Question About Daughter's Sweet Sixteen (Ladies - HELP!)

[KW13537]

I need help understanding this: my wife decided that she would like to give my oldest daughter (now 15) a sweet sixteen party. I thought that we should give my daughter several options as well (honestly hoping that the party wouldn't be the choice). I gave her the following choices;

1) a car (value up to 10,000.00)

2) a cruise for her, my wife and her two best friends to the Carribean for a week w/ spending money for all

3) the sweet sixteen party

My daughter choose the party (I believe, due to the prompting of my wife). I explained to her that, in my opinion, the first 2 choices are more practical. The party will last for 5 hours and then its over. For the money that's being spent, the first two options would be better. I explained this to my wife and she told me that it's a "girl thing" and that I wouldn't understand, especially since I don't have sisters.

I don't have a problem with the expense. My daughter is a great kid; 90+ average, never any behavior problems, good role model for her little sister, etc. I can't understand why she would choose the party over the trip (would last longer than 5 hours) or the car (where we live, a car is almost a necessity for kids 16+).

 

[followup]

what's the question again? (not being a smart ass, but you gave her 3 choices and she chose the one she liked the most. so the answer to what I think is your question is: she chose the party because that's what she liked the most).

In my family we don't really have a certain age when you have a big party or celebrate birthdays other than the 1st birthday. But when I was 15 I got to have a party and it was amazing. I just wanted to have a good time with a bunch of friends.

 

[doggish_098]

hey bruh in her eyes you are dad and you are suppose to provide all of the above in one way or another.

 

[KW13537]

what's the question again? (not being a smart ass, but you gave her 3 choices and she chose the one she liked the most. so the answer to what I think is your question is: she chose the party because that's what she liked the most).

In my family we don't really have a certain age when you have a big party or celebrate birthdays other than the 1st birthday. But when I was 15 I got to have a party and it was amazing. I just wanted to have a good time with a bunch of friends.

I thought the other choices made more sense. 5 hour party vs. a trip that lasts a week or a car. I told her that I was only doing one of the choices. The whole thing became a debate between me and the wife, so I'm requesting the opinions of the ladies on the board. If she just wanted a cookout and pool party, I still would have given her the car or the trip. This sweet sixteen is costing about $9000, so that's all she's getting.

 

[KW13537]

hey bruh in her eyes you are dad and you are suppose to provide all of the above in one way or another.

I guess so, huh

 

[followup]

I thought the other choices made more sense. 5 hour party vs. a trip that lasts a week or a car. I told her that I was only doing one of the choices. The whole thing became a debate between me and the wife, so I'm requesting the opinions of the ladies on the board. If she just wanted a cookout and pool party, I still would have given her the car or the trip. This sweet sixteen is costing about $9000, so that's all she's getting.

why would you pay $9000 for a teen's party? that's ridiculous in my opinion--even if you got $9000 just laying around. These kids are spoiled today.

and f*** anybody who even THINKS about saying 'how can you tell somebody how to spend their money?' That's a bullshit BGOL line and I'm talking about responsible parenting and kids knowing the value of money.

 

[bogg]

hey bruh in her eyes you are dad and you are suppose to provide all of the above in one way or another.

Yep.

maybe she thinks/knows she'll get you to get the whip later.

 

[p5ych3]

Its the "in" thing for young chicks. Chances are she and her friends are going
to have lots of memories of the party from their cell phones. its going to be all
over twitter and talked about for days, weeks, even mths.

a boat trip while great takes her away from her friends. everytime i took my daugthers
away on trips they were complaining by the 2nd day about not communicating with
their friends.

a car while practical is not at the top of a young girl's at 16 list unless her dad's a mechanic
and she is into cars like that.

a birthday party for a teen girl wins out everytime in her eyes.

