Ladies, Whats your view on marriage thes days

KTonic

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Aight...taking a chance to post (noob), but I wanted to see how women feel about marriage.....Is this something you look forward to? Any and all insight would be appreciated, and this is not simply regulated to just women, fellas you are more than welcome to imput your opinions...
 
Marraige can be potentially a beautiful thing if it is done for the right reasons but there is a reason why people say only fools rush in. :smh:

If people took the time to read the vows properly before they tied the knot and know within themselves that these are what i honestly feel for my partner (love, chersih and to honor..... in sickness and in health) maybe more marraiges would last.:yes:

Swearing before God aint something to be done lightly but too many people do it these days but to each their own. You should marry only if IMO you love, trust, respect and want to spend the rest of your life with your partner and you both can communicate easily with each other.

Love needs work to keep it going and if both of you are not willing to put in the elbow grease then it can not last.
 
Since I am married...WHEW!!! I could tell ya'll some things, but I am a little distracted and I want to take your question seriously.
I'll come back and post:yes:
 
Marriage can be a very satisfying life choice, but the hard part is finding the right person. You need someone who views life and all it's challenges similarly to the way you do. There will always be someone better looking than your spouse. There will always be someone more financially sound than your spouse. There will always be someone who finds you more attractive simply because you have a spouse. Marriage is like a glass house. You will always have someone trying to break the windows to get in. The key is to use your commitment to one another as a form of bullet proof glass so that even the most persistent mutha fucka can't get in.
 
All I see everywhere is cheating married people and divorced people so I really don't believe in it.
 
Marraige can be potentially a beautiful thing if it is done for the right reasons but there is a reason why people say only fools rush in. :smh:

If people took the time to read the vows properly before they tied the knot and know within themselves that these are what i honestly feel for my partner (love, chersih and to honor..... in sickness and in health) maybe more marraiges would last.:yes:

Swearing before God aint something to be done lightly but too many people do it these days but to each their own. You should marry only if IMO you love, trust, respect and want to spend the rest of your life with your partner and you both can communicate easily with each other.

Love needs work to keep it going and if both of you are not willing to put in the elbow grease then it can not last.

Alex you are by far one of the most intelligent persons I have seen post on this site. Respect bredren.
I completely agree with the statements made above. One needs to know themselves first and foremost before making that commitment as well. Love is worthwhile when one works at keeping it within.
Marriage should never be taken lightly and should never be something one goes into to fulfill "childhood" fantasies which I feel is why some people do it. I for one would only ever enter into it knowing that this was it. For myself it would be no turning "back" forward only. Forever IS a long time.

Since I am married...WHEW!!! I could tell ya'll some things, but I am a little distracted and I want to take your question seriously.
I'll come back and post:yes:

hmmm oh dear ;)

LOL baby girl you know am only teasing....:D
 
Marriage can be a very satisfying life choice, but the hard part is finding the right person. You need someone who views life and all it's challenges similarly to the way you do. There will always be someone better looking than your spouse. There will always be someone more financially sound than your spouse. There will always be someone who finds you more attractive simply because you have a spouse. Marriage is like a glass house. You will always have someone trying to break the windows to get in. The key is to use your commitment to one another as a form of bullet proof glass so that even the most persistent mutha fucka can't get in.

I was a bit skiddish about posting, but I find that, thus far, people have given some sound perspectives towards the question. And somethings that were said made me think some more...like how well does one know self to know what thay can or cannot deal with, isn't it more common to learn in the midst of the situation......and how well can you know the other when people hide things from one another due to how deep the issue was/is or how one person might see something as so miniscule that its not worth mentioning....I like the glass house perspective especially making it bullet proof.:yes:
 
I was a bit skiddish about posting, but I find that, thus far, people have given some sound perspectives towards the question. And somethings that were said made me think some more...like how well does one know self to know what thay can or cannot deal with, isn't it more common to learn in the midst of the situation......and how well can you know the other when people hide things from one another due to how deep the issue was/is or how one person might see something as so miniscule that its not worth mentioning....I like the glass house perspective especially making it bullet proof.:yes:

I've been married, and it takes a lot of work from both parties. There are a lot of pre-marriage counselors who delve into a lot of issues with couples before they get married. I know someone who's going to pre-marriage counseling now. They started the counseling as soon as they got engaged and it will last for a year. He seems very positive and excited about the whole thing. He and his fiance have learned a lot about one another. I would suggest counseling before marriage because it may help to prevent counseling during marriage.
 
