The Approach

[cigley]

Hey ladies, I have a question.

I suffer from that -itis that makes me choke when it comes to approaching women. Don't know what it is but I feel like a damn fool. Believe it or not, the only times I've gotten together with females, they have approached/chased me or I've been introduced by someone in some weird setting.

Now, some will say confidence my brother, but that is too simple an answer. I find I am confident in many things. Hell, I think I can be conceited in some ways. It just seems a little weird to walk up to a complete stranger and randomly bullshit with them.

So my question, when a guy approaches you, what are the fist thoughts that jump into your head? Guys that have "successfully" approached you, what was it about them that made them "successful."

 

[Rossini]

good question. we suffer from the same syndrome

 

[RAULDK]

Western Civilization Has Got You Thinking So Backwards.
1)you Are Made To Interact. Talk All You Want. Do You Know How Many People That Are Out There Holding Their Shit Inside Til They Bust And Go Rape Or Kill Someone?

2) Expect Nothing And You Will Be Amazed How Much You Actually Get In Return. I Have Walked Up To Women And Just Introduced Myself And Made Them Aware I Saw Beauty And Had To Make Myself Known To Them. Even If It Turned Out To Nothing At Least I Know They Know Me Now. You Never Know You Might See Her Again And It Might Click.

3) My Mother Used To Say This To Me.... "raul, Every Woman You Meet Does Not Have To Be Your Girlfriend" I Used To Be A Fool And Was Bagging Women Up Like Groceries. But Now I Am In It For The Convo, Warmth And Networking.

4)don't Just Talk To The Very Pretty Ones... Everyone Has Feelings. Some Of My Best Friends Are People That Are Ugly... Lol, I Know But Its True. Treat People With Respect And They Will Always Return It.
Reach Out To Everyone, Remember She Might Have Friends

5) Last But Not Least Treat The Initial Meeting Like An Old Friend.
Shake Her Hand, Look Her In The Eyes, Let Her Speak And Never Interject Til She Is Done, Never Force An Issue With Name And Number,

Act Like Your Man Is Coming To You With The Same Problem And Use What You Would Tell Him On Yourself.


Raul
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[followup]

Be back after work with more, but next time you see a pretty lady you'd like to meet, say "Hi my name is Cigley. You look great today. What's your name?" If she pulls some bull about "I don't tell people my name" keep it moving because she's stank or stuck up.

I would love for a man to say that instead of the old-faithful, "Can I talk to you?" I mean, dude you're already talking to me. Say something else...

 

[CT's Finest]

Hey ladies, I have a question.

I suffer from that -itis that makes me choke when it comes to approaching women. Don't know what it is but I feel like a damn fool. Believe it or not, the only times I've gotten together with females, they have approached/chased me or I've been introduced by someone in some weird setting.

Now, some will say confidence my brother, but that is too simple an answer. I find I am confident in many things. Hell, I think I can be conceited in some ways. It just seems a little weird to walk up to a complete stranger and randomly bullshit with them.

So my question, when a guy approaches you, what are the fist thoughts that jump into your head? Guys that have "successfully" approached you, what was it about them that made them "successful."

I think the key to meeting women is being yourself. Show them your personality and be real with them...

...if all else fails hit 'em with this...



...play on playa!!!

 

[YouLikeMyStyle]

the jodeci never fails!

 

[LoneStar29]

next time you see a pretty lady you'd like to meet, say "Hi my name is Cigley. You look great today. What's your name?" If she pulls some bull about "I don't tell people my name" keep it moving because she's stank or stuck up.

I would love for a man to say that instead of the old-faithful, "Can I talk to you?" I mean, dude you're already talking to me. Say something else...

C/S the first paragraph ... LMAO@the second paragraph

Firstly I just wanna say that I think it is sooooooo cute that you are shythere are way to many cocky men around.

As for your question ... eye contact should be first ... if you look her in the eyes from no matter the distance she'll let you know with her eyes wether it's ok to approach her or not ... like followup said if she looks stank(eg looks away rudley) then keep it moving ... but if she smiles back then go for it Go over and just give her your name ... ask for hers ... and just start a small convo about anything related to where you are or what is around you at the time(I hate it when men just walk up to me and are like my name is so and so give me your number ... I'm like wtf)... let her know you are interested in getting to know her better and ask her if you can exchange numbers that way the playing field is fair which I like.

