All you Deadbeat Dads Explain

[twiggy]

here's my take I was raised by my father and lived with him since I was 10 I ran away from my mother to live with him, I knew at the time they joint custody...
it was a whole lot of shit that happened I remember time when my father would buy us clothes and stuff for school he would always do that when they were divorced my baby sister was already in pre-K...

we were all in public schools wearing uniforms and we would get shoes at the begginnig the middle and the end of school and a pair for the summer plus handmedowns from our older and more fashionable cousins on our father's side...

my mother always told us that she bought everything and I used to believe her until I heard an argument about money moms and pops were having...

she used to tell us all the time how our father didn't love us and didn't do shit for us and I believed that whole heartedly and at one point I hated my father to the point I could've killed him...

when I was around 9 or 10...I can't tell yall exactly how it happenened but I started to notice that my mother was lying an awful lot to us...
I started to notice a circle of poverty so many people including my father talk about...

my mother and grandmother are alchoholics and smokers... I noticed every day damn near they had an seemingly endless supply of smokes (kool filter kings) and beer (milwaukee's best) while we went to school sometimes dirty,unkempt, and generally unprepared...
and I know more than one of the people can agree we actually went to school to eat I had perfect attendance for damn near my entire elementary school period...


when we got money from our father or grandparents or whoever for what ever reason my mother and grandmother used to ask us to give them money so they could buy cigarrettes..at first it was always yeah, then I started asking them what they wanted my money for and the would get mad because a child was questioning them I started not giving it to them lying about my money etc... but my brother and sister were always easy pickings...
fuck the rest of the story but by the time I was 13 me, brother and sister lived with my father full-time and he STILL paid FULL child support until sometime in 2000... he died in early 2001 even though we lived with him and I even went to court twice to testify to this...and I moved in with him in the summer of 1993...
something similar happened to my uncle but his ordeal went on longer...
were in Louisiana and it's still fucked up

 

[yelabonegeta]

I feel bad for my people going through this type of stuff. Especially when the "court" is involved. I have a cousin going through this shit right now. He didn't even know his ex was pregnant until after the baby was born. But the bad part is, he has a newborn with his new girlfriend and they just found out about his baby with his ex.

This girl took the shit to court talking about "he wasn't there for the pregnancy or the first few months your honor." My nigga was like "judge I honestly didn't know." Judge was like ".....nigga you knew, $600 a month to the mother. Cased dismissed!"

This baby is only a few months older than his new son. Shit is crazy but my cousin is handling his. He pay his shit and sees the kid. but the mother is always bitchin' about something

 

[AlexandMorgan]

I know the system is fucked. I remember reading a story on CNN, about this man who had 3 kids with this woman. She cheat on him with another man, they got divorced. she got the kids and the house, when they do DNA on the kids, the kids are not his, but the man who she cheated on with..now she is married to the kids real dad, living in his house. The judge want him to pay child support cause the children knows him as daddy. Now that is a bitch!

Now hearing that story would make me understand why some men kill because some people pull the triggers themselves. But that is just being plain pissed off after hearing that shite.

When your head cools down u wait for them to go on vacation and that house will be nothing but ashes and me with a stone cold alibi. Of course when the judge's house burns down as well they would probably hold me for questioning.

 

[gameboy]

I've got a story. My 19 year old son is enrolled in college courses 9 hours to be exact. He also has a full time job that pays him $24 an hour. I am still paying his Mom $1300 a month child support because he is considered a full time student. In Missouri cases you pay until they are 22 years old or drop out of school. He does not want to go to school but his mom pays for Juco. My other partner is paying child support for a grandchild because his son got a girl pregnant and he is 16 and a minor. The courts make the parents pay. I have a great relationship with my son but he does not want to make his Mom mad so he plays the game.

Damn!!!! I hope that was some good pussy!​

 

[#1stunner]

Its not allways the daddy's fault ... We know we brought a child into this world no doubt about that , but some of these babymommas are a mess also..Basically what u r saying is to ignore all the drama from the mammas and step up and be a genuine father figure. We'll that can be a touchy subject, because some people hold grudges ..Also there are alot of child support issues that are not legit .. I know some niggas don't pay and have to be forced to pay, but damn what about the niggas that take care of there child and the baby momma still trying to hit em up ...i dunno man but im not gonna blame all this shyt on my niggas ... these women are a trip too ..

