Serious question for the men on the board...

[femmenoire]

What should a woman do when something is going on with you and you don't share with your woman?

What do we do when you guys emotionall shut down and shut us out?

This is the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced in a relationship. I'm not one to continually hit brick walls so what should a woman do when you refuse to open up about something that might be bothering you?

 

[doggish_098]

stop naggin leave us alone and be supportive from a distance. you cant fix everything

 

[Iron]

stop naggin leave us alone and be supportive from a distance. you cant fix everything

End of thread.

 

[femmenoire]

stop naggin leave us alone and be supportive from a distance. you cant fix everything

I've never nagged a man so I have no idea what you're talking about.

If you've always been open and all of a sudden you shut down, how long should a woman wait. I've seen men be in a funk for months, even years. I'm not going to hang around that.

 

[Adam Knows]

i'll just say it doesn't help the situation to ask repeatedly.

 

[doggish_098]

I've never nagged a man so I have no idea what you're talking about.

If you've always been open and all of a sudden you shut down, how long should a woman wait. I've seen men be in a funk for months, even years. I'm not going to hang around that.

i mean what you consider being a nag and what you dude considers being a nag may be two completely different things. and on your other point if someone is holding something in for months and years then they have bigger problems then you or anyone else male or female probably want to deal with and they should bail anyway. All i was saying is you just have to sometimes give a person space and time and then in due time they will want to talk or do something about what was bothering them

 

[MOBLiveLife]

Leave him alone & let him initiate conversation/touching when he's ready.. When I'm facing a problem, I go into this mode of like focused concentration, tunnel-vision if you will.. I just want to find the solution and any outside distraction makes me feel like I'm being sidetracked & delaying the 'victory' of beating the situation.. Let me stay in my 'cave', I'll come out eventually..

 

[Damian Stone]

Give me my space.
Ladies often deal with situations by airing them out loud often not really expecting a solution but they still will share.
For myself, I will sort it out in my mind for a while before I am ready to talk about it.

Be patient!

 

[TUNE]

stop naggin leave us alone and be supportive from a distance. you cant fix everything

yeah thats right... but you left out PLENTY OF PUSS TOO

 

[shanebp1978]

stop naggin leave us alone and be supportive from a distance. you cant fix everything

What more can be said.

i mean what you consider being a nag and what you dude considers being a nag may be two completely different things. and on your other point if someone is holding something in for months and years then they have bigger problems then you or anyone else male or female probably want to deal with and they should bail anyway. All i was saying is you just have to sometimes give a person space and time and then in due time they will want to talk or do something about what was bothering them

More was said, and it's still a great answer. Co-sign.

Femme, I think people can only do so much for a partner.

An individual in a relationship is not bound so much so to injuring themselves. If a person is willing to deal with it, then that's ok, but if not, I don't think there is anything wrong with walking away.

 

[modagr8]

What should a woman do when something is going on with you and you don't share with your woman?

What do we do when you guys emotionall shut down and shut us out?

This is the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced in a relationship. I'm not one to continually hit brick walls so what should a woman do when you refuse to open up about something that might be bothering you?

Just chill, continue doing you. Make sure u are aware that we are really bothered or hurt,so watch what u say and do...I know when I dnt say what's wrong then I am trying to figure out a way to fix it on my own...In due time we will come back around and we might even tell u what is was...Patience, is the one word answer for ur question.

 

[Pussy Krook]

I've never nagged a man so I have no idea what you're talking about.

If you've always been open and all of a sudden you shut down, how long should a woman wait. I've seen men be in a funk for months, even years. I'm not going to hang around that.

Damn. No offense but maybe you were the problem.

 

[mrbigstuff9]

Every guy gets into this mode. Especially me. I like to deal with my own problems, but if I want my woman's help I will talk with her. I just don't like it when a woman pushes the subject and make it worse. If a man needs your help he will ask, but don't keep digging and digging until the relationship is six feet under.

 

[DarkCity]

There isn't much you can do. If he does try to talk to you about it. Then just listen don't offer feedback or input really. Most of the time we are just venting and will become frustrated if you are giving us advice that we don't want to hear. I know me personally I just need to brood for a while and fix things on my own.

Now if this is going on for a longer period of time then maybe you do need to push the issue because this is some deep seeded stuff and might require some help.

 

[SWATLANTA]

stop naggin leave us alone and be supportive from a distance. you cant fix everything

i'll just say it doesn't help the situation to ask repeatedly.

i mean what you consider being a nag and what you dude considers being a nag may be two completely different things. and on your other point if someone is holding something in for months and years then they have bigger problems then you or anyone else male or female probably want to deal with and they should bail anyway. All i was saying is you just have to sometimes give a person space and time and then in due time they will want to talk or do something about what was bothering them

These 3 responses pretty much sum it up for me...

 

[Peanutbutta]

All excellent and true answers

If your dude wants your advice/input to help him work through something he will ask all you can do is give him the space hr needs and make sure he knows that you are available to discuss anything after that leave it alone. If it goes on for more that two or 3 months leave him alone.

