docile laborer, possibly an overseer, or just a humble soul...regardless of his class amongst the classless and base, his tear drops would be of no avail to her.

^^^

Close this fucking thread.

 

[SEXY_SCORPIO]

On a whole, i suspect that many black women are in a fight within themselves. A constant moral battle that begins the minute they understand the tacit agreement between black men and black women. An understanding built on the auction blocks of a sunny day, possibly the spring's eve in May, when the first born son of a christianized african woman, born in america, was stripped from her clutches and in a desperate but blind plea for help, she looked into the eyes of the only human there who might care, the child's father. Another african, born here in the states whose tone suggested hard work, yet the lack of whip marks simply imply a life as a docile laborer, possibly an overseer, or just a humble soul...regardless of his class amongst the classless and base, his tear drops would be of no avail to her. Whatever courage he mustered to hold on to during that life of his couldn't have been enough to at least believe he needed to fight...and thus begins our pact.

Some might say the remnants of slavery have long since left our veins, and yet these same people will place chimpanzees on the pedestal of human development as a guide post to explain our genesis here on earth. As if to say, that those chimp's blood is worthy of recognition and examination, but not the fear induced into the babies of mothers who had been tortured and raped as a lifestyle. As if to say, that being part of a group of women targeted for the vilest of encroachment to the human soul and no protectors to call on for four hundred plus years, has not the same evolutionary impact on a people only one hundred or so years removed from the source, as a damn ape phucking his mate...

Black women love black men more than black men love themselves, because every race of man on earth has stood up and either defeated their oppressors, were wiped out, or they are still fighting. How black women allow black men to infiltrate the very core of their being and rewire their mental circuitry to think such backwards thoughts, such as it is the black woman's fault for fatherless households, will forever enamor me to the impurities of the science of psychology and the dark art of communications. But, still they rise, and continue to hope to have a man by their side...

With all of my poignant phrases and cute quotes, i can only boast of a GED, and received that at a time when i had no responsibilities, the average black single mother according to the findings of this 2005 report(click source) states the over 80% of single mothers have graduated from high school. Many men will say whoop-t-doo, but that isn't the single most easiest thing for a teenager beset with social issues, a growing curiosity about her future, peer pressure, and according to "blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com"(the blog that is quoted above), having to survive "the all-black residential areas that I have been in, the ones without large numbers of responsible black fathers supervising their sons" that " seem to be the most toxic and most dangerous for black women and their daughters." Another myth that the report dispels is the notion of the untrained single black mother when they state,"... the number of black single mothers with a bachelor’s degree or higher, 315,000,...About a million black single mothers had some college education, compared to two million white single mothers and 396,000 Hispanic single mothers." Now how gangster is that?

Noble accomplishment indeed, ladies...you have my sincere respect and gratitude...

Some others seem to think the same about you as well, sisters. “We’ve kind of always known that black women had much stronger labor force attachments than white women,” Rutgers University professor William M. Rodgers told BlackAmericaWeb.com.
Well, sounds like you aren't too "hostile when we are challenged to dismantle dysfunctional class conditioning"...of course not, who would hold to such myths and immature ramblings, right...

According to the study above, "there are now 3.1 million black single mothers compared to 6.4 million white single mothers and 1.8 million single Hispanic mothers." Slightly half her white counterpart at less than twelve percent of the population. So, the question is, is she able to hold her own, and where is the black man in all of this?

Now, i don't support the notion that only one way of life works, i will say that under certain conditions, some practices achieve certain goals more effectively than others, but in the case of family, although i do support the notion, i also support polygamy as a practice for war torn societies, and i consider the black nation of america a war torn people, a people neglected by the world after suffering through a travesty worst than any form of slavery and all forms of holocaust. Suggestions for solutions, right? But ultimately, what remains to be said, is that the judgement of single black mothers should be left up to them. The black woman has dutifully kept her end of the pact, she has rode the wave of persecution with a weak male, on a planet were the male is suppose to be the protector in times of racial cleansing.

I didn't Fantasia this,this was a very good read OWL.

 

[Tha Iron Fist]

Good Thread Onyx and good post Owl.

 

[onyxfemme]

bump

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Everythings been said here.