 

[Genesiswiz]

I need help understanding this: my wife decided that she would like to give my oldest daughter (now 15) a sweet sixteen party. I thought that we should give my daughter several options as well (honestly hoping that the party wouldn't be the choice). I gave her the following choices;

1) a car (value up to 10,000.00)

2) a cruise for her, my wife and her two best friends to the Carribean for a week w/ spending money for all

3) the sweet sixteen party

My daughter choose the party (I believe, due to the prompting of my wife). I explained to her that, in my opinion, the first 2 choices are more practical. The party will last for 5 hours and then its over. For the money that's being spent, the first two options would be better. I explained this to my wife and she told me that it's a "girl thing" and that I wouldn't understand, especially since I don't have sisters.

I don't have a problem with the expense. My daughter is a great kid; 90+ average, never any behavior problems, good role model for her little sister, etc. I can't understand why she would choose the party over the trip (would last longer than 5 hours) or the car (where we live, a car is almost a necessity for kids 16+).

You are a man and you are constrained by the need to make logical choices.

 

[followup]

You are a man and you are constrained by the need to make logical choices.

Like spending $9000 on a party for a child

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

It's what she wants. Toss up your hands, say alrighty then. and just do it. What else can you do? You gave her the option. The option she chose is what she wanted. Just make sure now....that you absolutely positively do NOT cave on those others. Those come off the table altogether. Make her live with her choices.

 

[Noir]

To your daughter, at her age, the importance of her Sweet Sixteen party equals the importance of a storybook, lavish wedding to an older woman. Neither may seem logical when its cost is placed next to something else the money could be used for (Car vs. Sweet Sixteen) (Down Payment on home vs. Wedding), but to the girl/woman, it is the center of their importance.

Chalk it up to parenthood and let your daughter enjoy what will be the biggest experience of her young life (until her wedding - LOL). How are you managing to spend $9000 anyway? You hiring Beyonce to perform at the party?

Note: You daughter used excellent logic on you:

1) She does not have the need for a car now (her parents or guys interested in her will drive her wherever she needs to go anyway), and don't think that you will not buy her a car when she goes away for college.

2) She knows that she will enjoy future trips with you and the family anyway, so the cruise is not a big thing now.

Congrats and good luck!

 

[doggish_098]

It's what she wants. Toss up your hands, say alrighty then. and just do it. What else can you do? You gave her the option. The option she chose is what she wanted. Just make sure now....that you absolutely positively do NOT cave on those others. Those come off the table altogether. Make her live with her choices.

easy to say that in your mind but in xxxx months when she is always borrowing your ride or keeps saying "dad can you take me here" then you are under pressure to go buy her a car.


but then again those are only minor "problems" considering some of the things teenagers are putting their parents through

 

[KW13537]

How are you managing to spend $9000 anyway? You hiring Beyonce to perform at the party?

Both my wife and I get substantial bonuses at the end of the year, so these options are affordable. At the age of 16, I gave my older son (now 21) the same choice. He chose the car.

To answer the question, my wife is planning the event at a reception/catering hall that's formal. In addition, we both have large families that we are close to, so this is going to be a large party (about 150 family & friends min).

As I said before, I've been lucky with my kids. They're excellent students, handle chores w/o major problems and very few attitude conflicts. So I don't have a problem spending the money. I just didn't understand the appeal of a formal party for a 16 Y.O. girl. Where we live, a car is worth its weight in gold (no mass transit). She says that she will work to pay for her own car. I can see her doing that, she does baby-sitting and web page design for clothes money.

 

[Flawless]

teens that age are more concerned about status so she is probably just trying to impress her friends and others, anyways u gave her options and she told u what she wanted, no reason to complain now

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

easy to say that in your mind but in xxxx months when she is always borrowing your ride or keeps saying "dad can you take me here" then you are under pressure to go buy her a car.


but then again those are only minor "problems" considering some of the things teenagers are putting their parents through

I have a 16 yr old. We did her sweet 16 last month actually. She's been saving for her own car since she was 10. She's currently got more money saved than EYE do. lol But yeah the whole drive me here and there?

