Just out of curiousity, and for the sake of enlightenment; please implore me and fill me in as to what in the aforementioned and stated has been trivial, a mandate according to societal rules, and as you so eloquently placed it as bullshit.....
Now keep in mind, this isnt to verbally attack you....but, seriously I would like to know....You indicated that you stayed in a situation for 14 years and I commend anyone for staying in a situation or marriage that long.
but, correct me if Im wrong and I think this is what alot of people are saying.....
"Both people have to compromise and find a solutions(s) that work for both people.
I'm a father, a brother, a son, and I have always managed to listen to women very well because, if you know as I know, if you listen to her, she will clue you in.(For men that actually take the time to listen to their woman, wife, spouse). Hell, a woman is a child's first teacher....I understand that if there is physical or emotional abuse; that was stated is definitely a valid reason to exit and I agree 100%
Now I personally stated that whatever else is lacking should be communicated and given a chance to breathe again. No harm in trying unless all other means of compromise are exhausted.
And some others stated that there is nothing in wrong in trying.
Not be naive to the situation but, to be lothogic, rational, and analytical in one's decision making.
Happiness isn't just a state a mind but, those whom you surround yourself with....I agree with you there though.
but, again agree to disagree and disagree and agree again.
All for the sake of learning something new everyday.
Peace!
'preciate your comments and your civil tone. This is about civil discourse. One of the things that I categorize as utter bullshit is this prohibition on separation. It's as if, if you can't work it out living in the same house, you should file papers. That IS utter bullshit. Separation, for a season, is Scriptural. It may work wonders for the two parties to live apart for awhile. They may well find out they cannot live without each other, then again, they may find out they are happier apart. I don't by this shit that there is something inherently problematic about separation. Hell, there is something inherently problematic about marriage itself- that doesn't mean people shouldn't try it.
Not to mention the marriages that exist for years with husband and wife in separate residences. Not for you? No problem. But it DOES in fact work sometimes, if but seldom. I won't recommend they separate, but I won't give them this shit "I don't believe in separation" What the fuck does that mean, because YOU (not you, bruh, but the general YOU) don't believe in it THEY shouldn't try it? It just might help them, who the fuck knows?
As for my situation, the reason my tone is a little crisp is because I stayed because I thought it "was the right thing to do." Bullshit. We had no kids. If BOTH of us did not want to stay, why should we? What is gained? My issue is not with the institution of marriage, but how we have completely fucked it up. It is no longer a source of fulfillment and satisfaction- it has become a survival course, and that should not be. It ain't that hard for two people to get along, but as a society we teach folks that shit should be fun and laughs all the time, and when it isn't people think there is a cosmic tear or something.
Why did I finally leave? Not because I wanted to, but my spouse finally determined that we were not living the American dream. Fuck the American Dream. We had money, professional careers and were civil toward one another. I was willing to stay, but I'm glad I am where I am now (which is out of a huge house and into a tiny apartment).
No, this is the bottom line: one has to understand what it is that one needs to maintain a tolerable existence and seek that, whatever the fuck that is. Don't try to fit anyone's ideal, and don't try to fit into some societal norm that makes absolutely no sense. Do what the fuck makes YOU happy, and if someone can fit with that and swing, GREAT. If not do the best you can with what you have.
These comments are not even directed at Onyx, whose thread this is, because it sounds like her shit will blow over. But this "I don't believe in separation" shit is toooooo much. If you need to separate without divorcing, then fucking separate, and fuck what a bunch of uninvolved parties have to say.
Thanks for the exchange, bruh.
But right now I am pouting and he isnt giving in to me
