All you Deadbeat Dads Explain

[chilibrick]

I don't want to sound naive but is there such thing as a pre-nup for a baby-momma? I mean laywers can't create a contract where the two parties can agree how much to pay and visitation rights? This would save a lot of court time and heartache.

 

[bromack1]

And I do agree with your points too.

Let me tell you how I "woke up," from dealing with babysmamadrama....whether you know it... its a "lifestyle" for some women...

Lets say you "married" this woman with 10 kids so these kids could have a steady "man" in there life...and then... the mama then has another one for you to make the relationship solid....

Now.... "mama" goes back to her old ways and seriously fucks up the relationship.... now "mama" divorces you....

now "mama" gonna try to stick you for child support.... not only for the 1 kid she had with you but also to help her support the other 10. Then you're gonna start feelin all pissed cause she's tryin to royally screw the hell out of you for money....

then you ask the question.... why does the mama do this???? The mama does does this shit .....cause that's what she "was" when you met her.... and thats what she did to all the daddy's before you came along and bought her song and dance....

I once met this very attractive new orleans redbone livin in atlanta.... to my surprise.... she had 10 kids.... when I found out she had 10 kids.... I went UGH....she was a "child support" queenie.... she lived off other mens child support money... and when they got behind... she went straight to the law on their asses... she will do the same to you... and the next guy... she will tell the same sob story

Trust me on this point... While I feel "so sorry" for the kids.... I can't help everybody and "you" nor I ....don't need those kinda women dippin in our wallets for the next 18 years....

There's a reason why your father stayed with your mother (that is... if he did).... perhaps you should ask him why he didn't decide to leave and just only visit every other weekend. I bet your mama knows why....that is... if they are still together.

 

[bromack1]

I don't want to sound naive but is there such thing as a pre-nup for a baby-momma? I mean laywers can't create a contract where the two parties can agree how much to pay and visitation rights? This would save a lot of court time and heartache.

Yeah... but.... pre-nups are for rich people.... the average middle class dude marries his "true" love in a state of temporary bliss ....Look at Paul McCartney... he had no pre-nup... like most old fashioned guys... he believed it was not necessary cause marriage is supposed to be forever.

The rule is.... you can have all the "free" sex you want.... just take the appropriate protection to prevent pregnancy.

Don't be confused.... just be cautious.....children are the equivalent of an 18 year mortgage except there is no way you can walk away from the monthly payment like a home foreclosure.

 

[Star]

My Ex-Wife has done everything under the Sun to ruin me.
We broke up when he was around 5
She has used Family court so well, That I have given up

Our Son is 16 now and Only because BOTH sets of GrandParents have always been on my side. That she has NOT been able to make him hate me.

We have a good relationship and speak on the phone or E-mail each other most everyday. He comes for school vacations and part of the summer.
We have done many different things, skiing, Snowboarding, Teaching him how to drive, trips to the Grand Canyon, Yosemite, etc. We have gone Mt. Ranier, Tombstone AZ and many other places. I know the trips can not replace being there when something goes wrong or if the school calls or the little things that a teenage boy goes through. But he knows me and calls for my advice.

In order to get him for all those trips I had to fight, plead, beg and grovel each and every time. It also takes the intervention of her parents to get him.
I am so glad that I have both sets of Grandparents on my side.

I figure it will around 2011 or so before I get out from under the heavy hand of the Child Support court. The Feds also take my refund now and that helps to knock down the arrears. Last year she got an 11K check in April.

Keep in Touch with your children, it's the best thing that you can do.
.

 

[streetdreamer]

In order to get him for all those trips I had to fight, plead, beg and grovel each and every time. It also takes the intervention of her parents to get him.

We got your point, this is exactly my point. Its not just about the money! You are better off totally ignoring that your child exists, the phone calls the school issues and so on. Be a total dick your heart will thank you for it later. If she/he makes something of themselves, oh well maybe they'll come around, if they turn into a crackhead, you dont have to let them in your home.

Save your weekends for trick'n and hoe'n and hangin with your friends at the clubs instead of watching Shrek 33 times in a row.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

Bruh, i feel your frustration, but disagree with your conclusion...I notice you used the phrase "my wife had her 2nd child"...its your child too, right???, maybe "our" is more appropriate...and there was a time when a man got a 2nd or 3rd job to make ends meet, its not a permanent thing, just a big challenge for you to make it until things get better...that would be the "BIG MAN" move in my opinion...."Any kind of love, affection or actual responsibility he shows"...( isn't that the main reason you married the woman and had 2 kids with her????) ....why cut and run and leave children without a father or is it simply a way to run from your responsibility and have it both ways...A FAMILY over there and something on the side OVER HERE...to me it sounds like selfishness on your part...how do you just pick up and leave emotions, and attachments to people so easily???

