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I just heard a good joke. Y'all got any?

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Jim's wife treats him by taking him to a strip club for his birthday.
At the club, the doorman says, "Hi Jim, how are you?"
The wife asks, "How does he know you?"
Jim says, "Oh dear, I play football with him."
Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?"
Jim says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts team."
Next a stripper Says, "Hi Jim! Do you crave the special again?"
The Wife storms out dragging Jim with her & jumps into a taxi. The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Jimmy boy! You picked up an ugly one this time..."
Jim's Funeral is on Sunday!!!
 
A young teenage boy got up in the middle in the night for a drink of water. As he passed by his parents' room, he heard this moaning coming from it. So he opened the door, and they were having sex. The father looked at his son and made a thumbs up.

After they were done, the father got up for a drink when he hears this moaning coming from the kid's room. He looks in his room and he is having sex with his grandmother. The father says, "Son, what the hell are you doing??!! The boy looks at his father and says, "See, it's not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
 
A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.

The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again,

"You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian
 
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Only when he's been drinking.
 
Jeff propositions his Female Co-worker Laura in the Breakroom at work. He asked her if she would like to make an easy $200? "He told her to wear a short skirt with no panties on to work tomorrow. He will drop the money on the floor, If she was able to stand up straight before he could put his "dick in her the money was hers! That night she went home and told her husband about the proposition. He said "Hell yeah go get that Fools money, how hard can that be?" The next night she doesn't get home till Midnight. Her husband ask, what took you so long?" She said that Fool had $200 in Dimes!"
 
Dan was over his friend James house playing cards with him and James wife Shirley, when James accidentally drops a card on the floor. When he bends down to retrieve it, he noticed that Shirley is not wearing any panties, and she's sitting with her legs gaped open. Dan gets up and goes in the kitchen to go get himself a drink, shortly thereafter Shirley comes in and says "Did you like what you saw?" He said yes, She tells him he can have some for $300 he says "ok" She instructs him too come by tomorrow while James is at work. So the next day he comes by and takes care of his business. That evening James comes home and ask Shirley "Did Dan come by today?" And she's suspicious and hesitates and answers yes, why? "Because that fool came to my job today and borrowed $300 and said he would leave it with you!"
 
CoTtOnMoUf said:
Dan was over his friend James house playing cards with him and James wife Shirley, when James accidentally drops a card on the floor. When he bends down to retrieve it, he noticed that Shirley is not wearing any panties, and she's sitting with her legs gaped open. Dan gets up and goes in the kitchen to go get himself a drink, shortly thereafter Shirley comes in and says "Did you like what you saw?" He said yes, She tells him he can have some for $300 he says "ok" She instructs him too come by tomorrow while James is at work. So the next day he comes by and takes care of his business. That evening James comes home and ask Shirley "Did Dan come by today?" And she's suspicious and hesitates and answers yes, why? "Because that fool came to my job today and borrowed $300 and said he would leave it with you!"
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:roflmao3: :roflmao3:
 
CoTtOnMoUf said:
A young teenage boy got up in the middle in the night for a drink of water. As he passed by his parents' room, he heard this moaning coming from it. So he opened the door, and they were having sex. The father looked at his son and made a thumbs up.

After they were done, the father got up for a drink when he hears this moaning coming from the kid's room. He looks in his room and he is having sex with his grandmother. The father says, "Son, what the hell are you doing??!! The boy looks at his father and says, "See, it's not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"
Click to expand...


Dats fucked up..:bravo::giggle::giggle:
 
Gifts For The Teacher"
On the last day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne?
"No," said the little boy.............."It's a puppy!"
 
10 Jokes that will send you to hell....



What do you call four lepers in a hot tub?

Porridge

What do you call two dead babies hanging from a window?

Curt n' Rod

Why don't cannibals eat vegetables?

The wheelchairs hurt their teeth

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, she's already been told twice

What did one tampon say to the other?

Nothing, they were stuck up cunts

What's the difference between a hockey player and a meth whore?

The hockey player changes pads every three periods

Why don't plumbers go to the bar?

They get shitfaced at work

Where do one legged waitresses work?

IHOP

What do you call a rapper without a girlfriend?

homeless

What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a rooster?

The rooster says "cockadoodledoo" Kim says "anycock'lldoo"
 
A white man goes to the doctor for a physical. Halfway through the doctor says"everything looks good so far, but I need to check you for STDs. Can you show me your sex organs?"

The white man flips him off and sticks out his tongue.
 
I have a joke. Two camels was walking by a script club camel one of them peep inside the window and camel one told camel two “wow that looks just like my toe but with hair on it”
 
Rythm said:
A hooded robber burst into a Kansas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door, a brave Kansas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robbers face.

The robber shot the customer without a moments hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.

The robber instantly shot him also.

Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, " Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly too afraid to speak

Then, one old farmer named Bill from Missouri tentatively raised his hand and said,

"My wife got a pretty good look at you."
Click to expand...



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