Here's a story i'd like to put to BGOL. Hypothetical. 
Gary: Has his own business and pays himself 85,000 a year.
He has 3 cars, lives in a 4 bedroom house(No kids live with him)
He has 2 other kids pays their child support of 1600 a month
He also recently went on a cruise, while she was asking him for 50 dollars for the rest of the week to drive to work, and daycare.
Keep in mind daycare for 1 kid is 400 a month. They have 2 together and she's expected their 3rd.
He wanted to separate because he says, she has a bad attitude, she is unintelligent, says she's evil and would make a great wife for the devil, says he doesn't know why God choose her for him, say's she's miserable, bitter, and resentful: say's she's superficial.
While on the cruise, he meets up with a "friend"(female) who he insists is strictly platonic. On a cruise.
Denise: Was a stay at home mother, and has recently gotten a job because of the separation. Lives in a 3 bedroom townhome with her 2 kids. And she's now pregnant with his 3rd child. He insists on keeping the 1 house with 4 bedrooms, so that his kids can have a bedroom when they come over to visit. And says she's the 1 who should downsize.
Denise isn't asking for spousal support,(which she's legally entitled too come to find out) she's just asking for childsupport. And he feels she's asking for too much. He doesn't want her to go to court, but he also doesn't want to pay more money.
He doesn't see his 2 kids he has with her. He doesn't visit. But he keeps insisting NOW just in these past 2 weeks that he wants to work things out. But keep in mind he's still trying to issue demands to her.
This is 1 of the hypothetical emails he sent to her.
The way I see it we are at a cross roads, there are a couple choices. I really do feel that you are adamant about a divorce and you don't seem to be too concerend how many people get hurt on the process. Here are my conditions for reconciliation.
Scenario 1: Reconciliation
1) Stop legal and court proceedings
2) joint counseling starting ASAP
3) Give me detailed expectation of what you hope to achieve through joint counseling
4) Give me details if what you want me to work on in the marriage, must be specific action items. Refer to PAIRS training docs
5) Give me a final answer on you meeting my basic needs, we discussed briefly but it is still an open item that I have been waiting for almost a year now.
6) negotiate some agreement on support
Scenario 2: Immediate divorce (current option)
1) continue with legal proceedings and filings
2) Give me a clear and detailed reasons on why you want a divorce, from your perspective, using I statements. Not based on things I said.
3) agree on access, custody and support
4) ask for divorce immediately or ASAP
5) end all communication go our separate ways.
For me it's one or the other. I won't do both at the same time. I clearly prefer scenario 1 saving the marriage. If you want to save the marriage choose scenario 1 too, if you don't it's scenario 2 for you. Choice is yours. I won't go to counseling if there is an impending legal separation and divorce going through the courts. It will be way to stressful and distracting and I am extremely concerned about the health implications. So I am being very upfront about it and it is clearly the end of the line for us if you wish to continue with scenario 2. I can not stress enough that continuing on the current process leaves zero room to ever have a reconciliation and will adversely effect my relationship with you, Isaiah and the other child. Not to mention it will sever the relationship between you and both Jasmine and Gabriel. I will hold you personally responsible for the effects of the divorce on all the children for the next 25 years should you choose to go that route. I beg you please spare the kids the damaging effects of divorce. There are pros and cons to both scenarios, so be sure to choose wisely. Let me know if you want to discuss them.
I will give you until the end of the week (March 8th 5:00pm) to decide and get back to me with the information I requested, point 3, 4, & 5 in scenario 1, or point 2 in scenario 2.
Now me personally?(hypothetically speaking) i feel like this, i believe in "keeping them white folks out our business"...But he's an asshole. He's living the high life as a single guy and basically doesn't want the kids, doesn't want her, until he realizes how much money she really can hit him up for. He's scum in my eyes. Is it her fault? I would hypoethetically say yes it is. She chose him. So this is the price we as women have to pay now....Does it excuse him from being upright with his seed? I feel absolutely not. He should care for his children.
I would tell her to ask for, in writing, 1000 a month now. And 1500 when the baby is born. This is it, this is all. She can't MAKE him see his kids, or do anything with them. But i figure with her job, and 1000 a month should be fine to take care of the kids and live that life of a single mother with 2 small children. Is it enough? No i don't think so. But is it better than 400 a month? Which doesn't pay for daycare? Yeah it is. At least this way he's at least paying for day care. This is the price you and the kids pay for your choosing this male.
So yeah i'd tell her to ask for that amount, as well as say that, the day he misses 1 payment she's in the courts with it. The end.
So what do you guys think of this. I'm expecting all sorts to say the things they say, but also i think i may get some kind of reasonable discussion on this hypothetical situation. Maybe some good responses will help for future situations. As well as maybe even jar some lurkers or hangers around into doing something for their own kids. For their own hypotheticals.
