BGOL Dilemma: The Disfellowship

[playahaitian]

On line at Shake Shack you notice the woman in front of you is having trouble with her debit card…

you do something you never would normally and ask to pay for her meal. She reluctantly agrees. She thanks you profusely and while waiting for her order you strike up a conversation and end up eating together. When she excuses herself and comes back with napkins, condiments and water for you!?!

You are immediately smitten.

You end up spending the afternoon together and she even ends up treating YOU to dinner. You have been together ever since.

You have a lot in common your family loves her and she is working at a law office paying off student loans before she goes to law school.

You have been taking it really slow and respectful because she comes from a really strict family and although she is grown and working has moved back in with her Mother to save money.

Your usually good with mothers.

Her mom and you really hit it off until she found out that your not really religious. Her family are Jehovah’s Witnesses but your girl REALLY doesn’t participate.

It seems now that you’ve been dating for 6 months her family is stressing and is threatening to basically shun her…for going out to clubs and parties and coming home late etc.

You are in the process of moving into a new 2 bedroom apartment for a ridiculously cheap rent…she comes over to check it out and she tells you…

Babe, I have to tell you something.

My mom kicked me out because I refused to stop seeing you.

Everyone in my family and even most of my friends won't talk to me or even be seen with me.

I don't know what to do?

WHAT DO YOU DO???

DO YOU GO SPEAK TO HER MOTHER???

DO YOU INVITE HER TO LIVE WITH YOU???​

* the details are taken from actual events....

 

[Dark19]

We Living Together

*actually went thru something like this with a chick I was dating whose fam was witnesses

 

[gaklid]

I'm wifing, fuck her family...

 

[playahaitian]

We Living Together

*actually went thru something like this with a chick I was dating whose fam was witnesses

I'm wifing, fuck her family...

sorry I should have told you...

she hasnt been with many men only dated and both were long term...

they feel like you corrupting her.

 

[fu2]

"Ironman gonna think me crazy and call Hulk fool. Thor gonna talk intelligible indecipherable Thor gibberish that confuse Hulk. Captain American gonna offer words of joy and encouragement for his name is "Captain". Who cares what Hawkeye thinks. Black Widow will not have Russian accent. And Shaft will clown me... Fuck it. She live with Hulk now."

 

[Dark19]

sorry I should have told you...

she hasnt been with many men only dated and both were long term...

they feel like you corrupting her.

I Was Thinking of Marrying Ol Girl in My Situation

 

[playahaitian]

I Was Thinking of Marrying Ol Girl in My Situation

Could you marry her or even be in a committed relationship with her KNOWING your the cause of her essentially LOSING her family???

 

[Jay_from_dade]

Im not really a "marriage" type of dude.

I always give people the same advice on these type of situations, never be the reason some one is not cool with their family, because after a while she will end up resenting you as the cause.

Right now she is a dependent, she depends on you and depends on her family. Best advice is to take a break, let her finish law school and get a job, then see if yall can spark it back up. If it was real yall can. Then if she chooses you over her fam, she is now a "grown ass woman" and they will just have to accept it. And even if yall dont work she can go back to them with out actually needing them, and they will take her back. And now they cant make her feel like shit.

 

[darth frosty]

Umm...As an ex JW I can tell ya, you rescue this fine young thang from that cult and her mom's you got you a fucking thoroughbred filly ready to win the triple crown for ya


My gawd you see them popsickle toes

 

[bwb]

I fell for that kind of shit once. You only move in with her if you know you want to get to married to her, and it's time to take it to the next level. Anything else ends up being a painful mistake.

She has a job, help her find an apartment, you will both be happy you didn't rush into it later on.

 

[Dark19]

Could you marry her or even be in a committed relationship with her KNOWING your the cause of her essentially LOSING her family???

Yep....Because Her Family Would be the Cause of That Not Me.....And I Come From a Huge Fam So She Will Have Plenty of New Family to Love Her

 

[Dark19]

Umm...As an ex JW I can tell ya, you rescue this fine young thang from that cult and her mom's you got you a fucking thoroughbred filly ready to win the triple crown for ya


My gawd you see them popsickle toes

 

[Artist Monk]

You send her back to her family because her ACE card will always be she gave up her family for you.