Good luck ... and please ... oh please ... don't lose that sweetness ... I think it's really cute

 

[Shadow]

I just walk up and introduce myself. If they like that, I'm in. Can't get any more up front than that.

I try to diffuse the situation by doing that, so I'm not nervous about approaching a potential new "friend".

 

[shanebp1978]

C/S the first paragraph ... LMAO@the second paragraph

Firstly I just wanna say that I think it is sooooooo cute that you are shythere are way to many cocky men around.

As for your question ... eye contact should be first ... if you look her in the eyes from no matter the distance she'll let you know with her eyes wether it's ok to approach her or not ... like followup said if she looks stank(eg looks away rudley) then keep it moving ... but if she smiles back then go for it Go over and just give her your name ... ask for hers ... and just start a small convo about anything related to where you are or what is around you at the time(I hate it when men just walk up to me and are like my name is so and so give me your number ... I'm like wtf)... let her know you are interested in getting to know her better and ask her if you can exchange numbers that way the playing field is fair which I like.

Good luck ... and please ... oh please ... don't lose that sweetness ... I think it's really cute

I can't imagine attempting to dumb myself down enough to even say , " Hello " to you.

cigley, if I were you, I wouldn't take advice from a no class wine in a box, net twit.

I mean does her sig feature, Kayne West, or Dwele, because I'm sick of the flashing lights.

 

[PrincessC]

Just introduce yourself politely...eye contact is good, but not the crazy kind.
Also, don't use corny compliments...I hate that.

 

[followup]

I can't imagine attempting to dumb myself down enough to even say , " Hello " to you.

cigley, if I were you, I wouldn't take advice from a no class wine in a box, net twit.

I mean does her sig feature, Kayne West, or Dwele, because I'm sick of the flashing lights.

*checks "No" box for Shane*

 

[shanebp1978]

*checks "No" box for Shane*

Stop treating me like a piece of meat.

I hate the way you objectify my emotions.

I feel so spiritually nude now!

I am a person and I deserve hugs, and the " Yes " box checked!

 

[followup]

Stop treating me like a piece of meat.

I hate the way you objectify my emotions.

I feel so spiritually nude now!

I am a person and I deserve hugs, and the " Yes " box checked!

You're too mean. I like nice men.

 

[followup]

So my question, when a guy approaches you, what are the fist thoughts that jump into your head? Guys that have "successfully" approached you, what was it about them that made them "successful."

O.K. Back to the original questions.

My first thought when a guy approaches me is "Oh God". Sometimes it's a nervous thing if the the guy is handsome, sometimes it's an "Oh God why did you send this negro over here?".

The unsuccessful guys usually say "Can I talk to you?" or say some little retarded comment like "Damn, you's a bad *" or something. They approach me in a place where I'm captive (the beauty salon, manicure place, doctor's office, WOMEN'S DEPARTMENT). They do not have a nice appearance (not fineness, but dressed decent and well-groomed) or they are with another woman when they approach me. The worst line is "Do you have a boyfriend?" That question makes me feel like the man is saying that if I don't have a man, that I am obligated to give him a chance.

The successful ones have all been respectful and polite, didn't cross my boundaries after I let them know, and had a nice smile for me. And if he opens his mouth and something nice comes out, I'll at least have something nice to say back.

Don't take it the wrong way if a woman you approach does not want to switch numbers. Don't EVER ask, "Do you have a man?" or "Why not?". It smells like desperation. Just relax and see what happens. If you all just have a nice conversation and part ways, that's great. If you make a new friend that's cool too. Like someone else said, go in with no expectations.

 

[LoneStar29]

You're too mean. I like nice men.

Thank you followup

 

[Ctrl_Alt_Delete]

Keep in mind that the worst thing a woman can tell you is NO. Also, do not use lines just talk to a lady like you have some common sense. If she cannot hold a decent conversation you may want to reevaluate her. The battle is won before it is even fought.