Easy there bro. Magic word called, "NO". Works WONDERS. Try it. lmao

jk. I understand what dude is saying, but then think of it like this. He's probably being manipulated by the ex wife in a fashion. I believe he's got to stand strong on this. You can't give in. But then i also believe very firmly in making them forge their own ways as well. Making them earn what they get is much more suitable in this day and age.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Both my wife and I get substantial bonuses at the end of the year, so these options are affordable. At the age of 16, I gave my older son (now 21) the same choice. He chose the car.

To answer the question, my wife is planning the event at a reception/catering hall that's formal. In addition, we both have large families that we are close to, so this is going to be a large party (about 150 family & friends min).

As I said before, I've been lucky with my kids. They're excellent students, handle chores w/o major problems and very few attitude conflicts. So I don't have a problem spending the money. I just didn't understand the appeal of a formal party for a 16 Y.O. girl. Where we live, a car is worth its weight in gold (no mass transit). She says that she will work to pay for her own car. I can see her doing that, she does baby-sitting and web page design for clothes money.

Yeah them parties can get expensive don't they. smh. Mine almost didn't have 1, it wasn't HIGH on her list to do. But she did really love it.

 

[Noir]

Both my wife and I get substantial bonuses at the end of the year, so these options are affordable. At the age of 16, I gave my older son (now 21) the same choice. He chose the car.

To answer the question, my wife is planning the event at a reception/catering hall that's formal. In addition, we both have large families that we are close to, so this is going to be a large party (about 150 family & friends min).

As I said before, I've been lucky with my kids. They're excellent students, handle chores w/o major problems and very few attitude conflicts. So I don't have a problem spending the money. I just didn't understand the appeal of a formal party for a 16 Y.O. girl. Where we live, a car is worth its weight in gold (no mass transit). She says that she will work to pay for her own car. I can see her doing that, she does baby-sitting and web page design for clothes money.

Thanks for answering the question. I wasn't questioning your ability to pay, just wondering how the cost for a party could get that high. Seeing how there will be 150+ people at a formal event, yes, I can definitely see the cost now.

However, is it your daughter that is requesting/necessitating a lavish event or your wife? In addition to giving your daughter the choice (which she made), I would ask her what kind of party would she want. I'm sure she would pick a much less formal and lavish theme.

 

[TurellSmith]

Woman are not logical they way men are. They make decisions based on emotions not practicality. Hope you enjoy the party.

 

[melonpecan]

Being grown we can see that the party is not the logical option.




But I'll tell you as a girl that never got her Sweet Sixteen anything she wants that night where she can get dolled, have her friends, and just party to what she wants to party to.

You know, the same reason why in ten years you'll dish out money for her wedding.

Just suck it up.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Being grown we can see that the party is not the logical option.




But I'll tell you as a girl that never got her Sweet Sixteen anything she wants that night where she can get dolled, have her friends, and just party to what she wants to party to.

You know, the same reason why in ten years you'll dish out money for her wedding.

Just suck it up.

lol this guy talking about "logical". Dudes always want to throw that word around when it has nothing to do with the task at hand really. Like they some kinda robots or something. Beedie beedie beedie beet...does not compute...does not compute...

Unfeeling weirdos then wanna complain why the chicks don't want to be with their ole dry plaster beige selves.

Here's a small bit of....thing i'mma tell these guys here melo. I wonder if they'll get it.

Females like to feel good. They like to feel pretty. They like to be liked. Worldshattering shit i know. Hopefully this won't blow out their lil robo gaskets.

 

[hsm2448]

Hahahahahaha...nigga u better get in touch with ur alpha male genes. Does ur wife pick out your clothes in the morning. Unless she's guaranteed admission to Harvard etc no 16 yr old nowadays deserves a 9k party. I understand the car since she's at least getting something tangible. Now ur feeding into her sense of entitlement for arbitrary reasons and ur still going to be buying a car soon. Smh at kids these days. If my kid tried that shit with me id punch her dead in her kidney.