If growing up with a single mother and older sister taught me anything it's that women are just as capable of bringing home a check as men are, especially when a woman has two college certificates like my wife did. So not only did I expect her to bring home an income I demanded it. If she wanted to be a June Cleaver stay at home type mom she should have looked for a husband that expected that. I told her my expectations right from day one though. She agreed to them so I held her to that agreement.

The time when a man worked two or three jobs to make ends meet was back when women couldn't get jobs, or at least not ones worth having. That was also a time when women actually took care of the house, cooked dinner, packed lunches etc. Instead I would get home from work to a messy home, there would be diapers on the floor, flies in the kitchen and so forth. She'd get pissed off if I didn't noticed she'd spent 5 minutes cleaning the toilet (I'm not exagerating). Dinner would usually be a box of macaroni if she cooked at all. I ask what she did all day she'd say "I downloaded the entire 5th season of Sailor Moon". I'd ask if she found a job she'd say "I didn't have time to look." At this point the youngest child was two years old so it's not like she was recovering from giving birth or nothing.

By the time I left though she was getting drunk 5 nights a week, popping extacy every weekend, going out with strange guys and getting home at 10 AM. The last straw was that even though we were poor in the projects she still wanted to have a 3rd child. I said No fucking way. So one night she seduces me and tries to trick me into knocking her up. At that point I finally realized that our marriage was never going to work. She was content to spend the rest of her life living in poverty and was willing to drag me down with her so long as I stayed. That being said, leaving my wife and family was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Even now, a year and a half later, I sometimes still mourn what could have been if she would have kept her mind right.

 

[shadowlurker]

dont have any kids.....

but i know brothers with one & 6 & 10........look they all take care of their kids.... just states & courts make most brothers dead beats.... my nigg@ is in jail now for child support. (6kids)... his record starts @ 8 years old & has not stopped.... he can not get a job.... so whats is he to do....???

then thier Ralph Sampson this 7'4 muthafucker ain't paid one dime...i know why.... he has 2women cases closed $300,000 2 kids filled at same time... he aint got it, point blank.....

deadbeat=broke nigg@

good dad =$$$$$$

a state can only come after you for childsupport if the women gets assistance


time= money why can't the state take dollars down when a brother is locked up????? only real nigg@s can make money in the pin/jail...

if you have a record get yo damn name changed& social # (shyt is legal)& dont go for any fed shyt...homeland ain't playen,(finger prints),, they over cia& fbi...

 

[badgunz]

i have 2 girls myself and wouldn't trade the world for them. i know a lot of brothas are put into some shitty situations because of a low down dirty female. i don't know why some women want to punish a man by keeping them away from their kids. i know a lot of men who want to be apart of their child's life but because of a woman witha fucked up way of revenge, the shit is next to impossible. if you are not in a situation like that, i advise you to be a part of your child's life. fuck trying to impress your boys and impress the one you brought into this world. on my list, my children is at the top of the list for whatever i may do.

 

[wargod73]

Dude, wtf are you smoking?

I think the human race is a step above wild animals. Actually, human civilization advanced at a faster rate after we abandoned our "animalistic" ways. A good example is the institution of marriage. Marriage is a pure and artificial human invention that took us out of the stone age into the space age. The division of labor in raising human babies ensured our advancement. That was the main purpose of marriage.

Now, the feminist movement seeks to reduce human civilization to that of animals. The same stage that we started off with, eons of years ago. A stage where females have babies and just wander off alone, and at the mercy of the land (i.e government) to raise the babies.

Science and the Renaissance brought us into the space age, not marriage.

 

[shadowlurker]

this shyt is crazy!!!!

 

[WorldEX]

Yeah... but.... pre-nups are for rich people.... the average middle class dude marries his "true" love in a state of temporary bliss ....Look at Paul McCartney... he had no pre-nup... like most old fashioned guys... he believed it was not necessary cause marriage is supposed to be forever.

The rule is.... you can have all the "free" sex you want.... just take the appropriate protection to prevent pregnancy.

Don't be confused.... just be cautious.....children are the equivalent of an 18 year mortgage except there is no way you can walk away from the monthly payment like a home foreclosure.

