I'm just now seeing this... I'm a baptized JW, but left when I met the woman who I would eventually marry (I was on the edge before I met her). Fuck it, I'd let her move in. Knowing JW's, there is no compromising on one of them dating someone outside of the religion/organizing and that person being allowed to stay in the organization as a normal member.
BGOL Dilemma: The Disfellowship
- Thread starter playahaitian
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I'm just now seeing this... I'm a baptized JW, but left when I met the woman who I would eventually marry (I was on the edge before I met her). Fuck it, I'd let her move in. Knowing JW's, there is no compromising on one of them dating someone outside of the religion/organizing and that person being allowed to stay in the organization as a normal member.
thanks
On line at Shake Shack you notice the woman in front of you is having trouble with her debit card…
you do something you never normally wouldn't and ask to pay for her meal. She reluctantly agrees. She thanks you profusely and while waiting for her order you strike up a conversation and end up eating together. When she excuses herself and comes back with napkins, condiments and water you are smitten.
You end up spending the afternoon together and she even ends up treating YOU to dinner. You have been together ever since.
You have a lot in common your family loves her and she is working at a law office paying off student loans before she goes to law school.
You have been taking it really slow and respectful because she comes from a really strict family and although she is grown and working has moved back in with her Mother to save money.
Your usually good with mothers.Her mom and you really hit it off until she found out that your not really religious. Her family are Jehovah’s Witnesses but your girl REALLY doesn’t participate.
It seems now that you’ve been dating for 6 months her family is stressing and is threatening to basically shun her…for going out to clubs and parties and coming home late etc.
You are in the process of moving into a new 2 bedroom apartment for a ridiculously cheap rent…she comes over to check it out and she tells you…
Babe, I have to tell you something. My mom kicked me out because I refused to stop seeing you. Everyone in my family and even most of my friends won't talk to me or even be seen with me.
I don't know what to do?
WHAT DO YOU DO???
DO YOU GO SPEAK TO HER MOTHER???
DO YOU INVITE HER TO LIVE WITH YOU???
* the details are taken from actual events....
While it's highly frowned on Jehovah's Witnesses do not disfellowship people for dating outside of their religion. In this situation the elders and presiding overseers would likely encourage her family to be CLOSER to their daughter to provide a good influence. They know that if they shun her she's most likely going to end up with you and be lost for good. If they did disfellowship her she would still be allowed to talk to the members of her immediate household.
The ironic part is that Jehovah's Witnesses are essentially a doomsday cult. Most would never condone their child attending law school with the end of the world could strike at any moment. They would consider that "Building earthly riches instead of riches in heaven". Not considered a sin, but definitely shows a lack of faith.
This shit has less to do with God and more to do with her controlling backward ass family.
Either way you need to let her go. She needs to figure out how to deal with her fucked up family and her fucked up God on her own. Keep the door open for when she gets it right, but in the mean time find you a few other ladies to keep you occupied until she's ready
I grew up JW. Each girl and each family will be different. Personalities differ as well as how close the family was and how devout they are.
Marriage has been brought up several times and they are dead on the money when dealing with this specific situation. Dating unbelievers is frowned upon but is not a disfellowshipping offense. It is definitely not recommended for JWs to date unbelievers.
The disfellowshipping offense would be sexual relations before marriage. If there's no sex until marriage she can remain a JW. It's really her choice. She can always get reinstated even after being disfellowshipped.
So it's really up to her. Take your time if you decide to go for it. Help her get established on her own just like any woman and allow things to grow just like any relationship. If she wants to get married and get reinstated she can. If she wants to leave anyway that's her choice and has nothing to do with you unless you're encouraging her to leave.
Might be worth it but you have to give things time. Lots of life changing decisions and adjustments to be made.
Marriage has been brought up several times and they are dead on the money when dealing with this specific situation. Dating unbelievers is frowned upon but is not a disfellowshipping offense. It is definitely not recommended for JWs to date unbelievers.
The disfellowshipping offense would be sexual relations before marriage. If there's no sex until marriage she can remain a JW. It's really her choice. She can always get reinstated even after being disfellowshipped.
So it's really up to her. Take your time if you decide to go for it. Help her get established on her own just like any woman and allow things to grow just like any relationship. If she wants to get married and get reinstated she can. If she wants to leave anyway that's her choice and has nothing to do with you unless you're encouraging her to leave.
Might be worth it but you have to give things time. Lots of life changing decisions and adjustments to be made.
This. I went through a very similar situation. After a while, she basically blamed me for every bad thing in her life. Unless she's ready to not have a family...which she's not, its not worth it. Your best bet is to try to holla at her moms and smooth things over. Otherwise, charge it to the game and tell her to take her pretty ass home.
No, she won't be considered a normal member, but then what does that mean for a JW woman anyway? Even if she towed the line 100% the best she can ever expect to be is a full time pioneer or an elder's wife. Basically she would knock on doors, fold socks and make brownies hoping every day that Jehovah deems her worthy for a bullshit paradise where she can spend eternity playing out that same role.
I am also an ex-JW. I am curious. How did the congregation respond to your decision to date someone who's "not in the truth"? Did they spy on you? start random "shepherding calls"? Did JWs you hadn't seen in years suddenly pop up out of the blue to quote scripture?
I ask only because this is some of what my mom went through when she dated a "worldly" person.
Jehovah's witnesses DONT celebrate birthdays and holidaysThats part of what makes this a win scenario. There is a fucked up psychology/cult conditioning that you are actually rescuing her from.
Yeah and it much runs deeper than just not celebrating birthdays and holidays.
6 months is a long time for me, so I would be all for us shacking up....
Until I read this...
Jay makes a good point about her being a dependent as well as the potential for her developing resentment.
I'm taking Jay's advice on this one.
Jay a smart muhfucka, surprised the shit outta me. Not that I underestimated or marginalized him.. I'm just sayin 
Until I read this...
Then this...
Jay makes a good point about her being a dependent as well as the potential for her developing resentment.
I'm taking Jay's advice on this one.
Jay a smart muhfucka, surprised the shit outta me. Not that I underestimated or marginalized him.. I'm just sayin 
We Living Together
*actually went thru something like this with a chick I was dating whose fam was witnesses
Interesting but changes nothing. I'd keep her.
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...anybody who would really ask this question does not need to have such a sweet situation!
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Scientology, Jehovah's Witnesses & Nation Of Islam
My stomach turned a bit when you posted this. Too many bad memories Powerful conditioning :smh:
www.bgol.us
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