 

[furlough]

Some situations are either too petty or there's absolutely nothing my woman can do to assist me so there's no need to fill her in.

Females feel better when they talk about things [vent] and seek answers from others.

I become quiet & problem solve in my head until my own answers pop up.

I don't become mean and take my problems out on her...but I will start to get pissed if I keep hearing what's wrong over and over again if I already said it was cool.

 

[OutlawR.O.C.]

What should a woman do when something is going on with you and you don't share with your woman?

What do we do when you guys emotionall shut down and shut us out?

This is the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced in a relationship. I'm not one to continually hit brick walls so what should a woman do when you refuse to open up about something that might be bothering you?

I think women who finds herself in this situation should step back and look at herself and why she would get that reaction from her man. The only time I've ever personally shut down on a woman is when her behavior caused that reaction or when I was with a woman who I felt I couldnt trust to say certain shit to.

 

[YABOYZAMACK]

just be supportive...eventually whatever the issue is will come to light

 

[Manbot26]

Some situations are either too petty or there's absolutely nothing my woman can do to assist me so there's no need to fill her in.

Females feel better when they talk about things [vent] and seek answers from others.

I become quiet & problem solve in my head until my own answers pop up.

I don't become mean and take my problems out on her...but I will start to get pissed if I keep hearing what's wrong over and over again if I already said it was cool.

Co-sign, it's either something so small I've already decided how to handle, and if it's that big I just want to think about it until I decide what to do, someone constantly bugging me on what's wrong really does not help, females have this thing in their head that they absolutely must know any and everything that goes on in your mind..

 

[femmenoire]

Damn. No offense but maybe you were the problem.

I seriously doubt it. I always give a man space. Generally I'm the one who faces my problems by my lonesome and hibernate. But I'm verbal about what's going on and I expect the same consideration.

 

[LurkDiggler]

Co-sign, it's either something so small I've already decided how to handle, and if it's that big I just want to think about it until I decide what to do, someone constantly bugging me on what's wrong really does not help, females have this thing in their head that they absolutely must know any and everything that goes on in your mind..

Agree with this and many other responses. Dudes need time to figure stuff out and often retreat to the "Bat-Cave" to ponder and contemplate the next move. Definitely not fair on the communication side of things, but it is sometimes so necessary

I seriously doubt it. I always give a man space. Generally I'm the one who faces my problems by my lonesome and hibernate. But I'm verbal about what's going on and I expect the same consideration.

One suggestion: Let this storm pass (hopefully it doesn't irreparably damage the relationship) and then initiate a conversation during better times about how you hope the two of you can deal with this type of situation differently in the future.

Caveats:
o Don't start this convo when he is doing his favorite activity lol (sports, gaming, whatever)
o Do it when you are just vibing and having good converation
o Don't start it out with "We need to talk about this relationship"

Conversation and Timing are so key.

Peace

 

[Pussy Krook]

I seriously doubt it. I always give a man space. Generally I'm the one who faces my problems by my lonesome and hibernate. But I'm verbal about what's going on and I expect the same consideration.

Damn well I have to give you props for staying down with a dude like that for a year. I don't have that much patience. Negativity like that begins to affect you after a while.

 

[femmenoire]

Damn well I have to give you props for staying down with a dude like that for a year. I don't have that much patience. Negativity like that begins to affect you after a while.

Well this was about 10 years ago when I didn't know any better.

I would never do that now.

 

[Izayoi]

Some women have a fix it mentality.

I had to read a book for a course once called
"How to be help instead of a nuisance."

It really did open my eyes to some of the things I thought were helpful but were actually harmful and more than a little over controlling.

Sometimes you have to be loving enough to let folk actually grow from adversity in their own way on their own time. It's hard because a lot of women are maternal and we don't like to watch our "babies" hurt.

 

[bigirl]

Some women have a fix it mentality.

I had to read a book for a course once called
"How to be help instead of a nuisance."

It really did open my eyes to some of the things I thought were helpful but were actually harmful and more than a little over controlling.

Sometimes you have to be loving enough to let folk actually grow from adversity in their own way on their own time. It's hard because a lot of women are maternal and we don't like to watch our "babies" hurt.

yeah i learned a while back to stop "mothering" these lil boys

 

[Izayoi]

yeah i learned a while back to stop "mothering" these lil boys

Yeah I think women really shoot themselves in the foot by over- nurturing and then they wonder why it seems like a man isn't handling his business. Let him do his thing, trial and error, but that's how people learn.

To quote Common,

"For him to grow, he had to go, so what you stoppin' him for?"

 

[bigirl]

Yeah I think women really shoot themselves in the foot by over- nurturing and then they wonder why it seems like a man isn't handling his business. Let him do his thing, trial and error, but that's how people learn.

To quote Common,

"For him to grow, he had to go, so what you stoppin' him for?"

it usually backfires anyway and the guy ends up hating you

 

[DANGEROUSBLACKMAN]

stop naggin leave us alone and be supportive from a distance. you cant fix everything

Co-Sign.