Co/signed

 

[ANGRY MAN]

I had to come out the closet for this thread(another lurker is out) I myself was rasied by a single parent(mom) and vowed that when I have my kid or kids they'll all be living under one roof.Until I got my baby mother pregant,a girl which I've know for 11yrs now.And once my child was born she flip the script.First she didn't tell me when she was going into labor only to say she'll be here wed,thurs or friday which is a broad statement,so I almost missed my daughter being born.Pissed me off,second she moved back in with her mother and left me with all the bills that I bought just for us and the kid.So now I'am stuck with paying all the bills which is in my name of course,while she lives rent free making alittle over 50k a year!Using the kid as a pond piece over me!If she's mad at me I can't see her(daughter)So I always felt I was never going to be a dead beat dad!But when your baby mother has the upper hand from the jump,it makes you be like F it.I'am in the process of going the legal route as far as visitations,but that stuff takes time to process the paper work,by that time you miss the QT time with your child not knowing what she's doing,if she's talking or walking,if another guy is holding your child.You miss the chance of dropping or picking up your kid from the babysitter.Which is the only place I get to see my daughter on my own time!Only to hear your babymomma say,you better not take your daughter out of the babysitter!Like I'am some F'ing child molestor!Which makes me want to kick her azz but I got to be smart and not get lock up over some dumb stuff!So it's not like me or us deadbeat dads is like F our kid,it's like F our babymomma which eventually hurts the kid in the long run.So if you guys live with your kids and can't imagine how we can walk aways from our seed,Then imagine if you old lady holds your kid for hostage,and she knows you can't do nothing about it,by the time you do decide to do something about it,you already missed your kid first words,steps etc.etc!

 

[afroyale]

When Beating up on 'Deadbeat Dads' is Unfair
By Glenn Sacks (01/16/07)


The television station shows three general laborers, three construction laborers, a landscaper, a salesman and two tradesmen, most of them Latino men with dour expressions on their faces. Are they the featured men in a report about hard times for blue-collar workers in the state of Texas? The hopefuls for a local job training program? No - they are Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott’s "Top 10 Most Wanted Child Support Evaders."

The 10 men collectively owe nearly $700,000 in back child support. Not one appears to have an education, and the big wage earner in the group is a plumber. Abbott says he “singled out” these men because they “have the ability” to pay their child support but “refuse to do so.” One wonders what the financial condition of those not “singled out” is.

For the past month Abbott has been publicizing lists with the men’s photos and biographical information. The lists have been published or reported on in dozens of Texas media outlets.

Abbott recently proclaimed the list a success, after he arrested the landscaper--who owed $109,747--the salesman, and one of the construction laborers. The two highest-ranked evaders still on the lam are the welder, who owes $130,796, and one of the general laborers, who owes $94,107. Few, if any, are asking the obvious question—how did men of such humble means end up owing so much money?

While none on Abbott’s list would or should qualify for Father of the Year, the arrearages are likely created in large part because the child support system is mulishly impervious to the economic realities working people face, such as layoffs, wage cuts, unemployment, and work-related injuries. According to the Urban Institute, less than one in 20 non-custodial parents who suffers a substantial drop in income is able to get courts to reduce his or her child support payments.

Abbott’s office backhandedly acknowledges the difficulties men in these situations face, advising obligors “it is best to get a lawyer, if you can afford one, to handle your attempt to change the amount of child support you owe.” Yet how many unemployed blue-collar workers can afford to hire an attorney at $200 an hour or more to represent them in a child support case?

By federal law, child support orders cannot be retroactively modified, no matter how mistaken, misguided or ridiculous. Even men who fell behind on their child support because they had heart attacks, broken legs or cancer cannot have their arrearages eliminated. And much of the arrearages owed by Abbott’s “Top 10” accrued before 2002, when Texas charged obligors 12% interest, one of the highest interest rates in the country.

Also, under Texas law, an obligor who owes only three months of past-due child support can have his driver’s license or other professional licenses suspended, interfering with his ability make a living.

To be fair, Abbott’s “Top 10” list is not unusual. Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement data shows that two-thirds of those behind on child support nationwide earned poverty-level wages; less than four percent of the national child support debt is owed by those earning $40,000 or more a year.

In the past 18 months, “deadbeat parents” have been the targets of similar, highly-publicized law enforcement actions in Virginia, Kentucky, and Arizona. Virginia’s “Most Wanted” list was topped by a laborer, a carnival hired hand, and a construction worker, who collectively somehow owed over a quarter million dollars in child support. Kentucky’s list sported only one obligor with an education, and the most common designation for occupation was "laborer." Near the top of Arizona’s list was a maintenance man who owed $90,223, an unemployed man of no known occupation who owed $54,298, and, best of all, a roofer who owed $240,581.