 

[silkyblue]

I am just wondering, when you have a child, do you think of them? Do you dream of them? Do you wish to see them?

I am not a deadbeat dad, but love my daughter so much that I can not live a day without see her. Just wondering how a man can sleep and not think of his own??? How can you?


Let me inside your mind if you are. What are the real reasons for you not see your kids?

If my ex gives me hell, I still show up, regardless, my daughter have eyes to see that I am there, she will judge me herself...rain, snow, I go to see her.

DOn't forget, Almost 86 % of women that are ordered to pay child support don't compared to the 46 % of men that do. This is including my Son's Mother that hasn't paid in years.

 

[Crown&Coke]

Because generally if men don't love the woman they have a child with, then they don't love the child.

Women on the other hand, can be raped by a stranger, get pregnant and still love the child nonetheless.

I dont believe thats true. I think that men still love the child but the fact that they dont love the women causes problems. In most cases I have seen, the problem is that the man doesnt wanna be with the woman.

 

[Bigmario23]

I dont have any kids but its good to see brothers
handling there business. I know I would be good at raising
and look forward to it once I fine a women who is worthy .
Once this chick told me I would be a good daddy
she had 3 kids so I keep it movin
I want my own you heard.

But all jokes aside I got a potna going through some issues with the child support folks. He owes alot and moved outta town cause the damn sheriff
stayed on the hunt for him. I just hate to see the court involved because to
me the system is going to lock the man up? What purpose does this serve??
How can he make money in jail??? and then you got some black women who are helping the system continually send these men to jail. This is just
what the system wants to do anyway split up our family structure. This is
no excuse for any deadbeat. I'm just stating my opinion.

 

[htownhustla]

the cost of raising a child PROPERLY is far more $200/week...

How...if he is paying for daycare on top of that $200/week... does it cost more than $200/week to care for a child?

 

[puertorock2005]

I don't have kids yet, dumb niggas have kids and dont' take care of them, MEN raise their children, no matter how many you have. that's why I believe in Magnums, they prevent any of that unnecessary bullshit of having a baby while I'm not ready to have one. for those who take care of their kids, more power to you. I hope you make them your world, becuase that's how I would do if I had a child but I don't so my hat goes out to you brothas that do raise your kids, they ARE our future, you know

 

[PikeStreet]

becuase but most dudes wanted a nut,,, not a child,,,, i know, i know,,, use a rubber and all that,,, but lets be real,,, it happens.

this is exactly why i am a virgin. i don't want kids.

 

[Jagi]

while on a porn board


i'll really answer tomorrow

my 15 year old will be 16 this spring and lives with his mother



my 14 year old will be 15 this spring and lives with me


let me listen to some music and have a drink and i will answer tomorrow

 

[d.e.beatup]

How...if he is paying for daycare on top of that $200/week... does it cost more than $200/week to care for a child?

It all depends on the baby's mother's standard of living and how honest she is about child support being "child support". It was an accident w/ by son's mother & we never were even dating when he was conceived. I love her but I'm not in love with her yet. But I'm confident it'll happen in due time & I'm trying to help the process cause I could never accept the idea of another dude tellin my son what to do when I'm the primary person who should be molding him into a man.

Regardless of how your relations are with your child's mother, I don't see how the smile of your seed ain't enough for you to take the L for your child's sake.

 

[PikeStreet]

....And you guys wonder why I am staying a virgin for life.

Sex is just not sex. You decide to have sex with someone and your making one of the biggest decisions in your life.

 

[htownhustla]

It all depends on the baby's mother's standard of living and how honest she is about child support being "child support". It was an accident w/ by son's mother & we never were even dating when he was conceived. I love her but I'm not in love with her yet. But I'm confident it'll happen in due time & I'm trying to help the process cause I could never accept the idea of another dude tellin my son what to do when I'm the primary person who should be molding him into a man.

Regardless of how your relations are with your child's mother, I don't see how the smile of your seed ain't enough for you to take the L for your child's sake.

I feel you and I have a similar situation even though I am not going to get with my BM, but still the question was not answered. $200/week is about 800-1000/month and that is not including the daycare he is paying.

 

[LegendOfLedo]

I feel for you brothas that got fucked over the system and babymamas. All this does is further reinforce my belief in wrappin it up. Ima step my game up to double baggin.

 

[outlaw]

they even have free condom websites that will ship them shits to you

how bout dropping those websites partna?

