Why would any INTELLIGENT Black Man want to get married?

[rundatrack]

bolded

Thanks for the honest answers. But one thing stood out to me. You got married WAY TOO EARLY in my opinion. A man should not consider marriage until he is over 30...I think then he should wait because this is his sweet spot...meaning...job..and finances are usually in a better place than in your 20s.

Also....having 2 young kids in the mix can take the wind out of any under5-10 yr relationships sails.

You guys met in your teens and got married at 20. Dude that is mega early....MEGA!!!!. You should have dated to at least 25 and then weighed things out?

Was she pregnant before or after the marriage. I am just asking because you may see marrying the mother of your children a noble thing...but if there isnt that complete I wanna get married...no outside influences...then...


IMO your very very young to be married with 2 kids. Shit I wasnt even thinking of marriage or kids at that age...

 

[rundatrack]

Some real pretentious,bitter,miserable,angry and lonely dudes up in this thread.

Yeah they are definitely out there in droves....happily married for 7+ years over here

 

[ScorpDiesel]

Sometimes it's not always about being intelligent. Some of us recognize that we're too selfish & immature to be married. I'm 40yrs old, I've been married & I've asked 2 other women for their hand in marriage. After taking a sober examination of myself, I realize I'm not marriage material...and I'm OK with that.

 

[Dert Bagg]

Huh??? Without a true emotional committment and a legal "partnership," none of that works for very long and it has little value. Having kids outside of marriage is a disaster (which the black community should be well aware of). If you wanna run around and be a footloose, uncommitted man-whore, fine. Just please don't burden society with any kids.

Western Europe disagrees w/ you.
Having unplanned children that you can't afford is a disaster (which the citizens of Appalachia are well aware of).

 

[rundatrack]

Western Europe disagrees w/ you.
Having unplanned children that you can't afford is a disaster (which the citizens of Appalachia are well aware of).

Truth

 

[woodchuck]

I've been married a few years now and damn... I still have yet to see the "ADDED VALUE". Glad to know I'm not alone -- http://www.exploitedhusbands.com pretty much captures every Married Black Man's Unspoken FEARS, FRUSTRATIONS, and DEAD DREAMS

let me guess you're single right?

"I'll take 'Didn't Bother To Read the Post Before I Responded' for $500, Alex"

 

[4North1Side2]

Thanks for the honest answers. But one thing stood out to me. You got married WAY TOO EARLY in my opinion. A man should not consider marriage until he is over 30...I think then he should wait because this is his sweet spot...meaning...job..and finances are usually in a better place than in your 20s.

Also....having 2 young kids in the mix can take the wind out of any under5-10 yr relationships sails.

You guys met in your teens and got married at 20. Dude that is mega early....MEGA!!!!. You should have dated to at least 25 and then weighed things out?

Was she pregnant before or after the marriage. I am just asking because you may see marrying the mother of your children a noble thing...but if there isnt that complete I wanna get married...no outside influences...then...


IMO your very very young to be married with 2 kids. Shit I wasnt even thinking of marriage or kids at that age...

Oh yeah, I always advocate for Men to never get Married. I don't even like "Marriage" but I love the relationship with my woman. Some reason like the change the game once you get Married, all sudden you can't do this and that. I have a co-worker who got divorced after 6 months of "marriage" He said his chick flipped the script after jumping the broom.

My woman and I were already together for couples years and had a child. I got married to make her happy...same way she was ok with me spending 2g's on tv (which is alot of money to us) to make me happy.

I already admitted that I got into serious relationship way to early but it worked majorly. I'm very happy and so is the fam. We just happened to be an exception, but I agree totally with you, in general people should stave off serious relationships for later in life. Plenty of time for that.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

=============================================================
Then keep your neutered ass in Sisters online!

Dude
Kick rocks. Didn't you invite yourself in the thread for happily married couples?

 

[gene cisco]

Because it's the best environment to raise a family in.....it may not be ideal but it's a 100 times better than anything else...

You do know you don't have to enter into a fucked up business contract to do that. That is why common law exists. The government knows that a man and woman can carry on life as man and wife without the official business contract. In certain areas after doing this for a certain amount of time you are married in the government eyes whether you like it or not. Common law marriage. Thankfully Ohio don't have that bullshit after 1991.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

You do know you don't have to enter into a fucked up business contract to do that. That is why common law exists. The government knows that a man and woman can carry on life as man and wife without the official business contract. In certain areas after doing this for a certain amount of time you are married in the government eyes whether you like it or not. Common law marriage. Thankfully Ohio don't have that bullshit after 1991.

How many states still recognize common law marriages?

 

[Retired Mizer]

Dude
Kick rocks. Didn't you invite yourself in the thread for happily married couples?