 

[Izayoi]

it usually backfires anyway and the guy ends up hating you

Better just let it do what it do and either be patient or move on like Femme did.

 

[DANGEROUSBLACKMAN]

I've never nagged a man so I have no idea what you're talking about.

If you've always been open and all of a sudden you shut down, how long should a woman wait. I've seen men be in a funk for months, even years. I'm not going to hang around that.

Well Maybe I've Changed So Just Leave The Situation Alone And When I Feel Like Talking About It Then I'll Let You Know.

 

[DANGEROUSBLACKMAN]

I've Never Had To Argue With A Female Everytime I've Come Close I Just Take My Frustration Out On Her Pussy And Beat The Breaks Off Of It.

 

[mcguyver]

I've never nagged a man so I have no idea what you're talking about.

If you've always been open and all of a sudden you shut down, how long should a woman wait. I've seen men be in a funk for months, even years. I'm not going to hang around that.

Leave his ass alone. Don't be a nag only makes things worst.

 

[DaleMabry]

What should a woman do when something is going on with you and you don't share with your woman?

What do we do when you guys emotionall shut down and shut us out?

This is the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced in a relationship. I'm not one to continually hit brick walls so what should a woman do when you refuse to open up about something that might be bothering you?

For so much, I zoom in straight to motive: "What is the person looking to get out of this situation, what is their reasoning--whether they can verbalize it or not?"

If you want him to share as evidence of your intimacy (I need to know you trust me, why won't you open up to me?) then you're taking the wrong tack. Women might see the sharing of thoughts and feelings as a metric on how strong or good your thing is.

Men usually demonstrate this through actions--taking care of her needs physically / financially, being reliable, being around, trying to help her fix problems, etc. and get very frustrated with a bunch of talk that doesn't add up to a conclusion / change / resolution.

If you really want to help the situation, all you can do is not be a source of stress or concern in his life, and be a source of comfort. Feed him good food, rub his back, fuck his brains out (this is a huge source of stress relief for most men LOL), treat him to something he really likes--movie, tickets to a game, etc. Do NOT nag. Do NOT pick fights. Do NOT make his problem some kind of referendum on your relationship. DO make his life as pleasant as possible so he can focus on fixing his problems. Who knows, he might even open up to you in the process.

If you are concerned about his mental health, and you are in his life deeply enough to know who his friends and mentors are, express your concerns to them--hopefully without coming off controlling or intrusive--and encourage them to check on him. There are guys who open up to women more than men, and guys who open up to men more than women. If you have the second kind of guy, encourage his support system to step up and check on him.

That's all I got on it.

[EDIT:] What a lot of women don't understand about men (and themselves) is we are rarely comfortable showing weakness to you, because 80-90% of women WILL lose respect for you, even the ones who swear up and down they want to see your vulnerable side. This is a big reason men don't often like discussing their problems with their women unless they are absolutely sure their lady isn't gonna hold it against you down the line.

"Remember when you fucked up our savings that time, and we had to ask my uncle to help you restructure our checking and savings? THAT'S why I don't lend you money..." etc (purely hypothetical LOL)

 

[Izayoi]

For so much, I zoom in straight to motive: "What is the person looking to get out of this situation, what is their reasoning--whether they can verbalize it or not?"

If you want him to share as evidence of your intimacy (I need to know you trust me, why won't you open up to me?) then you're taking the wrong tack. Women might see the sharing of thoughts and feelings as a metric on how strong or good your thing is.

Men usually demonstrate this through actions--taking care of her needs physically / financially, being reliable, being around, trying to help her fix problems, etc. and get very frustrated with a bunch of talk that doesn't add up to a conclusion / change / resolution.

If you really want to help the situation, all you can do is not be a source of stress or concern in his life, and be a source of comfort. Feed him good food, rub his back, fuck his brains out (this is a huge source of stress relief for most men LOL), treat him to something he really likes--movie, tickets to a game, etc. Do NOT nag. Do NOT pick fights. Do NOT make his problem some kind of referendum on your relationship. DO make his life as pleasant as possible so he can focus on fixing his problems. Who knows, he might even open up to you in the process.

If you are concerned about his mental health, and you are in his life deeply enough to know who his friends and mentors are, express your concerns to them--hopefully without coming off controlling or intrusive--and encourage them to check on him. There are guys who open up to women more than men, and guys who open up to men more than women. If you have the second kind of guy, encourage his support system to step up and check on him.

That's all I got on it.

[EDIT:] What a lot of women don't understand about men (and themselves) is we are rarely comfortable showing weakness to you, because 80-90% of women WILL lose respect for you, even the ones who swear up and down they want to see your vulnerable side. This is a big reason men don't often like discussing their problems with their women unless they are absolutely sure their lady isn't gonna hold it against you down the line.

"Remember when you fucked up our savings that time, and we had to ask my uncle to help you restructure our checking and savings? THAT'S why I don't lend you money..." etc (purely hypothetical LOL)

Most excellent post Dale.