You don't put either of you in that situation and expect it will work out for best. Her birthday, holidays, family birthdays, significant dates in life will always remind her.

Just Saying... from experience

 

[darth frosty]

You send her back to her family because her ACE card will always be she gave up her family for you.

You don't put either of you in that situation and expect it will work out for best. Her birthday, holidays, family birthdays, significant dates in life will always remind her.

Just Saying... from experience

Jehovah's witnesses DONT celebrate birthdays and holidays Thats part of what makes this a win scenario. There is a fucked up psychology/cult conditioning that you are actually rescuing her from.

 

[playahaitian]

Im not really a "marriage" type of dude.

I always give people the same advice on these type of situations, never be the reason some one is not cool with their family, because after a while she will end up resenting you as the cause.

Right now she is a dependent, she depends on you and depends on her family. Best advice is to take a break, let her finish law school and get a job, then see if yall can spark it back up. If it was real yall can. Then if she chooses you over her fam, she is now a "grown ass woman" and they will just have to accept it. And even if yall dont work she can go back to them with out actually needing them, and they will take her back. And now they cant make her feel like shit.

You send her back to her family because her ACE card will always be she gave up her family for you.

You don't put either of you in that situation and expect it will work out for best. Her birthday, holidays, family birthdays, significant dates in life will always remind her.

Just Saying... from experience

But she will NOT BE ABLE TO SEE YOU IF SHE GOES BACK TO HER MOM...

you gonna risk that?

 

[Capo]

I would help her get her own place. She seems like she is worth sticking in there for. She could possibly crash with me until she gets her spot, but its going to be clear that she is getting her own place. Six months is fast to move in, but I would do it if it felt right.

I wouldn't worry about the family. Treat her well and they will come around. If not, fuck em.

 

[Jay_from_dade]

But she will NOT BE ABLE TO SEE YOU IF SHE GOES BACK TO HER MOM...

you gonna risk that?

Bruh Told you let her get her shit together, and when she does, if yall was meant to be yall will be.

 

[largebillsonlyplease]

We'd find her an apartment, she wouldn't know what my rent would be. But we'd find her an apartment and take it from there.

Also I'd just say true family would never disown you over who you're deciding to spend your time with.. especially someone who is helping you and not hurting you in any way.

She would get helped for sure. 1 year lease cause if things keep progressing, the next year she'll be living with me and thanking me for saving her life.


@monk.. if she ever tried to say she gave up her family for me. i'd remind her that she has it all wrong. Her family gave up on her and didn't trust her decisions and didn't value her opinion about her own life. I'm the one that helped her when nobody else would, I'm the one that didn't say I can't be with you because your family is planting them seeds in your head cause they don't want you to be happy being you.. they want you to be happy with whatever they have for you in your life.

You didn't give up anything to be with me. I became your everything after they gave up on you.

 

[Atastofu]

Been in similar situation before....we ended up moving in together, but didn't get married....of course we were both young at the time...and I always said by the time i needed to fight for our relationship...I was tired from dealing with shorties family.....ended up with a youngin out the relationship...but wouldn't suggest dealing with the bs unless your ready to marry ole girl....

 

[Helico-pterFunk]

... you let her move in, and you proceed to taking her homegrizzie photos for the BGOL fam' ...

 

[playahaitian]

Been in similar situation before....we ended up moving in together, but didn't get married....of course we were both young at the time...and I always said by the time i needed to fight for our relationship...I was tired from dealing with shorties family.....ended up with a youngin out the relationship...but wouldn't suggest dealing with the bs unless your ready to marry ole girl....

i think dudes are underestimating this part...

cause having your WHOLE family shun you?

damn.

 

[Coldchi]

her family aint gone ever see their grandkids......ever.....

 

[jasonblacc]

You send her back to her family because her ACE card will always be she gave up her family for you.