While Abbott’s list no doubt contains a few bad actors, the larger problem lies not with non-custodial parents, but instead with the child support system. Arresting low-income parents is neither fair nor useful. What’s needed instead is an overhaul of the system, so that blue-collar workers aren't turned into criminals because they’ve failed to pay obligations which are beyond their reach.


By Jeffery M. Leving and Glenn Sacks

http://www.americandaily.com/article/17255

 

[afroyale]

Science and the Renaissance brought us into the space age, not marriage.

Yes. True. But it was because humans were able to reproduce and raise well-rounded and intelligent beings. Human babies take a very long time to mature. Females couldn't have raised generations of babies by themselves in order to advance our species. Pair bonding was necessary for survival and propagation of the species. The animals that did not master pair bonding to the level of humans are still roaming the forest, Serengeti and zoos.

Don't get me wrong, I am against marriage as it stands today.

 

[Exclusive Black]

Bitches can make a nigga become a deadbeat. Me and my ex broke up and all I asked of her was to stay in our state so I could be in little man's life. This bitch did not care that I was a stepfather to her 2 other kids and that I worked my ass off so that her, her 2 kids, and my shortie could have a good life. After I left the house for good, bitch hooked up with the next door neighbor and a few months later moved about 6 states away. How the fuck am I supposed to be a father when my shortie is 6 states away? She left without telling me and still the courts aint do shit Yea I still send the cash and shit, but I want to see my kid. I wanted to see my kid everyday of my life. Not just a few times a year and a few weeks in the summer. Nigga I aint got money to be traveling back and forth to that state like that. It hurts too much how I miss my kid. I even asked the bitch to give him to me, but she knows that then she don't get my money. And to top it off, the last time I spoke to my shortie, that little muthafucka called me by his stepfather's name I'm thinking about just saying fuck it and cutting off all ties.

 

[WorldEX]

One of friend can not even see his son. And this bro is trying to do it right. This bro would go every Sunday wait for his son, just to see him, he can not talk to him nothing..bitch ex is fucked...9 yrs now. But he do manage to make contact at school and the playground when she is not around.

 

[yckirk]

Serious question fellas, why the fuck so many kids? I got 3 friends or ex-friends with 5,6 and 7 kids respectively, ALL 3 UNDER 26. They don't got no real answer beside They drink so goddamn much and be going up these loose joints raw.

So what is it?

Bad sex-ed?
Don't like jimhats?

For real tho I've never heard a halfway decent answer to this shit.

 

[PhillyTheKid]

I've got a story. My 19 year old son is enrolled in college courses 9 hours to be exact. He also has a full time job that pays him $24 an hour. I am still paying his Mom $1300 a month child support because he is considered a full time student. In Missouri cases you pay until they are 22 years old or drop out of school. He does not want to go to school but his mom pays for Juco. My other partner is paying child support for a grandchild because his son got a girl pregnant and he is 16 and a minor. The courts make the parents pay. I have a great relationship with my son but he does not want to make his Mom mad so he plays the game.

I thought you had to take 12 credit hours to be considered a full time college student. I know thats how they determine if your child over 18 years of age (out of high school) is eligible to receive health benefits on their parents plan. 9 credit hours = part time student in PA.

 

[ROOISONE]

I am in Iraq right now and they are fuc=ing me!!!! I have 3 all by different women the 1st is by my ex wife the last is my wife the middle chid is getting more then the others. 12,600.00 a year my ex wife and I are handleing it out of court. Now my ex girlfriend was cheating on me so i was not sure that he was even mine so i got the test done. I went to the court because i want to be in my son life but she will not let me see him when i am home. The system is made to to fuc= the dad!!!!! I have a lawyer but it dose not help! All i want to do is be a good dad that all but the system just see us a money that it but you know that it's just like that in the USA in other countrys if you have to suport the child the child is in your home!!!

 

[max-dawg]

I know the system is fucked. I remember reading a story on CNN, about this man who had 3 kids with this woman. She cheat on him with another man, they got divorced. she got the kids and the house, when they do DNA on the kids, the kids are not his, but the man who she cheated on with..now she is married to the kids real dad, living in his house. The judge want him to pay child support cause the children knows him as daddy. Now that is a bitch!

and the cat is STILL likely paying for the house too.

damn. reading all this shit depresses me.

but this kind of shit is EXACTLY why i'm sooooooo thankful i've always consistently, constantly, and repeatedly used them dickbags regardless.

now that i'm older, i've learned to ONLY fuck with women who have something going for them, i.e., no broke bitch fucking for me. i'm done. for me to fuck, i need to see a credit report & an old W-2. fuck it.