I don't think that marriage is taken as seriously as it used to be. How people understood what it meant by for better or for worst. It seems like people are just getting married for the sake of saying they are married now and days, and the first sign of a problem they are ready to divorce. I believe in marriage, but only if you know for a fact that this is the person you wanna go through life with, taking on the good and the bad...
 
I think marriage is a freaking a joke. If it weren't for religion, most people would not get married. People are deprograming themselves and have adopted thier own beliefs on what is important to them in this lifetime. I ain't knocking anyone for wanting to spend their life with one individual(Thats a beautiful thing), but it should'nt take marriage to solidy a relationship. I doubt back in the day of Christ that anyone had to sign a marriage certificate so the hell with the courts. Mofos weren't suing each other or trying to get alimony. One big joke.
:lol:
 
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I want to be married but I have a hard time believing that a man would truly be faithful.
 
Aight...taking a chance to post (noob), but I wanted to see how women feel about marriage.....Is this something you look forward to? Any and all insight would be appreciated, and this is not simply regulated to just women, fellas you are more than welcome to imput your opinions...

As a married man may I share some of the few epiphanies I have discovered:

1. On a whole I do not believe men or women, when tying to make a decision to marry, have the ability to render the best decision when you attempt to base that decision on such absolute terms like love, forever, sickness and health . . . etc. The task is difficult at best trying to make an entire life choice when so much of your life is still ahead of you. I say have a loose set of tried and true standards, that if demonstrated by the other will let you know that you two are at least on the same road, that way you can always choose the destination together.

2. Just like we look for the other person to embody certain habits and / or characteristics, i.e., what you get with the person. Equally as important and what also must be considered is what you are willing to do without regarding that person. Aside from those tried and true standards be willing to be flexible.

3. Lastly, which is really and extension of the first, marriage is a decision you make, not a next logical step because of other preceding steps. For example, just because you date a person for a long time, marriage is not a next logical. It is a falsehood to believe that dating is the best proving ground for marriage, like a prerequisite for the next advanced class, it is not. Some people only make good boyfriends and girlfriends.

Finally, be prayerful, some don't believe in prayer but I do, and mine were answered when I met my wife!!!!:yes:
 
I think the worst is the thing that trips people up, sure in the back of peoples mind the possibility of infidelity is there, but its the reasoning behind why people go astray that hits home, some reasons ive heard around the water cooler:

1. Board
2. not man/woman enough
3. someone came along and showed the attention that wasnt being shown at home
4. excitement
5. abuse
6. drugs
7. it just happened...LOL
8. lonely
9. grown apart
10. underappreciated

What are ya'lls thoughs?
 
All I see everywhere is cheating married people and divorced people so I really don't believe in it.

This may sound strange, but I find your cynicism refreshing. I am going through a separation/divorce(???) at the moment, and I for one never believed in the institution of marriage. I got married because I was trying to be Joe Citizen. Well I'm NOT Joe Citizen. I, like you appear to be, am an intelligent free spirit who finds most social conventions either bullshit or too contricting. That is why I find this board so compelling.

Marriage in the ideal may be a wonderful thing, and I can see how it could work under optimum conditions, but for most folks it requires more effort than they can muster.

I know this was a question for the ladies, but I had to reply to Bi.
 
Explain, Sister Femme

I just think that if I get married, I have to be willing to accept that my husband will step out on the marriage.

I don't know if I can be one of those women that will look the other way and live with it.

I mean my mom did. I know lots of women that do. I just don't know if I can.
 