You don't put either of you in that situation and expect it will work out for best. Her birthday, holidays, family birthdays, significant dates in life will always remind her.

Just Saying... from experience

Yup, I would run......my daughters mom is JW and noy its more headache then its worth

 

[playahaitian]

her family aint gone ever see their grandkids......ever.....

damn....

 

[evolution81]

Just remember law school causes break ups...I know because I dated my wife in her 3L and we broke up... But by the grace God we got back together... So are you prepared for her to move in and possibly break up later during law school?????... I'm telling you law school is very hard on a relationship... Many nights of her stressed and passed off... And she might take it out on you from time to time... If she is into her studies there are going to be periods that she won't want to do shit but study intern sleep on couch... Lol i'm telling shit ain't for the weak at heart or relationship... Are you ready for that??

 

[playahaitian]

Just remember law school causes break ups...I know because I dated my wife in her 3L and we broke up... But by the grace God we got back together... So are you prepared for her to move in and possibly break up later during law school?????

^^^

good point I'm happy you caught that...

 

[evolution81]

Honestly the girl seems like she's a good cookie bro.... I wouldn't give her up... But you need to formulate a plan b in case things don't go well... Honestly if you feel she's not bullshitting you... Go for it let her stay... Keep in the back of your mind people and feelings do change once you start living together... Youre going to see alot of shit you might not like about her once she's there full time... Trust me been through this shit 3 x already with woman including my wife... You have to decide if its worth it to you to look past those idiosyncrasies...

 

[twiggy]

I would let her stay at least a couple days and get her shit together then foster our relationship through supporting her through law school and getting her own place and letting her choose whats best over time. I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket though

 

[ShortyCumStain]

Bitch better gon' on to da Salvation Army.

 

[Mello Mello]

Since you wanted to be captain-save-a-ho and pay for her meal you need to continue being consistent and save-a-ho from being homeless.

But if you start down this path of save-a-ho-dom just remember to finish how you start.

I've seen guys do this too at starbucks in DC as a way to pick-up girls but got no play afterwards.

 

[BrownTurd]

Does she look like that chick?

 

[Naha-Nago]

Im not really a "marriage" type of dude.

I always give people the same advice on these type of situations, never be the reason some one is not cool with their family, because after a while she will end up resenting you as the cause.

Right now she is a dependent, she depends on you and depends on her family. Best advice is to take a break, let her finish law school and get a job, then see if yall can spark it back up. If it was real yall can. Then if she chooses you over her fam, she is now a "grown ass woman" and they will just have to accept it. And even if yall dont work she can go back to them with out actually needing them, and they will take her back. And now they cant make her feel like shit.

This

* two cents *

 

[Naha-Nago]

Im not really a "marriage" type of dude.

I always give people the same advice on these type of situations, never be the reason some one is not cool with their family, because after a while she will end up resenting you as the cause.

Right now she is a dependent, she depends on you and depends on her family. Best advice is to take a break, let her finish law school and get a job, then see if yall can spark it back up. If it was real yall can. Then if she chooses you over her fam, she is now a "grown ass woman" and they will just have to accept it. And even if yall dont work she can go back to them with out actually needing them, and they will take her back. And now they cant make her feel like shit.

This

* two cents *

 

[Naha-Nago]

Im not really a "marriage" type of dude.

I always give people the same advice on these type of situations, never be the reason some one is not cool with their family, because after a while she will end up resenting you as the cause.

Right now she is a dependent, she depends on you and depends on her family. Best advice is to take a break, let her finish law school and get a job, then see if yall can spark it back up. If it was real yall can. Then if she chooses you over her fam, she is now a "grown ass woman" and they will just have to accept it. And even if yall dont work she can go back to them with out actually needing them, and they will take her back. And now they cant make her feel like shit.

This

* two cents *

 

[The Technician]

I'm just now seeing this... I'm a baptized JW, but left when I met the woman who I would eventually marry (I was on the edge before I met her). Fuck it, I'd let her move in. Knowing JW's, there is no compromising on one of them dating someone outside of the religion/organizing and that person being allowed to stay in the organization as a normal member.