============================================================
Yes I did slapnuts, because I can!

The question is; Why would ANY intelligent black man want to get married? I have an opinion, and it is valid whether you agree with it, or not.

Marriage does not benefit a self-sufficient male who doesn't require kids in his life. If you want to have kids you still don't need to get married. The majority of our kids are being born OUT OF WEDLOCK anyway. GET MARRIED IF YOU WANT, but as long as there are men reading our words here trying to get advice on marriage, and the only advice they see are your words? Then,they are getting a perverted view of reality, indeed.

The reality is that the divorce rate is close to 60 percent out there, and until which time the laws regarding divorce penalization are changed into a more realistic representation of todays reality, then it is NOT in a man's best interest to get married. Nothing personal, it is what it is- DO YOU, but don't MISLEAD folk into believe the cost benefits of marriage are more than the price you pay in a game where the odds are already stacked against you!

You may very well have an excellent marriage. You very well may also be the whipped partner in your marriage, I can't say, but what I am certain of, is your opinion is just one- the smallest exception to the general rule. I personally feel we are not getting the whole story as far as it goes in your particular case. The future will tell...

 

[JD Walker]

How many states still recognize common law marriages?

Not Cali.

 

[Rick Ronson]

Im just that kinda guy.

 

[hsm2448]

Stop marrying broke bitches

 

[JD Walker]

Where that Flash convict?

It's actually HTML5. If you're going to hop on the JD Walker dick riding bandwagon get your accusations right...

And we know you ain't seen no part of a college campus.

I'm actually college graduate.

Ain't shit funny about you believing the THEORY OF GRAVITY is a FACT.

we can settle whether of not gravity is a fact by pushing you and your family out of a plane from 5000 feet. If you float, gravity doesn't exist LIKE YOU CLAIM, and if y'all drop, hey, I guess it was "god's plan" ha?

Yousa dumb relic ass nigga who gets shook at education like a white bitch running from Jason in the woods. Last week your dumbass was talkin about the theory of relativity didn't wasn't proven either.

 

[Sampson]

Why do some people assume not being married means:

You're single/lonely,

You're incapable of having a great partner and a happy family?

Following that logic, marriage guarantees stability and happiness right?

I'm not for or against marriage but at the same time, just because you are married it doesn't guarantee a more stable relationship.

The only real benefits I've read so far are the financial ones.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

============================================================
Yes I did slapnuts, because I can!

The question is; Why would ANY intelligent black man want to get married? I have an opinion, and it is valid whether you agree with it, or not.

Marriage does not benefit a self-sufficient male who doesn't require kids in his life. If you want to have kids you still don't need to get married. The majority of our kids are being born OUT OF WEDLOCK anyway. GET MARRIED IF YOU WANT, but as long as there are men reading our words here trying to get advice on marriage, and the only advice they see are your words? Then,they are getting a perverted view of reality, indeed.

The reality is that the divorce rate is close to 60 percent out there, and until which time the laws regarding divorce penalization are changed into a more realistic representation of todays reality, then it is NOT in a man's best interest to get married. Nothing personal, it is what it is- DO YOU, but don't MISLEAD folk into believe the cost benefits of marriage are more than the price you pay in a game where the odds are already stacked against you!

You may very well have an excellent marriage. You very well may also be the whipped partner in your marriage, I can't say, but what I am certain of, is your opinion is just one- the smallest exception to the general rule. I personally feel we are not getting the whole story as far as it goes in your particular case. The future will tell...

I see you're having a bad day and want to argue.

While I strongly disagree I don't attack the validity of your opinion, just your conclusions. You have your opinion shaped by your experiences and I have mine. My view is much less distorted than your own. The difference is when I tell mine, I make sure to add a large dose of realism and caution. I don't believe in nor endorse overly romantic sentiment. You, on the other hand, apparently are still so hurt by your own bad marriage you just have one way of looking at the idea without recognizing that everyone has a different story with different circumstances.
I don't just give my opinion when it comes to the benefits of marriage when it comes to men, I back it up with evidence and links (the board is big on links to back up your shit). While you just pull numbers and your opinion out of your ass and speak it like it's a fact. And I definitely don't tell men to just have random children out of wedlock. How does that help anyone, including the offspring? Is that supposedly better or even cheaper?
Time won't tell shit. Me and the wife could split up tomorrow and I could come back on here and pretend shit was still sweet and you wouldn't know the difference. The only thing that would stop me from doing that is my feeling that doing shit like that takes too much energy to impress black letters on a white backdrop. If you read my posts about my shit, you'll see I give a pretty good idea of how it is and how's it's been. If you want every single detail of every single day of our marriage, too bad. But I've done more to give an fuller account of a long term successful marriage than you have in a failed one.