Modern society has tainted marriage so ridiculous that getting married and staying true to the concept of complete trust is a mind bending stress. I'm married. Happily married at that. I married at an age that most would say is young but I can honestly say I would not cheat on my wife. Never.
However, all day every day we see divorces, cheaters etc. We've been force fed adultery so much that there is an automatic paranoia when it comes to tying the knot. Will she/he cheat? Will she/he love me forever? If you have to ask yourself these questions then it might not be the right time to commit yourself to a lifetime of solidarity with your partner. Marriage, due to its accumulated negativity, has become something to be scoffed at these days.
It's still an incredible unity of dedication and the utmost trust.
 
What's sad is that in a time that cheating is so prevalent, people have lied so much in relationships to the point where someone (especially a man) who says that he doesn't cheat, instead of getting respect, he's ridiculed and called a liar. I once got into an what if argument with some random person who said my dad would quickly and easily cheat on my mom if he the opportunity and a guarantee that he couldn't get caught. I said he wouldn't, that person said I just didn't know my dad (WTF :confused:) I'm like, no YOU don't know my dad! To some of you that might sound naive, but I'd put my life on it. That's the kind of man I want and they're out there.

I have several guy friends who I've known for years who are married now and do not cheat. They're still the same people, they still flirt and joke, but they don't cross the line...

And yeah - there's a lot of cheating going on, and its difficult to believe if you don't see it around you, but there really is a lot of fidelity, too.

And yeah - there are a lot of divorces, but they're not all about fidelity issues.
 
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I just think that if I get married, I have to be willing to accept that my husband will step out on the marriage.

I don't know if I can be one of those women that will look the other way and live with it.

I mean my mom did. I know lots of women that do. I just don't know if I can.

While i can comprehend your thought process on this matter Femme I feel it may be these thoughts that may not necessarily stop one from getting married but perhaps allow these things to actually occur.

If you have it in your head and in your belief system that your husband will cheat then the likelihood of that happening will be high. If one goes into marriage knowing that its the right thing for both parties and not allowing our mind to let us worry about the what ifs and the what may be's then there is no reason why it shouldn't work.


We have to be willing to simply accept our partners. That is what I feel. I mean if we even have that doubt then perhaps marriage should not be part of the plan period. If we cannot trust our partner to be faithful then there is NO partnership to be had.






Peace
 
We have to be willing to simply accept our partners. That is what I feel. I mean if we even have that doubt then perhaps marriage should not be part of the plan period. If we cannot trust our partner to be faithful then there is NO partnership to be had.

Co-sign.
 
I just think that if I get married, I have to be willing to accept that my husband will step out on the marriage.

I don't know if I can be one of those women that will look the other way and live with it.

I mean my mom did. I know lots of women that do. I just don't know if I can.

I think with younger cats it's almost a given that they cannot restrict themselves to one woman. Their DNA is just too powerful. But for older cats, we reach an age where it's about the quality of the fuck and not notches on a belt. It takes time to get really creative with a woman (I mean REALLY creative, not just juvenile gymnastics), and you can't do that by bopping around all the time. In that case, monogamy may have a chance- but watch the fucking tedium, okay? It kind of creeps up on you.

Also, I thnk you need some maturity to understand that sexuality is a 24/7 proposition. No, you spend most of your time NOT fucking, but the mind always needs to be headed in that direction with a lot of subtle, nasty shit. I have a co-worker, who I'm probably never going to fuck, who just has a talent for subtle sexual innuendos and double entendre. Just fucking brilliant. Every time she leaves my office I'm rock hard, and I swear I have never touched her. Now THAT'S wife material.

I saw some stupid movie on HBO one time where Biff and Buffy, a married couple, had just had hot and nasty sex. Afterward, they were talking about the most mundane shit- going to the grocery store, little Janie's dance recital, etc- but I found it one of the most erotic conversations I had ever observed. That's how you stay marriend and stay happy (this is all theory for me, of course).
 
While i can comprehend your thought process on this matter Femme I feel it may be these thoughts that may not necessarily stop one from getting married but perhaps allow these things to actually occur.

If you have it in your head and in your belief system that your husband will cheat then the likelihood of that happening will be high. If one goes into marriage knowing that its the right thing for both parties and not allowing our mind to let us worry about the what ifs and the what may be's then there is no reason why it shouldn't work.