 

[outlaw]

When a woman gets pregnant, she does so with the help of a male donor. But once she is pregnant the man has NO OTHER OPTIONS, he cant make her have an abortion, place the child for adoption or even choose to have his family raise the child

combine this with the fact that 75% of baby-mama's are anxiously waiting to explode on some bullshit for their big shot at payday and you have your answer for the majority of cases.


and this is probably the answer to all the other cases

Originally Posted by EATUGOOD1
ur right. if it was some bustdown bitch i didnt give a fuck about then i wouldnt think about her or the "mistake"

 

[d.e.beatup]

I feel you and I have a similar situation even though I am not going to get with my BM, but still the question was not answered. $200/week is about 800-1000/month and that is not including the daycare he is paying.

Depends on what your monthly / annual income is. If it's breaking you, then hell yeah it's too much, but you're well off financially, then I guess no.

 

[DMXtreem]

Well here is one for the class. I have never met my father, although I know were he curently is. My mother never took him to court but took care of me and all my older sisters, bought her own home and finished school. I am now married and have children of my own. I never gave my fatherless situation much thought until I started having my own children. He has never looked me up or tried to contact me. For some strange reason, recently, I just feel like showing up at the doorstep like "suprise MoFo" and just totaly destroy any peace and tranquility he has left on this earth. Would I be wrong????????

 

[d.e.beatup]

Naw man, forget that nigga. I'm in the same situation as you, except I seen my pops on 3 different occasions, all of em by mistake or semi-mistake. The irony is I'm payin my way through school & my cousin who goes to the same school used to live with that nigga for like 2 years, while my moms just started to get some of the back-pay he owed.

I don't really sweat it personally. I don't have hard feelings against him, but at the same time, he's no different than any stranger I know. He knows he has a grandson cause I've spoken to his wife a few times recently, but he still ain't about anything. I could care less, but I'm mature enough to not stand in the way of a potential relationship between him & my boy. But since he never made the move, then oh well.

Instead of showing up w/ a "suprise MoFo" just focus on giving your children everything you didn't have from your pops growing up. It's ironic in a way, because all the things that hurt me the most from him not being in my life, I already value in advance and definitely will provide my son with. So in a sense, he did help raise me, at least in the extent of learning life lessons and what to really cherish.

 

[outlaw]

This avatar is the absolute shit!!!

 

[youngfocus]

I was in a crafty situation at one point of my life with child support b.s. I started out paying her "cash" ( I used money orders to keep a paper trail on her ass just in case she tried to pull some shit) my son was 1 at the time and I was droppin 375 a month on her/him just in that not to mention the money I just gave to her besides that. Then she found out her moms could get paid for "baby sitting" him so she threw the child support up which turn the money into 225....I was like cool...Then my job went under a major construction and I tried to relocate but I wasn't making enough money to make ends meet so I filed for unemployment and shit went to hell after that. I got backed up and I got court documents saying I Owe over 15,000 I called the courts they have no record of me calling stated that I went under unemployment so I'm stuck paying this bullshit back support I had her take off the support recently because received a job in different country making $800 U.S. dollars while im here still paying back support, and taking care of him full-time and she nor her family hasn't given me shit. So I say I wasn't being a dead-beat dad I fell on hard times like some people do. But I'm back on my feet trying to mend the situation with my debt. And really upset at her ass for leaving her son for 8 months out the year. But thats a different topic

 

[Tazirai]

I am just wondering, when you have a child, do you think of them? Do you dream of them? Do you wish to see them?

I am not a deadbeat dad, but love my daughter so much that I can not live a day without see her. Just wondering how a man can sleep and not think of his own??? How can you?


Let me inside your mind if you are. What are the real reasons for you not see your kids?

If my ex gives me hell, I still show up, regardless, my daughter have eyes to see that I am there, she will judge me herself...rain, snow, I go to see her.

Higly interested topic Since I have custody of my child, a daughter I just cant see givin her up and not providin for her.

/reads replies in anticipation.

 

[bigcrazymike]

i disagree with you on that because when a woman gets prego she have a choice in what she what to do not the man, if the man saids that he dont want any kids he should have a say so to, and not just force un wanted kids on him

When your fuckin a broad, you have to realize there's a chance she will get pregnant. No matter how small...there's always a chance. So when that shit happens, you oughtta be a man about it and handle your business.


Besides that, you should have paid attention to what I said in the first place...

How about men just ask a woman what she will do if she gets pregnant before yall start fuckin.