 

[LeftyLuchini]

Damn man.thats fucked up...

naw, man..
thats REAL.
now theyre havin it so now cats in areers can't even get passports..

and i know u feel that,
without your passport,
ure nothing.




www.rkellyisguilty.com

 

[LeftyLuchini]

and the cat is STILL likely paying for the house too.

damn. reading all this shit depresses me.

but this kind of shit is EXACTLY why i'm sooooooo thankful i've always consistently, constantly, and repeatedly used them dickbags regardless.

now that i'm older, i've learned to ONLY fuck with women who have something going for them, i.e., no broke bitch fucking for me. i'm done. for me to fuck, i need to see a credit report & an old W-2. fuck it.

thats how i am now pimpin...
hoodrats are fun,
until they become yo babymama.
then... (in my best B.B. King voice "the thrill is gone.."




www.rkellyisguilty.com

 

[Synkiller]

Gotta add my story.

I was 20 she was 36. This was 10 years ago (even lied about her age). Banged it out and she was on some love shit I wasnt. As soon as she started to talk about babies and marriage I shouldve bounced. Any way, Got her pregnant and told her that even though she was, that wont force me to be with her, I am there for my first born though. Every thing was good untill I stated I was getting married to my current girlfriend. Then she went BERSERK! She put an order to Friends of the court and some special Kid task force thats located in AZ (I think they were called 4kids or something). SO both places was getting at my check. I talked to her and both court systems and got it situated. Then I was making some major bread for Worldcom. BUt once MCI worldcom went belly up. Ive been struggling every since. Then I could handled 800 a month but now? That shit is breaking me. Lets not even talk about going down to the place WITHOUT her, they just laugh you off or say pay this a week or go to Jail. Also adds major stress on my Marriage because I have 2 kids with my wife, so now that hald of my check is going to my first born, what about my youngest two? As of this moment, I am deep into arrears but I am working with her to get that taken care of. Also she slips back into Revenge mode ever once in a while. Like we have it set were I get him everyother weekend. ANd she some times dont answer the door or the phone or schedule vactions on my week. Like a month ago she fucking blew a gasket because I wanted to take him out of town. Meanwhile she took him to disneyworld and disneyland SEVERAL times. LOok all I know is this. The "sperm donors" that dont give a fuck, the courts leave them the fuck alone, the dads thats trying their fucking hardest to maintain a fragile family, the courts fuck with day in and day out. Hell one of the FotC workers told me that personally.


Now my son is ten and we talk about everything. WHy I am not with his mother, what happend, and other things. Now I see that if you have arrears you cant even get a passport. Im telling you right now, in a year. you wont even be able to get a house or car. 5 years from now not even a job.


But its all good. I just keep MOS DEF's "there is a way" on repeat and I make it through the day, week, month... The only reason why my sons mom is even breathing is because of my wife and 3 sons. Especially my wife literally. Ive came real close one night. My wife and my oldest sister had to pry the gun from my hands.

The shit is real dude. Women out here that use the kids as a weapon dont even know how close to death they are sometimes. If I wasnt married or had any other kids, my oldest sons mom wouldve been erased years ago.

 

[Brown Bear]

Bookmark'd. I gotta get up later on and read this. Good topic, Fam

 

[Chi Shot Caller]

Don't get me wrong. There are straight up grimey mofos out there, but not as many as you think. The child support system is a vestige of the time when women did not have the economic or political power they have today, and many of the enhancements to the system are IMO, anti-father.

Co Sign... My girl (who I have a beautiful 5 month old daughter with) was telling me about some 32 year old woman at her job who get impregnated by a 28 year old man and they both already had 2 kids. They were talking about child support and she said that he said "if you take me to court for child support then I better see my child whenever I want to" she says... "you're gonna have to take me to court if u want to see your child."

Basically if you expect a man to pay child support u better expect and want him to see his child atleast 1/4th of the time. this is just the stupidest shit you can hear but yet you hear it all the damn time. to me... Child support should = spending time with your child (if you want to, if not then that's on you and you're fucked up).

My family breaks the "stereotype" because my mother is black and my father is white, yet, I haven't seen my father in 15+ years and im 26 and have 2 sisters 25 and 23 with the same father. You can't make a man be a father but the courts make it alot harder. They are definitely geared towards women. If Brittney Spears was Brian Spears then they woman would have 100% legal and physical child support. its the system. Hopefully I will never go through that but you never know. I just know that I love my daughter more then i love my mother and myself combined and the thought of not being able to see her atleast every other day makes me wanna cry... Real talk and fuck ya'll who would call me soft...