 

[melonpecan]

I can't imagine attempting to dumb myself down enough to even say , " Hello " to you.

cigley, if I were you, I wouldn't take advice from a no class wine in a box, net twit.

I mean does her sig feature, Kayne West, or Dwele, because I'm sick of the flashing lights.

*...changes opinion and walks out the back door...









Anyway, congrats on making an effort. You have taken the first step. I agree with the other women here- be yourself, no corny lines, just converse.

The only thing I can really recomend is that when you do try to converse, even if the discussion turns into something you don't agree with- don't hit the lady in the head with it. I at least like a convo we can bat around for some deep thought but don't over analyze shit. (I speak from experience with an ex-friend I had )

Keep it casual have fun and show yourself. And don't be afraid to approach!

*Looks for the Nike sign and slogan

 

[305slugga]

Good Topic for one.....

A lot of men might clown you for something like this but this is a problem that plagues a lot of men. I am one of them. I know I am good looking and confidence but just like you I just stumble on my words sometimes. I like to be low key and observant cause I can scope out the females in my environment and see which one is worth approaching and which is not.

 

[AristotlesOwn]

O.K. Back to the original questions.

My first thought when a guy approaches me is "Oh God". Sometimes it's a nervous thing if the the guy is handsome, sometimes it's an "Oh God why did you send this negro over here?".

The unsuccessful guys usually say "Can I talk to you?" or say some little retarded comment like "Damn, you's a bad *" or something. They approach me in a place where I'm captive (the beauty salon, manicure place, doctor's office, WOMEN'S DEPARTMENT). They do not have a nice appearance (not fineness, but dressed decent and well-groomed) or they are with another woman when they approach me. The worst line is "Do you have a boyfriend?" That question makes me feel like the man is saying that if I don't have a man, that I am obligated to give him a chance.

The successful ones have all been respectful and polite, didn't cross my boundaries after I let them know, and had a nice smile for me. And if he opens his mouth and something nice comes out, I'll at least have something nice to say back.

Don't take it the wrong way if a woman you approach does not want to switch numbers. Don't EVER ask, "Do you have a man?" or "Why not?". It smells like desperation. Just relax and see what happens. If you all just have a nice conversation and part ways, that's great. If you make a new friend that's cool too. Like someone else said, go in with no expectations.

I like this advice and there are many things in there that I practice. It's very sound and displays the difference between a girl and a woman. It's nice to have justification.

Good thread.

 

[DeSiRe]

make her laugh!!!! usually im in my own little world...but if a guy can make me laugh it takes my mind off whatever im doing and he has my full and undivded attention. not to mention my guard is down a little more when he has gotten me to smile

try being honest...say someting like..."i noticed you when you walked in the room and honestly i though about ways to approach you and I choked...but I couldnt let you walk away...your presence is breathtaking..blah blah"

whatever you do PLEASE dont let the first words out of your mouth be "where yo man at".....i cant stand when guys start a conversation lik that

 

[YouLikeMyStyle]

^^^^^^

co-sign on the "where yo man at" sooooo annoying!

 

[cigley]

I want to thank everyone for their "words of wisdom." I look forward to any other comments people have on this mater. If I ever have a son, I imagine I would pass this info onto him if he needs it.

For myself, I read some where there are some tasks to do to get through this issue. So, as a plan of action, I'm going to just go around and say "Hi" to random people. Maybe add a "How are you doing" in there every now and then.

Furthermore, getting a womans perspective on this issue is proving to be amazing. It never occured to me the thing about asking "where yo man at." I have tried doing this before:

Look suspiciously around girl and when she asks what are you doing, "Just wanted to make sure some guy wasnt going to jack me up for talking to his lady." The purpose was to get a small giggle and some info, wether she is single or not.

OK, as for "Can I talk/holla" Someone needs to write a memo and deliver it cause I seen many males use that as an opener. I guess it can seem to look like buddy from chapelle show...holla holla holla holla...

 

[Mo-Better]

Meeting women is not difficult. You see a lady you like the best ice breaker is a compliment. Tell her how nice her hair looks or that she has pretty eyes or a nice smile. (sure winners) Speak about "her" not her car, clothes or shoes. Compliments that address "her" work and usually opens her up to conversation.