A lot of women just don't believe in abortion. So even though it may be an option for you, it may not be an option for them. If you're worried about it, then you should find that shit out before you fuck that broad.

 

[Tazirai]

Well here is one for the class. I have never met my father, although I know were he curently is. My mother never took him to court but took care of me and all my older sisters, bought her own home and finished school. I am now married and have children of my own. I never gave my fatherless situation much thought until I started having my own children. He has never looked me up or tried to contact me. For some strange reason, recently, I just feel like showing up at the doorstep like "suprise MoFo" and just totaly destroy any peace and tranquility he has left on this earth. Would I be wrong????????

Yup.. Dont think just because you weren' privy to what REALLY! happened between him and your mom, dont take shit out on him.
Men get bad enough Raps as it is.. Everything isn't as simple as it seems at times.

I went to the courts and fought for custody of my daughter, I refused to be a weekend father. But I also grew up with a father unafraid to teach me about being a father. Most men arent taught by their mothers to be fathers, and then when we arent we get shafted, all you ever hear from your boys is "ole girl put me on the green."

BUT dudes dont be wantin to fight for equal rights cuz they think the woman has all the cards.. Take it from me She doesnt. You just have to step your game up and get some knowledge in you r head and work the system, It's easier than you think.

Just remember two things.
1)Theres usually 3 sides to every story, yours/theirs/ and the truth. Talk to ya moms.
2) Fear of the babies mother makes men deadbeats, thers women deadbeats also. Believe that.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

It gets hard. The day after I broke up with my babymomma she hooked up with one of my friends, a damn near homeless, unemployed punk rock guitarist. Then to make matters worse she gets herself knocked up by him.

On top of that, as soon as I broke up with her I start hearing all these people telling me that my second born child isn't even mine. It can be hard to remember that she's been my daughter for 4 years and a DNA test won't change shit in that regard. I also get constant complaints from relatives, daycare workers, and schoolteachers that she's late, the kids are absent, dirty and so forth. I'd press for custody but I'm too damn broke to afford a better place for them to live. Shit, I'm one of 4 people living in a 3 bedroom basement suite so I can't even keep them overnight. You start thinking fucked up things like "What's the point of loving them and spending time if they're going to grow up like their mom anyway?"

Worst of all, one day when I went to her place to pick up the kids and drop off her check her "man" was in Calgary. The first question she asks me is "Do you know how to wire money?" It took ever ounce of strength I had to stop from tearing up the check and beating the living shit out of that woman. Shit like that makes it even easier to think "Why bother?" True to form I made the selfish mistake of cutting off all contact with the whole works of them for nearly 2 months after that.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

thers women deadbeats also. Believe that.

FINALLY, somebody said it. I dated this single mom once. When I asked about the dad. She goes on this long rant about what a horrible, selfish, irresponsible, deadbeat he was. How she juiced him for every child support dollar she could and so on. Finally she adds "I was only with him because I wanted a child anyway. But fuck him. I knew from the start that I could be a mother and a father without him."

The most fucked up part was she was 22, on welfare, and didn't even have a highschool diploma. Her son was 5 (do the math). The kid's dad probably brought in more money than the government check did so who's the real deadbeat there? I dropped her on her ass after that. Vibrating tounge ring be damned.

 

[bootlegga]

damn yall...this thread is the 'scared straight' of fuckin' the wrong chick...

 

[Havoc]

Dude, wtf are you smoking?

I think the human race is a step above wild animals. Actually, human civilization advanced at a faster rate after we abandoned our "animalistic" ways. A good example is the institution of marriage. Marriage is a pure and artificial human invention that took us out of the stone age into the space age. The division of labor in raising human babies ensured our advancement. That was the main purpose of marriage.

Now, the feminist movement seeks to reduce human civilization to that of animals. The same stage that we started off with, eons of years ago. A stage where females have babies and just wander off alone, and at the mercy of the land (i.e government) to raise the babies.

The war in Iraq negates everything in the first paragraph. Marriage is a stupid concept that has been romanticized to the point where it's no longer visible as the illusion that it clearly is. No doubt some marriages are good and work for a long time. However, I'm pretty confident that most are not, and end in failure.

 

[Havoc]

FINALLY, somebody said it. I dated this single mom once. When I asked about the dad. She goes on this long rant about what a horrible, selfish, irresponsible, deadbeat he was. How she juiced him for every child support dollar she could and so on. Finally she adds "I was only with him because I wanted a child anyway. But fuck him. I knew from the start that I could be a mother and a father without him."