 

[Izayoi]

It always comes back to haunt you later in life, just ask my father. It really haunts you if the child becomes famous or a big success.

I have to agree with this regardless if your child grows up to be rich and famous or on the street and dead. All of your deeds catch up with us especially if a child is born into strife.

I have to say I am so very grateful to have had the parents I had- not married, but together and cooperative. My mother never had an order for my dad and dad always took care of me financially and socially.If I didn't see my dad, it was because he and I had an diasgreement, never because of something with him and my mom. In my family, I have seen both sides- crazy baby momma drama and truly negligent dad and I don't understand why two adult people can't just shut the fuck up with all that and do right by their babies.

Chi Shot... playing hard is for young boys at the clubs. A father is supposed to love his child like that. You made her and guaranteed little girls think their daddies are the best thing walking. That's how I felt about my dad.

 

[BOOGIEMAN]

I came in here to make this point. You've stated it well.

To reiterate though - No person should think that because male animals in the wild assume little to no responsibility for their young, human males have a reference for behavior. Humans need pair bonding to rear successful human offspring, equipped with tools for not only survival but technological advances unseen in any other species.

On another level, sure the child will survive without the father. But will the child be have all the tools it needs to flourish?

Yes. True. But it was because humans were able to reproduce and raise well-rounded and intelligent beings. Human babies take a very long time to mature. Females couldn't have raised generations of babies by themselves in order to advance our species. Pair bonding was necessary for survival and propagation of the species. The animals that did not master pair bonding to the level of humans are still roaming the forest, Serengeti and zoos.

Don't get me wrong, I am against marriage as it stands today.

 

[Jagi]

every situation is different

my youngest son lives with me

my oldest son lives with his moms

i see lots of dudes with their kids and all is good with some not good with others

i see dudes without their kids and same as above

dont knock someones situation until you know details

stop asking for credit for something you supposed to do

 

[troutwine]

I've got a story. My 19 year old son is enrolled in college courses 9 hours to be exact. He also has a full time job that pays him $24 an hour. I am still paying his Mom $1300 a month child support because he is considered a full time student. In Missouri cases you pay until they are 22 years old or drop out of school. He does not want to go to school but his mom pays for Juco. My other partner is paying child support for a grandchild because his son got a girl pregnant and he is 16 and a minor. The courts make the parents pay. I have a great relationship with my son but he does not want to make his Mom mad so he plays the game.

damn thats mess up...

but i guess it's ur fault for not strappin up, as harsh as it sounds

 

[big pimp]

The court system causes Fathers to be away from their children. This is my opinion but here is my position. When a woman gets pregnant, she does so with the help of a male donor. But once she is pregnant the man has NO OTHER OPTIONS, he cant make her have an abortion, place the child for adoption or even choose to have his family raise the child. Once you as a man are attached to the child you have 18-21 years of payments.

Initially all men want to deal with a child with their blood running inside them but if you are constantly going through drama with the mom you just end up staying away so that you dont do stupid things or catch a case.

Not all women create drama, some women are more than understanding and dont even take it to the court system, they just say" I got this and if you wanna do for your child then do it" at that point if you are the father and you still choose not to be involved then yeah your a deadbeat.

Men should have more say in a pregnancy if he and the woman cant agree on whether to have the child or not then if she chooses to keep it she should not be able to ask for support.

I do believe that all fathers whether they are around their children or not, think about their children.

co-sign. and women need to stop blameing men.

 

[DeSiRe]

I don't know the facts of your particular situation but just in general,
....explain to me how a woman raising a child(or multiple children) alone is in better shape than you are as a single man and all you have to pay is child support..who feeds, clothes and takes care of that child 24/7, daycare, sickness, homework.etc.????...who comforts YOUR child when your child fears the bully at school, the violence in the street,the storms at night,etc...the cost of raising a child PROPERLY is far more $200/week...being a good father is something you decide TO DO or NOT DO..its not even about the money, A GOOD father spends time with his children, because he cares and loves them..bottom line is no CHILD ever asked to be here and if you call your self a real man you will take care of YOUR responsibility, and not leave it to YOUR girl, or the STATE(us, the taxpayer)...I know many cats complaining about paying child support, yet they have money to hang out 3-4 nites a week, in the club, tossing bills to strippers and wasting money all over town, but don't have time for their own children, theirr own blood...its sad....makes you wonder how our children make it anywhere in the world today when they aren't loved in their own home....WE NEED TO FIX THIS, TIME FOR BROTHAS TO BE STRAIGHT WITH EACH OTHER

this was so well said!

we need more of you...im so serious

 

[DeSiRe]