We have to be willing to simply accept our partners. That is what I feel. I mean if we even have that doubt then perhaps marriage should not be part of the plan period. If we cannot trust our partner to be faithful then there is NO partnership to be had.






Peace

Gotta agree with what you say here. Trust is the foundation of any relationship and without it you just have nothing of consequence.
 
:)First off this is great stuff....I didn't foresee such responses....intellegent, insightful, real. Like a few others on the board, I am married and used to be happliy...but have sustain some foundation shifting....Where it is more common to believe that men are the dominate gender to run off and commit adultry, let it not be mistaken women are human and very well capable. I was asking the initial question to see what others thought. I applaud those that are happliy married and for those that are not married, be slow to enter into the union. If i come off as a simp.....oh well...this is a man attempting to voice and talk, and like I saw from another posting in another part of bgol, men don't mind talking, what we dont like is redicule for it. Don't get me wrong I love my wife truley, just feel like she likes me, but life is a journey and all is because its supposed to be.....
 
:)First off this is great stuff....I didn't foresee such responses....intellegent, insightful, real. Like a few others on the board, I am married and used to be happliy...but have sustain some foundation shifting....Where it is more common to believe that men are the dominate gender to run off and commit adultry, let it not be mistaken women are human and very well capable. I was asking the initial question to see what others thought. I applaud those that are happliy married and for those that are not married, be slow to enter into the union. If i come off as a simp.....oh well...this is a man attempting to voice and talk, and like I saw from another posting in another part of bgol, men don't mind talking, what we dont like is redicule for it. Don't get me wrong I love my wife truley, just feel like she likes me, but life is a journey and all is because its supposed to be.....

What is your foundation built on is my question if you don't mind me asking.

And is there a breakdown in your communication which had led to your feeling that she only "likes" you? As an outside point of view I would say to you bredren that you NEED to talk to your wife to figure out where you two stand with each other. I your foundation is solid then you should be able to withstand any minor shifting that may have occurred.



Peace
 
Love Can Be Blind
So Logically Speaking

The First Thing Anyone Needs To Understand Is Themselves.
If You Do Not Embody The Basic Principals Of Self
You Will Never Be Successful With Anyone No Matter How Good They May Be. You Will Only Ruin It And Create A Monster For The Next Person.

We All Precieve Ourselves To Be The Best
And Only Deserve The Best But Really.........how True Is That ?

The Next Consideration Is
If You Arent Capable Of Removing The Thought Of What Any So-called Traditional Marriage Is
Then You Are Doomed To Attempt To Fit Into The Box That Society Says Is What A Marriage Is Supposed To Be.
This Is One Of The Biggest Mistakes
That Is Made Prior To Marriage.

In Fact This Is Part Of The Reason Most People Cant Even Maintain A Relationship. Too Much Time Is Spent Comparing What You Have To What Your Brainwashed Mind And Society Has Lead You To Believe It It Supposed To Be.

Live Your Life According To
Your Rules, Regulations And Levels Of Respect.
However This Is A Slippery Slope.
It Will Be Easy To Set Standards That Someone You Want To Be With Are Not Ready To Or Arent Capable Of Reaching

Which Leads To The Next Thing
What Are You Choosing This Person For ?
Sex ?
Looks ?
Money ?
And So On..............
Self Analyzation Of Why We Choose Who We Do Is
Extremely Improtant.
To Choose The Wrong People Time After Time Smacks
Of The Idea That "im Perfect And They Are Not"
Humility Is In Order However Dont Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve Either.

Your Mind Should Remain Open To New And Different Things
Yet Be Able To Offer A Potential Mate The Idea Of Growth
If That Person Feels They Have Already Grown Then Maybe Its Time To Move On ,
Because They Have No Room For You In Their Already Full Circle.

Lastly
If A Mate Is Not Willing To Care For You In Your Worst State
Sickness Or Death Bed Included Then They Are Not Worthy Or Your Logic, Life Or Love.

