I am a Black male professional that is the type of man that Black women say they want, but I've been turned down many times. I used to think there was something wrong with me until I talked with my circle of confidantes (who are mostly Black men and women of varying ages) that know me well and are brutally honest with me. We have reviewed the women that I have been attracted to over the years, and the conclusion was that there was nothing wrong with me except I was not seeing early on the red flags a woman may put up that tell you that she is not worth pursuing. I would tend to pursue these types of women, only to get dogged in the process. The women would always say that there were some things that they did not like (they were often bullshit reasons like the "too nice" thing (hey, my parents taught me how to treat a woman, so I'm not gonna deviate from that), the "swagger" thing (which is a term that is so overused and played out these days), etc.) Many of these women were very opinionated, but did not allow me to have an opinion. Many of them expected me to do all the changing, but did not feel that they had to change a thing. Many of them were superficial in terms of material possessions, money, looks, etc. Many of these women ended up in relationships with men that were "thuggish" in their behavior, or had money, "swagger", status, etc., but the one thing that was lacking was mutual love and respect in their future relationships...they may appear happy, but down inside, they really weren't. Many of these women did not have adequate male role models in their lives, so they didn't learn how to be loved and respected in a relationship, and many learned early on to "use what they've got to get what they want". The women in question were in the 25-45 age range.
Thanks to my circle of confidantes, I have come to realize that many Black women make life difficult for themselves and the men they want, and the men who want them. Granted, there are some non-desirable men, but there are an underestimated number of undesirable women as well. I still hold out hope that there will be a Sister that I will be compatible with (no, I have not given up yet, but I have come damn close), but I will no longer accept the entire blame if a woman is not attracted to me. I have learned to see that they are missing out on the fullness of spirit and individuality that I possess (that's not being cocky - we all have it, but many of us go a lifetime without actually realizing it fully, if at all). I will, however, hold up my responsibility by being the best person that I can, and by doing that, I will eventually attract someone who does not have negativity within themselves, which was what I had been doing for far too long.