Men should have more say in a pregnancy .

men have a say in a pregnacy...he had his say when he hit it raw

 

[big pimp]

I don't know the facts of your particular situation but just in general,
....explain to me how a woman raising a child(or multiple children) alone is in better shape than you are as a single man and all you have to pay is child support..who feeds, clothes and takes care of that child 24/7, daycare, sickness, homework.etc.????...who comforts YOUR child when your child fears the bully at school, the violence in the street,the storms at night,etc...the cost of raising a child PROPERLY is far more $200/week...being a good father is something you decide TO DO or NOT DO..its not even about the money, A GOOD father spends time with his children, because he cares and loves them..bottom line is no CHILD ever asked to be here and if you call your self a real man you will take care of YOUR responsibility, and not leave it to YOUR girl, or the STATE(us, the taxpayer)...I know many cats complaining about paying child support, yet they have money to hang out 3-4 nites a week, in the club, tossing bills to strippers and wasting money all over town, but don't have time for their own children, theirr own blood...its sad....makes you wonder how our children make it anywhere in the world today when they aren't loved in their own home....WE NEED TO FIX THIS, TIME FOR BROTHAS TO BE STRAIGHT WITH EACH OTHER

BULLSHIT NOT WELL SAID!
WOMEN NEED TO GET THEIR SHIT STRAIGHT. I ALWAYS TOOK GOOD CARE OF MY KID. THE MOTHER IS BITTER ASS BITCH THAT WAS MAD SO SHE PUT IN THE CHILD SUPPORT SYSTEM FOR PAY BACK BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO BE WITH HER LOSER ASS!

 

[DaleMabry]

Legally speaking, if a man makes a woman pregnant his best option is to dump her, skip town and ask for a monthly invoice. Any kind of love, affection or actual responsibility he shows is only going to get him into trouble. IMHO THIS more than anything else is what turns men into deadbeat dads.

And for those of you who arent getting his point, he said LEGALLY speaking. The LAW is structured to make staying married (no matter how miserably and destructively to the child's upbringing) the MOST beneficial arrangement; it "punishes" those who don't with fucked up CSupp and Custody hoops of fire that you have to jump thru for two decades.

All the shit you're s'posed to do--buy school clothes, travel to see your kid, little gifts and books and educational games thruout the year etc.--counts against you because its usually not counted towards your total obligation.

I know some people say "oh document it and submit it to the court" but you're either gonna pay in time (being your own counsel, and doing a half-ass job) or money (paying for legal counsel) so you have to weigh the cost of going to battle in court vs. shutting the fuck up and eating a bowl of shit.

In order to get him for all those trips I had to fight, plead, beg and grovel each and every time. It also takes the intervention of her parents to get him.
I am so glad that I have both sets of Grandparents on my side.

I figure it will around 2011 or so before I get out from under the heavy hand of the Child Support court. The Feds also take my refund now and that helps to knock down the arrears. Last year she got an 11K check in April.

Keep in Touch with your children, it's the best thing that you can do.
.

The VERY first thing I did was make sure I maintained a GREAT relationship with everyone in my ex's family. This is invaluable. I can't tell you the amount of stupid emotional and vindictive bullshit I've circumvented via diplomacy with the maternal grandmother. I still love her to death although I dont expect her to side against her own daughter for my benefit. But she WILL 85%-90% of the time work with me on whatever is in my KID'S best interest.

As a doting grandmother, she gets it...its about the KID not our egos. So I can work with her, and the rest of that family and isolate my ex when she's being a deliberate fucking bitch. With everyone like "yo chill, he's a good dude, this is petty, yall need to work this out" she has to fall back a little.

Now if the other side of the family is as fucked up or more fucked up...then you'd better try and find at least ONE go-between for diplomacy, anyone you both trust enough to do the job. If you can't find that, well, you're a little fucked.

Well, its just simply the amount of ethics violations. Yet we men have to behave honorably or get the brunt of the law. These laws were made by people who dont expect to be in this situation themselves. Consequently its done to appease women's advocate groups.

^^^^^^^^^ THIS! And on the real most of those politicians don't really give a fuck about being good fathers anyway. Thats why their kids grow up all fucked up and struggling with drug and alcohol abuse, and their wives are fucking their personal trainers. So they dont structure the laws with parenting in mind, but with financial support ONLY--which is NOT parenting.

We got your point, this is exactly my point. Its not just about the money! You are better off totally ignoring that your child exists, the phone calls the school issues and so on. Be a total dick your heart will thank you for it later. If she/he makes something of themselves, oh well maybe they'll come around, if they turn into a crackhead, you dont have to let them in your home.