Having Been Married Almost 18 Years
I Can Tell You It Is Work
And Worth Every Minute Of It.
In The Larger Scheme Of Things
You Will Learn That Sex Is A Large But Very Small Part Of It.
Infidelity Can Happen .......if You Live To Worry About That And That Only You Will Always Be Unhappy And Suspicious.
Wifey Doesnt Cheat But At This Point In Marriage I Could Care Less If She Went And Got Her Fuck On For A Little Something Different. Variety Is The Spice Of Life.
Sex Is One Thing Love Is Something Totally Different.
However Most Women Have A Hard Time Separating The Two.

Your Spouse Should Be Your Best Friend.
If You Think Otherwise You Are Wrong Already.
Too Many People Will Tell Their Friends Shit They Wont
Tell The Person They Sleep Next Too Every Night And Trust With Their Life.
If You Are Guilty Of This In Any Relationship You Are Living A Lie
Anyway So What Difference Does It Make ?
Women And Some Men Say They Want Communication But Most Cant Handle It.
The Truth Is A Muthafuka.
You Have To Condition Your Mind For The Truth And How To Handle It Properly.



Always Remember You Can Never Posses Another Person
And There Are Rules To Arguing.

Ive Gone Too Long So Ill Stop Here.
Just My 2 Cents
 
Why get married then?

If both of you are going to step out. It's just a regular relationship.

Marriage is more about living together than fucking together.It's about sharing similar goals for the home, children, savings and things like that.

Too many wives and husbands let their significant others get away with cheating on unfair terms because they didn't want to fuck up things for the children or the marriage. I say, why not be open from the start? yes I WILL cheat. NO I won't do it without protection. NO, she won't mean anything to me aside from a one night breezy. YES, I will forgive you if you do the same so long as there's no second night.

I mean why threaten years of emotional, financial and familiar investment over who put their genitals where? We're not meant to be monogamous, at least not completely. All the same that doesn't mean we can't be respectful, discreet, and responsible adults. There's nothing, except childish immaturity, that makes us fall in love with whomever we just fucked.
 
Marriage is more about living together than fucking together.It's about sharing similar goals for the home, children, savings and things like that.

Too many wives and husbands let their significant others get away with cheating on unfair terms because they didn't want to fuck up things for the children or the marriage. I say, why not be open from the start? yes I WILL cheat. NO I won't do it without protection. NO, she won't mean anything to me aside from a one night breezy. YES, I will forgive you if you do the same so long as there's no second night.

I mean why threaten years of emotional, financial and familiar investment over who put their genitals where? We're not meant to be monogamous, at least not completely. All the same that doesn't mean we can't be respectful, discreet, and responsible adults. There's nothing, except childish immaturity, that makes us fall in love with whomever we just fucked.

7736229.gif
 
To me it seems as though women want to get married but not actually be married.

Women want the ability to flaunt a ring, a wedding and say "my husband..."

Men on the other hand do it because they feel pressured by outside influences (parents, church, peers, kids etc.)

I'm 26 and I know that I'm no where near being married to my girl.

The idea doesn't even cross my mind however she brings it up every once in awhile.

I'm not 100% sure of who I am right now but I know that I'm not ready to take a legally binding contract with a girl (notice I didn't use woman) that I haven't learned to accept all of her flaws.

Marriage is suppose to be a partnership with two people in love with each other trying to achieve the same goals and be happy.
 
Love Can Be Blind
So Logically Speaking

The First Thing Anyone Needs To Understand Is Themselves.
If You Do Not Embody The Basic Principals Of Self
You Will Never Be Successful With Anyone No Matter How Good They May Be. You Will Only Ruin It And Create A Monster For The Next Person.

We All Precieve Ourselves To Be The Best
And Only Deserve The Best But Really.........how True Is That ?

The Next Consideration Is
If You Arent Capable Of Removing The Thought Of What Any So-called Traditional Marriage Is
Then You Are Doomed To Attempt To Fit Into The Box That Society Says Is What A Marriage Is Supposed To Be.
This Is One Of The Biggest Mistakes
That Is Made Prior To Marriage.