 

[KW13537]

Hahahahahaha...nigga u better get in touch with ur alpha male genes. Does ur wife pick out your clothes in the morning. Unless she's guaranteed admission to Harvard etc no 16 yr old nowadays deserves a 9k party. I understand the car since she's at least getting something tangible. Now ur feeding into her sense of entitlement for arbitrary reasons and ur still going to be buying a car soon. Smh at kids these days. If my kid tried that shit with me id punch her dead in her kidney.

Don't worry...my manhood is in tact.

 

[KW13537]

Update: The Sweet 16 party was this past May and it came off much better that I thought. Just about all the invited guests attended and had a great time. The food was off the hook! The D.J. was nice and we partied hard. Final bill - $7900. 163 guests came and dug deep into their pockets; daughter received just under $10,000 cash & some gifts. My cousin did her photo album as a gift (usually costs about $1800) and because we paid cash upfront, the catering hall kept the party going for an extra hour and a half! A lot of family that we hadn't seen in a minute showed up and made it that much more special. This was a good idea in that we got many of my first and second cousins together. Now we're planning a family reunion for next summer.

My daughter stayed true to her word and bought her car; 2003 Honda Civic w/50,000 miles (exterior in excellent condition, interior in good condition). She has a job, so she'll be paying for her insurance.

 

[KW13537]

Being grown we can see that the party is not the logical option.




But I'll tell you as a girl that never got her Sweet Sixteen anything she wants that night where she can get dolled, have her friends, and just party to what she wants to party to.

You know, the same reason why in ten years you'll dish out money for her wedding.

Just suck it up.

I sucked it up My daughter usually is more practical in her decisions, so this choice caught me off-guard. I must admit, it was cute to watch her and my wife have fun doing this "girly" stuff together. She was so happy with her party, so I guess it was worth it. She told me how much it meant to her to have her day.

 

[melonpecan]

Females like to feel good. They like to feel pretty. They like to be liked.

I sucked it up My daughter usually is more practical in her decisions, so this choice caught me off-guard. I must admit, it was cute to watch her and my wife have fun doing this "girly" stuff together. She was so happy with her party, so I guess it was worth it. She told me how much it meant to her to have her day.

Update: The Sweet 16 party was this past May and it came off much better that I thought. Just about all the invited guests attended and had a great time. The food was off the hook! The D.J. was nice and we partied hard. Final bill - $7900. 163 guests came and dug deep into their pockets; daughter received just under $10,000 cash & some gifts. My cousin did her photo album as a gift (usually costs about $1800) and because we paid cash upfront, the catering hall kept the party going for an extra hour and a half! A lot of family that we hadn't seen in a minute showed up and made it that much more special. This was a good idea in that we got many of my first and second cousins together. Now we're planning a family reunion for next summer.

My daughter stayed true to her word and bought her car; 2003 Honda Civic w/50,000 miles (exterior in excellent condition, interior in good condition). She has a job, so she'll be paying for her insurance.

Glad it worked out!

 

[hsm2448]

COngrats.

I apologize for the little joke in the beginning but the rest of my post I stand behind. I just see it a lot, which is a dangerous sense of entitlement on the part of kids nowadays. Sounds like yours has her head on straight though, and I guess in that situation there is nothing wrong with rewarding her for it.

 

[KW13537]

COngrats.

I apologize for the little joke in the beginning but the rest of my post I stand behind. I just see it a lot, which is a dangerous sense of entitlement on the part of kids nowadays. Sounds like yours has her head on straight though, and I guess in that situation there is nothing wrong with rewarding her for it.

No Prob, I understood where you were coming from. Believe me, if she wasn't knocking it out the box as far as school and work, it wouldn't even be a conversation. I've been blessed with great, hard-working kids. I only have brothers, so this girl stuff is new to me. Raising girls is a big learning process for me. They know I'm hard, but fair, in how I deal with them. I did tell her to go easy on Dad when she gets married