The most fucked up part was she was 22, on welfare, and didn't even have a highschool diploma. Her son was 5 (do the math). The kid's dad probably brought in more money than the government check did so who's the real deadbeat there? I dropped her on her ass after that. Vibrating tounge ring be damned.

 

[streetdreamer]

Well, the system shouldn't pay for irresponsibility or accidents. This stuff happens and the people responsible should pay when kids do come along. Our system is burdened enough.

With that said, I will insist that EVERY baby's momma I know is hustling cash from the dad. When people say only some mothers act a fool, its false. They all have a bitter hatred of their baby's dad cause they would rather pay the bill and see their child from a distance than be anywhere near the baby's mom. The mothers may not want the man, but the man definately doesnt care for the mom in either case. I insist that all baby's moms are tempted to engage in this type of skulduggery including my baby's mom.

Woman on talk shows talk about deadbeat dads, but there are sooooo many horror stories from word of mouth from men that all single mom's are suspects. We all know about the foulness that is never reported.

As far as dads. While all of you refuse to admit it, face facts. YOU ARE WAYYYYYY BETTER OFF IF YOU DIDNT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR CHILD MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND ESPECIALLY FINANCIALLY. Just let chsupp law do its business and move on.

You will find that everytime you peak in you will see something you cant do anything about. Your child hasnt been to the dentist in 4 years??? well a judge isnt going to give you custody for that no matter how involved you are. You just gotta spend $2500 on a lawyer to make the mother take care of that or lose custody. Your child wants ice skating lessons and ice skates? look the other way because once you start it, you're indebted to it for years on end without help from mom. You try to see your child as much as you can... moms is trippin bout where you can pick her up, she cant be around your new wife, she comes over in rags and hair undone, she complains about no privacy.

You give the mom emergency cash on top of chsupp so the lights wont shut off and then you find out she's in Vegas while you're caring for the child for 2weeks after you've just given the mom $1100 this month then you have to file 3 grievances to get it credited properly to chsupp while she fights it all the way. The mother is on her 6th brand new car yet still broke as heck and you're driving the same car for the last 10yrs.

Its foul, believe me. Its not the courts but the nature of women who end up in this position.

 

[TREY-GA]

How...if he is paying for daycare on top of that $200/week... does it cost more than $200/week to care for a child?

....my point was that its about more than money given to the mother each week..its about TIME spent with your child!!!!, not how many pair of Jordans you bought him.......being a good father means spending time with YOUR child, teaching YOUR child, nurturing, loving, caring, and disciplining YOUR child...if YOU are not there YOU aren't doing YOUR job....sending money on b'days and holidays, and calling every few months will never make up for what the child is missing on a daily basis....I had a good father in the home growing up and I know for a fact I would be a totally different person if I was raised solely by my mom...

 

[streetdreamer]

....my point was that its about more than money given to the mother each week..its about TIME spent with your child!!!!, not how many pair of Jordans you bought him.......being a good father means spending time with YOUR child, teaching YOUR child, nurturing, loving, caring, and disciplining YOUR child...if YOU are not there YOU aren't doing YOUR job....sending money on b'days and holidays, and calling every few months will never make up for what the child is missing on a daily basis....I had a good father in the home growing up and I know for a fact I would be a totally different person if I was raised solely by my mom...

And my point is that the more you do that, the more anquish you go through just to get it done. You simply have to pay the baby moma tax to be good to your child. The more you're good to them the more bullshyt you have to go through. You're better off not caring at all.

 

[Damn Right]

i got a homeboy whose baby mama filed for child support in TWO DIFFERENT COUNTIES and gettin support garnished for the same kid! tha beatch went to l.a county to file then THAT DAY drove to san diego county and filed. when my homeboy saw his check he was like 'AWW HELL NAW!' called and gave the info. they both was like 'we don't have nuthin to do with the other county. not our problem. u gotta pay.'

got another homie who keeps movin state-to-state to avoid payin. each time they catch up to him, he just moves away. that nuckah calls me every few months with a different celly.

broads are shady too though. this one beatch had her kids livin with her moms but was still gettin those checks for her kids...(2 kids by 2 different dudes) and spendin those checks on us goin out and eatin. i was younger at the time and didn't really think much about it. now that i'm older, i'm like 'dayum, that was fuked up.'