However don't run up to her grinnin' telling her, "hey Baby hek, hek, hek you got a body that's slammin', I wonts to be with you, or anything like that. That won't get you anywhere if she's a woman with any class. If she's open to that run the other way.

You just met this lady so you don't want her thinking your a sex fiend. Keep the conversation general at first.

 

[jkhary]

Yeah i had this problem too for a little while... Now it just depends on the environment. Clubs are easy cuz there made to socialize so i always say pardon me i don't mean to bother u...Give her a compliment, your name then ask hers and have small convo. Nothing serious and try to make her laugh. Then i just say nice talking to u maybe i see u later tonite. 80% of the time your run into again in the club that nite and their give u the number after the second conversation.

Now if your just out at the mall, cash wash, post office, etc. it's harder becuase you really have to find a common ground to approach on. Your look kinda stupid just walking up and sayin hello my name is... Cause the environment doesn't call for it unless ur just that dude which most r not. I just ask sometype of question to start convo for ex. if i'm at the post office i mighta ask a question about the packages or postage then we start a conversation off. But it's a toss up unless u just really make that connection because your time is limited so it all depends.

 

[LoneStar29]

I can't imagine attempting to dumb myself down enough to even say , " Hello " to you.

cigley, if I were you, I wouldn't take advice from a no class wine in a box, net twit.

I mean does her sig feature, Kayne West, or Dwele, because I'm sick of the flashing lights.

One second you wanna make peace with me and the next second I'm a "no class wine in a box net twit"I see you Shane

 

[absolutvodka]

approach her like she has had sex with someone uglier and funkier than you.

 

[shanebp1978]

One second you wanna make peace with me and the next second I'm a "no class wine in a box net twit"I see you Shane

You ain't seen me yet. So you ain't seen nuthin.

That post is old, so forgive my past transgressions and you'll be a happier person!

I don't agree with you all the time. But I got love for you!

 

[LoneStar29]

You ain't seen me yet. So you ain't seen nuthin.

That post is old, so forgive my past transgressions and you'll be a happier person!

I don't agree with you all the time. But I got love for you!

If that's how you love ... I don't wanna see how you hate

 

[shanebp1978]

If that's how you love ... I don't wanna see how you hate

 

[LoneStar29]

I'm not 100% sure ... but did you just call me a pussy???

 

[SEXY_SCORPIO]

I am easy to please. All I ask is that you don't call me ma,shorty,or anything along those lines. Also, my pet peeve is do not touch me. I have almost pepper sprayed a couple people because they have touched me. But I love someone who gives me a nice smile and gives me the eye contact so that I know he is interested,chances are I will make the move if you are feeling a little shy

 

[shanebp1978]

I'm not 100% sure ... but did you just call me a pussy???

* Sigh *

No. If I wanted to call you a pussy, I would.

It's a kitten. Pussy cats are grown.



Is the kitten cute to you? Does it not look sad? Like maybe it might like you to understand it wants to be nice with you!?

Instead, you saw an insult.


Why are you so combative?

 

[LoneStar29]

* Sigh *

No. If I wanted to call you a pussy, I would.

It's a kitten. Pussy cats are grown.



Is the kitten cute to you? Does it not look sad? Like maybe it might like you to understand it wants to be nice with you!?

Instead, you saw an insult.


Why are you so combative?

Oh ... my bad

I'm not combative ... I'm just ... ... I couldn't even say that with a straight faceGuess I've been in the trenches for so long that I'm always expecting a warI'm a work on it though ... if you were truly genuine then I apologize

 

[SWATLANTA]

I read the eye contact, speak, make a light joke or comment and keep it moving. If she responds it's cool, if not, don't sweat it. Don't make it more than it is.....

 

[shywriter]

props to the OP for having the cojones to make this thread. Much like the OP, I really go through some shit when I see a girl I want to talk to. This chick that works at a restaruant I frequent once a week just leaves me MUTE. Like I can barely get my order out when she asks for it (no, this ain't McDonalds, LOL) and I just sit there and watch her perfect body switch and sway around the front of the joint and I just shake my head like "WHY can't I talk to this girl?!"