Gary: Has his own business and pays himself 85,000 a year.
He has 3 cars, lives in a 4 bedroom house(No kids live with him)
He has 2 other kids pays their child support of 1600 a month
He also recently went on a cruise, while she was asking him for 50 dollars for the rest of the week to drive to work, and daycare.
Keep in mind daycare for 1 kid is 400 a month. They have 2 together and she's expected their 3rd.
He wanted to separate because he says, she has a bad attitude, she is unintelligent, says she's evil and would make a great wife for the devil, says he doesn't know why God choose her for him, say's she's miserable, bitter, and resentful: say's she's superficial.
While on the cruise, he meets up with a "friend"(female) who he insists is strictly platonic. On a cruise.
Denise: Was a stay at home mother, and has recently gotten a job because of the separation. Lives in a 3 bedroom townhome with her 2 kids. And she's now pregnant with his 3rd child. He insists on keeping the 1 house with 4 bedrooms, so that his kids can have a bedroom when they come over to visit. And says she's the 1 who should downsize.
Denise isn't asking for spousal support,(which she's legally entitled too come to find out) she's just asking for childsupport. And he feels she's asking for too much. He doesn't want her to go to court, but he also doesn't want to pay more money.
He doesn't see his 2 kids he has with her. He doesn't visit. But he keeps insisting NOW just in these past 2 weeks that he wants to work things out. But keep in mind he's still trying to issue demands to her.
This is 1 of the hypothetical emails he sent to her.
The way I see it we are at a cross roads, there are a couple choices. I really do feel that you are adamant about a divorce and you don't seem to be too concerend how many people get hurt on the process. Here are my conditions for reconciliation.
Scenario 1: Reconciliation
1) Stop legal and court proceedings
2) joint counseling starting ASAP
3) Give me detailed expectation of what you hope to achieve through joint counseling
4) Give me details if what you want me to work on in the marriage, must be specific action items. Refer to PAIRS training docs
5) Give me a final answer on you meeting my basic needs, we discussed briefly but it is still an open item that I have been waiting for almost a year now.
6) negotiate some agreement on support
Scenario 2: Immediate divorce (current option)
1) continue with legal proceedings and filings
2) Give me a clear and detailed reasons on why you want a divorce, from your perspective, using I statements. Not based on things I said.
3) agree on access, custody and support
4) ask for divorce immediately or ASAP
5) end all communication go our separate ways.
For me it's one or the other. I won't do both at the same time. I clearly prefer scenario 1 saving the marriage. If you want to save the marriage choose scenario 1 too, if you don't it's scenario 2 for you. Choice is yours. I won't go to counseling if there is an impending legal separation and divorce going through the courts. It will be way to stressful and distracting and I am extremely concerned about the health implications. So I am being very upfront about it and it is clearly the end of the line for us if you wish to continue with scenario 2. I can not stress enough that continuing on the current process leaves zero room to ever have a reconciliation and will adversely effect my relationship with you, Isaiah and the other child. Not to mention it will sever the relationship between you and both Jasmine and Gabriel. I will hold you personally responsible for the effects of the divorce on all the children for the next 25 years should you choose to go that route. I beg you please spare the kids the damaging effects of divorce. There are pros and cons to both scenarios, so be sure to choose wisely. Let me know if you want to discuss them.
I will give you until the end of the week (March 8th 5:00pm) to decide and get back to me with the information I requested, point 3, 4, & 5 in scenario 1, or point 2 in scenario 2.
Now me personally?(hypothetically speaking) i feel like this, i believe in "keeping them white folks out our business"...But he's an asshole. He's living the high life as a single guy and basically doesn't want the kids, doesn't want her, until he realizes how much money she really can hit him up for. He's scum in my eyes. Is it her fault? I would hypoethetically say yes it is. She chose him. So this is the price we as women have to pay now....Does it excuse him from being upright with his seed? I feel absolutely not. He should care for his children.
I would tell her to ask for, in writing, 1000 a month now. And 1500 when the baby is born. This is it, this is all. She can't MAKE him see his kids, or do anything with them. But i figure with her job, and 1000 a month should be fine to take care of the kids and live that life of a single mother with 2 small children. Is it enough? No i don't think so. But is it better than 400 a month? Which doesn't pay for daycare? Yeah it is. At least this way he's at least paying for day care. This is the price you and the kids pay for your choosing this male.
So yeah i'd tell her to ask for that amount, as well as say that, the day he misses 1 payment she's in the courts with it. The end.
So what do you guys think of this. I'm expecting all sorts to say the things they say, but also i think i may get some kind of reasonable discussion on this hypothetical situation. Maybe some good responses will help for future situations. As well as maybe even jar some lurkers or hangers around into doing something for their own kids. For their own hypotheticals.
she has a bad attitude and is not intelligent yet he has 2 kids with her and another on the way