Save your weekends for trick'n and hoe'n and hangin with your friends at the clubs instead of watching Shrek 33 times in a row.

^^^^^^^^^ NOT this. What is this, sarcasm??

Unless you are a very emotionally damaged person, your heart will NOT thank you.

i have 2 girls myself and wouldn't trade the world for them. i know a lot of brothas are put into some shitty situations because of a low down dirty female. i don't know why some women want to punish a man by keeping them away from their kids. i know a lot of men who want to be apart of their child's life but because of a woman witha fucked up way of revenge, the shit is next to impossible. if you are not in a situation like that, i advise you to be a part of your child's life. fuck trying to impress your boys and impress the one you brought into this world. on my list, my children is at the top of the list for whatever i may do.

^^^^^^^^^ THIS.

OK a few more thoughts:

1. Ive learned that MOST mothers are selfish to some degree. (Yes, even yours, yes even mine.) The trade-off for the sacrifice mothers make for their children, is their irrational, selfish sense of entitlement. It takes a WISE mom to realize she doesn't "own" her kids and they are not an extension of her. Women play these games with men because they cant see past their own motherly egos--they can't bear the idea that the man they demonize in their hearts and minds has control (even if for a weekend, even if for an afternoon) over their most precious "possession."

2. Most Child Support Caseworkers are as jaded and cynical and superficial as your average Po-Po. The rare one is sympathetic and insightful but most of them have a huge caseload, short tempers and attention spans, and are used to dealing with trifling fucks, so you will be treated as such by default. Dont take this personal. Try going up the chain of command if need be, if not, see below. Treat it as a game--a game of chess.

3. For major issues like recalculating your obligation, fighting for custodial arrangements, etc., your best bet is to squeeze blood from a stone and hire an experienced Family Law Attorney that knows how the system works, who they can get results from and who is a dick, what judges are cool, what judges can be finessed in certain ways, etc. Unless you work those Family Courts 24/7/365, there is no way you can be up on game like this.

4. Female attorneys in particular are the shit. They counteract the systematic prejudice against the man that "abandons his family"--all of the philosophy behind these laws is rooted in some unrealistic, patriarchial, outdated Victorian cracka shit, so always keep that in mind.

5. Females judges too! Often, female judges help more than the male judges--unlike men, who most of us are deep down inside simps who think women are OH SO helpless and frail--women know how crafty and conniving other women can be, so they see through a lot of the bullshit.

6. Always maintain your cool and decorum as much as possible, especially when dealing with the agents of the System. Even if you're being clowned, shitted on or played. It's chess, never checkers. Flipping out only gives your opponents ammunition to checkmate you.

7. If B-Mom is impossible to talk to / deal with, step away till you get yourself calm. (This is BTW another good reason for cultivating an ally or middleperson on her side of the aisle.) I've had to stop myself from catching a case on several occasions, by just not calling or visiting for a while. I would still try and send my kid little cards and gifts so she understood it wasnt her. The greatest danger with all this is your child blaming themselves. MAKE IT YOUR JOB ONE TO SHOW THEM ITS NOT THEIR FAULT.

8. It's ALL about your child. NEVER FORGET THAT. If B-mom has made it so impossible that you can't have a relationship with the kid, send tokens of your love to them, even if you have to leave them at the daycare / school. Even regular letters and cards work. If the child isnt receiving them, make copies and keep a binder documenting it all, for yourself. One day that child will ask why weren't you there and if you show them 10-20 years worth of letters they never saw, it will shake up their whole world and maybe give you both a fresh start.

But do whatever you have to do. That child is your life after death. Respect your children as your future. Invest in your future. You dont wanna be 40, 50, 60, broken and lonely and sick inside emotionally with regret. I've seen it happen a million times.

 

[FLboi]

i tried so hard to be there for the lil dude in the beginning she turned me and my wife away, told us to leave the shit at the door so i say FUCKEM ALL...you can call me a db dad all you want ya dig, she get a healthy check every fucking month which taking away from my wife and kid. I hate to be this way about my situation but i know how she is and i refuse to give her the upper hand. I'll never show any emotion towards her son. by doing that she'd see a way to use him against me, i'd be more pissed if she told me it was going to rain tomorrow then if she was to tell me i'll never hear or see them again. She told me she was having this baby for her, she dont need shit, turn around her hands were out just as quick as she could write the email. She gave the poor boy 4 damn ghetto ass names, lil man will never be able to write his name on a paper and use one line.

Do i think about him yes everytime i want to take my wife out or do something for my lil one and i have to ask my wife for money.