In Fact This Is Part Of The Reason Most People Cant Even Maintain A Relationship. Too Much Time Is Spent Comparing What You Have To What Your Brainwashed Mind And Society Has Lead You To Believe It It Supposed To Be.

Live Your Life According To
Your Rules, Regulations And Levels Of Respect.
However This Is A Slippery Slope.
It Will Be Easy To Set Standards That Someone You Want To Be With Are Not Ready To Or Arent Capable Of Reaching

Which Leads To The Next Thing
What Are You Choosing This Person For ?
Sex ?
Looks ?
Money ?
And So On..............
Self Analyzation Of Why We Choose Who We Do Is
Extremely Improtant.
To Choose The Wrong People Time After Time Smacks
Of The Idea That "im Perfect And They Are Not"
Humility Is In Order However Dont Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve Either.

Your Mind Should Remain Open To New And Different Things
Yet Be Able To Offer A Potential Mate The Idea Of Growth
If That Person Feels They Have Already Grown Then Maybe Its Time To Move On ,
Because They Have No Room For You In Their Already Full Circle.

Lastly
If A Mate Is Not Willing To Care For You In Your Worst State
Sickness Or Death Bed Included Then They Are Not Worthy Or Your Logic, Life Or Love.

Having Been Married Almost 18 Years
I Can Tell You It Is Work
And Worth Every Minute Of It.
In The Larger Scheme Of Things
You Will Learn That Sex Is A Large But Very Small Part Of It.
Infidelity Can Happen .......if You Live To Worry About That And That Only You Will Always Be Unhappy And Suspicious.
Wifey Doesnt Cheat But At This Point In Marriage I Could Care Less If She Went And Got Her Fuck On For A Little Something Different. Variety Is The Spice Of Life.
Sex Is One Thing Love Is Something Totally Different.
However Most Women Have A Hard Time Separating The Two.

Your Spouse Should Be Your Best Friend.
If You Think Otherwise You Are Wrong Already.
Too Many People Will Tell Their Friends Shit They Wont
Tell The Person They Sleep Next Too Every Night And Trust With Their Life.
If You Are Guilty Of This In Any Relationship You Are Living A Lie
Anyway So What Difference Does It Make ?
Women And Some Men Say They Want Communication But Most Cant Handle It.
The Truth Is A Muthafuka.
You Have To Condition Your Mind For The Truth And How To Handle It Properly.



Always Remember You Can Never Posses Another Person
And There Are Rules To Arguing.

Ive Gone Too Long So Ill Stop Here.
Just My 2 Cents

Again, very insightful stuff and much of what I believe and work hard to embody, because I get marriage is work. Understand (and only able to speak for myself due to not knowing anybody elses situation), What i saw about marriage was from my parents, the parents in my church, her parents, and all were married and happliy for more than 20+ years so through them i figured that they had the answers to what a marriage was and what it took to make it work. So when i say foundation im talking about what i have seen, read, heard, and complied in my own research which included a long courtship/counseling/and the likes....man ths is tough to articulate without just pushing all business out there and/or give the whole picture....anyway, I was basically just wanting to see others prespectives, especially women, and those that are married, as well as disscuss this topic....you have been big help. I think the REALNESS of marriage is a topic in black communities that goes the way of investing and money managment....taboo!
 
Marriage is more about living together than fucking together.It's about sharing similar goals for the home, children, savings and things like that.

Too many wives and husbands let their significant others get away with cheating on unfair terms because they didn't want to fuck up things for the children or the marriage. I say, why not be open from the start? yes I WILL cheat. NO I won't do it without protection. NO, she won't mean anything to me aside from a one night breezy. YES, I will forgive you if you do the same so long as there's no second night.

I mean why threaten years of emotional, financial and familiar investment over who put their genitals where? We're not meant to be monogamous, at least not completely. All the same that doesn't mean we can't be respectful, discreet, and responsible adults. There's nothing, except childish immaturity, that makes us fall in love with whomever we just fucked.


Well there are lots of couples living together and alot of men aren't going to get married if living together suits them just fine.
 
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