Not Cali.

Not NC either.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Why do some people assume not being married means:

You're single/lonely,

You're incapable of having a great partner and a happy family?

Following that logic, marriage guarantees stability and happiness right?

I'm not for or against marriage but at the same time, just because you are married it doesn't guarantee a more stable relationship.

The only real benefits I've read so far are the financial ones.

And the health related one.

I don't think there is a "married or single and lonely" conflict going on but when people ask why brothers get or got married or how happily married couples have maintained, we have the same kind of answers.

 

[D Town Redd]

 

[gene cisco]

How many states still recognize common law marriages?

Don't know. Single digits. I just know Ohio isn't one.

All I know is if a man wants a family and to protect his interests if things go sour in the future, he resides in a non-common law state and takes care of his family like he was married.

 

[SaKem]

Some real pretentious,bitter,miserable,angry and lonely dudes up in this thread.

I'm none of those, and I don't want to get married either.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Don't know. Single digits. I just know Ohio isn't one.

All I know is if a man wants a family and to protect his interests if things go sour in the future, he resides in a non-common law state and takes care of his family like he was married.

Won't matter if "things go south". Child support would still be enforced and you're still vulnerable to palimoney suits if you one of those "I don't want my woman" to work types.

 

[D Town Redd]

Some real pretentious,bitter,miserable,angry and lonely dudes up in this thread.

Or just some brothers on the REAL.

Most of the times, it makes sense to look at things as they ARE...
instead of how we WISH them to be.

Feel me?

 

[Autobot8655]

Sometimes it's not always about being intelligent. Some of us recognize that we're too selfish & immature to be married. I'm 40yrs old, I've been married & I've asked 2 other women for their hand in marriage. After taking a sober examination of myself, I realize I'm not marriage material...and I'm OK with that.

Of course BGOL will flat out ignore this post that contains hella wisdom.

You stated truths that cats are not willing to admit or disguising as something else

 

[Louis Koo]

3 REAL reasons why you should get married

1. estate planning issues (your long term partner near the end of your life)
2. your love lives in another country and needs a green card
3. health insurance

other than those above, i cannot think of a reason why ANY man (black or otherwise) would get married

4. spousal privilege

 

[streetdreamer]

Lemme disect this...

1. Increase Your Pay
A Virginia Commonwealth University study found that married men earn 22 percent more than their similarly experienced but single colleagues.
Your wife just went out and bought a $700 purse and you make 30k a year. Yeah, you had better earn more and work that overtime if u want pussy. This has nothing to do with how he is living.

2. Speed Up Your Next Promotion
Married men receive higher performance ratings and faster promotions than bachelors, a 2005 study of U.S. Navy officers reported.
You're broke and you need to put kids through college whereas a single guy can spend $5 to get in the club and get some pussy. He doesn't need to be a somebody. This has nothing to do with how he is living.

3. Keep You Out of Trouble
According to a recent U.S. Department of Justice report, male victims of violent crime are nearly four times more likely to be single than married.
I doubt this shit all together with DV charges and bankruptcy. Since 70% of black marriages end in divorce, right about then you're really in trouble but you fall off this stat list because you're divorced.

4. Satisfy You in Bed
In 2006, British researchers reviewed the sexual habits of men in 38 countries and found that in every country, married men have more sex.
Good looking, strong physique, witty alpha males get mad pussy all the fucking time. And they don't have to beg the same old "getting fat as fuck and dont have to care about my body anymore" woman to fuck them who is the only person in the world they're allowed to get pussy from.

5. Help You Beat Cancer
In a Norwegian study, divorced and never-married male cancer patients had 11 and 16 percent higher mortality rates, respectively, than married men.
If you have cancer, you're fucked in life anyway

6. Help You Live Longer
A UCLA study found that people in generally excellent health were 88 percent more likely to die over the 8-year study period if they were single.
Because divorced men die fast. A lot of men have been married in life, I'm willing to bet that single men all of their lives, compared to divorced men live much longer and have better, healthier lives. But it really depends on how you're living..

They never take into consideration on how someone is living.

 

[sirwoodz]

quite literally, just about every black woman i come across that's around my age has children.

multiple children.

by different men.

gonna be single for the rest of my life

 

[Drayonis]

Added income

This is the main reason I got married.

 

[regulus]

Added income

This is the great lie. All most men will have is added expenditure. Most women spend more than they make, including these six figure bitches. This is why despite my access to them I avoid most of them like the plague. It just means that I'll get into more debt than with a chick who makes less income.

There was a study about 6-7 years ago that showed that the average man only consumes about 60% of his after tax income. This is the bachelor lifestyle too so they could actually save more. The average woman spends 120% of her post tax earnings. If two professionals make $100k each, aka 200% of a single persons income it will work out like so:

60% or less for him (<=$60k)
120% or more for her (>=$120k)
and 20% or slightly more for the 2-3 kids (>=$20k)

This is if they live check to check. Notice how the males 60% is artificially high because that's for a bachelor lifestyle. In a serious relationship/family situation it'll be much lower. The kids will suck up most if not all of the difference. The wife will most likely fill the void in expenditure if the kids are very young or there is just one child present. If the male makes less than the woman its almost a guaranteed divorce/bankruptcy. This is why it's best if the man makes more than the woman, because they women typically leverage their consumption and then holler that independent bullshit.

 

[Barron11]

Because WHEN IT WORKS WITH THE RIGHT WOMAN, a marriage can be a nurturing, affirming, healthy, powerful partnership...

The key is, of course, finding that right woman, which is not easy these days...

Well Said. The sad thing is most of the guys on this board will only see the glass half empty.

Marriage is a wonderful institution if you can find the right woman/partner.

 

[Chiyo]

This is the great lie. All most men will have is added expenditure. Most women spend more than they make, including these six figure bitches. This is why despite my access to them I avoid most of them like the plague. It just means that I'll get into more debt than with a chick who makes less income.

There was a study about 6-7 years ago that showed that the average man only consumes about 60% of his after tax income. This is the bachelor lifestyle too so they could actually save more. The average woman spends 120% of her post tax earnings. If two professionals make $100k each, aka 200% of a single persons income it will work out like so:

60% or less for him (<=$60k)
120% or more for her (>=$120k)
and 20% or slightly more for the 2-3 kids (>=$20k)

This is if they live check to check. Notice how the males 60% is artificially high because that's for a bachelor lifestyle. In a serious relationship/family situation it'll be much lower. The kids will suck up most if not all of the difference. The wife will most likely fill the void in expenditure if the kids are very young or there is just one child present. If the male makes less than the woman its almost a guaranteed divorce/bankruptcy. This is why it's best if the man makes more than the woman, because they women typically leverage their consumption and then holler that independent bullshit.

You acting like having a woman around, even if not married, is not going to cost.

Unless you swear off women completely you will loser money with them. Marriage just puts more loot under your name.

 

[2211]

When you find yourself in court and the issue of her making more money than you is raised, do you think that the female judge that's hearing your case will give a fuck,

Get ready to get rock, you are the man and you are evil

and pray to god the female judge is not a dike, only the lord will save you.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

This is the great lie. All most men will have is added expenditure. Most women spend more than they make, including these six figure bitches. This is why despite my access to them I avoid most of them like the plague. It just means that I'll get into more debt than with a chick who makes less income.

There was a study about 6-7 years ago that showed that the average man only consumes about 60% of his after tax income. This is the bachelor lifestyle too so they could actually save more. The average woman spends 120% of her post tax earnings. If two professionals make $100k each, aka 200% of a single persons income it will work out like so:

60% or less for him (<=$60k)
120% or more for her (>=$120k)
and 20% or slightly more for the 2-3 kids (>=$20k)

This is if they live check to check. Notice how the males 60% is artificially high because that's for a bachelor lifestyle. In a serious relationship/family situation it'll be much lower. The kids will suck up most if not all of the difference. The wife will most likely fill the void in expenditure if the kids are very young or there is just one child present. If the male makes less than the woman its almost a guaranteed divorce/bankruptcy. This is why it's best if the man makes more than the woman, because they women typically leverage their consumption and then holler that independent bullshit.

link?

 

[CPT Callamity]

quite literally, just about every black woman i come across that's around my age has children.

multiple children.

by different men.

gonna be single for the rest of my life

I think this is what I take issue with. I don't believe what some of these old dried up bitches say either when they say "well if a woman hasn't had kids by X age then..." It's sad when I strapped up and kept myself from getting bagged. Now most of my boys got kids and about half are married. I say about 1 out of every 5 women I meet has kids, and then ones that don't are married to their career/Masters Program/whatever. It's a real shit storm out here for real.

Now do I think I'll be single the rest of my life? No, but finding a black woman (who I'd like to, if possible, start a family from scratch with) isn't exactly and easy feat as much as they shame us and badger us in thinking it is.

I said I would look at things a bit differently at the close of this year. I'm not going to shit on marriage anymore, but just recognize that it might not be for me or the conditions of which I would ask someone to take such a step are way out of reach at this time.

 

[Damn Right]

I've been married a few years now and damn... I still have yet to see the "ADDED VALUE". (

sounds like u just married the wrong woman